Shiver Me Timbers - The scoop and digest

The third horror in so many months exploiting E. C. Segar's Popeye is written and directed by Paul Stephen Mann (in his directorial debut).

Amy Mackie - Olive Oyl

Niamh Parrington - Cylinda Oyl

Brendan Nelson - Castor Oyl

David Hallows - Old Man Popeye

Paul Dewdney - Homeless George

Anthony Greer - Monster Popeye

The following film is based on real people, real events, and real murders. The story depicts actual murders that occurred and is intended to provide a realistic portrayal of these incidents.

Summary

April 12th 1986.

In Northern California, a mother and daughter discover human remains.

24 hours earlier.

Olive, Cylinda, Castor and other friends arrive at a camp site for the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of witnessing Halley's comet.

After they ignore the warnings from a vagrant to get the fuck out of dodge, a tiny meteor fragment lands inside an old sailor's pipe, transforming geezer into an unstoppable killing machine.

The comet is evil

Ahead of Popeye obliterating the head of his first victim with one punch, he exclaims "Well blow me down!"

That sets the standard for absolute BOLLOCKS, and not in a 'so bad it's good' way.

Script, acting and kills are embarrassing, but top tier CG saves the day.

(Frowns).

At least climax lightens the mood.

Aliens (1986)

Just before Popeye is about to murder bestie Cylinda, Ollie, armed with a giant handheld circular saw, exclaims "Get away from her you PRICK!"

'Ripley' apparently kills antagonist by slicing open his belly and villain says: "I just can't take it no more!"

Pretty funny really, considering actual catchphrase is: "That's all I can stands, an I can't stands n'more!"

Evil Dead II (1987)

A few weeks later, a radio broadcast reports more murders, suggesting that Popeye survived.

Having just applied the finishing touches to her robotic hand, Ollie turns to the camera, raises her eyebrows and states: "Groovy!"

HA HA HA HA!

Novocaine (2025) - The scoop and digest

Dan Berk and Robert Olsen's action comedy is written by Lars Jacobson and unrelated to 2001 film of same name, or Eels song Novocaine for the Soul.

(Ahem).

Jack Quaid - Nathan "Novocaine" Caine

Amber Midthunder - Sherry

Ray Nicholson - Simon

Jacob Batalon - Roscoe Dixon

Conrad Kemp - Andre

Evan Hengst - Ben

Summary

Socially awkward Nathan Caine works as an assistant manager for a trust credit union in San Diego and has congential insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis (CIPA).

On Christmas Eve, three men dressed as Santa rob the credit union and their leader Simon takes Nate's love interest Sherry hostage.

After impulsively stealing a cop car, Nate gives chase and uses genetic disorder to his advantage.

Survive & thrive

Considering the central concept is basically Kick-Ass, search and rescue mission should have been a lot more fun than what it actually is.

As a side note, there's also an Indian film called Mard Ko Dard Nahi Hota (The Man Who Feels No Pain), whose main character has the same condition and embarks on a revenge mission.

Anyway.

Sherry is Simon's sister and was in on heist from the beginning, but developed genuine feelings for Nate.

There's some nice choreography and bloody violence, but tone is consistently all over the place and can't make up its mind if we're supposed to laugh or cringe.

Case in point is Andre pulling off Nate's fingernails with a pair of pliers.  During which, Nate feigns injury waiting for online gamer Roscoe to arrive.

The main problem is that Nate isn't The Terminator or a fucking superhero, so I'm certain a normal human being (no matter how tough) would die from the amount of punishment he sustains.

Some things of note.

Kickboxer (1989)

While fighting tattooist Zeno, the ground gets covered in glass which Nate repeatedly punches to embed fragments into fists.

Kurt and Tong Po fight the "ancient way", wrapping their hands in hemp rope, which are then coated with resin and finally dipped into broken glass.

Sequence was famously parodied in Hot Shots! Part Deux (1993).

Mortal Kombat 1 (2023)

Nate breaking his arm and using exposed bone to kill Simon is extremely similar to Havik's RAD-ius Incision fatality.

Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare - The scoop and digest

Scott Chambers (who portrayed Christopher Robin in Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey 2), writes and directs the third instalment of The Twisted Childhood Universe.

Megan Placito - Wendy Darling

Martin Portlock - Peter Pan

Kit Green - Tinker Bell

Peter de Souza-Feighoney - Michael Darling

Summary

At a fantasy-themed circus, Peter Pan mimes for children and gives a balloon animal to a boy called James.

After the show, Peter kidnaps James at his home, but before killing her, the mother mutilates his face.

15 years later.

Peter has ditched the clown make-up and wears a doll mask to hide his disfigurement.

After eventually kidnapping Michael Darling, he calls the house and tells his mother Mary that he's been taken to Neverland. 

When Peter adds Michael's best friend Joey to his ranch, Wendy follows and rolls up rescuing sleeves.

Pixie dust

Say what you will about these controversial horror re-imaginings, but they are definitely improving. 

At the start, Peter talks to James from a basement hatch (The Evil Dead) and does a direct impression of Bill Skarsgård's Pennywise in It (2017).  Other times, he's Joaquin Phoenix's Arthur Fleck.

Also, plot draws heavily from The Black Phone.

Performances are strong, particularly from Placito and Portlock, and I liked what they did with Tinks (drug-addicted hag) and Hook (Candyman wannabe James).

In terms of gore - this delivers.  We get multiple stabbings, fingers bitten off, head scalping and limbs removed.

However, the punishment Peter and Wendy dish out on each other gets ridiculous, almost Terrifier-esque.

Neverland is a place that exists only inside Peter's head and he occasionally hallucinates a shadow of a boy flying on the wall.  Yes it's meant to be Disney's animated version of character, but cannot be explicitly shown due to copyright.

Ending leaves door open for a sequel which would explore Neverland further, but obviously depends on box-office performance.

Cleaner (2025) - The scoop and digest

Martin Campbell's action thriller is unrelated to 2007 film of same name.

Daisy Ridley - Joanna "Joey" Locke

Taz Skylar - Noah Santos

Matthew Tuck - Michael Locke

Ruth Gemmell - DS Hume

Rufus Jones - Geoffrey Milton

Lee Boardman - Gerald Milton

Clive Owen - Marcus Blake

Flavia Watson - Zee

Summary

When her abusive father starts on her autistic brother Michael, Joey blocks shit out by sitting outside on a window ledge.

20 years later, Joey works as a window cleaner for Agnian Energy, owned by brothers and CEO's Geoffrey and Gerald Milton.

On the night of a shareholder gala, a bunch of masked Gods show up.  But performers are actually members of radical environmental group Earth Revolution.

Via archive footage, Marcus Blake reveals that Agnian is dirtier than a baby's nappy, as company makes a fortune from destroying eco-systems and secretly murder whoever before they can expose the truth in court.

Among the victims was one of their own - Elena.

Joey alerts the police and ex-soldier must get inside and save the fucking day.

All flesh is grass

Essentially another Die Hard rip off, but certainly one of the better examples.

Joey - John McClane

Zee - female Theo

Hume - Al Powell

Marcus is initially Hans Gruber and Noah stands in for Karl, but as right-hand man murders leader early doors, Noah becomes Hans.

Oh, Agnian Tower is the equivalent of Nakatomi Plaza.

Although things don't really kick off until the final 30 minutes, close-quarters combat is pretty cool.

Here's the weird thing.

Noah wears a dead man's switch synched to his pulse, so if his heart stops beating, the whole building will explode.

Ma-Ma does the same thing in Dredd.

Coincidence?

The Legacy of Double Dragon

Nekketsu Kōha Kunio-kun, the first game in Technōs long-running Kunio-kun series hit arcades in 1986.

It was localised in the West as Renegade and spawned a home computer spin-off series, with sequels Target Renegade (1988) and Renegade III: The Final Chapter (1989). 

Shit laid the foundation for Double Dragon, and although side-scrolling martial arts action was predated by Irem's Kung-Fu Master (1984), Yoshihisa Kishimoto's game established the general template and even made Capcom change Final Fight (originally intended to be a sequel to Street Fighter) into a beat 'em up.

While all that's very interesting, let's begin.

Arcade flyer

Billy and Jimmy were initially nicknamed Hammer and Spike respectively.

Others presumably took note.

Resident Evil 3

Super C - promo poster

Red Heat

Stakeout (2020)

Dead Heat

Turning shit up.

Bad Dudes vs. Dragon Ninja

Hamburger anybody?

Joe Blade II

Cover art vs Abobo

Loading screen in C64 version seals the deal.

Vest breaks through wall

Wow!

One more.

Violent Storm (1993)
Dabel (revealed to be a mutant pig humanoid) makes his mutant presence known. 

As far as piss takes go, there is none more blatant than Sunsoft/Sega collaboration Tough Turf.

HA HA HA!

It's like something you'd expect from a fucking Korean bootleg.

Miscellany

Vendetta (1991) has characters pick up crate instead of box.

Knee's up

Crime Fighters

Final Fight

Streets of Rage

Marian

NAM-1975

Zero Team

Mad City¹ (1988) - Famicom

¹Revised North American/PAL version The Adventures of Bayou Billy exposed more of Annabelle.

Double Dragon Neon (2012)

Stage screen uses the same sprite as the NES port of Double Dragon II: The Revenge.

Love this.

Mistranslated mutants Bimmy 'n' Jammy

Boss is a direct nod to the NES version of Double Dragon III: The Sacred Stones.

Bimmy and Jimmy

Double Impact (1991)

While penning screenplay with Van Damme, director Sheldon Lettich took inspiration from Alexandre Dumas 1844 novella The Corsican Brothers, about twins separated at birth who find each other in adulthood.

Fair enough.

But I see something else.

Poster vs flyer

Just like the Lee brothers, Chad and Alex Wagner face an army of bad guys.

Villains ring suspicious bells of regular enemies and bosses.

Kara vs Linda

Bodyguard with Spurs vs Jeff

Moon vs Abobo

Although Abobo can't throw oil drums, Roper isn't so hampered, a tactic Bolo employs against Chad.

Doom (1993)

Yeah, grab that Big Fucking Gun and get ready to pull the trigger.

Status bar face reacts to the environment in various ways.

Common knowledge I know.

But few would make this comparison. 

Target Renegade (1988)
Status bar eyes does the same thing and unique to C64 version.

Surely coincidence?

Double Dragon Gaiden: Rise of the Dragons (2023)

Modelling itself on River City Ransom, spin-off is set before the first game and features roguelike elements, tag team action and an unlockable roster of up to 13 characters.

This is going against the grain, but what the hell, right?

New York City is ruled by four major gangs.
L-R: Killers, Royals, Triangle and Okada.

In Renegade, unnamed street brawler also must defeat four different gangs to rescue his girlfriend from a mob boss.

Intro vs Double Dragon III: The Rosetta Stone - arcade ending

And.

Double Dragon III: The Rosetta Stone - Famicom

Ending vs Double Dragon II: The Revenge - arcade ending

Well they're both photographs.

The Royals' hideout contains a section inside a train, displaying real shit.

Battletoads - NES

Akira (left) and The Warriors (right)

Devs sure had great taste.