V/H/S/Mixtape - The scoop and digest

This year's wraparound is hosted by controversial heavy metal band GWAR, who invites us to sit back and revel in the unholy horrors.

Dance, Dance, Dance, Dance

Written by Zoe Cooper

Directed by Renee Zhan

Hemlock, Riptide, Skeeto and Botulism star in The Curious Chorus, and a little boy called George joins them for a sing song.

Years later, the studio attempt to re-imagine puppet show and order now technician George to scan them onto a laptop, but results are anything but cute.  Hemlock and co come to life and gruesomely kill everybody, except George.

Another Cabin

Directed by Flying Lotus

Stop-motion animation concerns a grandmother and boy being eaten and assimilated by a giant monster, with an even bigger tongue. 

Heartbeat

Written and directed by David Moreau

YouTubers Wes and Maya enter a Cold War military installation that hasn't been visited for at least 40 years.

Bunker turns out to be a listening station and they get trapped inside a soundproof testing chamber.

Driven insane by the heartbeat beneath the floor, Wes commits suicide by stabbing himself in the ear and neck.

Instead of going the same way, a pregnant Maya turns to cannibalism.

The Music of Mr. Sze

Written and directed by Ernest Dickerson

In an apartment block, Philip Howard decides to create a student documentary project and uncovers the dark secret behind the music of titualar violinist Mr. Sze, which is some bullshit about an alien landscape and a Lovecraftian monster wreaking havoc.

Premature Burial

Directed by Tobias Forge

Ghost frontman reunites with his former band Repugnant for a new music video, where a woman knowingly buries a man alive as an act of revenge.

Death Tone

Written by RZA

Directed by RZA and Matt Landsman

Lydia Van Horn follows instructions recorded by her late father to create the ultimate killer track.

Post-credits

In the aftermath of opening segment, George opens a storage container to reveal the production team have been added to his twisted collection of puppets.

Out of tune

Cheap and very nasty, the worst entry since the infamous Viral was absolutely fucking garbage.

To be generous, Death Tone was the pick of a terrible bunch, but that ain't saying much.

V/H/S: SCP is already in development and I might press play next year.

Carrie - TV series

Having previously written and directed adaptations of Gerald's Game, Doctor Sleep and The Life of Chuck, Mike Flanagan is already a Stephen King veteran.

In 2021, he brought the critically acclaimed Netflix series Midnight Mass, which is deemed an unofficial spiritual successor and/or tribute to 1975 novel 'Salem's Lot.

Anyway, considering story has been told three times before, does the latest version justify its existence?

Summer H. Howell - Carietta "Carrie" White

Siena Agudong - Sue Snell

Samantha Sloyan - Margaret White

Alison Thornton - Chris Hargensen

Amber Midthunder - Rita Desjardin

Josie Totah - Tina Blake

Arthur Conti - Billy Nolan

Thalia Dudek - Emaline West

Joel Oulette - Tommy Ross

Matthew Lillard - Principal Henry-Grayle

Rahul Kohli - Seth Peist

Tim Bagley - Peter Morton

Kate Siegel - Adelaide

Michael Trucco - John Hargensen

Heather Graham - Madison Hargensen

Tahmoh Penikett - Ralph White

Episodes

1. First Period

2. Foreign Language

3. Social Studies

4. Dramatic Arts

5. Physical Education

6. Home Economics

7. Romantic Literature

8. AP Physics

Summary

2026, Chamberlain, USA.

Awkward teenager Carrie White has been home-schooled her entire life by her domineering mother Margaret.  After Carrie's father Ralph is tragically killed in an accident at a construction site, Margaret is forced by social services into sending Carrie to Ewen High School to retain custody.

She befriends Sue Snell, but is snubbed by popular super bitch Chris Hargensen.

After Carrie starts bleeding in the locker room, the other girls throw tampons at her, with ringleader Chris live-streaming event on social media.

At the end of opening episode, Chris creates an Instagram account Carrie Red and uploads locker room footage, with bullying scandal dominating series.

Of course, Carrie discovers telekinetic powers, bringing about death and destruction.

As you'd expect, modern spin gives mainstays different personas and takes extreme liberties with source material. 

For example, psycho ex-student turned drug dealer Billy Nolan was expelled for bringing a cattle prod into school and going after a kid.  He lives on a farm, and off-screen, kills a pig to fill a bucket of blood.

Who knows, it might come in handy on prom night.

Chris's asshole dad John features pretty heavily and is eventually jailed for embezzlement.

Exclusive characters include the mysterious Emaline West and cult leader Adelaide¹.

¹Kate Siegel also directed E3.

Miscellany

In E3, Carrie reads a book about telekinesis and witchcraft, featuring Nina Kulaniga, a former member of the Red Army tank regiment.  In March 1970, she 'allegedly' stopped a frog's beating heart with her mind.

This is interesting, as that's how Carrie kills Margaret in the original 1974 novel.

Whether King was inspired by story is unknown.

And shit doesn't stop there, as Adelaide murders Margaret by...

Yeah.

Before doing so, she tells her that a lot of people have "a little shine in them", referring to the psychic powers Danny Torrance possesses in The Shining, adding further weight to a popular theory that Carrie and The Shining are connected.

While Carrie is dancing in the street in the final episode, the marquee of movie theatre Brian de Palma retrospective in 35mm pays homage to the director of classic 1976 original.

Margaret bathing Carrie in the bath bears an uncanny resemblance to a shot of Ellen Burstyn and Linda Blair in The Exorcist.  This was probably deliberate, as Flanagan has made The Exorcist: Martyrs, due for release in March 2027, which sounds like a sequel to The Exorcist III.

Chronicle

Accusation is way out there, but principle of Carrie breaking Chris's nose for saying something horrible about Margaret and Ralph is identical to Andrew getting revenge on Wayne by psychically ripping his teeth out.

Another odd 'coincidence' is Carrie showing off at a junkyard and causes a car to explode.  Andrew on the other hand crushing vehicle was way more spectacular.

Cruelty and disorder

Despite some issues, I binged entire series in one epic sitting and was hooked from the off.

Summer H. Howell and Matthew Lillard knock shit out of the park, but Chris and Desjardin were pretty annoying.

Margaret still sends Carrie to the closet, but she's relatively nice compared to Piper Laurie.

Subplot of new character/teacher Seth Peist having an affair with Chris's stepsister Brooklyn was completely unnecessary.  During E6, it's revealed bastard hung himself after the truth was exposed.

Emaline

Undoubtedly the most interesting new addition first appears in E2, when Carrie is crying in the bathroom.

The end of E5 suggests Carrie has been talking to an imaginary friend.  However, that was a red herring, as Adelaide confirms astral projector can appear without physically being present, explaining why others can't see her.

Ending

Like the poorly received 2002 TV movie, Carrie survives.

Rather than Sue, Carrie drives away with Emaline to pastures unknown.

Is Emaline on the run from Adelaide and does she have more sinister plans for Carrie?

All might be revealed, if a second season happens.

The Uprising - The scoop and digest

Writer-director Paul Greengrass dramatises the Peasants' Revolt, which has never been adpated for television or the big screen.

Andrew Garfield - Ploughman

Jamie Bell - John Ball

Stephen Dillane - Simon Sudbury

Tom Hollander - Sir Robert Hales

Cosmo Jarvis - Wat Tyler

Thomasin McKenzie - Alyce

Jonny Lee Miller - Sir William Walworth

Woody Norman - Richard II

Katherine Waterston - Joan of Kent

Summary

England, 1381.

The Black Death has killed half the population and grief engulfs those who survived.

When the council of 14-year-old boy king Richard II decide more revenue is needed to prevent the kingdom from collapsing, they increase the taxes on the peasantry.

A local farmer (calling himself Ploughman), arrives in town to pay his annual taxes.  After watching soldiers forcibly examine women's genitalia to determine if they should be taxed as children or adults, Ploughman accosts the collector and kills a soldier who tries to arrest him.

His actions ignites a rebellion across the country, with former solider Wat Tyler and priest John Ball (branded a heretic by the Church), joining Ploughman in his fierce battle for justice, as they march to London to petition the King.

Taste humility

With impressive performances and a suitably bleak tone, fans of action period dramas should wave their pitchfork or sickle in appreciation.

Film was shot in Germany, particularly in Bavaria, with medieval architecture and expansive landscapes providing a striking visual substitute for 14th-century England..

I understand why director's signature shaky cam comes with a motion sickness warning, but I'm a reluctant fan.

According to the history books, Tyler was stabbed multiple times by Walworth, but the former managed to flee on horseback, before falling off a short distance later.  He was then caught by Walworth, brought back to Smithfield, and publicly beheaded.  His head was placed atop a pole, paraded through the city and displayed on London Bridge.

Beheading takes place off-screen, but the start is accurately depicted.

The rest takes several liberties, as Richard II produces Tyler's head to the rebels and a mass slaughter ensues.  Amidst the carnage, Ploughman escapes with a few survivors.

Robin Hood

Shortly before its American release on 10 September, Focus Features marketed film as an origin story: The Uprising: The Rise of Robin Hood, leading to backlash and confusion over subject matter.

While it's suggested the Revolt inspired the legend, the first known reference was in the B-text of William Langland's poem Piers Plowman in 1377, which obviously preceded the rebellion and even influenced Geoffrey Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales.

The famous line by the drunken Sloth (translated from archaic English):

"I do not know my Lord's Prayer perfectly as the priest sings it, but I know the rhymes of Robin Hood and Randolph, Earl of Chester."

Although Ploughman is entirely fictional, character's name is a reference to Plowman (farmer).

Anyway, back to film.

Unofficial epilogue takes place one year after main story.

Ploughman, now a hooded Robin Hood-esque figure dressed in green, and his 'Merry' band of archers, ambush the King in a forest (naturally).  Ploughman kills a corrupt counsellor, but spares the boy, saying the gang's defiance will haunt his dreams forever.

In the final scene, the King's residence is shown under a thundering sky, while he screams hysterically.

Tacked on ending was fucking stupid and took a giant shit on all that went before.

As studio executives clearly didn't have the balls to respect history, here's what happened.

After Wat Tyler's death, his followers were driven out of London and Richard II revoked all pardons.

Most rebels were hunted down and executed, effectively ending the Revolt.

The rebels didn't exact revenge on Richard II.  He reigned for another 18 years, before he was deposed by his cousin Henry Bolingbroke (Henry IV).  While imprisoned at Pontefract Castle, Richard starved to death, either by choice, or on Henry's orders.

Infirmary - The scoop and digest

Found footage horror is written by Katy Krauland and directed by Nicholas Pineda.

Paul Syre Lee - Edward Yoon

Mark Anthony Williams - Lester Wooley

Danielle Kennedy - Ms. Ambrosia Downey

Corinna Wagner-Smith - Tweaker

On Thursday, March 23, 2023, at approximately 12:15 a.m., authorities responded to an unknown disturbance call at the Wilshire Infirmary.

Upon arrival the officers located two deceased individuals and are searching for a person of interest.

Archetypal of genre, we watch recovered footage recorded during the incident, in its original and uncensored form.

Summary

The night before, randomly at 7:58 p.m., former marine Edward begins his first night shift as a rookie security guard, and given a body cam by his insufferable superior Lester.

Is that a nod to Leon S. Kennedy's first day on the job as a cop in Resident Evil 2?

Maybe.

After human resources administrator Ms. Downey processes incomplete paperwork, Edward witnesses a door creak open by itself and abruptly slam shut, freaking him out.

Lester reveals the Wilshires used to experiment on people, probably killing hundreds, even thousands of people.  After her husband died, she went insane and became obssessed on how to transfer minds into mannequins, using black magic and witchcraft.  When the authorities found out and raided the hospital, she'd vanished, and never heard from again.

What transpires wasn't terrifying, just HORRENDOUS.

Death is the perfect antidote to crazy

Setting is perfect, but execution was anything but.

Of course there's got be set up, but Jesus Christ guys, this was SOOOOO fucking boring, I nearly fell asleep.

Lee behaves like a petulant child, bizarrely re-enacting his time in Afghanistan by lying on an operating table, pretending he's been shot, calling for a medic and unbelievably - his mother.

More stupid shit occurs in the cafeteria.

As events unfold, it's revealed that Ms. Downey was dead all along, either possessed by a former patient or Mrs. Wilshire.

Scraping the barrel, stuff kinda happens during the last 20m when Edward and Ms. Downey go looking for Lester in the basement.

After finding Lester's dead body, Edward is attacked by a mannequin and film cuts to a wall of text, stating Edward is wanted for questioning in connection to the deaths of Lester and Ambrosia.

The final scene has an unknown person locate a catatonic Edward sat in a wheelchair, ending a tortuous experience.

Bloody Tennis - The scoop and digest

Sport-themed horror is written and directed by Nikias Chryssos.

Sandra Guldberg Kampp - Sophie

Elina Löwensohn - Mary

Tracy Gotoas - Bana

Lily Taïeb - Nelly

Juliana Vieira Guerra - Frida

Helena Zengel - Heidi

Lucie Zhang - Xue

Vincent Romeo - Fred

Ambre Olive - Erin

Zlatko Burić - Stavkos

Summary

A woman (soon revealed as Erin), is badly injured by a tennis ball launcher and dragged away by an unknown person.

Some time later, Sophie arrives at the Mary Tyrone Tennis Academy in Europe, and meets its hard-faced headmistress Miss Tyrone.

She befriends Heidi, who has nicknamed the girls on site, such as Xue (The Machine) and Bana (Mystique).

Mary tells everybody the winner of Training Camp will be given a wild card to Wimbledon, but when losers 'leave', they're actually murdered by Mary's creepy assistant Fred, who cooks the remains for survivors to unknowingly eat.

Grow! Win! Transcend!

Anybody hoping for a horror version of Challengers will be sorely disappointed.

In fact - shit is more like HIM, and apparently rips off script early on.

Mary tells Sophie while she's here: "No calls, no games, no distractions" and takes her phone.

When Cam arrives at isolated desert compound, Isaiah confiscates his phone and says:

"No phone calls, no porn, no OnlyFans, just football."

Also, the girls are forced to drink a mysterious red smoothie, immediately comparable to Cam being injected with a bloodline liquid.

Hmmm.

Sophie uses the strength she took from eating the girls to kill Nelly with a fast serve.

Still hungry, Sophie scoffs Mary's still beating heart, and with dark transformation complete, leaves for Wimbledon with trainer Stavkos.

Yeah, it's as fucking stupid as it sounds.

Silent Hill: Townfall

Standalone entry is developed by Screen Burn (formerly No Code).

Warning. Major spoilers.

Summary

In 1996, Simon Ordell emerges from the harbour of fictional Scottish island St. Amelia (based on coastal village St. Monans in Fife), with a hospital ID bracelet on one wrist, and IV drip still stuck in his other hand. 

The town is seemingly deserted, but not at rest.

Seeking to 'put things right', Simon confronts fragments of the past and uncovers a horrifying truth that refuses to stay submerged.

Miscellany

Game is entirely first-person, and was probably inspured by RE 7: Biohazard, but also pays tribute to P.T.

SH 4: The Room and Shattered Memories also contained first-person sections at fixed periods.

Room 204 was a location on the second floor of the Lakeview Hotel in SH 2 (OG and 2024 remake).  We get another here, at the Haldane Hotel.

As writer-director Jon McKellan was heavily involved in the critically acclaimed Alien: Isolation, it's no surprise that run-and-hide mechanics are lifted straight from deep space.

So only the ill-informed would label this a rip off. 

Simon's CRTV acts like a motion tracker, but unlike Amanda's device, portable television also provides clues to solve puzzles.

Occasionally we must fine tune signals of VHF transmissions, and do so by tilting controller until RGB channels are calibrated.

Using public payphones and landlines allow us to manually dial numbers, with new contacts added as story progresses.

However, the number you'll ring most is 100, to "Save Yourself".

Other technology utilised include computers with dial-up modems, green screen monitors and portable disc drives.

Melee weapons such as planks and metal pipes degrade and break through attacking and blocking, so combat is intentionally designed to be a last resort.

Because of this, I found myself hauling ass to the next area to bypass monsters altogether.

Firearms (revolver, shotgun and flare gun) become essential, but noise attracts unwanted attention.

Straight out of The Last of Us, bricks and bottles are thrown to draw enemies away from their position.

Cut it out and give it back

Story spans six Parts, shared between Simon, Zoe and Richard.

1. Arrival

2. Zoe

3. The Patient

4. Clara Woods

5. Richard

6. Simon

This is a great looking game, fully capturing the ominous atmosphere of universe. 

From St. Amelia, to Medical Centre and C.E.G building - environments fit like a glove.

When danger is nearby, a crimson haze envelops area, and alternative versions are dubbed a 'different place'.

Bestiary is unfortunately meagre: Lungers, Sorrowful, Fallen and Widows.

A set of Tentacles moving in the sky is purely for spectacle, but The Weight plays a far more significant role.

More soon.

My favourite Part was Clara Woods, as there's plenty of interesting things to see and do in housing estate.

Props to cassette tape puzzle for warping reality btw.

Your ultimate goal here is to find three mechanical parts to construct a device that opens the Strange Gate.

Principle is the same as Leon finding bomb parts to blow Raccoon City's gate in Resident Evil: Requiem.

Okay, here's the big reveal.

S.W.D.P. stands for the Southwell Drilling Platform, an offshore oil rig operated by the Chapman Energy Group (CEG).

Corrupt CEO Richard Shaw chose to ignore a faulty remote control unit, as fixing it would take the facility offline costing him millions.  Greedy bastard's neglect led to a catastrophic explosion that killed 96 people.  Third-party safety inspector Simon was present during the tragedy and was the only survivor.

When townsfolk turned against the CEG, Richard promised Simon life-saving heart surgery, in return for him providing a false testimony to absolve the CEG.

Our grief is their failure

Before going any further, I had a good time, but...

The first thing that bothered me is that we can't quick turn.

WHY?

Also, there's virtually zero recovery time when grabbed by an enemy, and scarpering isn't guaranteed to work.

Avoiding The Weight (a representation of Simon's guilt) became extremely tedious, as did bastard instantly killing me.

Story is devoid of psychological trauma and script is nearly as hollow as the expressions boring characters wear.

There aren't any bosses, and The Weight (of guilt) is defeated by immobilising bastard and removing three drip stands from its body.

Solutions to most puzzles make sense, but Blood Transfusion Door, X-ray procedure and operating the SWDP Control Panel poured gallons of pain and frustration.

Worst of all though was opening valves in the AUX room - which can kiss my fucking ass.

Verdict 7/10

Famous Paintings in Film - Reel 4

Livescream

Childhood of King Cyrus - Antonio Maria Vassallo (left) and Leonidas at Thermopylae - Jacques-Louis David (right)

Mark of the Devil

The Age of Innocence - Joshua Reynolds (left) and Peace and War - Peter Paul Rubens (right)

Solaris (1972)

Four from Pieter the Bruegel Elder's The Months.

L-R: The Harvesters and The Gloomy Day

L-R: The Hunters in the Snow and The Hay Harvest

Seoul Station

Still Life with a Bottle and Apple Cart - Paul Cezanne

The Kiss - Gustav Klimt

The Return of the Prodigal Son - Rembrandt

L-R: The Gleaners - Jean-François Millet and A Small Bouquet of Flowers in a Clay Pot - Jan Bruegel the Elder

The Monuments Men

In the Conservatory - Édouard Manet

Ghent Altarpiece - Jan van Eyck

Mlle Irene Cahen d'Anvers - Pierre-Auguste Renoir

Portrait of a Young Man - Raphael

Self-Portrait (1645) - Rembrandt

The Art of Painting - Johannes Vermeer

Lady with an Ermine (left) and The Last Supper (right) - Leonardo da Vinci 

 

Miscellany

Bloodmoon
Sunflowers - Vincent van Gogh

Zombie High
Marilyn Monroe - Andy Warhol

Calvary
The Ambassadors - Hans Holbein the Younger

Dagon
The Flaying of Marsyas - Titian

Freaky
The Hunters in the Snow - Pieter the Bruegel the Elder

Hannibal Rising
Judith Beheading Holofernes (detail) - Caravaggio

Incubus (1981)
The Nightmare (1790-1791 version) - Henry Fuseli

Jakob's Wife
The Execution of Lady Jean Grey - Paul Delaroche

Joker
Blue Boy - Thomas Gainsborough

Jumanji: The Next Level
Hand Reflecting Sphere - M. C. Escher

Kingsman: The Secret Service
Gun - Andy Warhol

Klute
Christina's World - Andrew Wyeth

Land of Smiles
Café Terrace at Night - Vincent van Gogh

Let Her Out
The Return of Spring - William-Adolphe Bouguereau

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Miss Wong - Vladimir Tretchikoff

Looney Tunes: Back in Action
Mona Lisa - Leonardo da Vinci

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again
Napoleon Crossing the Alps - Jacques-Louis David

Ouija Shark
Watson and the Shark - John Singleton Copley

Psycho (1998)
Venus and Adonis - Peter Paul Rubens

The Beasts' Carnival
The Triumph of Death (detail) - Pieter Bruegel the Elder

The Omega Man
Green Wheat Field with Cypress - Vincent van Gogh

Wolf (1994)
Cheetah with Two Indian Attendants and a Stag - George Stubbs

Superman III
September Morn - Paul Émile Chabas

The Toolbox Murders (1978)
Danaë - Rembrandt

Supervixens
Arrangement in Black and White No. 1 - James McNeill Whistler

Jennifer 8
The Luncheon on the Grass - Édouard Manet

Hustlers
The Course of Empire: Destruction - Thomas Cole

Until next time.