Primetime - The scoop and digest

Loosely based on Luke Dittrich's 2007 Esquire article Tonight on Dateline This Man Will Die, Lance Oppenheim's feature debut is written by Ajon Singh.

Robert Pattinson - Chris Hansen

Merritt Wever - Andie Bender

Skyler Gisondo - Dan Plum

Matthew Maher - Xavier Von Erck

Anna Faris - Mary Hansen

Bokeem Woodbine - Chief Cortland Gunn

Alex Winter - Bill Conradt

Phoebe Bridgers - Del Harvey

Bill Heck - Stone Phillips

Summary

In 2006, reporter Chris Hansen hosts Dateline NBC series To Catch a Predator, in which he and his crew conduct sting operations with anti-paedophile vigilante group Perverted-Justice, co-founded by Xavier Von Erck, to lure child predators and get them arrested.

The show quickly becomes popular and NBC's Jeff Zucker gives it primetime to compete with ABC's Lost.

Aspiring actor Dan Plum successfully auditions in Burbank and used as a decoy.

Although fictional, character is heavily based on Dan Schrack.

Hansen is married to Mary, but has a mistress called Krysten.  He breaks shit off at a restaurant, unaware he is being photographed.

Sticking fingers where they shouldn't be stuck?

Tut tut.

Fearful of his affair going public, Hansen's behaviour grows increasingly erratic.

Under pressure from studio executives to expose a 'whale', Hansen breaks formula and travels to the house of district attorney Bill Conradt, with deadly consequences.

Cleansing an ancient evil

In recent years, the current Batman has become one of my favourite actors, and performance of paranoid android (with a god complex) hasn't changed my mind.

What transpires is an exhausting fever dream, condemned by the real Chris Hansen as being "detached from reality".

The main problem is David Osit's 2025 documentary Predators (ntbcw 2010 sci-fi film or 2022 nature minseries of same name).

Film implies Conradt's suicide via gunshot ended series, but shit continued until its cancellation in 2008.

Castlevania: Belmont's Curse

Evil Empire completes the 'unfinished' Curse trilogy, with Konami officially confirming Curse of Darkness as the prequel.

Summary

1499, 23 years after Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse.

A great evil has descended on Paris.

The moon burns red and the city is in pandemonium, as monstrous creatures suddenly emerge from the shadows.

Trevor Belmont entrusts his daughter Rose to save humanity from devastation.

An intense tale of agony and despair unfolds.

No sacrifice is without blood

Visually beautiful and an absolute joy to play - this was surprisingly brilliant.

Yes game. You belong in this world!

Rose (who shares similarities with Sonia from de-canonised Game Boy entry Castlevania Legends), explores a non-linear map consisting of the Parisian streets, Holy Innocents' Cemetery, the Catacombs and of course - Dracula's Castle.

As with any Metroidvania, locations are split into numerous areas, with a decent chunk only becoming accessible after learning the correct skills.

Equipment tab covers Arcana, Armoury and Relics.

Traditional sub-weapons are represented as Tarot cards and acquired by absorbing Arcana after beating bosses.  Completing mini challenges/objectives dubbed "Works of Mercy" unlock "Blessings" to upgrade weapons.

Spells also stem from Tarot cards and require Mana to cast.  For example, defeating The Prophetess (Medusa) rewards Petrifying Gaze and The Zealot (Isaac) gives Chronomantic Dive.

Some don't deal damage, but essential to progress the story.  Dealing with The Warrior (Joan of Arc), awards Holy Light, allowing Rose to disperse Chaos Shards (bypass walls) and create bridges.

Tarot cards are the equivalent of the Dual Set-up System (DSS) in the first GBA outing Circle of the Moon, centred around Nathan Graves pairing Action and Attribute cards to modify weapons, boost stats and create spells.

At set periods, we interact with spirits who give clues about locating bosses.  Conversely, Seer Statues inside Dracula's Castle do the same thing, as they think Rose is the Lord of Darkness.

Mirrors of Life act as save points and The Ferryman's Wharf serves as a fast travel point to areas you've already discovered.

The first fly we must swat is The Fallen, who very kindly gifts us the Arcane Whip, primarily used to grab onto sharpened anchors and negotiate fiendishly difficult obstacle courses.

Geezer later reveals himself as Leon Belmont, the protagonist of Lament of Innocence, who used the Whip of Alchemy to hook and swing around rooms.

He would've died in 1094, but Dracula used his desire for justice and revenge and cursed him with extended life.

Optional boss The Temptress (Succubus) disguises herself as Sypha.  Demon previously adopted the guises of Lisa (Alucard's mother) and Sara (Leon's love) in SOTN and LOI respectively.

Once inside Dracula's Castle, soundtrack weeps an excellent remix of Bloody Tears, while a bevvy of classic enemies launch a frenzied attack.

Beyond fucking cool.

Bosses come thick and fast towards the end, including The Occultist (Carmilla), The Builder (Talos) and The Shadow (Death), with Dracula waiting impatiently on his chair.

Depending on gameplay decisions, three outcomes are available:

Belmont's Fall (False), The Hunt Goes On (Normal) and Curse Lifted (True).

Dracula may be 'destroyed', but remember, it does not take long to make a cemetery.

Verdict 9/10

Ali G: Who Iz I? - The scoop and digest

Sacha Baron Cohen's directorial debut is standalone and not a sequel to Ali G Indahouse (2002).

Some people were in on it:

Morgana Robinson - Julie

Alpha Miknas - Manu

Clive Russell - Malcolm "Rocky" Atkins

The rest weren't.

Summary

Following the cancellation of the Da Ali G Show, Ali G has relocated back to Staines.  While raising cash for the 'stomach infection' of Me Julie at a pawn shop, Ali discovers a fax from HBO offering $3.2m for a third series of his show.

After arriving in Los Angeles, Ali receives a call from an HBO executive informing deal expired 22 years ago.

Unperturbed, he decides to self-publish his dream on TikTok.

News of his return to America spreads to black community leader Nira Cain-N'Degeocello, who slams Ali as a cultural appropriator.

The final character Cohen plays is martial artist Erran Morad, who convinces his class that Ali is a drug lord and that Julie must be deported.

The Buckingham Phallus

I never cared much for Borat or Brüno, but was always a huge fan of the 'voice of yoof'.

But that was over 20 years ago, and this is a prime example of why some things should be left in the past.

Jokes try to be offensive, but are just offensively bad.

Virtually nothing works, and an AI-generated music video featuring Tupac, Greta Thunberg, Adolf Hitler and The Notorious BIG bizarrely lauding Ali's sex appeal just about sums up haphazard shit storm.

Aiii.

Clive Barker's Hellraiser: Revival - Beyond the Horror

Game was...

https://nukesandknives.blogspot.com/2026/10/clive-barkers-hellraiser-revival.html?m=0

Anyway, time to play.

Trophies/Achievements

Here's my top picks from the standard 44 (platinum, gold, silver, bronze and 'missables').

Most quotes are verbatim, but some have been shortened.

Hellraiser (1987)

Lead Cenobite

The Box. You Opened It. We Came

A Waste of Good Suffering

No Time for Argument

Demons to Some, Angels to Others...

The Further Regions of Experience

A Waste of Good Suffering

We Have Such Sights to Show You

Tear Your Soul Apart

Frank Cotton

Every Drop of Blood You Spill...

Puts More Flesh on My Bones

Pain and Pleasure, Indivisible

Come to Daddy

Experience Beyond Limits

Come Here, Damn You, I Want to Touch You

So Much for the Cat and Mouse Shtick¹

¹word replacing shit means a gimmick or comic routine.

(Frowns).

Rather bizarrely, Jesus Wept! is omitted.

Not Leaving Us so Soon, Are You? - Female Cenobite

²Go to Hell! - Kirsty Cotton

²repeated by Joey in Hell on Earth, before she jams the box into Pinhead's body.

Pinhead (Hellbound: Hellraiser II onwards)

Burn? Oh, Such a Limited Imagination! - Hell on Earth

Only Nightmares Last Forever! - Deader

The rest

What're Ya Buyin? and What're Ya Sellin? - Resident Evil 4 (2005)

Unlimited Power - Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

What's in the Box? - Seven

A Quiet Place - title of 2018 film

Lord of War - title of 2005 film

Guns, Lots of Guns - The Matrix

I Can Do This All Day - Captain America: The First Avenger

No Mercy - The Karate Kid (1984)

Red Dead Damnation - Red Dead Redemption

Puzzle Me This - contrary to popular belief, The Riddler's catchphrase Riddle me This was first heard in the 60's live-action TV series.

Most cryptic of all:

In the Land of the Pig, the Butcher is King - a spin on the proverb "In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king", attributed to Dutch scholar Desiderius Erasmus.

PC only

For some reason, 25 don't appear in console versions.

My magnificent seven:

Jusr a Flesh Wound - Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Knives Out - 2019 film or Radiohead song that murder-mystery is named after.

Handyman - a play on Candyman (1992), inspired by 1985 short story The Forbidden.

What's Your Pleasure, Sir - the final line spoken by the puzzle box merchant in Hellraiser (1987).  

Twisted Firestarter - lyrics to The Prodigy song Firestarter.

Power to the People - John Lennon and Yoko Ono 1971 song.

No Life in the Void, Only Death³ - The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001).

³only works if at critically low health before Leviathan's gaze kills you.

Miscellany

Chatterer and Female Cenobite⁴ are based on Hellraiser (1987) and Hellbound respectively.

⁴Barbie Wilde famously replaced Grace Kirby.

Our ultimate goal is to reconstruct Sunny's body by feeding her the hearts of Charlotte, Sister of Mercy and Marlowe, pretty much the same principle as Julia bringing Frank men to regenerate him.

Speaking of which.

Bruno Keller⁵ vs Frank the Monster

⁵Like hedonistic millionaire Roland Voight in Hellraiser (2022), Bruno is also an art collector.

Colin Marlowe's fanatical cult the Scarlet Church must be a nod to 2015 novel The Scarlet Gospels, which serves as a continuation of The Hellbound Heart and the canon of Harry D'Amour stories.

Interestingly, Winter LeMarchand (a descendant of toymaker and puzzle box designer Phillip LerMarchand), leads cult The Deaders in Deader (2005).

As stated in a note, the Cenobite Orno is perhaps the least known by the Church.

An illustration of Zora Beckett's father.

Geezer first appeared in a comic line.

Clive Barker's Hellraiser, Book 5: Mazes of the Mind

The tentacles from Dr. Channard's hands sprout deadly knives, and one such example grows from the walls within the Labyrinth.

Ozzy Osbourne's grave

Here lies our Prince of Darkness that raised hell then went back to his mother.

In the immediate vicinity, we can also see his iconic glasses and two bat statues.

Adjacent to tombstone is a cowboy hat of Motörhead frontman Lemmy Kilmister.

This is really cool, because he co-wrote the song Hellraiser with Ozzy and Zakk Wylde, which plays during the end credits of Hell on Earth.

Famous paintings

Bruno's mansion boasts an impressive selection.

Anatomy Lesson of Dr. Willem van der Meer - Michiel Jansz. van Mierevelt and Pieter van Mierevelt 

Dante and Virgil - William-Adolphe Bourguereau

Fall of the Damned - Peter Paul Rubens

Head of a Guillotined Man - Théodore Géricault

Joy of Life - Suzanne Valadon

Les Demoiselles d'Avignon - Pablo Picasso

Anatomy Lesson of Dr. Deijman - Rembrandt

The Barque of Dante - Eugène Delacroix

The Corpses of the De Witt Brothers - Jan de Baen 

The Fall of Ixion - Cornelis van Haarlem

The Great Fire of London - unknown artist

Personal best

In the Child's Play franchise and Chucky TV series, Damballa is the Haitian voodoo deity who in the original 1988 film, serial killer Charles Lee Ray invokes using the famous chant "Ade due Damballa" to transfer his soul into a Good Guy doll. 

I'm sure the others are made up, but the orange book Eyes Wide Open II pokes fun at Stanley Kubrick's final film Eyes Wide Shut (1999).

Triptych (middle panel) vs The Great Red Dragon and the Woman Clothed with the Sun - William Blake

Police randomly showing up before boss fight with Charlotte mirrors Hell on Earth, where CD and Barbie massacre the law, ending with Camerahead quipping "That's a wrap."

While passing hrough the swamp, the eagle-eyed will notice a yellow balloon floating in the background.

Inflatable was changed to red in big budget 2017 film, but in the 1990 It miniseries, Pennywise (Tim Curry) uses a yellow balloon to coax Georgie to the storm drain.

Rotating corridor vs 'Meat grinder' tunnel - Event Horizon

This makes sense, because Hellraiser was of the primary influences for Paul W. S. Anderson's 1997 cult classic.

BDSM model vs Lying Figure - Silent Hill 2 (2001)

Probably coincidence, but the Pillar of Souls in Hell on Earth resembles a person wearing a straitjacket.

Pinhead is initially trapped, but blood offerings free him.

Our journey ends, but remember - I have eternity to know your flesh.

Clayface - The scoop and digest

From a screenplay by Mike Flanagan and Hossein Amini, James Watkins makes history for directing the first 18 rated DC film.

Oh, two-part story Feat of Clay (1992) from Batman: The Animated Series also told the origin of Clayface.

Tom Rhys Harries - Matt Hagen/Clayface

Naomi Ackie - Dr. Caitlyn Corr

David Dencik - Markos Szabo

Eddie Marsan - Frank Fitzpatrick

Max Minghella - John Borrelli

Nancy Carroll - Hildie Love

Joshua James - Corey Bowery

Joana Ribeiro - Mia Torrez

Will Coban - Bones

Rob Brydon - Vic Chissler

Summary

Hollywood star Matt Hagen is nominated for an Academy Award and appears on The Vic Chissler Show.

Matt goes to a nightclub with his friend Corey Bowery, where he gets friendly with actress Mia Torrez, but warned by Corey to stay clear, as she's the girlfriend of crime lord Markos Szabo.

Does he listen? Of course not.

The following morning, a furious Szabo finds them in bed together and takes a knife to Matt's face.

Matt reports Szabo to the police, but geezer is acquitted in court due to 'lack of evidence'.

To cheer him up even more, Mia is interviewed on TV and claims he drugged her.

Lying bitch.

After been subjected to Dr. Caitlyn Coor's regenerative medicine, whose nanocells perfectly repair damaged skin tissue, Matt's face is fully restored.

When Matt's face begins to sag at a red carpet event, he panics and injects himself with a dangerous amount of nanites, apparently solving the problem.

Matt discovers he can instantly recover from any injury, impersonate whoever and turn his body into a deadly weapon.

Don't worry, he's nothing like the T-1000.

While all this sounds great, Matt's unquenchable thirst for vengeance comes at a price.

Hell's coming with me

First off, is certificate justified? No, 15 at most.

Sure there's some gooey body horror, but apart from Matt allowing his blood to dissolve Szabo's face, this isn't exactly a goregasm.

Just like Robert De Niro's Murray Franklin in Joker (2019), Vic Chissler is an original character created specifically for film.

And yeah, both host a popular talk show.  But the primary difference is that Uncle Bryn isn't killed by his guest.

Raging Bull (1980)

Like Jake LaMotta, Matt's life spirals out of control.

But it's Szabo (referring to Matt), who takes admiration too far.

"He's pretty. I've got a problem. If I should fuck him or fight him."

LaMotta: "He's a nice, a nice kid (middleweight contender Tony Janiro). He's a pretty kid, too. I mean I don't know, I gotta problem if I should fuck him or fight him."

After cutting Matt's face to pieces, Szabo remarks:

"He ain't pretty no more."

This is exactly what Tommy Como (based on mob boss Frankie Carbo), calmly says after LaMotta destroys Janiro's face in June 1947.

Crawlers - The scoop and digest

Unrelated to 2024 zombie film of same name, the latest creature feature to unleash spidergeddon is written by Jayson Rothwell and directed by Ángel Gómez Hernández.

Matilda Lutz - Serena

Gary Stennette - Dr. Woodward

Elena Stanz - Dr. Callan

Andrea Scott - Molly

Isabella Egizi - Bernice

Sam Lucas Smith - Lance

Gregg Sulkin - Bradley

Melina Matthews - Lady Lash

William Miller - Mr. Rossmore

Chris Rogers - George

Summary

After a field trip in Papua New Guinea, UCLA professor George returns to Paradiso Palms Apartments extremely sick and dies in his room, with baby spiders oozing from infected shoulder.

Members of the Infectious Disease Centre (IDC) take George's rotting corpse away for analysis and place the building under federal quarantine, meaning everybody must stay inside or face jail.

It's going to be a long 48 hours.

Music will save you!

From setting to hundreds of venomous eight-legged bastards, I honestly though this was an English-language remake of Sébastien Vaniček's 2023 feature debut Infested, but no, it's just got the same premise, and a much lighter tone.

Body horror is appropriately icky and once shit kicks off, action crawls thick and fast.

Tenants include obnoxious social media personality Bradley and dominatrix Lady Lash, who richly deserve to die, and thankfully do.

Perhaps the most satisfying death is slumlord Mr. Rossmore, who attempting to escape via a rubbish chute ends up impaling himself on a patch of broken glass.

Unlucky pal.

Realising situation is too dangerous to contain, the IDC rig a device to pump the building with toxic gas.

But Serena (wearing BDSM clobber) disapproves and goes on a rampage, rescuing a mother and her baby in the process.

After survivors are safely evacuated, the quarantine is eventually lifted.

At the hospital, a close-up shot of the baby shows something black moving beneath its skin, dangling sequel bait.

The Cycle - The scoop and digest

Unrelated to 2009 film of same name, aka The Devil's Ground, Jordan Downey directs and co-writes supernatural horror with Kevin Stewart.

Deborah Ann Woll - Dr. Megan Garland

Jeffrey Donovan - Detective Marks

Will Hochman - Detective Ian

Jack Doolan - Lenny

Carl W. Crudup - Lou Bishop

Jeb Berrier - Ratterman

Gretchen Corbett - Joni

Phillip Andre Botello - Daniel

Danika Golombek - Katie

Don Keith Opper - Frank

David Myers Gregory - Peter

Summary

In February 2025, brilliant anthropologist Dr. Megan Garland runs a body farm, a facility where human remains are left to naturally decompose for scientists to research time of death and duration of decay.

27 days later, Detective Ian turns up and delivers the shocking news that the body of her father Peter has been found, who disappeared 34 years ago in 1991.

However, he only died a few hours prior, leaving everybody dumbfounded.

Meg joins the police to solve the mystery of Peter's 'frozen' timeline, but their investigation uncovers a terrifying secret.

Bad Moon Rising

The opening hour or so is an absorbing crime procedural, but then becomes a howling good creature feature, with some posters bizarrely ruining the big twist.

Early doors, it's said that Peter abandoned his family, but the reason he took off was because he contracted a lycanthropic curse decades prior.  To protect Meg and Joni from his carnivorous lunar activities, he isolated himself deep in the forest while attempting to break his own 'cycle' of carnage.

Oh, title doesn't just refer to the lunar cycle of the moon, but also to a hereditary, generational curse.

Patrick Magee's practical make-up hits the hairy high notes, particularly the initial transformation sequence, and wolf itself is performed by Trevor Newlin (known for the 'primary' Xenomorph in Alien: Romulus and The Monstrosity in Smile 2).

Unfortunately though, some stuff looks a bit rough around the edges, and shaky cam during close ups fails to disguise the fact.

Climax turns the gore up to eleven, as Peter rips through the police.

Escaping outside the compound, Meg is forced into fatally wounding monster by driving a harpoon through its body, causing Peter to reverse-transform back into a human.

1 year later, Meg is back at the body farm, reliving the same exile as her father.