Nukes and Knives™: 2022

It's back.

Creatures: To the Rescue
Ignoring the inclusion of stupid subtitle, goofy disaster has all the style and personality of a fuzzy wuzzy defecating inside a nearby torture chamber.

Viewpoint
I didn't believe in eyesores, until now.

Tea Time
Why the fuck is it raining sugar cubes and err, 'tear drops'?
Maybe it's to sweeten the baffling situation of hammer about to break innocent teapot.

I'm In Shock
You and me both mate.
Space cadet shouldn't be pissing sweat, as yours truly has more chance banging Miss Universe than flaming meteorites hitting spaceship.

legend of Herkules
Yeah, they couldn't even capitalise title correctly.
Anybody au fait with Phoenix Games will know art is never representative of shit stain.
In this example, neither boat or goat stuck in a tree feature, making ungodly abomination even more bizarre.

Action Force II: International Heroes
I'd rather be disembowelled and dismembered then be rescued by this fucking prick.

Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis
Something smells rank, and it's not the Trident of Poseidon

Bubble Bobble Revolution
Come bloated freaks, it's time to fuck up the beginning of a fantastic story!!
Let's make a nightmarish journey to the cave of monsters!
Bad Luck!

Bunny Zap
Not even a hyper accurate zapping laser can prevent floppy eared twat from tearing geezer a new asshole.

Castle Hassle
Ray Parker Jr. famously claimed he 'ain't 'fraid of no ghosts'.
But I'm sure clamping eyes on this spectre would traumatise him for life.

The Causes of Chaos
Impending doom awaits for captured woman surrounded by deranged orcs.
But it's cool, as a cowardly ninja brandishing a shuriken is about to save the day.
Then again.

Cock'In
That title. HA HA HA!
Husband is rendered catatonic by his wife producing an egg forcibly removed from bird's rear end.
Oh, a random fish floating confirms mindset was not of this earth.

Family Farm
This place is big and rough and quite insane.
Take me where fake animals are staying.
Just a flowery old field,
Where the hard drugs flow,
That I called my home.
I want to crawl back there,
Among the roosters and sheep,
And the horses and cows.
On Family Farm, my family home.
On Family Farm, my family home.

Head Start
Urrgggghhhh. Now I remember...
Two pink shirts, an arrow flying through my ears and the haunting image of a green-eyed bastard.
I really must stop popping pills and drinking petrol.

Hell Hole
Plastic pussy stands proud against the backdrop of a rickety rope bridge.
His nightmare is the future of our reality.

Spooky Castle
If I find out that crucifix wasn't violently shoved up Slimer's orifice, then I'll carry out depraved act myself.

Streets of London
Psychopathic granny using her handbag to clobber an innocent bystander is exactly why I won't be visiting England's capital any time soon.

Hydrofool
Cough. Choke. Splutter.
The Deathbowl, and a rusty fate awaits Sweevo.

Karnaaj Rally
1. Why is 'R' singled out to sprout flags and coloured blue, not pale gold?
2. Purple car is blurred out, presumably through embarrassment.
3. Why is guy with blue hair in such distress?
It's also clear head has been photo-shopped to accommodate unnatural body position.
Marketing strategy for impressive top-down racer was curious to say the least.

KickMaster
Thonolan sets off on a long journey to rescue Princess Silphee, and defeat the wicked Belzed.
I wish aspiring martial artist Godspeed and unimaginable pain.

Operation Wolf
PC Engine has sustained a lethal injury.
Sorry, but port is finished... here.

Shrek
Ogres are like onions and one in particular smells of indescribable foulness.

Star Trek aka Dragon Trek
While exploring strange new worlds, new life and new civilisations, James T. Kirk unwittingly brought back a deadly strain of jaundice, ensuring that crew didn't live long and prosper.

Turmoil
Guy slipping on oil slick is closely monitored by legless deformity and ground hosts a motorised illusion.
Mind. Blown. Up.

Ghost Hunters
John Rambo blasts dishevelled druid while a grinning Nosferatu looks on.
Come on Hollywood, make horror crossover happen.

Until next time

Nukes and Knives™

Monday, 26 December 2022

DVD Déjà vu 2022

Wednesday, 21 December 2022

Hilariously BAD video game cover art - Second Slice