Friday, 20 February 2026

Cold Storage - The scoop and digest

Based on his book, horror comedy is written by David Koepp and directed by Jonny Campbell, twenty years after feature debut Alien Autopsy.

Georgina Campbell - Naomi Williams
Joe Keery - Travis "Tea Cake" Meacham
Liam Neeson - Major Robert Quinn
Lesley Manville - Lt. Col. Trini Romano
Richard Brake - Jerabek
Gavin Spokes - Griffin

Summary

In 1979, an oxygen tank containing a hostile parasitic fungus from the Skylab space station crashed in Western Australia.

After it was found by a farmer in 2005, he tells microbiologist Dr. Martins (Sosie Bacon) that 'something' has escaped.

Martins arrives on the scene with Major Quinn and Lt. Col. Romano, finding the farmer dead and other bodies burst from the inside.

Don't worry, this is nothing like Alien.

Martins steps on remnant, becomes infected and commits suicide.

The military warm shit up and take sample away.

Kansas, present day.

Tea Cake (sharing name with a famous character from 1937 novel Their Eyes Were Watching) and Naomi work as security guards at a self storage facility, where the fungus is hidden underground.

They investigate the source of an alarm set off by a sudden rise in temperature, and find an infected rat king outside the vault.

When Quinn is contacted by 'Abigail' from the DTRA (Defense Threat Reduction Agency), all concerned are about to have the longest night of their lives.

The Atchison Incident

Forget The Last of Us, this was more in the vein of The Return of the Living Dead (1985), but never as good. 

But 90 minutes never takes itself too seriously, serving an impressive amount of goo and gore.

Once Naomi's ex-boyfriend Mike gets infected, he behaves very much like The Bug assuming the disguise of Edgar in Men in Black (1997).

Climax fell flat, as Quinn gives Tea Cake and Naomi a dirty bomb, causing facility to go bang without incident.

An end boss would've been nice, but nope.

Film ends on a clumsy note, with another unwell stag projectile vomiting.

Wednesday, 18 February 2026

'Probably' everything that ripped off Resident Evil - File 1

Ahead of Grace and Leon causing mischief in Requiem, it's finally time to reveal how Capcom's ground-breaking franchise infected the world.

This post contains scenes of explicit knowledge and gore.

Miscellany

Uber zombie impaling Hunter - Zombie Hunter (2013) vs Tyrant impaling Wesker - RE (1996)


Bloody brilliant.

Cops vs. xenomorphs - Alien vs. Predator: Requiem (2007) vs Cops vs. zombies - RE 3: Nemesis (1999)


Colin aka The Janitor - Silent Hill (2006) vs Nosferatu/Alexander Ashford - Code: Veronica (2000)


Lost Sinner - Dark Souls II (2014) vs Lisa Trevor - RE (2002 remake) 


Cerberus Guard - Manhunt (2003) vs Hunk - RE 2 (1998)


RE 4 (2005)

Ogre (2008) vs El Gigante


Now that's embarrassing.

Creature - Storage 24 (2012) vs Verdugo


Boom time

On October 1 1998, the U.S. government executed the Bacillus-Terminate operation, literally wiping Raccoon City off the map.
Requiem's director Koshi Nakanishi has admitted that revisiting iconic location isn't "necessarily realistic", so he's ignoring Kazuhiro Aoyama's original, saying Midwestern city wasn't obliterated in re-imagining.

But that's all bullshit, because an emergency news broadcast in said game explicitly states Raccoon City will be completely destroyed in a missile strike.

Moving on.

Cold Fear (2005)
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)
Terminator Salvation (2009)
Monsters unleashed

RE 2 (1998)
In his dying moments, William Birkin injects himself with his G-Virus, transforming the good doctor into a mutant, getting stronger with every skin he casts off.
When he was still kinda human.
Others capitalised on idea.

The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Courtesy of Bruce Banner's blood, Blonsky becomes the Abomination
Overlord (2018)
A badly disfigured Captain Wafner injects himself with the Blood of Eternity.
Camper Van Dad - We Bury the Dead (2025) vs Turning around zombie



Dead House aka Beautiful People (2013)

Obscure piece of shit turns heads.


John Pontecorvo vs Nemesis


To be fair, special effects are pretty good.

I finish with Zack Snyder.

Army of the Dead (2021)

Unrelated to 2008 non-zombie film of same name, plot is similar to 2016 Train to Busan sequel Peninsula.

Zeus biting Ward vs Mizoil Gas Station zombie biting Sheriff Cortini¹


¹No Way Out saw him escape with Leon.

Side by side.
 

Similar, yes?

Helicopter escape vs RE 3: Nemesis




Shockwave causes Peters to struggle with controls, just like Carlos in the awful RE 3 (2020).


Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Feature debut ditched the satire of George Romero's 1978 original, but still impressive in its own right.

Ana Clark (nurse) vs Rebecca Chambers (medic)


Andy vs Robert Kendo


Both own a gun shop.

Just saying.

Reflex Sports vs Emmy's

Michael and Claire selfishly interrupt a meal.



RE Outbreak was released on March 30 2004 in North America (eleven days after DOTD), but was originally released in Japan on December 11 2003.

Kenneth Hall vs Mark Wilkins
 

In 1996 original, Kenneth J. Sullivan became a shadow of his former self.

Parking shuttles vs zombie mass and explosion



Topping the lot though.


What... the... FUCK?

For shiggles.

This bastard appears if we choose George Hamilton or Alyssa Ashcroft².
²She didn't physically appear in RE 7: Biohazard (2017), but wrote about at least 20 people going missing in South Louisiana, dated Jan. 19, 2016.

Can things get any worse?

Find out in Part 2.
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