Whalefall - The scoop and digest

Brian Duffield directs and co-writes survival thriller with Daniel Kraus, whose 2023 novel film is based on.

Even though inspired by biblical story Jonah and The Whale, this is in the same vein as Gravity, Buried and 127 Hours.

Austin Abrams - Jay Gardiner

Josh Brolin - Mitt Gardiner

Elisabeth Shue - Zara Gardiner

John Ortiz - Hewey

Jane Levy - Eva Gardiner

Emily Rudd - Nan Gardiner

Summary

Mitt Gardiner, a local dive-boat captain is diagonsed with terminal mesothelioma and rather than letting illness take him, decides to end his own life by jumping overboard into the ocean off North Carolina's Monastery Beach (aka Mortuary Beach).

One year later, college student Jay returns home and instead of leaving his family to mourn an empty casket, embarks on an unauthorised scuba dive (bizarrely without a torch), to retrieve his father's remains.

Near the edge of a submarine canyon, Jay gets caught in a fierce battle between a Giant squid and a Sperm whale.  While trying to escape, his diving gear is caught in the squid's tentacles and both get swallowed.

With only an hour of air remaining, Jay draws on everything Mitt taught him to survive.

The ocean always provides

Although a Sperm whale is capable of devouring a human being, the unfortunate soul would be DEAD within a matter in minutes, plain and fucking simple.

Yes creature's stomach acids eventually begin to dissolve Jay's skin and erode diving gear, but happens way too late.

Muffled dialogue frustrates and flashbacks overplay sentimentality, but claustrophobic setting serving as a metaphor for grief and guilt holds your attention until Jay's impossible escape.

Surounded by highly flammable methane gas, Jay uses a box of steel wool to construct a makeshift bomb and batteries to create an ignition spark.  The resulting blast blows a hole through the whale's body, propelling Jay to the surface.

As he watches the whale's corpse sink, a boat rescues him.

Sometime later, the Gardiner family board Mitt's boat and Jay finally reads the letter father left, overcome with emotion.

What did piece of paper say? That's for us to never find out.

Crystal Lake - TV series

Brad Caleb Kane's brainchild is unrelated to 2023 film of same name, (which has fuck all to do with Friday the 13th btw).

Although very different, series does share similarities with two-piece comic miniseries Friday the 13th: Pamela's Tale (July-August 2007).

In September 1947, a pregnant Pamela is 'told' by the disembodied voice of her unborn child (which she's already named Jason) to murder her abusive husband Elias.  One evening, she heeds advice and takes an axe to bastard.

Not long after, she's rushed to hospital and gives birth, blind to Jason's grotesque facial deformities.

Jason 'dies' in June 1957 and Pamela kills Barry and Claudette a year later.  Pamela arrives back at Camp Crystal Lake on Friday, June 13th 1980.

Anyway, this exists independently, so shouldn't be considered a prequel to films.

Linda Cardellini - Pamela Voorhees

William Catlett - Chief Levon Brooks

Cameron Scoggins - Officer Dorf

Devin Kessler - Briana Brooks

Nick Cordileone - Ralph

Gwendolyn Sundstrom - Grace

Hamish Linklater - Elias Wittering

Callum Vinson and Jonathan Tison - Jason Voorhees

Daniel Stewart Sherman - Enos

Danielle Kotch - Claudette

Phoenix Parnevik - Barry

Manon Gage - Harmony

Brian J. Carter - John Christy

Episodes

1. Camp Crystal

2. Part II

3. Part III

4. A New Beginning

5. The New Blood

6. Kill Them, Mommy

7. Friday...

8. The Final Chapter

Summary

In 1970, Jason Voorhees is bullied by other campers for having a deformed head and his only friend is a girl called Grace.  When horny counselors Barry and Claudette slope off to have sex, Jason tries to retrieve a ball in the lake and his mother Pam is powerless to prevent him from presumably drowning.

9 months later, Pam is horrified to learn that the Camp is reopening.  Two men posing as police detectives tell Pam that Jason's body has been found, then try and sedate her with a syringe.

She kills them both, one with a pair scissors, and the other with a machete.  Pam calls a woman called Nora warning they've been 'found'.  She coats their bodies with bait and drags them to a bear's den, where they're eaten. 

Meanwhile, tortured Vietnam veteran Ralph lives as a recluse in the woods and grows increasingly paranoid when he thinks someone or something is stalking him.  

Believing that Grace's mother Valerie is abusing her, Pamwhacks her with a meat tenderizer and watches her die when face is planted in a deep fryer.

Pam begins a sexual relationship with Chief Levon Brooks, but things get awkward.

Grace meets Harmony, the leader of a hippie group working at the camp.  Pam interrupts a séance where Harmony is seemingly possessed by Valerie, and Harmony flips out, labelling Pam a monster.

Levon's sister Briana works as a reporter and uncovers the dodgy dealings of Bellflower Chemical, whose negligence caused the deaths of two soldiers, but company was cleared in court.

One night, Grace, high on acid, sees 'Jason' in the woods.

Claudette (who earlier confessed to Pamela what she was doing when Jason drowned), reconciles with Barry and they get physical at the boathouse.  Grace attacks them and kills Barry, but Claudette is still alive.  Pam arrives and finishes Claudette off, assuring Grace "Momma's here."

Jason appears and tells Pam to "kill them all".

Trauma makes you stronger

Despite some impressive kills, with even better prosthetics, many episodes can be boring, focusing too much on annoying teenagers and human drama.

Did we really need the cliché of hippies in the 70s? No we didn't.

Cardellini is terrific throughout, and props also goes to Catlett and his goofy partner Scoggins.

Origin story really gets going in E6, which ends on Levon and Briana confronting Pam at her home, setting up flashback episode Friday...

New York City, 1959.

Pam Scott is a singer and while performing on TV, miscarriages on stage.

The father of her child Elias Wittering works for Bellflower and takes her to a facility in Houston.  When put through a clinical trial by Dr. Valentine, results confirm she's still pregnant.  Delighted by the news, Pam marries Elias.

When another trial participant delivers a stillborn baby and commits suicide in front of Pam, incident sends her into early labout and Jason is born premature, with head seriously deformed.

2 months later, Pam returns home and prepares a bath to stop Jason's excessive crying.  However, she falls asleep with the tap running and Jason inside.  Elias returns home and Jason revives, but Pam is placed on medication to stabilize her moods.

Jumping to 1963, Elias celebrates the success of  the Argonaut Project, which accelerates physical growth in humans and helps them resist nuclear radiation.

Pam enters a room full of dead babies and failed experiments, finding Jason (Subject J) on an examination table.  Dr. Valentine tries to stop her, but Pam kills him with a power drill.  Pam makes her escape and Nora lends a helping hand.

At the start of The Final Chapter (subtitle of fourth film), Levon gives Pam a Bellflower file from 1963:

Pamela Wittering, age 33, born May 23 1930

Jason Wittering, born May 13 1960

So because series takes place in the summer of 1971, Pam is 41 and Jason is 11.

Year is confirmed by Elias at the police station, saying Pam 'kidnapped their son eight years ago.'

Not that it really matters, but the only thing unexplained is why she changed surname to Voorhees.

Pam gets taken, but en route to Bellflower, Jason (wearing a burlap sack) forces car to swerve off the road.  After Jason kills some hapless goons, Elias confronts wee lad, who due to the effects of the Project, has bulked up and grown significantly in just a year.  He murders Elias by crushing his face, causing eyes to pop out.

Awesome.

Jason grabs Pam by the throat, but memories make him let go.

Ralph shoots Jason with a hunting rifle, but Jason magically disappears, leading Pam to laugh hysterically.

One year later, Steve finishes the story of Jason around a campfire, declaring all he knows is to kill.

Shit ends when 'Jason' approaches a girl from behind.

Street Fighter (2026) - The scoop and digest

Danny and Michael Philippou were originally on board to direct, but left in 2024 to focus on Bring Her Back.  However, both very briefly cameo as Scott and Max in a nod to the iconic intro of SF II (1991), who were only named by Capcom in 2016.

Anyway, from a story by Dalan Musson and Gary Dauberman, Kitao Sakurai directs and co-writes the third live-action adaptation with T.J. Fixman.

Noah Centineo - Ken Masters

Andrew Koji - Ryu/Dark Ryu

Callina Liang - Chun-Li

David Dastmalchian - Lord M. Bison

Joe "Roman Reigns" Anoa'i - Akuma

Cody Rhodes - Guile

Andrew Schulz - Dan Hibiki

Eric André - Don Sauvage

Vidyut Jammwal - Dhalsim

Orville Peck - Vega

Don Lee - Master Gouken

Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson - Balrog

Jason Momoa - Blanka

Hirooki Goto - E. Honda

Mel Jarnson - Cammy

Rayna Vallandingham - Juli 

Alexander Volkanovski - Joe

Summary

In 1987, Ryu defeats Sagat in the first World Warrior tournament, with dark persona awakening the deity Akuma, who subsequently murders Master Gouken.  This causes Ryu (the Orphan) and his adoptive brother Ken Masters (the Playboy) to drift apart.

Six years later, Shadaloo dictator Lord M. Bison is developing a secret weapon dubbed Psycho Power.

Sports presenter Don Sauvage goes on TV to announce that Bison is hosting World Warrior II in MetroLao City.

Undercover Interpol agent Chun-Li (secretly seeking revenge against Bison for murdering her father), visits Ken and Dan Hibiki, telling them she's on a mission to find the greatest warriors to compete in upcoming tournament.

For the record, Dan (debuting in SF Alpha) never had a moustache, and is a parody of Ryo Sakazaki and Robert Garcia from SNK's Art of Fighting series.

As fists and feet fly, Bison uses a device to extract Ryu's fighting power, with Akuma waiting in the wings.

Mid-credits

In a dialogue-free anime sequence, a powered-up Bison, with Cammy and Vega, approach Sagat training alone at night.  Ripped bastard looks at Bison, suggesting something has been arranged off-screen.

Envy the seed from which evil grows

Is story Shakespearean? No.

Was this dumb and incoherent? Yes.

But fun? Kinda.

The fights are colourful and characters are more representative of video games, but most feature for about as long as trailers.

Apart from Ryu's Hadouken, physical specials look unnatural.  Oh, forget about Guile unleashing a Sonic Boom or Dhalsim warming opponents up with Yoga.

Akuma causing Joe (a NPC in the original Street Fighter) to explode into goreless fragments confused me, almost like a censored Mortal Kombat fatality.

Cammy employing the look of brainwashed Killer Bee assassin from Alpha 2 onwards was cool, but screeching skull is incredibly irritating.  Bring back Kylie Minogue is all I can say.

As you'd expect, the focus is Ryu, Ken, Bison and Chun-Li.

The jokes (some sexualised) come thick and fast, but I can't remember chuckling once.

Blanka scratching his armpit and smelling his fingers. What's that all about?

Ignoring countless references, Bison saying "Today is the day you die. For me it's Tuesday", copying the brilliant Raul Julia in Street Fighter (1994) was horribly forced.

Traditional anime in flashbacks was handled by animation studio Titmouse and definitely the best thing about entire film.

Non-ending has Bison escape unscathed with Akuma's body.

Guile and Dhalsim pick up Ryu, Ken, Chun-Li and Dan, inviting them to go on a 'Bison hunt', as The Weather Girls' It's Raining Men plays.

WHY?

Anachronisms

The following songs didn't exist in 1993.

Baha Men - Who Let the Dogs Out (2000)

Montell Jordan - This Is How We Do It (1995)

Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun (1994)

Meredith Brooks - Bitch (1997)

Elastica - Connection (1994)

Make no mistake, they knew - but just didn't care.

Like Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), 4 Non Blondes' What's Up? is used for official trailer.

Before fighting Sagat in 1987, Ken scolds Ryu for listening to track on his walkman.  Unfortunately, song didn't get into our heads until 1993.  But six years later, a drunk Ken sings shit on karaoke, making everything okay apparently.

Clive Barker's Hellraiser: Revival

Before opening the doors to the pleasures of heaven or hell, here's some interesting titbits.

While this is the first video game in the franchise, there was a cancelled NES game back in 1990, simply called Hellraiser.

Pinhead officially appeared in the DLC for Dead by Daylight in 2021, until his removal in 2025.

On the flipside, he featured in 2015 fanmade one-on-one fighter Terrordrome: Rise of the Boogeymen, which also included other horror icons such as Michael Myers, Leatherface, Ghostface, Candyman and Freddy Krueger.

Anyway, FPS is developed by Saber Interactive and while never confirmed, takes place about 20 years after original 1987 film.

Summary

When not inside Labyrinth, game is set in Clairport.

Aidan Lynch is a member of biker gang The Hell Raisers (honestly), and while having sadmasochistic sex with his girlfriend Sunny (going by Yoon Sun-Hee), Aidan cuts her with the Genesis Configuration, inadvertently summoning the Cenobites.

The Priest rips her ass apart with hooked chains and Aidan is knocked unconscious.

In his pursuit to rescue better half, Aidan takes on Marlowe's fanatical cult the Scarlet Church, tames The Unworthy and faces his dark past.

Miscellany 

Combat involves firearms (shotgun, pistol, assault rifle, shotgun etc) and melee weapons (knife, baseball bat, cleaver etc).

Pea shooters can be upgraded and melee break over time, which can be repaired using a kit.

Bottles are thrown to distract enemies and gun-toting cultists primarily behave like the humans in Uncharted/The Last of Us.

Items are crafted by scavenging resources and basic bastards can be stealth killed.

Lock picks are used to, well, ya' know, but tool is easily destroyed if not given respect.  One thing's for sure, Aidan ain't no Jill Valentine.

'Banishing' regular enemies recovers health and suffering (which is the GC's energy).

Telekinesis is ripped straight from Dead Space, but using the GC to solve puzzles and as a weapon was satisfying.

We can also quick turn, something that Silent Hill: Townfall deemed unnecessary.

It doesn't happen very often, but the rooms in Aidan's apartment loop, smacking very much of P.T.

Resident Evil 4

Game may have the gritty design aesthetics of the Condemned series, but game takes huge chunks from Capcom's masterpiece.

Aside from breaking loot boxes, inventory screen is IDENTICAL, right down to auto sort, moving and rotating stuff.

Rather than the Merchant, we get chain-smoking Eremite Zora Beckett.

As a nice touch, two trophies are named after quotes:

What're Ya Buyin? and What're Ya Sellin?

Hehehe, thank you!

Finally, survival section in a cabin (in the woods no less), encourages you to board up windows, a la RE 2 (2019).

Bosses

Bruno (basically Frank The Monster), Charlotte, Sister of Mercy and Marlowe.

We also have to take care of mini boss the Embracer on three occasions.  Tumour is protected by impenetrable armour, but arms not so.

Pain

The first thing that bothered me is how are the original Cenobites still alive?

An explanation was provided in Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth for Pinhead (sorry Clive) coming back, but Female Cenobite, the Chatterer and Butterball were killed by Channard in Hellbound: Hellraiser II.

(Frowns).

Melee combat sucks harder than a veteran prostitute and awkward camera doesn't exactly help.

The Priest and Female Cenobite are used sparingly, which is shame as script (written in collaboration with Barker), is impressive.

The sweet suffering

Bugs guys, and not the insect kind.

As with all bosses, the second encounter of Bruno as a blood monster glows blue when defeated.  But bastard can only be banished when clutching the GC, as holding a gun or melee weapon does jack shit.

I haven't tried this myself, but obtaining trophies What're Ya Buyin? (spend at least 666 coins) and What're Ya Sellin? (earn at least 999 coins through sales) are apparently bugged on PS5.

Charlotte can get stuck on the top of a cliff and even becomes stationary in the centre of arena.  In both instances - bitch is invincible.

No fucking excuse.

Pleasure

Even though he's no spring chicken anymore, Doug Bradley is excellent.

Environments may get repetitive, but visuals are surprisingly clean and detailed.

The Labyrinth shifts and changes to disorientate, all while the Chatterer gives chase.

Other times, it's about negotiating traps.

In the real world, rotating and splitting the GC to solve door puzzles is great fun.  Other brain teasers involve placing key items in the correct order.

Cut scenes contain all the essential ingredients you'd expect from IP, such as domestic violence, BDSM, mutilation and drug addiction.

Ooh la la moments are very mild and in terms of nudity, The Outlast Trials is way more explicit.

Climax

After feeding her Marlowe's heart, a heavily pregnant Sunny is fully regenerated.  As if by magic, the Cenobites arrive and to fulfil his end of the bargain, Aidan allows Sunny to eat his hand.  The Priest reveals the Church misinterpreted the Rite of Rebirth and the GC actually identifies a Revenant Mother.

The Priest kneels over her and his face dissolves.  Aidan tries to intervene but the Chatterer throws him into the Labyrinth.

By the time he returns, Sunny has given birth to an ascended incarnation of The Priest, possessing Leviathan's powers of revelation.

Sunny reveals she agreed to join the Cenobites from the very beginning and manipulated Aidan into resurrecting her.

The Female Cenobite invites Aidan to join them, but Zora encourages him to choose his own destiny.

Endings

Enlightenment of Flesh: walking towards the Female Cenobite before the gap seals deprives him of tongue.  As they enter Leviathan's body, Aidan's eye turns black.

Stay Human: if we wait until the wall closes, he stays with Zora and is optimistic about starting a new life.

Verdict 6/10

V/H/S/Mixtape - The scoop and digest

This year's wraparound is hosted by controversial heavy metal band GWAR, who invite us to sit back and revel in the unholy horrors.

Dance, Dance, Dance, Dance

Written by Zoe Cooper

Directed by Renee Zhan

Hemlock, Riptide, Skeeto and Botulism star in The Curious Chorus, and a little boy called George joins them for a sing song.

Years later, the studio attempt to re-imagine puppet show and order now technician George to scan them onto a laptop, but results are anything but cute.  Hemlock and co come to life and gruesomely kill everybody, except George.

Another Cabin

Directed by Flying Lotus

Stop-motion animation concerns a grandmother and boy being eaten and assimilated by a giant monster, with an even bigger tongue. 

Heartbeat

Written and directed by David Moreau

YouTubers Wes and Maya enter a Cold War military installation that hasn't been visited for at least 40 years.

Bunker turns out to be a listening station and they get trapped inside a soundproof testing chamber.

Driven insane by the heartbeat beneath the floor, Wes commits suicide by stabbing himself in the ear and neck.

Instead of going the same way, a pregnant Maya turns to cannibalism.

The Music of Mr. Sze

Written and directed by Ernest Dickerson

In an apartment block, Philip Howard decides to create a student documentary project and uncovers the dark secret behind the music of titualar violinist Mr. Sze, which is some bullshit about an alien landscape and a Lovecraftian monster wreaking havoc.

Premature Burial

Directed by Tobias Forge

Ghost frontman reunites with his former band Repugnant for a new music video, where a woman knowingly buries a man alive as an act of revenge.

Death Tone

Written by RZA

Directed by RZA and Matt Landsman

Lydia Van Horn follows instructions recorded by her late father to create the ultimate killer track.

Post-credits

In the aftermath of opening segment, George opens a storage container to reveal the production team have been added to his twisted collection of puppets.

Out of tune

Cheap and very nasty, the worst entry since the infamous Viral was absolutely fucking garbage.

To be generous, Death Tone was the pick of a terrible bunch, but that ain't saying much.

V/H/S: SCP is already in development and I might press play next year.

Carrie - TV series

Having previously written and directed adaptations of Gerald's Game, Doctor Sleep and The Life of Chuck, Mike Flanagan is already a Stephen King veteran.

In 2021, he brought the critically acclaimed Netflix series Midnight Mass, which is deemed an unofficial spiritual successor and/or tribute to 1975 novel 'Salem's Lot.

Anyway, considering story has been told three times before, does the latest version justify its existence?

Summer H. Howell - Carietta "Carrie" White

Siena Agudong - Sue Snell

Samantha Sloyan - Margaret White

Alison Thornton - Chris Hargensen

Amber Midthunder - Rita Desjardin

Josie Totah - Tina Blake

Arthur Conti - Billy Nolan

Thalia Dudek - Emaline West

Joel Oulette - Tommy Ross

Matthew Lillard - Principal Henry-Grayle

Rahul Kohli - Seth Peist

Tim Bagley - Peter Morton

Kate Siegel - Adelaide

Michael Trucco - John Hargensen

Heather Graham - Madison Hargensen

Tahmoh Penikett - Ralph White

Episodes

1. First Period

2. Foreign Language

3. Social Studies

4. Dramatic Arts

5. Physical Education

6. Home Economics

7. Romantic Literature

8. AP Physics

Summary

2026, Chamberlain, USA.

Awkward teenager Carrie White has been home-schooled her entire life by her deeply religious mother Margaret.  After Carrie's father Ralph is tragically killed in an accident at a construction site, Margaret is forced by social service into sending Carrie to Ewen High School to retain custody.

She befriends Sue Snell, but is snubbed by popular super bitch Chris Hargensen.

After Carrie starts her period in the locker room, the other girls throw tampons at her, with ringleader Chris live-streaming event on social media.

At the end of opening episode, Chris creates an Instagram account Carrie Red and uploads locker room footage, with bullying scandal dominating series.

Of course, Carrie discovers telekinetic powers, bringing about death and destruction.

As you'd expect, modern spin gives mainstays different personas and takes extreme liberties with source material. 

For example, psycho ex-student turned drug dealer Billy Nolan was expelled for bringing a cattle prod into school and going after a kid.  He lives on a farm, and off-screen, kills a pig to fill a bucket of blood.

Who knows, it might come in handy on prom night.

Chris's asshole dad John features pretty heavily and is eventually jailed for embezzlement.

Exclusive characters include the mysterious Emaline West and cult leader Adelaide¹.

¹Kate Siegel also directed E3.

Miscellany

In E3, Carrie reads a book about telekinesis and witchcraft, featuring Nina Kulaniga, a former member of the Red Army tank regiment.  In March 1970, she 'allegedly' slowed down and stopped a frog's heart with her mind.

This is interesting, as that's exactly how Carrie kills Margaret in the original 1974 novel.

Whether King was inspired by story is unknown.

And shit doesn't stop there, as Adelaide murders Margaret by...

Yeah.

Before doing so, she tells her that a lot of people have "a little shine in them", referring to the psychic powers Danny Torrance possesses in The Shining, adding further weight to a popular theory that Carrie and The Shining are connected.

While Carrie is dancing in the street in the final episode, the marquee of movie theatre Brian de Palma retrospective in 35mm pays homage to the director of classic 1976 original.

Margaret bathing Carrie in the bath bears an uncanny resemblance to a shot of Ellen Burstyn and Linda Blair in The Exorcist.  This was probably deliberate, as Flanagan has made The Exorcist: Martyrs, due for release in March 2027, which sounds like a sequel to The Exorcist III.

Chronicle

Accusation is way out there, but principle of Carrie breaking Chris's nose for saying something horrible about Margaret and Ralph is identical to Andrew getting revenge on Wayne by psychically ripping his teeth out.

Another odd 'coincidence' is Carrie showing off at a junkyard and causing a car to explode.  Andrew on the other hand crushing vehicle was way more spectacular.

Cruelty and disorder

Despite some issues, I binged entire series in one epic sitting and was hooked from the off.

Summer H. Howell and Matthew Lillard knock shit out of the park, but Chris and Desjardin were pretty annoying.

Margaret still sends Carrie to the closet, but she's relatively nice compared to Piper Laurie.

Subplot of new character/teacher Seth Peist having an affair with Chris's stepsister Brooklyn was completely unnecessary.  During E6, it's revealed bastard hung himself after the truth was exposed.

Emaline

Undoubtedly the most interesting new addition first appears in E2, when Carrie is crying in the bathroom.

The end of E5 suggests Carrie has been talking to an imaginary friend.  However, that was a red herring, as Adelaide confirms astral projector can appear without physically being present, explaining why others can't see her.

Ending

Like the poorly received 2002 TV movie, Carrie survives.

Rather than Sue, Carrie drives away with Emaline to pastures unknown.

Is Emaline on the run from Adelaide and does she have more sinister plans for Carrie?

All might be revealed, if a second season happens.

The Uprising - The scoop and digest

Writer-director Paul Greengrass dramatises the Peasants' Revolt, which has never been adpated for television or the big screen.

Andrew Garfield - Ploughman

Jamie Bell - John Ball

Stephen Dillane - Simon Sudbury

Tom Hollander - Sir Robert Hales

Cosmo Jarvis - Wat Tyler

Thomasin McKenzie - Alyce

Jonny Lee Miller - Sir William Walworth

Woody Norman - Richard II

Katherine Waterston - Joan of Kent

Summary

England, 1381.

The Black Death has killed half the population and grief engulfs those who survived.

When the council of 14-year-old boy king Richard II decide more revenue is needed to prevent the kingdom from collapsing, they increase the taxes on the peasantry.

A local farmer (calling himself Ploughman), arrives in town to pay his annual taxes.  After watching soldiers forcibly examine women's genitalia to determine if they should be taxed as children or adults, Ploughman accosts the collector and kills a soldier who tries to arrest him.

His actions ignites a rebellion across the country, with former solider Wat Tyler and priest John Ball (branded a heretic by the Church), joining Ploughman in his fierce battle for justice, as they march to London to petition the King.

Taste humility

With impressive performances and a suitably bleak tone, fans of action period dramas should wave their pitchfork or sickle in appreciation.

Film was shot in Germany, particularly in Bavaria, with medieval architecture and expansive landscapes providing a striking visual substitute for 14th-century England..

I understand why director's signature shaky cam comes with a motion sickness warning, but I'm a reluctant fan.

According to the history books, Tyler was stabbed multiple times by Walworth, but the former managed to flee on horseback, before falling off a short distance later.  He was then caught by Walworth, brought back to Smithfield, and publicly beheaded.  His head was placed atop a pole, paraded through the city and displayed on London Bridge.

Beheading takes place off-screen, but the start is accurately depicted.

The rest takes several liberties, as Richard II produces Tyler's head to the rebels and a mass slaughter ensues.  Amidst the carnage, Ploughman escapes with a few survivors.

Robin Hood

Shortly before its American release on 10 September, Focus Features marketed film as an origin story: The Uprising: The Rise of Robin Hood, leading to backlash and confusion over subject matter.

While it's suggested the Revolt inspired the legend, the first known reference was in the B-text of William Langland's poem Piers Plowman in 1377, which obviously preceded the rebellion and even influenced Geoffrey Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales.

The famous line by the drunken Sloth (translated from archaic English):

"I do not know my Lord's Prayer perfectly as the priest sings it, but I know the rhymes of Robin Hood and Randolph, Earl of Chester."

Although Ploughman is entirely fictional, character's name is a reference to Plowman (farmer).

Anyway, back to film.

Unofficial epilogue takes place one year after main story.

Ploughman, now a Robin Hood-esque figure dressed in green, and his 'Merry' band of archers ambush the King in a forest (naturally).  Ploughman kills a corrupt counsellor, but spares the boy, saying the gang's defiance will haunt his dreams forever.

In the final scene, the King's residence is shown under a thundering sky, while he screams hysterically.

Tacked on ending was fucking stupid and took a giant shit on all that went before.

As studio executives clearly didn't have the balls to respect history, here's what happened.

After Wat Tyler's death, his followers were driven out of London and Richard II revoked all pardons.

Most rebels were hunted down and executed, effectively ending the Revolt.

The rebels didn't exact revenge on Richard II.  He reigned for another 18 years, before he was deposed by his cousin Henry Bolingbroke (Henry IV).  While imprisoned at Pontefract Castle, Richard starved to death, either by choice, or on Henry's orders.