The Uprising - The scoop and digest

Writer-director Paul Greengrass dramatises the Peasants' Revolt, which has never been adpated for television or the big screen.

Andrew Garfield - Ploughman

Jamie Bell - John Ball

Stephen Dillane - Simon Sudbury

Tom Hollander - Sir Robert Hales

Cosmo Jarvis - Wat Tyler

Thomasin McKenzie - Alyce

Jonny Lee Miller - Sir William Walworth

Woody Norman - Richard II

Katherine Waterston - Joan of Kent

Summary

England 1381.

The Black Death has killed half the population and grief engulfs those who survived.

When the council of 14-year-old boy king Richard II conclude the kingdom needs more revenue to prevent it from collapsing, they increase the taxes on the peasantry.

A local farmer (calling himself Ploughman), arrives in town to pay his annual taxes.  After watching soldiers forcibly examine women's genitalia to determine if they should be taxed as children or adults, Ploughman accosts the collector and kills a soldier who tries to arrest him.

His actions ignites a rebellion across the country, with former solider Wat Tyler and priest John Ball (branded a heretic by the Church), joining Ploughman in his fierce battle for justice, as they march to London to petition the King.

Taste humility

With impressive performances and a suitably bleak tone, fans of action period dramas should wave their pitchfork or sickle in appreciation.

Film was shot in Germany, particularly in Bavaria, with medieval architecture and expansive landscapes providing a striking visual substitute for 14th-century England..

I understand why director's signature shaky cam comes with a motion sickness warning, but I'm a reluctant fan.

According to the history books, Tyler was stabbed multiple times by Walworth, but the former managed to flee on horseback, before falling off a short distance later.  He was then caught by Walworth, brought back to Smithfield, and publicly beheaded.  His head was placed atop a pole, paraded through the city and displayed on London Bridge.

Beheading takes place off-screen, but the start is accurately depicted.

The rest takes several liberties, as Richard II produces Tyler's head to the rebels and a mass slaughter ensues.  Amidst the carnage, Ploughman escapes with a few survivors.

Robin Hood

Shortly before its American release on 10 September, Focus Features marketed film as an origin story: The Uprising: The Rise of Robin Hood, leading to backlash and confusion over subject matter.

While it's suggested the Revolt inspired the legend, the first known reference was in the B-text of William Langland's poem Piers Plowman in 1377, which obviously preceded the rebellion and even influenced Geoffrey Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales.

The famous line by the drunken Sloth (translated from archaic English):

"I do not know my Lord's Prayer perfectly as the priest sings it, but I know the rhymes of Robin Hood and Randolph, Earl of Chester."

Although Ploughman is entirely fictional, character's name is a reference to Plowman (farmer).

Anyway, back to film.

Unofficial epilogue takes place one year after main story.

Ploughman, now a hooded Robin Hood-esque figure dressed in green, and his 'Merry' band of archers, ambush the King in a forest (naturally).  Ploughman kills a corrupt counsellor, but spares the boy, saying the gang's defiance will haunt his dreams forever.

In the final scene, the King's residence is shown under a thundering sky, while he screams hysterically.

Tacked on ending was fucking stupid and took a giant shit on all that went before.

As studio executives clearly didn't have the balls to respect history, here's what happened.

After Wat Tyler's death, his followers were driven out of London and Richard II revoked all pardons.

Most rebels were hunted down and executed, effectively ending the Revolt.

The rebels didn't exact revenge on Richard II.  He reigned for another 18 years, before he was deposed by his cousin Henry Bolingbroke (Henry IV).  While imprisoned at Pontefract Castle, Richard starved to death, either by choice, or forced upon by Henry.

Infirmary - The scoop and digest

Found footage horror is written by Katy Krauland and directed by Nicholas Pineda.

Paul Syre Lee - Edward Yoon

Mark Anthony Williams - Lester Wooley

Danielle Kennedy - Ms. Ambrosia Downey

Corinna Wagner-Smith - Tweaker

On Thursday, March 23, 2023, at approximately 12:15 a.m., authorities responded to an unknown disturbance call at the Wilshire Infirmary.

Upon arrival the officers located two deceased individuals and are searching for a person of interest.

Archetypal of genre, we watch recovered footage recorded during the incident, in its original and uncensored form.

Summary

The night before, randomly at 7:58 p.m., former marine Edward begins his first night shift as a rookie security guard, and given a body cam by his insufferable superior Lester.

Is that a nod to Leon S. Kennedy's first day on the job as a cop in Resident Evil 2?

Maybe.

After human resources administrator Ms. Downey processes incomplete paperwork, Edward witnesses a door creak open by itself and abruptly slam shut, freaking him out.

Lester reveals the Wilshires used to experiment on people, probably killing hundreds, even thousands of people.  After her husband died, she went insane and became obssessed on how to transfer minds into mannequins, using black magic and witchcraft.  When the authorities found out and raided the hospital, she'd vanished, and never heard from again.

What transpires wasn't terrifying, just HORRENDOUS.

Death is the perfect antidote to crazy

Setting is perfect, but execution was anything but.

Of course there's got be set up, but Jesus Christ guys, this was SOOOOO fucking boring, I nearly fell asleep.

Lee behaves like a petulant child, bizarrely re-enacting his time in Afghanistan by lying on an operating table, pretending he's been shot, calling for a medic and unbelievably - his mother.

More stupid shit occurs in the cafeteria.

As events unfold, it's revealed that Ms. Downey was dead all along, either possessed by a former patient or Mrs. Wilshire.

Scraping the barrel, stuff kinda happens during the last 20m when Edward and Ms. Downey go looking for Lester in the basement.

After finding Lester's dead body, Edward is attacked by a mannequin and film cuts to a wall of text, stating Edward is wanted for questioning in connection to the deaths of Lester and Ambrosia.

The final scene has an unknown person locate a catatonic Edward sat in a wheelchair, ending a tortuous experience.

Bloody Tennis - The scoop and digest

Sport-themed horror is written and directed by Nikias Chryssos.

Sandra Guldberg Kampp - Sophie

Elina Löwensohn - Mary

Tracy Gotoas - Bana

Lily Taïeb - Nelly

Juliana Vieira Guerra - Frida

Helena Zengel - Heidi

Lucie Zhang - Xue

Vincent Romeo - Fred

Ambre Olive - Erin

Zlatko Burić - Stavkos

Summary

A woman (soon revealed as Erin), is badly injured by a tennis ball launcher and dragged away by an unknown person.

Some time later, Sophie arrives at the Mary Tyrone Tennis Academy in Europe, and meets its hard-faced headmistress Miss Tyrone.

She befriends Heidi, who has nicknamed the girls on site, such as Xue (The Machine) and Bana (Mystique).

Mary tells everybody the winner of Training Camp will be given a wild card to Wimbledon, but when losers 'leave', they're actually murdered by Mary's creepy assistant Fred, who cooks the remains for survivors to unknowingly eat.

Grow! Win! Transcend!

Anybody hoping for a horror version of Challengers will be sorely disappointed.

In fact - shit is more like HIM, and apparently rips off script early on.

Mary tells Sophie while she's here: "No calls, no games, no distractions" and takes her phone.

When Cam arrives at isolated desert compound, Isaiah confiscates his phone and says:

"No phone calls, no porn, no OnlyFans, just football."

Also, the girls are forced to drink a mysterious red smoothie, immediately comparable to Cam being injected with a bloodline liquid.

Hmmm.

Sophie uses the strength she took from eating the girls to kill Nelly with a fast serve.

Still hungry, Sophie scoffs Mary's still beating heart, and with dark transformation complete, leaves for Wimbledon with trainer Stavkos.

Yeah, it's as fucking stupid as it sounds.

Silent Hill: Townfall

Standalone entry is developed by Screen Burn (formerly No Code).

Warning. Major spoilers.

Summary

In 1996, Simon Ordell emerges from the harbour of fictional Scottish island St. Amelia (based on coastal village St. Monans in Fife), with a hospital ID bracelet on one wrist, and IV drip still stuck in his other hand. 

The town is seemingly deserted, but not at rest.

Seeking to 'put things right', Simon confronts fragments of the past and uncovers a horrifying truth that refuses to stay submerged.

Miscellany

Game is entirely first-person, and was probably inspured by RE 7: Biohazard, but also pays tribute to P.T.

SH 4: The Room and Shattered Memories also contained first-person sections at fixed periods.

Room 204 was a location on the second floor of the Lakeview Hotel in SH 2 (OG and 2024 remake).  We get another here, at the Haldane Hotel.

As writer-director Jon McKellan was heavily involved in the critically acclaimed Alien: Isolation, it's no surprise that run-and-hide mechanics are lifted straight from deep space.

So only the ill-informed would label this a rip off. 

Simon's CRTV acts like a motion tracker, but unlike Amanda's device, portable television also provides clues to solve puzzles.

Occasionally we must fine tune signals of VHF transmissions, and do so by tilting controller until RGB channels are calibrated.

Using public payphones and landlines allow us to manually dial numbers, with new contacts added as story progresses.

However, the number you'll ring most is 100, to "Save Yourself".

Other technology utilised include computers with dial-up modems, green screen monitors and portable disc drives.

Melee weapons such as planks and metal pipes degrade and break through attacking and blocking, so combat is intentionally designed to be a last resort.

Because of this, I found myself hauling ass to the next area to bypass monsters altogether.

Firearms (revolver, shotgun and flare gun) become essential, but noise attracts unwanted attention.

Straight out of The Last of Us, bricks and bottles are thrown to draw enemies away from their position.

Cut it out and give it back

Story spans six Parts, shared between Simon, Zoe and Richard.

1. Arrival

2. Zoe

3. The Patient

4. Clara Woods

5. Richard

6. Simon

This is a great looking game, fully capturing the ominous atmosphere of universe. 

From St. Amelia, to Medical Centre and C.E.G building - environments fit like a glove.

When danger is nearby, a crimson haze envelops area, and alternative versions are dubbed a 'different place'.

Bestiary is unfortunately meagre: Lungers, Sorrowful, Fallen and Widows.

A set of Tentacles moving in the sky is purely for spectacle, but The Weight plays a far more significant role.

More soon.

My favourite Part was Clara Woods, as there's plenty of interesting things to see and do in housing estate.

Props to cassette tape puzzle for warping reality btw.

Your ultimate goal here is to find three mechanical parts to construct a device that opens the Strange Gate.

Principle is the same as Leon finding bomb parts to blow Raccoon City's gate in Resident Evil: Requiem.

Okay, here's the big reveal.

S.W.D.P. stands for the Southwell Drilling Platform, an offshore oil rig operated by the Chapman Energy Group (CEG).

Corrupt CEO Richard Shaw chose to ignore a faulty remote control unit, as fixing it would take the facility offline costing him millions.  Greedy bastard's neglect led to a catastrophic explosion that killed 96 people.  Third-party safety inspector Simon was present during the tragedy and was the only survivor.

When townsfolk turned against the CEG, Richard promised Simon life-saving heart surgery, in return for him providing a false testimony to absolve the CEG.

Our grief is their failure

Before going any further, I had a good time, but...

The first thing that bothered me is that we can't quick turn.

WHY?

Also, there's virtually zero recovery time when grabbed by an enemy, and scarpering isn't guaranteed to work.

Avoiding The Weight (a representation of Simon's guilt) became extremely tedious, as did bastard instantly killing me.

Story is devoid of psychological trauma and script is nearly as hollow as the expressions boring characters wear.

There aren't any bosses, and The Weight (of guilt) is defeated by immobilising bastard and removing three drip stands from its body.

Solutions to most puzzles make sense, but Blood Transfusion Door, X-ray procedure and operating the SWDP Control Panel poured gallons of pain and frustration.

Worst of all though was opening valves in the AUX room - which can kiss my fucking ass.

Verdict 7/10

Famous Paintings in Film - Reel 4

Livescream

Childhood of King Cyrus - Antonio Maria Vassallo (left) and Leonidas at Thermopylae - Jacques-Louis David (right)

Mark of the Devil

The Age of Innocence - Joshua Reynolds (left) and Peace and War - Peter Paul Rubens (right)

Solaris (1972)

Four from Pieter the Bruegel Elder's The Months.

L-R: The Harvesters and The Gloomy Day

L-R: The Hunters in the Snow and The Hay Harvest

Seoul Station

Still Life with a Bottle and Apple Cart - Paul Cezanne

The Kiss - Gustav Klimt

The Return of the Prodigal Son - Rembrandt

L-R: The Gleaners - Jean-François Millet and A Small Bouquet of Flowers in a Clay Pot - Jan Bruegel the Elder

The Monuments Men

In the Conservatory - Édouard Manet

Ghent Altarpiece - Jan van Eyck

Mlle Irene Cahen d'Anvers - Pierre-Auguste Renoir

Portrait of a Young Man - Raphael

Self-Portrait (1645) - Rembrandt

The Art of Painting - Johannes Vermeer

Lady with an Ermine (left) and The Last Supper (right) - Leonardo da Vinci 

 

Miscellany

Bloodmoon
Sunflowers - Vincent van Gogh

Zombie High
Marilyn Monroe - Andy Warhol

Calvary
The Ambassadors - Hans Holbein the Younger

Dagon
The Flaying of Marsyas - Titian

Freaky
The Hunters in the Snow - Pieter the Bruegel the Elder

Hannibal Rising
Judith Beheading Holofernes (detail) - Caravaggio

Incubus (1981)
The Nightmare (1790-1791 version) - Henry Fuseli

Jakob's Wife
The Execution of Lady Jean Grey - Paul Delaroche

Joker
Blue Boy - Thomas Gainsborough

Jumanji: The Next Level
Hand Reflecting Sphere - M. C. Escher

Kingsman: The Secret Service
Gun - Andy Warhol

Klute
Christina's World - Andrew Wyeth

Land of Smiles
Café Terrace at Night - Vincent van Gogh

Let Her Out
The Return of Spring - William-Adolphe Bouguereau

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Miss Wong - Vladimir Tretchikoff

Looney Tunes: Back in Action
Mona Lisa - Leonardo da Vinci

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again
Napoleon Crossing the Alps - Jacques-Louis David

Ouija Shark
Watson and the Shark - John Singleton Copley

Psycho (1998)
Venus and Adonis - Peter Paul Rubens

The Beasts' Carnival
The Triumph of Death (detail) - Pieter Bruegel the Elder

The Omega Man
Green Wheat Field with Cypress - Vincent van Gogh

Wolf (1994)
Cheetah with Two Indian Attendants and a Stag - George Stubbs

Superman III
September Morn - Paul Émile Chabas

The Toolbox Murders (1978)
Danaë - Rembrandt

Supervixens
Arrangement in Black and White No. 1 - James McNeill Whistler

Jennifer 8
The Luncheon on the Grass - Édouard Manet

Hustlers
The Course of Empire: Destruction - Thomas Cole

Until next time.

Resident Evil (2026) - The scoop and digest

Zach Cregger directs and co-writes the second reboot (and eighth overall in live-action series) with Shay Hatten.

Austin Abrams - Bryan Hodukavich

Zach Cherry - Carl

Kail Reis - Maxine

Paul Walter Hauser - Paul

Sara Paxton - Michelle

Summary

In 2026 (presumably), Lightfoot medical courier Bryan agrees to deliver a top-priority package from St. George's Hospital to Raccoon City General, even though his vehicle isn't equipped for snowy terrain.

While on the phone with his pregnant girlfriend Michelle, he hits a woman who appears out of nowhere.

After pulling Bryan over for fishtailing, Sheriff Wilson agrees to take her with him, as Bryan follows.

The cruiser suddenly swerves and crashes, killing Wilson.

He shoots the woman with Wilson's gun and heads for an isolated farmhouse.

Suffice to say, Bryan's night is only going to get worse.

Padlocks, doors and keys

An enjoyable romp, but is it worthy of the name?

Not really.

Before continuing, principle eerily smacks of Metallica: Through the Never (2013).

In feature-length thriller concert film, a roadie called Trip (Dane DeHaan) is given a gasoline tank and paid to find a truck that needs refuelling.  He's t-boned by another car and wakes to post-apocalyptic anarchy.

One to chew over.

Anyway, Lovecraftian creature design is derivative of The Thing (1982), Slither and Dead Space.

The Katamari Monster is similar to many things, but reminded me most of Rat King (The Last of Us Part II).

Umbrella Corporation employee Paul explains they created a 'substance' that can almost instantaneously transform any organism into a hyper-evolved version of itself, and all the shit going on started in the lab.

Dariusz Wolski's cinematography deserves huge props, as subtle FPS work and chiaoscuro is generally excellent.

Any tension built during the opening 20m quickly vanishes, lazer focused on action and comedy, treating virtually every perilous encounter as a fucking joke.

Visual references don't feel forced, but a sign reading Leon S. Kennedy Guns and Ammo in the street where infected throw themselves off rooftops made no sense, unless rookie cop is trying to put Robert Kendo out of business.

Once Bryan reaches the hospital, Carl tells him to take the stairs to the 24th floor, cross the skybridge to the second tower and go to the 28th floor, where laboratory is.

Possibly coincidence, but the fourth part of first campaign No Mercy in Left 4 Dead is The Hospital.  To reach Rooftop Finale, a lift must be called which terminates on Floor 28.

Bryan's tantrums did occasionally make me chuckle, but this reaction had the opposite effect.

He shoots open the maternity ward door he jammed with a mop, freeing the infected which fall on the Katamari.  Bryan triumphantly screams "YEEAAAHHH! VIDEO GAME!"

Err, not cringing at all.

Anachronism

Paul reveals Bryan is actually carrying a neutralising base that completes the antidote for the Cure.

Antidotes counteract poison, so useless against a virus.  What script needed was an antiviral, which treats and/or manages an active infection.

Ending

Having delivered the vial to Carl, a heavily infected Bryan (bitten earlier by a little girl), finally mutates and completely loses control of his body.  As 'Bryan' Birkin (with a touch of Code: Veronica's Steve Burnside) rips through DUMB researchers, he begs for the Cure.  The final scientist attempts to inject him, but fails, and the syringe falls to the ground below.  As National Guard helicopters arrive, Bryan roars and camera zooms inside his eyeball.

Maybe I'm the first to make the comparison, but principle of transformation smacks of Tetsuo towards the end of Akira.  Shit, tragic test subject even begs Kaori for 'medicine'.

As credits roll, Animal Farm by The Kinks plays, apparently an ironic nod to a brief action sequence of Bryan being attacked by the Las Plagas dog.

"This world is big and wild and half insane. Take me where real animals are playing. Just a dirty old shack. Where the hound dogs bark."

Next is closing theme by Ryan and Hays Holladay, clearly inspired by Ennio Morricone's score for The Thing.

There isn't a post-credits scene, but if I was in charge, the syringe landed intact which Ada Wong takes for nefarious black market means.

Awesome idea, right? 

Golden Axe - 2026 TV series

Paramount+ animated series is based on the classic 1989 Sega arcade of same name.

Matthew Rhys - Gilius Thunderhead

Liam McIntyre - Ax Battler

Lisa Gilroy - Tyris Flare

Danny Pudi - Hampton Squib

Carl Tart - Chronos "Evil" Lait

SungWon Cho - The Narrator

Supporting cast includes Eric Bauza, Heather Jane Campbell, Eugene Cordero, Dee Bradley Baker and Haley Joel Osment.

Episodes

1. The Legend of the Emerald Blade

2. Rideable Beasts

3. Tender Hamlet

4. Fly Like an Eagle

5. The Brothers Bad

6. Return to Wenisburg

7. The Cold Bard Truth

8. Into the Cowoods

9. Because We're Us

10. For Yuria

Summary

At some point in the past, Ax Battler, Gilius Thunderhead and Tyris Flare defeated Death Adder, but demon lord didn't stay dead for long.

Story kicks off with trio discussing how to defeat murderous bastard for good, and when Gilius suggests finding the legendary Emerald Blade, said to be the only thing that can destroy the Golden Axe, Tyris and Ax scoff at idea.

So drunken dwarf leaves tavern on rideable beast Chicken Leg, followed by ardent fan and anxious virgin Hampton Squib.  The pair successfully obtain mythical weapon, which chooses Hampton to bestow its power.

The only problem is that he can only get it to work by accident.

Hint. Get angry or upset.

Just saying.

When they return to Yuria, Gilius is pissed that he's already been replaced by "Panther Man", sorry, Chronos "Evil" Lait (Golden Axe III).

Seemingly to prove a point, Gilius takes Hampton to take down Death Adder before Ax, Chronos and Tyris do.

Learning about the Blade and Hampton, Adder sends his most loyal henchmen the Bad Brothers on a simple mission.

But things on their dumb part predictably go tits up.

Amidst all that, expect monsters, thieves, camp skeletons, magic, Druda (Hampton's childhood bully in Wenisburg) and for some reason, a male version of Dora (based on playable character from 1992 arcade only sequel Golden Axe: The Revenge of Death Adder).

Pain and vengeance

I understand why Mike McMahan tried to transfer the energy of Star Trek: Lower Decks, with goofy humour also copying Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves and The Princess Bride, but gags are a mixed bag.

Mild language (such as shit, prick and asshole) and gory violence confirms this was intended for young adults, not kids.

In E2, writers poke fun at a long-running joke:

Tyris teases Ax for his name not making sense.  He retorts " Sword is a superior weapon" and 'Sword Battler' would be an inferior name.

"Ax with an 'e' except if it's me."

(Laughs).

When Gilius is transported to the afterlife in E5, action expertly switches to 2D, where minotaurs (introduced in Golden Axe II), comically tear him a new asshole.

Death Adder takes a back seat until the final two episodes, but shit is worth waiting for.

Climax

Adder revives a God (Death Death), by saying: "Rise from your grave."

Yeah, it's cheesy as hell and doesn't make sense, but come on guys - it's Altered FUCKING Beast.

Chicken Leg calls every character we've met, instigating a huge war between both factions.

Tyris casts maxed out dragon magic, forcing Adder to drop Axe.  This allows Hampton to remove fragment of Blade from the Axe (and Adder's control over the Gods).  They tear snakes from his body and bury them with helmet in a pit. 

One of the Gods declare they can smell the blood of the giants on Hampton, which considering his size, is amusingly ridiculous.

The Narrator states he has many more stories to tell, and I'd be happy to hear them.