Previous iteration 'Bad cover art' exists in the past.
 |
| Sultan's Maze Even crude background character is disgusted by werewolf farting crystal. Which Way Now? Suggest as far away as possible. |
 |
| Santa Claus saves the Earth St. Nick isn't on a mission to save humanity, but to leg it from odious freaks he quickly regretted employing. |
 |
| The Mystery of the Druids AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! Yes, that was my immediate reaction too. Did artist set out to horrify or amuse? Either or both is plausible. |
 |
| The Karate Kid Part II: The Computer Game Daniel and Mr. Miyagi look good, but shit is spoilt by the former's disembodied hand. For the record, cover of completely different NES game (The Karate Kid) is largely identical. |
 |
| Tip Off After a marathon session of snorting washing powder and crystal meth, number 5 was still traumatised at surgery extending arm rather than dick. |
 |
| Volleyball Simulator Despite expression of demented lunatic, I am in no way tempted to furiously waggle my joystick. |
 |
| Extreme Sprint 3010 Run asshole run, run as fast as you can, don't look back. |
 |
| Beverly Hills Cop (2006) I seem to remember that Axel Foley was the star of the film, not the fucking car. Also, who's driving Chevy Nova? Err... |
 |
| Axe of Rage (aka Barbarian II: The Dungeons of Drax) Guy may have climbed the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, but he couldn't be happier. I put mood down to monobrow, which to be fair - is distressingly impressive. |
 |
| Bad Cat The hardest cat in the neighbourhood was conceived by an absolute pussy. |
 |
| Super Bust-a-Move (EU and NA) A slobbering baby sucking glazed cherry, gameplay reflected on shades and title slapped on forehead screams shame and ignominy. |
 |
| Castle Top A shallow puddle and oncoming boulder launched with the accuracy of a drunk stormtrooper suggests medieval piss up is in the offing. |
 |
| Chuckie Egg II Vampiric spider is tantalisingly close to securing tasty meal, but abomination on two legs is about to be impaled by clumsily placed ladder. Eggcellent stuff. |
 |
| Krystalis of Zong Who knows why boy in blue is so miserable, but I can only think it all got too much for dude when reflection cracked another mirror. |
 |
| Battalion Commander The last thing any real-time tactical simulation of modern armored warfare needs is for leader to be struck by another case of floating hand syndrome. |
 |
| Dr. Dolittle Identity of titular doctor cannot be shown for legal reasons, but I can guarantee it's not Eddie Murphy. |
 |
| Sceptre of Baghdad Why is Cyclops, Medusa and Aladdin's monkey Abu wearing a grin wider than a horny hooker clutching an empty condom packet? Answers on any postcard will be ignored. |
 |
| Farm Kit Apart from a select few animals, everything else is curiously levitating. WHAT? |
 |
| Gecko Blaster One lizard flees explosion and another is sent spinning. Composition is just... (sigh). |
 |
| Swamp Fever With gas tank strapped to back, dude should be incinerating giant bugs with flamethrower, but bizarrely opens 'fire' instead. Hmmm, there's something amiss here. |
 |
| The Force I fought the law (and the law can fuck off). |
 |
| International Karate Once upon a time, before Ken and Ryu unleashed Hadokens, there were two inept pricks who couldn't fight their way out of a paper bag. And they fought happily never after. |
 |
| Amidar Pig and decorator are apparently safe. However, perverted stare and dirty smile suggests ass-face has something darkly sinister in store for native. My sympathies pal. |
 |
| Fantasia Diamond Worzel 'Cocknose' Gummidge, rusty knight and robot toy are about to indulge in a debauched fantasy. The details of which are best left undisclosed. |
 |
| Low Blow Gloves off to obscure boxing sim for laughable reaction of messing with the family jewels. |
 |
| Swordfight En garde son. Be right there, (ouch...), you fucking asshole. Jesus Christ, it's just a scratch to boat race. It's time to man up bitch. Come father, let us embrace at last. |
Until next time.
No comments:
Post a Comment