Monday, 13 August 2018

The Meg - The scoop and digest

Jon Turtelturb loosely adapts MEG: A Novel of Deep Terror, the first in Steve Alten's book series.

Jason Statham - Jonas Taylor
Li Bingbing - Suyin Zhang
Rainn Wilson - Morris
Ruby Rose - Jaxx Herd
Winston Chao - Dr. Minway Zhang
Page Kennedy - DJ
Robert Taylor - Doctor Heller

Five years after rescue mission led by diving supremo Jonas Taylor goes wrong, scientists at underwater research station Mana One in Southern China are preparing to investigate another area of the Mariana Trench, which may be concealing a new world.

Things are going swimmingly, until Lori's submersible is attacked by 'something' and connection is lost.

Zhang and Mac travel to Thailand and recruit Taylor, as he's the only person known to survive such a dangerous dive.

Ex-wife and co are rescued, but Toshi is killed.

Okay, video display reveals that mysterious monster is indeed a megalodon.

No fucking shit man.

Team successfully track and cook Meg's goose with poisoned harpoon.

But a much larger female eats corpse, destroying boat in the process.

Survivors make it back to base on nearby speedboats.

Depth charges dropped from choppers only succeed in killing a whale.

Before getting distracted by device emitting whale song, Meg makes the most of Sanya Bay beach buffet.

Suyin's torpedo misses and with no firepower left, Taylor's gonna make this thing bleed.

He goes underneath Meg, using sub to slash belly.

While Meg is munching on sub, Taylor escapes and ensures eye gets the point.

Meg still shows signs of life, but hundreds of regular sharks ignore hero and focus on helpless behemoth.

Self aware

Providing expectations are dumb and cheesy monster flick - you'll enjoy yourself.

Anything else...

Big budget B-movie may be occasionally funny (albeit poorly written), contrived, filled with paper thin characters and convenient moments, but isn't all bad.

Action sequences are satisfying and ignoring scientific inaccuracies, shark(s) look good.

What a shame affair is practically gore free.

Ocean exploration and slow burning build up should be commended, but not getting a proper skeg at Meg until around 50 minutes is tight.

Statham and Li are watchable, but as for DJ, it's almost like Page Kennedy was trying to parody LL Cool J's Preach from Deep Blue Sea.

There are several parallels to Jaws.

Suyin going inside polycarbonate cage, cute little Yorkshire Terrier named Pippin (which doesn't get eaten), boy complaining he can't go back in the water and woman screaming "Shark!"

Given absurdity of situation, it's extremely disappointing that the Stath doesn't give either prehistoric fish a knuckle sandwich.

Boooooo!!!!!!!

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