Video games. Funny how? Volume 2

Beast Busters (Arcade)

A blue zombie wearing birthday suit blowing a cap in your ass?
Happens every day.

Bodies are everywhere?
As in the 'dead' variety? Where? I can't see any.
I guess the missing are some place else.

Chrono Trigger (SNES)

Sympathizers bringing that stuff to a lousy felon is bad, but if...

...silly apes, and not reptiles, end up ruling the world?
Arma-fucking-geddon!

Riot (Arcade)

What the... Oh, shoot. He's dead...
Such raw emotion.

The arrow of the UnderGround Inn is pointing to the Coffin Shop.
Wait a minute, coffins are usually buried underground.
If they meant it - that's brilliant.

Silent Hill (PS1)

In Midwich Elementary's OtherWorld, we can examine a huge fan.

Uh oh. Perhaps one should give instant death a wide berth.

So what happens if Harry 'carelessly approaches' rotating mechanism?

Absolutely nothing - so what's the fucking point?

Like the Manic Street Preachers once said, Suicide Is Painless.

Manchester United Europe was released in 1991.
Presumably, this is supposed to be Peter Schmeichel.

Let's compare artist's impression to the great man himself.

Ignoring blonde hair, remember goalkeeping legend's trademark of screwing up face and sticking out tongue like a deranged pervert?

Didn't think so.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day

As with most movie licences, no two video games were the same.

To avoid confusion, ports of Midway's lightgun arcade of same name were renamed T2: The Arcade Game.

Anyway...

Game Boy

John Connor

Future leader of the human resistance looks like he's about to burst into tears.

Dipshit.

NES

This is (laughs) the T-1000.

What's with cheek muscles, and why is liquid metal assassin more orange than David Dickinson?

SNES game is infamous for Arnold's sprite jumping like a marionette.

But when forced into molten lead, baddie morphs into a rather strange shape.

Mystery chess piece or novelty dildo?

You decide.

Worst of all, look what they did to poor Linda Hamilton in the Amiga version.

A man on crystal meth death?

Oh my GOD!

Paperboy 64 (as it's commonly known), is a wacky, drug induced trip of disturbing inadequacy.

Truly ridiculous newspaper headlines reflect stage objective.

Highlights reel start:

Paperboy to perform stunts for mermaid

Trainers with cold hands bad

Rare gorilla kidnaps girl!

Walking dead read newspapers

Behold, the longest alien invasion EVER.

Aliens invade Omega City
Aliens still invade Omega City!
Aliens invade Omega City again
Once more, aliens invade
Alien invasion continues
No end in sight to alien invasion
Record set for longest alien invasion
Another wave of aliens invade city

One, two, eight stages later...

Paperboy abducted by aliens

Thank Christ for that, or we'd be here all day.

Miscellany

Dynasty Wars (Arcade)
"I've killed the general!"
Congratulations Liu Bei, but if it's a medal or knighthood you're after, you'll be waiting a fucking long time.

Cadillacs & Dinosaurs (Arcade)
Mustapha says he's a bad Mamba Jamma, which is slang for 'mother fucker'.
Don't forget, this is the same game which censored fuck with XXXX.

Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles (Wii)
"G again? What the hell is a G?"
Well Annette, G is part of the alphabet, traditionally coming before H and after F.
Hope that's clear - you dumb bitch.

Considering graphic adventure's title, you'd expect sinister image on box art to be taken from Dracula, right?

But no, it's actually lifted from F. W. Murnau's unauthorised adaptation Nosferatu.

I'm very confused.

Megablast (Arcade)
"Inorganic soldier"
Filename. Big Robot.
Who writes this shit?

Mutant Fighter (Arcade)
Although hard to defeat, advice on defeating Hydra is thusly:
"Be careful of its choke hold, or you will be strangled"
No, really?
What a shame wrestling obscurity doesn't contain a character called Ocean Fury, as best chance of victory would be:
"Avoid signature attack Storm Cloud Chaos, or you will get wet"

Ninja Spirit (Arcade)
I like this part of ending dialogue.
"The evil one who had been manipulating bad ninjas and disturbing the world perished."
Bad ninjas? As opposed to good?
Ha ha ha!

Obitus (SNES)
Finding all parchments is a fruitless task, best not to bother...
NPC has more negativity than a truck load of faulty batteries.

Operation Wolf (Arcade)
Why is President so pissed?
Because the hostages are all dead.
And yet, you still receive a bonus of $60000.
Not bad for such a tremendous failure.

R-Types (PS1)
Spiritual creature flies aimlessly looking for things to do.
With such an exciting life to lead, I bet Mikun can't wait to be shot down.
Digressing somewhat, but above is taken from the 'Data' section, found inside R's Library Version 1.0, which for some bizarre reason, wasn't included in the European version.

Rastan (Arcade)
Holy shit! As I'm the only one who is still alive, I best ambulate faster than local gravity will allow, as Conan wannabe cutting off my head will dampen an otherwise kick ass day.

Resident Evil Code: Veronica (Dreamcast)
The Eagle Plate has flown into the sewer?
Who knows if intentional, but it's still funny.
However, it would've have been a lot cleverer if said object had 'soared'.

Rick Dangerous (C64)
Fearless hero hopes to avoid getting a broken Ankhel in Egypt.
Drunk or sober - I am not amused.

Superman (N64)
Well done, (after flying through rings, rings and more fucking rings), you managed to get your friends out of this nightmare.
Oh the irony.

To finish off, I still can't believe what I'm reading.

Ultra Street Fighter II: The Final Challengers (Switch)
Description of Way of the Hado claims by using the Joy-Con, player can command Ryu to perform real-life Hadokens and other special moves.

Will you excuse me a moment?

(By all means).

HA HA HA HA HA HA!