Predator: Badlands - The scoop and digest

From a screenplay by Patrick Aison, Dan Trachtenberg directs his third in iconic franchise, and the first live-action entry to be rated 12A (PG-13 in America).

To promote shit, an official one-shot Marvel comic prequel of same name will be released on 12 November.

Yeah, five days after feature presentation hit cinemas.

Ellie Fanning - Thia and Tessa

Dimitrius Schuster-Koloamatangi - Dek

Mike Homik - Kwei

Reuben De Jong - Njohrr

Alison Wright - MU/TH/UR 062578

Summary

Yautja are prey to none.

Friend to none.

Predator to all.

- Yautja Codex

0422/25

Not that it matters, but Codex in animated anthology Killer of Killers was 0522/74.

On Yautja Prime, a young predator called Dek duels with his brother Kwei and loses.

To prove himself, Dek decides to visit Genna and destroy the unkillable Kalisk.

After Kwei is killed by his father Njohrr for refusing to kill Dek, 'runt' arrives on death planet, where everything takes offence to Dek's presence.

He meets Weyland-Yutani synth Thia, who was earlier ripped in half by the Kalisk.

She agrees to take him to big bad's den, on the condition he takes her with him.

Strapping torso to back is presumably a nod to Star Wars, as Chewie carries C-3PO in the same way.

Along the way, a cute ape thing dubbed 'Bud' by Thia also tags along.

Meanwhile, Thia's pseudo sister Tessa is sent by the company to acquire Specimen XX0522, or she'll be 'decommissioned'.

The weak must be culled

While I appreciated hearing Yautja language clearly for the first time (compiled by linguist Britton Watkins), controversial shift in tone is a gamble that didn't pay off and as they did with Alien, Disney have fucked up again.

In the criminally underrated Predator 2, King Willie famously said:

"There's no stopping what can't be stopped. No killing what can't be killed."

Now one of its kind (whose head strategically shaven, looks like a right 'dek' I might add), tries to be funny.

He offers Thia some food, but declines because she doesn't eat, saying gesture was "very sweet".  A confused Dek responds: "Flesh is not sweet."

(Sigh).

CG heavy action (including gimmicky slo-mo) is straight out of a video game, which is exactly what this should've been.

When Dek and Bud infiltrate Yutani base to rescue Thia, they send her legs in as a decoy, which to be fair, was pretty quirky. 

Aliens is given lots of love, as synth army use derivatives of pulse rifles and Tessa stomps around in a weaponised power loader.

Near invincible monster is basically a giant, spiny dog, with the ability to regenerate body parts, even head.

Bastard is eventually blown up with freeze grenades.

After dynamic trio return to Yautya Prime, a larger Bud (Kalisk's offspring) literally bites Njohrr's head off and Dek's mother (unseen) arrives in a spaceship.

Who knows if there'll be a direct sequel, but discussions are still ongoing about Arnie reprising his role as Dutch in a future instalment.

Can't see it happening personally.

Bugonia - The scoop and digest

The English-language remake of Jang Joon-hwan's 2003 South Korean film Save the Green Planet! is written by Will Tracy, scored by Jerskin Fendrix and directed by Yorgos Lanthimos.

Title is a Greek word referring to an ancient Mediterranean belief and/or ritual that bees spontaneously generate from the carcasses of dead animals, particularly oxen.

For shiggles, a begonia is a plant.

Emma Stone - Michelle Fuller

Jesse Plemons - Teddy Gatz

Aidan Delbis - Don Gatz

Stavros Halkias - Casey

Alicia Silverstone - Sandy Gatz

Summary

Michelle Fuller, CEO of fictional pharmaceutical giant Auxolith, is drugged and kidnapped by Teddy and his cousin Don, as conspiracy theorists are convinced that 'humanoid' is a member of hostile alien race the Andromedans, whose mission is apparently to destroy Earth and kill the bees.

With a lunar eclipse pending, Teddy gives Michelle four days to arrange a meeting with the Andromedans, so they can attempt to save humanity.

Via title cards, the countdown begins.

The galaxy next door

In a world where humans are dubbed 'sick apes', darkly humourous examination of modern society grips from the off.

Teddy is definitely unhinged.  He tortures Michelle with electricity, bludgeons local cop Casey to death with a shovel and later revealed to have abducted and killed others he suspected of being aliens. 

What we have here boys and girls is Misery (again) meets K-PAX (accused of plagiarising 1986 film Man Facing Southeast).

When shit gets physical between them, a furious Michelle tells Teddy:

"You can't beat me. Because you are a loser and I am a winner. And that's fucking life."

Boom!

Ending remains bleak.

After speaking with her kind, the Empress deems the human experiment a failure and pops a dome over a model of a Flat Earth (against Marlene Dietrich's version of Where Have All the Flowers Gone?), causing every human being to instantly die.

A heartbroken Michelle gazes at the planet as the bees slowly return to their hives.

Shelby Oaks - The scoop and digest

From a story conceived with his wife Samantha Elizabeth, YouTube movie critic Chris Stuckmann writes, produces and directs feature debut.

Oh, a certain Mike Flanagan is executive producer.

Camille Sullivan - Mia Brennan-Walker

Brendan Sexton III - Robert Walker

Keith David - Morton Jacobson

Sarah Durn - Riley Brennan

Robin Bartlett - Norma Miles

Michael Beach - Detective Allen Burke

Summary

In 2008, hosts of ghost-hunting show Paranormal Paranoids, Riley Brennan, Peter Bailey, Laura Tucker and David Reynolds went missing in Shelby Oaks, near Darke County, Ohio.

Not long after, the bodies of all but Riley are found in a cabin just outside abandoned town.

Twelve years later, Riley's older sister Mia is interviewed for a documentary about Riley's disappearance.

One night, a disturbed man shows up who before blowing his head off, says "she won't let me go".

She retrieves the mini-DV tape he was clutching and footage shows man kidnapping Riley.

The stranger is identified as former prison inmate Wilson Miles, with newspaper articles claiming demonic forces caused riots, killing multiple prisoners.

Determined to not let tape be the end of Riley's story, Mia's investigation leads to a horrifying discovery.

Lullaby

Towards the end of credits, Mia sings to Riley.

"You worry your pretty little head.

There's nothing hiding under your bed.

Dry those tears and try to smile.

The sun will be up in just a little while.

Go back to sleep, there's no need to feel blue.

Your big sister won't abandon you."

Almighty Tarion, Incubus of the North

Combining found footage and docufiction (a la The Blair Witch Project and Lake Mungo), opening promised a lot, but that's about as good as plodding mess gets.

Overall, I was far from Stuckmannized.

Real-world narrative is sadly boring, culminating in a rushed, unsatisfying take on Rosemary's Baby that makes little sense.

Mia meets Norma (Wilson's mother) in the woods, and a scrap book reveals how he repeatedly raped Riley to conceive a child.  After many miscarriages, she finally gave birth to a baby boy.

Once Mia goes into the basement and finds Riley in a cell, set up is incredibly similar to Ethan finding Mia in Resident Evil 7: Biohazard.

For those not aware, Capcom lifted name from Jane Levy's character in Evil Dead, and presumably, the same applies here.

Norma incapacitates Riley and performs a blood ritual over newborn.  Norma dies from blood loss and the police arrive.

When discharged from hospital, Riley tries to smother her baby but Mia intervenes.  In the ensuing struggle, Riley is thrown out of a window and devoured by hell-hounds.

As Mia comes to the realisation that Tarion has been watching them since childhood and demon possesses her.

Sure. Whatever.

Bone Lake - The scoop and digest

Erotic thriller is written by Joshua Friedlander and directed by Mercedes Bryce Morgan.

Alex Roe - Will

Maddie Hasson - Sage

Marco Pigossi - Diego

Andra Nechita - Cin

Summary

A naked man and woman are fleeing a lunatic armed with a crossbow.

The man is shot in the back and through his testicles (ouch), while the woman is impaled on a branch.

We jump to couple Diego and Sage driving to a secluded mansion for a weekend getaway.

Not long after, another couple Will and Cin unexpectedly show up.

While annoyed, Diego and Sage agree to share.

Will tells a story about a family in the 1950s that found human skeletons washed ashore on the beach, theorising an unknown serial killer was using the lake as a dumping ground.

Over time, Will and Cin's free-spirited behaviour spins a psychological web of sex, lies and manipulation.

Prove your love to the world

Basic Instinct meets Funny Games was predictable, but a lot of fun.

Early doors, Will breaks into a series of locked rooms, with one containing a newspaper article about Robert and Meredith Price, who went missing while staying here fifteen years ago.

Later, Diego and Sage enter another room, find clippings of more missing couples and discover that Will and Cin have been recording them all along.

Cin scuppers their escape, and they awake bound with duct tape.  Will and Cin reveal themselves to be Thomas and Alice, siblings of Robert and Meredith Price.  After Meredith caught them in bed together as teenagers, incestuous sickos murdered parents.

Ever since, twisted pair have been mind-fucking couples, testing the strength of relationships before killing them.

The final act goes nuts, spilling a copious amount of gore.  Sage axes Thomas in the back of the head and then comically slumps into an electric chainsaw.  Alice ironically meets a watery grave, minced by a motorboat propeller.

Diego retrieves his grandmother's ring from Alice's finger and finally proposes to Sage.  They begin laughing hysterically before staring into silence.

Springsteen: Deliver Me from Nowhere - The scoop and digest

Based on Warren Zanes' 2023 book Deliver Me from Nowhere and Springsteen's 2016 autobiography Born to Run (named after 1975 album of same name), Scott Cooper's biopic is scored by Jeremiah Fraites.

Oh, book and film's subtitle are taken from lyrics in State Trooper and Open All Night.

Jeremy Allen White - Bruce Springsteen

Jeremy Strong - Jon Landau

Paul Walter Hauser - Mike Batlan

Stephen Graham - Douglas Springsteen

Odessa Young - Faye Romano

Gaby Hoffmann - Adele Springsteen

Marc Maron - Chuck Plotkin

David Krumholtz - Al Teller

Harrison Gilbertson - Matt Delia

Additionally, Matthew Anthony Pellicano plays young Bruce.

Summary

Although occasionally switching to Bruce's difficult relationship with his abusive father Douglas in 1957, bulk of film is set in 1981, focusing on how Nebraska was created on a four-track recorder in the bedroom of an isolated house in Colts Neck, New Jersey.

Before end credits roll, wall of text informs:

Nebraska was released on 30 September, 1982 and reached No.3 on the charts.

The shelved Colts Necks tracks evolved into Born in the U.S.A., the album that launched Springsteen to global stardom.

He continued to struggle with depression but never again without help or hope.

No singles. No tour. No press.

The Bear is impressive, but nearly two hours was still pretty perfunctory and ticks every clichéd box.

Much like Bill Pohlad's Love & Mercy, Scott Cooper makes no attempt to tell the entire story, just a small snippet.

Musical biopics are notorious for straying from the truth, such as Elton John naming himself after John Lennon (Rocketman), Bob Dylan hooking up with Joan Baez on the night of the Cuban Missile Crisis (A Complete Unknown) and Queen breaking up before Live Aid (Bohemian Rhapsody).

But owing to Springsteen's involvement from the very beginning, events are obscenely accurate.

Well, apart from fictional love interest Faye Romano (based on former girlfriends).

Without going into everything, The Boss wrote album's title track (initially called Starkweather) after watching Terrence Malick's remarkable 1973 debut Badlands on TV, and went on to research newspaper articles about the murders film is patterned on.

The characters of Charles Starkweather and his accomplice Caril Ann Fugate were changed to Kit Carruthers (Charlie Sheen) and Holly Sargis (Sissy Spacek) respectively.

And thematically at least, True Romance (1993) ripped shit off.

Helloween - The scoop and digest

Primarily set during the 'killer clown' phenomenon of 2016 (obviously on a fictional level), the title of writer-director Phil Claydon's latest was apparently suggested by his sister in law Ruthie, so not in tribute to German power metal band of same name.

Jeanine Nerissa Sothcott - Doctor Ellen Marks

Ronan Summers - Carl Cane

Megan Marszal - Alice Marks

Caroline Wilde - Leah Marks

Michael Paré - John Parker

Summary

31st October 1996, 07:13pm.

On his birthday, a 10-year-old Carl Cane (director's son Brody), murders social worker Hannah Smith with an axe inside her house.

Exactly an hour later, he's taken into custody at Morton Downs Psychiatric Hospital.

20 years later, the daughters of Cane's doctor Ellen Marks, Alice and Leah, are approached by a clown.

Investigative journalist John Parker visits Ellen and suggests Cane is somehow connected to the spate of sinister clown sightings, even though serial killer has no ties to the outside world.

On 31st October, the sabotage of electrical substations allow Cane to escape his cell and begin a new reign of fear.

Lashes and slashes

Opening is a blatant love letter to Halloween.

Over the hospital's tannoy, a voice mentions Dr. Carpenter (as in John Carpenter).

But the adult Carl Cane behaves nothing like Michael Myers.  Similarly, Ellen Marks shouldn't be compared to Samuel Loomis.

Anyway, this was watchable, but very predictable.

Once shit becomes The Purge, Cane's first accomplice Candy takes Leah hostage.  At the end, Alice was in cahoots with Cane all along and is killed by Leah.

(Sigh).

Summers is okay, but Art the Clown (David Howard Thornton) made playful gesticulation way creepier.

Antagonist's goose is cooked by Ellen plunging a syringe into his forehead.

Performances overall are amateurish and a swift 80 minutes contains modest gore.

Oh, to put everybody's mind at rest:

"No clowns were hurt in the making of this film."

The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (2025) - The scoop and digest

From a screenplay by Micah Bloomberg, Michelle Garza Cervera directs the second remake of Curtis Hanson's classic 1992 original of same name.

Yeah, India got there first in 1993, calling obscure work Khal-Naaikaa (Lady Villain or The Vamp).

Maika Monroe - Polly Murphy

Mary Elizabeth Winstead - Caitlin Morales

Raúl Castillo - Miguel Morales

Mileiah Vega - Emma Morales

Nora & Lola Contreras - Josie Morales

Martin Starr - Stewart

Yvette Lu - Amelia

Riki Lindhome - Bethany

Summary

While helping Polly fight a rent increase from her landlord, a heavily pregnant Caitlin goes into labour and gives birth to her second child Josie.

Caitlin later meets Polly again at a Tenants' Rights event and to ease the burden of looking after newborn and unruly 10-year-old Emma, lawyer hires her as a nanny.

Polly quickly bonds with kids and also makes an impression on Caitlin's husband Miguel.

As time goes by, Caitlin's past is dug up, leading her to clash with Polly in more ways than one.

Pill 34

A total waste of fucking time, absolute HORSESHIT.

Apart from Winstead putting in a decent shift, bore fest bizarrely rips off Single White Female (1992), as like Jennifer Jason Leigh, Polly adopts Caitlin's appearance, even wearing her clothes.

Polly is gay, while Caitlin is bisexual.

Of course they are.

One of the main reasons why original hit so hard was because of Solomon (brilliantly played by Ernie Hudson), but as expected, there's no equivalent here.

Rebecca De Mornay was a psychopathic bitch and genuinely scary.  Unfortunately, Maika Monroe (of It Follows fame) was the polar opposite, and does little apart from battering Stewart (pseudo version of Julianne Moore's Marlene) to death with a baseball bat.

It's revealed that Polly (Rebecca) and Caitlin (Jennifer) were classmates and Caitlin set a fire that burned down Polly's house, killing her parents and baby sister.

She did this to escape Polly's father, who sexually abused her.

Regardless of the truth, Caitlin was able to start over, but Polly had a miserable time in foster care. 

Limp climax has Polly stab Caitlin in the stomach and Polly dies when thrown from the bonnet of Caitlin's car.

What will they ruin next?

I dread to think.