Saturday, 6 June 2026

Scary Movie (2026) - The scoop and digest

Title of sixth entry is poking fun at the trend of legacy sequels having the same name as original.

Anyway, 'rebootiquel' is directed by Michael Tiddes, written by the Wayans family and Rick Alvarez.

Marlon Wayans - Shorty Meeks
Shawn Wayans - Ray Wilkins
Anna Faris - Cindy Campbell
Regina Hall - Brenda Meeks
Olivia Rose Keegan - Sara Campbell
Dave Sheridan - Doofy Gilmore
Savannah Lee Nassif - Tuesday Campbell
Cheri Oteri - Gail Hailstorm
Gregg Wayans - Brad Meeks
Kim Wayans - Nurse Ratchett

Additionally, Antony Anderson, Kai Cenat, Teyana Taylor and Shaquille O'Neal appear as themselves.

Summary

A group of friends reunite when a masked killer they first encountered 26 years ago returns to begin another reign of terror.

Unlike the original, film is set in Woodsville, an obvious play on Scream's Woodsboro.

Extra scenes

A trailer for Brosferatu (a spoof of Robert Eggers' 2024 remake of Nosferatu).

The next (an interrogation scene from Longlegs featuring Really Really White), plays throughout the majority of end credits.

Eat a dick

What we have here boys and girls is a replay of Scream (2022), with all manner of random shit going on besides, including Final Destination: Bloodlines, Terrifier 3, Smile, Candyman, Sinners and Weapons.

Two things stood out.

Ghostface crashes an experimental procedure that Gail is having and injects her with The Stuff (The Substance), causing Tiffany Wilson from White Chicks to be born through her back.

Before killing her alternate self, Ghostface says: "White Chicks 2 my ass."

(Laughs).

Interestingly, The Stuff is a real 1985 film.

During the Get Out sequence, when a stoned Shorty is transported to the Sunken Place, an alternative music video of Golden by KPop Demon Hunters plays out.

Out of place, but cool nevertheless. 

But make no mistake, everything else is just... FUCKING abysmal.

We're promised that 'every line will be crossed', but 'humour' offended me in a different way.

Shit ends how Scream 7 begins, (a house burning down), and that happening to franchise would be no bad thing.

Friday, 5 June 2026

Masters of the Universe (2026) - The scoop and digest

The second live-action adaptation (after cult 1987 Dolph Lundgren vehicle), is directed by Travis Knight, and written by Chris Butler, Aaron Nee, Adam Nee and David Callaham.

Nicholas Galitzine - Adam Glenn
Camila Mendes - Teela
Idris Elba - Duncan/Man-At-Arms
Jared Leto - Lord Skeletor
Alison Brie - Evil-Lyn
James Purefoy - King Randor
Charlotte Riley - Queen Marlena
Morena Baccarin - The Sorceress

Summary

In Eternos (Eternia's capital), a young Prince Adam and his friend Teela, are trained in the art of battle by her father Duncan.

City is soon attacked by Lord Skeletor's evil army, who takes Adam's parents King Randor and Queen Marlena prisoner.

The Sorceress opens a portal to Earth and entrusts Adam with Sword of Power, hoping he will return one day and restore peace.

Unfortunately, wee lad loses pointy stick en route.

Fifteen years later in Oklahoma City, Adam gets an anonymous text claiming his Sword is at the Fright Zone comic store.  He comically reclaims it from a statue and in doing so, 'Highlander' is soon arrested.

It's cool though, because Skeletor's lieutenant Beast Man (alerted by a signal sent when Adam raised the sword), turns up and causes mischief.  Adam is rescued by Teela and they escape back to Eternia in her spaceship.

Adam, Teela, 'Drunkan' and female service bot Roboto band together to kick tyrannical warlock's ass.

Extra scenes

Orko appears to explain the message of the film, saying "muscles don't necessarily make a man".

She's only seen from behind, but Adam's long-lost twin sister Princess Adora transforms into She-Ra, clutching the Sword of Protection no less.

Post-credits

A defeated Evil-Lyn retrieves Skeletor's skull, quipping: "I must say, you've looked better."  Screen cuts to black, and a familar cackle can be heard.

By the power of Grayskull

Nothing great by any means, but goofy, self-aware adventure surprised me in a good way.

Galtizine and Mendes share sweet chemistry and Leto arguably gives one of his best performances.

Despite ropey CG, action as above so below is decent enough, and humour hits more than the firepower of Skeletor's Stormtrooper-esque army.

However, bloated running time is sillier than costumes worn, with middle section serving slices of perverse boredom.

Sequels and spin-offs seem inevitable, but early indications at the box office paint an uncertain future.

Thursday, 4 June 2026

'Probably' everything that Resident Evil Requiem ripped off - File 2

At the end of File 1, I teased the best is still to come.


As you'll see, I wasn't fucking kidding.

Miscellany

Victor Gideon vs Guardian - The Evil Within 2 (2017)


Note how human arms are protruding from the good doctor's tentacle.

Helicopter escape

World War Z (2013)

Zombies climbing on


28 Weeks Later (2007)

Chopped into meat


The Girl

Behaving and retreating like the xenomorph in Alien: Isolation apparently wasn't enough.

The Beast - Amnesia: The Bunker (2023).


Making matters worse, both hate the light.

The Mother - Barbarian (2022)


This may be a whimsical tribute to Zach Cregger, who is directing batshit reboot.

Although nervous, I honestly can't wait until 18 September.

Death by sunlight vs Stripe - Gremlins (1984)




Brilliant.

Personal best

Time to spread exuberant wings.

ARK facility vs Wallace Tower - Blade Runner 2049 (2017)


HA HA HA!

As a heads up, Amazon Prime TV series Blade Runner 2099 is due this year.

Zeno carrying Grace vs Lecter and Clarice - Hannibal (2001)


Collection & Testing tanks vs Gravity couches - Event Horizon (1997)


Grace stabbing Officer Norman Cole vs Ana stabbing Bloated Woman - Dawn of the Dead (2004)


Driving a fire poker into respective eyes?

Hmmm.

Once crafted, a hemolytic injector is used to stealthily destroy zombies and prevent them from mutating into Blister Heads.


Blade (1998)

Serum causes vampires to explode.


After Leon returns to the ruins of Raccoon City, he must take care of Titan Spinner.


Those camera angles ring a bell.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

Frodo is ambushed by Shelob in Torech Ungol.


Fun fact.

Attack occurs near the end of The Two Towers novel.

Finally, something even I think is coincidence.

Thomas K. Jackson vs Bartok maggot - The Fly II (1989)


Shit gets better (or worse), when Emily becomes a monster.


Just... WOW!

Monday, 1 June 2026

Backrooms - The scoop and digest

Based on his YouTube series of same name (inspired by the creepypasta), Kane Parsons makes his feature-length directorial debut, with screenplay credited to Will Soodik.

Chiwetel Ejiofor - Clark
Renate Reinsve - Dr. Mary Kline
Mark Duplass - Phil
Finn Bennett - Bobby
Lukita Maxwell - Kat
Avan Jogia - Naren Warne

Summary

On 19 June 1990 in Santa Clara Valley, scientists from the Async Research Institute watch recovered footage of researcher Naren Warne being attacked by an unknown entity in an inter-dimensional space dubbed the Backrooms.

Later that month, furniture store owner and failed architect Clark is struggling with alcoholism and his wife Barbara has recently left him.  He regularly visits his therapist Mary, who has her own shit to deal with, including her mentally ill mother.

After Clark decides to live in his Ottoman Empire, electrical anomalies lead him to the basement, and he phases through a wall into the Backrooms.

While exploring liminal environment (where dead birds, malformed furniture and uncanny hallways are commonplace), he's chased by an unseen creature and escapes back into the regular store.

Clark tells Mary about what happened, but she thinks outlandish claims are the result of another drinking bender.

Some time later, Mary receives an ominous voicemail from Clark and decides to look for him.

Tables don't bleed blood

An assured, stylish and mature debut by a guy who ironically can't even legally drink yet.

Leads embrace surreal landscape and psychological trauma with vim and vigor.

Rather than employing traditional jump scares, claustrophobic dread is created using unsettling sound design and dazzling sets.

The influence of David Lynch, The Shining and M. C. Escher are there for all to see, and towards the end, set up of dinner scene is basically The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974), until a monstrous pirate enters the fray and kills Clark.

Some have compared this to Apple TV series Severance, which was apparently inspired by Parson's web series, but it feels more like an alternative version of Japanese horror Exit 8, adapted from 2023 indie video game The Exit 8.

More so, filmmakers may face legal action from Mark Z. Danielewski, as shit overall is eerily similar to his acclaimed debut novel House of Leaves (2000), as a family discover an ever-expanding labyrinth in their house.

Sunday, 31 May 2026

Titles, taglines (and all that jazz) - Chapter 6

Welcome back.

1.

Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon
Perilous Dreams - Ken Kelly
The Hold Steady - Teeth Dreams
Timber Timber - Hot Dreams
Weird Dreams
Graphic novel Robot Dreams was adapted into a film in 2023.

Finally, a compilation novel by Isaac Asimov.

21 sci-fi shorts, including Hostess, Eyes Do More Than See and Strikebreaker. 
2.

Infants are typically cute, but...

Baby Oopsie Daisy - Demonic Toys series
Spin-off TV series Baby Oopsie also serves as a semi-sequel to Demonic Toys 2 (2010) and ran between 2021-2022.

Two more.

Oopsy Daisy

In the Night Garden and Carry On Up the Jungle


3.

Father Figure (2013) is a TV series and Father Figures (2017) is a film.

Lying Figure - Silent Hill 2 (2001)
Winged Figure - Abbott Handerson Thayer
Hidden Figures (2016) is based on the real-life contributions of Katherine Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan and Mary Jackson, who played a pivotal role for NASA during the Space Race in the 1960s.

4.

Before becoming a media franchise, Devil May Cry (2001) is famous for being the earliest incarnation of Resident Evil 4.

Devil May Care is an animated TV series and a James Bond novel released in 2008, marking the 100th anniversary of when creator Ian Fleming was born. 

5.

Babysitter Wanted
The Game
Players wanted
Most Wanted
The Muppets: Most Wanted
Need for Speed: Most Wanted (2005) was reimagined in 2012.


6.

Wu-Tang: Taste the Pain aka Wu-Tang: Shaolin Style (1999) began as Thrill Kill, which was obviously unreleased.

Thrillkill was a real 1984 film.
The kicker.

Maniac Mansion (1987)
Fictional arcade Kill Thrill is seen in the Edison mansion.
Subsequent TV series of same name (1990-1993) had little to do with source material.

7.

Paranormal Activity 4
It's closer than you think
The Dead
The enemy is closer than you think.
Strangers Within
They're closer than you think
8.

Hounds of Love
They're calling
They're Inside
They're Outside
They're back!

Space Invaders (1994) and Cheetahmen II


Hey Carol Anne, what's up?

Poltergeist (1982)
"They're here."
Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986)
"They're back."
Oh, I see.

In Poltergeist III (1988), character's name is said 121 times.

Fucking ridiculous.

9.

The Final Destination
it's coming
Ready or Not
They're coming
Fighting The Sky
They are coming
Day of the Dead - 2021 TV series
They're coming for you.
Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers
'He's coming'.
He's coming for you

Damon's Revenge and Psycho Killer


10.

Revenge of the Nerds
Their time has come!
The time has come

In the Heights and Rec⁴: Apocalypse


His time has come

Demigod and Logan


11.

Fly on the Wall
Always be watching
We Are Watching
Convict 762
...He's watching
He's Watching
He is watching

Evil Dead and The Church (2018)


The Evil Within (2014)
He's watching we can't leave
Graffiti is courtesy of primary antagonist Ruvik.

He's Watching You (2024) was known as Black Spines at film festivals.

The Rift - 2012 short
They are watching us
The Retreat (2021)
They're watching you
They're Watching
Observance
They are watching
12.

I've Been Waiting for You
American Conjuring
She's waiting for you
Spirits in the Dark
They've been waiting for you
Portal (2019)
It's been waiting for you
The Resident (2015)
It's waiting for you...
Lake Fear 3
It's waiting...
The Torment (2010) aka The Possession of David O'Reilly
They are waiting...
Ritual
They're waiting.
Event Horizon
Dr. Weir's dead wife Claire states: "I'm waiting."
The Hitcher II: I've Been Waiting
Behind the Walls
It has been waiting
The Devouring Light
It's been waiting for them
A Box Full of Darkness
He's been waiting... for them to return home.
Lake Fear
It's been waiting... to get under your skin
13.

Fresh Kills (2024)
Love Kills (2024)
Home Kills (2023)
She Kills (2016)
Halloween Kills (2021)
Winter Kills (1979)
Machete Kills (2013)
Meat Kills (2025)
Pussy Kills  (2017)
Alyce Kills (2011)
Speed Kills (2018)

Student Bodies¹ (1981)
¹Unrelated to TV series of same name.

Zooming in.

Sex kills
Worse ways to go I suppose. 

(Laughs).

The Sand² (2015) aka Killer Beach
This beach is killer
²Unofficial remake of Blood Beach (1980).

V/H/S
This collection is killer
Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan
This tall tale is killer
Wily's Wonderland
Their idea of fun is killer!
Departing Seniors
Graduation's a killer
MaXXXine
Hollywood is a killer
The Finale
Opening night is a killer
Recovery
Getting sober is a killer
Until next time.
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