The Roses - The scoop and digest

The second adaptation (and surely last) of Warren Adler's 1981 novel The War of the Roses is written by Tony McNamara and directed by Jay 'Austin Powers' Roach.

Benedict Cumberbatch - Theo

Olivia Coleman - Ivy

Kate McKinnon - Amy

Andy Samberg - Barry

Ncuti Gatwa - Jeffrey

Sunita Mani - Jane

Zoё Chao - Sally

Jamie Demetriou - Rory

Summary

In London, architectural student Theo meets aspiring chef Ivy, and after immediately having sex, they move to America, where Ivy dreams of starting her own business.

Ten years later in Mendocino, California, the Roses have since had two kids, Roy and Hattie, and life's good.

Theo buys a piece of real estate and Ivy opens a seafood bistro called We've Got Crabs!

One night, a tropical storm destroys Theo's newly designed museum and subsequently loses his job, becoming a stay-at-home parent, growing envious of Ivy's success.

As time goes by, they clash over parenting techniques and develop a dizzying hatred for each other.

Bottomless pit of need

Leads put in a decent shift, but characters share zero chemistry and vulgar script provided few laughs.

Heck, even the kids needlessly f-bomb.

Suffice to say, Danny DeVito's original with Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner was far superior.

After helping rescue a beached whale, Theo has a spiritual awakening and tells Ivy he wants a divorce.

Everyday stuff, right?

Ivy has a severe allergic reaction when Theo tricks her into eating a raspberry cake, and will only cure her with an EpiPen if she signs the house over to him.

She does, but under Zendaya instead.

WHY?

Theo destroys an oven causing a gas leak and in retaliation, Ivy takes a gun and opens fire.  They eventually reconcile and Theo asks smart technology to turn on the fire.  Screen cuts to white, and as per animated title sequence, The Turtles' Happy Together plays during end credits.

Considering this wasn't a suicide pact - how stupid.

Silent Hill 4: The Room - Drops of Shame

The final entry developed by Team Silent was released in 2004, but set in 2001.

Summary

It was two years ago (so 1999) that Henry Townshend moved into Room 302 of South Ashfield Heights, an apartment building in the medium-sized city of Ashfield. Henry was happy and enjoying his new life.

But five days ago, something strange happened. He began having a recurring dream each night.

One other thing...

He couldn't leave Room 302...

Likeness

Henry Townshend vs Peter Krause

Cynthia Velasquez vs Alyssa Miller

Specifically.

Walter Sullivan vs Louis (Brad Pitt) - Interview with the Vampire

Or possibly Kurt Cobain?

This is nailed on though.

Jasper Gein¹ vs Spud (Ewan Bremner) - Trainspotting

¹Surname is surely a nod to prolific graverobber and suspected serial killer Ed Gein.

Netflix series Monster: The Ed Gein Story drops on 3 October.

Film references

Chief designer Masashi Tsuboyama has confirmed plot was inspired by Ryu Murakami's bizarre 1980 novel Coin Locker Babies.

The Cell (2000), ntbcw Stephen King's Cell and/or film adaptation of same name, depicts a realm inside the mind of serial killer Carl Stargher, much like how Henry travels to Walter's Otherworlds.

Hellraiser

Hooks

Event Horizon

Gravity Drive

The Changeling

Wheelchairs

Ring

Ghost vs Sadako

Hole vs well

Finally.

Henry's view from apartment block.

Rather like:

Rear Window

However, considering the influence David Lynch had on series, I'd suggest this is more likely.

Blue Velvet

Backing shit up.

Lynch Street Line Coin

(Ahem).

Homages? 

Paranormal VHS vs chained door

Evil Dead Rise vs peephole

Or rip offs?

Miscellany

Jasper tee depicts the Incubus, the true end boss from original game.

Also, Haures written below, another word for the Flauros aka Cage of Piece.

Richard Braintree's tie has the detail of Leonardo da Vinci's Virgin of the Rocks.  

Sniffer dogs

Long tongues initially trail on the floor, but become erect when feeding, like a female mosquito.

And yeah, males do not suck blood.  Instead, proboscis is used to feed on fruit juices and flower nectar.

While this is a bit out there, enemy may have been based on Frank Belknap Long Jr.'s short story the Hounds of Tindalos, first published in the March 1929 issue of Weird Tales.

Title card
"He was starkly nude, and twisted and turn."

Before it was incorporated into the Cthulu Mythos, creatures are said to have "long, hollow tongues or proboscises to drain victims' body fluids". 

I was going to save this for another time, but decided to go all out.

The Apartment (2023)

Unrelated to 1960 and 1996 films of same name (when title is translated into English), writer-director Michael Kovich Jr makes his debut.

We begin with a quote from Dante Alighieri's The Divine Comedy.

"Love is the seed of every virtue, and of every act worthy of punishment."

Purgatory, Canto XVIII

Summary

A man (Bruno Sosa) wakes up in his apartment with no memory and finds his door covered with chains and padlocks.  He is soon haunted by his ex-girlfriend (Andrea Quattrocchi) and forced to confront his dark past.

Intriguing.

But what follows is flagrant plagiarism.

Poster vs cover art

Door vs Room 302

Envelope underneath door

He vs Henry

Yeah, live-action equivalent keeps waking up after a dream.

Concierge and Neighbor vs Eileen and Richard

In a bizarre twist, story becomes unique.

It's revealed that He raped and killed Her when she tried to leave.

He then pulled a gun on himself.

For the benefit of audience, lovely lady tells us he's done this 16 times.

Every time geezer wakes up, loop restarts.

For reasons unexplained, man spontaneously combusts.

Obscurity was never released outside of Paraguay and I'd suggest Konami are still blissfully unaware of film's existence.

Alien: Earth - Episode 4

Observation

Written by Noah Hawley and Bobak Esfarjani

Directed by Ugla Hauksdóttir

Wendy reveals she is able to mimic the xenomorph's language, the equivalent of insects chirring.

Morrow (first name Kumi) convinces Slightly (actual name Aarush Singh) to steal back the eggs so he can return them to Weyland-Yutani.

Nibs bizarrely decides she's pregnant, and becomes hostile when Dame Sylvia doubts claim.

During idle chit chat with the Five, three other corporations are mentioned - Threshold, Dynamic and Lynch.

Slightly fails to complete his mission and Morrow reveals he used 'friend's' real name to track down and threaten his family, forcing Slightly to find someone and lead them to an egg. 

Wendy observes the lung (that wasn't Hermit's) containing facehugger larva, which has since matured into a chestburster.  She communicates with organism, petting it like a dog.

I'm just disappointed that creature didn't start singing Hello! Ma Baby.

Assessment

Eye octopus burying itself inside sheep and forcing animal upright on two legs was creepy.

But that's scraping the bottom of an excruciatingly boring barrel, as I barely stayed awake.

Oh man - dialogue and characters were so FUCKING dull, and the Peter Pan bullshit must stop.

The way things are going (even though she's a Hybrid), Wendy is going to be the Queen.

Why not, right?

(Laughs).

Next week will play out what happened on the Magniot, so action and horror should be guaranteed.

Jesus, we need something to get our blood pumping.

Red Sonja (2025) - The scoop and digest

Origin story is written by Tasha Huo, directed by M. J. Bassett and not a remake of 1985 film.

It's worth remembering that Bassett previously helmed Solomon Kane (2009), and although initially panned, has gained a cult following.

Matilda Lutz - Sonja

Robert Sheehan - Emperor Draygan

Wallis Day - Annisia

Luca Pasqualino - Osin The Untouched

Michael Bisping - Hawk

Martyn Ford - General Karlak

Tihomir Vinchev - King Anzus

Summary

In the Hyborian Age exists the land of Hyrkania, where people live in peace and harmony.  All that goes to shit though, when barbarian king Anzus attacks village, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake.

Years later, a now adult Sonja lives in the forest with her horse Vihur and worships tree deity Ashera.

When she witnesses mercenaries butchering a herd of rhino-esque beasts called Fantatherium for their horns, Sonja discovers the men are also collecting exotic creatures to honour Emperor Draygan.

Other key figures are monkey humanoid General Karlak and Empress-to-be Lady Annisia, who hears voices of the people she murdered and drinks potions to treat schizophrenia.

Draygan has the first part of the Book of Secrets, but requires the second half to build a new army.

After escaping capture, Sonja leads a rebellion against Draygan.

Kill the Red Devil

Bringing various aspects from the Dynamite Comics story arcs to life, such as villains and Sonja's face paint deserves praise, and unlike Brigette Nielsen, Lutz actually wears iconic white chainmail bikini.

But holy shit, rubbish action, cheap costumes, laughable CG and bizarre acting ensures charmless B-movie was fucking terrible.

Horrendous dialogue slices so much cringing cheese, all that's missing is a mouldy slice of bread.

Prince Osin earned his nickname because no-one has ever touched him with a blade.

HA HA HA!

Near the beginning, Sonja threatens to swap Vihur for a pony.

WHAT?

Ignoring fantasy setting, film essentially rips off Gladiator (2000) and Braveheart (1995).

Draygan thinks he's Commodus and Sonja becomes William Wallace.

I suppose because of monsters, you could also include Gladiator II.

The final nail in the coffin is removing Sonja's rape and revenge motive, making character too chatty and lighthearted.

The Life of Chuck - The scoop and digest

Mike Flanagan is no stranger to Stephen King, as he previously wrote and directed adaptations of Gerald's Game (2017) and Doctor Sleep (2019).

Now he gives love to short story of same name from If It Bleeds, which is also a story within 2020 compilation novel.

Whether title pays homage to a famous line in Predator (1987) remains unknown.

Chiwetel Ejiofor - Marty Anderson

Karen Gillan - Felicia Gordon

Mia Sara - Sarah Krantz

Carl Lumbly - Sam Yarborough

Mark Hamill - Albie Krantz

Annalise Basso - Janice Halliday

Taylor Gordon - Taylor Franck

Nick Offerman - Narrator

Summary

Film is told in reverse chronological order and divided into three Acts, from Chuck's death coinciding with the end of the universe, to his childhood.

Not that it really matters, but Act II is changed from Buskers to Buskers Forever.

There are four iterations of accountant Charles "Chuck" Krantz:

Tom Hiddleston, Jacob Tremblay, Benjamin Pajak and Cody Flanagan.

39 GREAT years!

Poignant and charming, with everybody smashing performances out of the park, I defy whoever not to be entertained.

While obviously not a musical, dance routines are remarkably entertaining, as demonstrated by an adult Chuck and 'little sister' Janice boogying to the beat of street musician Taylor's drums, prompting rapturous applause from onlooking crowd.

After his grandfather Albie dies, a teenage Chuck finally enters the house's cupola he was previously forbidden to enter, seeing an apparition of himself on his deathbed.

He dismisses shit and vows to live life to the full, stating: "I am wonderful, I deserve to be wonderful, and I contain multitudes."

The latter part repeats his teacher Ms. Richards (Kate Siegel) quoting a sample of Walt Whitman poem Song of Myself.

Sorry, Baby - The scoop and digest

Known for TV series Billions, Eva Victor stars, writes and directs her debut.

Naomi Ackie - Lydie

Louis Cancelmi - Preston Decker

Kelly McCormack - Natasha

Lucas Hedges - Gavin

John Carroll Lynch - Pete

E.R. Fightmaster - Fran

Cody Reiss - Devin

Jordan Mendoza - Logan

Summary

Non-linear dramedy spans five chapters over a four year period, focusing on how an incident affects Eva Victor's protagonist Agnes.

Lamb of God

There is a film called Sorry, Charlie, but this should've been titled Sorry, Audience.

Performances and cinematography deserve praise, but the rest of self-indulgent slow burn sucked harder than a vacuum cleaner.

Agnes goes to Preston's house and after day becomes night, she's sexually assaulted off-screen by mentor's fingers penetrating a very personal area.

We're meant to empathise, but character's obnoxious, one-dimensional nature only succeeded in alienating me.

She begins a sexual relationship with her neighbour Gavin, and wow, it's awkward.

For the most part, dialogue felt artificial and unrealistic.

During opening chapter The Year with the Baby, Agnes and Lydie are discussing sex and penises.

Do women really talk like that?

The dumbest scene is how rude Agnes and Lydie are to a doctor.  Frustratingly, he doesn't throw them out and/or tell them to fuck off.

Poster is explained by Agnes finding Olga the cat, used for emotional support.

Cinematic toothache ends by Lydie returning a year later with her wife Fran and baby Jane, with Agnes warning infant that 'bad stuff just happens'.

Finally, Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita is referenced, with one of Agnes's students labelling subject matter 'disgusting'.  On a much grander scale, classic piece of literature is a primary component throughout American Beauty.

Look closer...

Alien: Earth - Episode 3

Metamorphosis

Written by Noah Hawley and Bob Delaurentis

Directed by Dana Gonzales

Kavalier orders Kirsh to bring alien life forms back to Neverland Island for study.

Meanwhile, Wendy finds Hermit and they fight the xenomorph.  Wendy manages to kill monster, but both are seriously injured in the process.

Hermit goes under the knife, while the Sylvias look after Wendy.

In New Siam, Morrow contacts Slightly via the device he earlier embedded and convinces synth to be his friend.

Kirsh cuts open an egg, dissects a facehugger, removes larva and places it inside a tank which swims into a lung, presumably Hermit's removed during surgery.

En route to the laboratory, Wendy psychically intercepts alien signals and ultimately collapses.

Assessment

Plagued by idle chit chat, questionable acting and poor dialogue, latest was a chore.

Kavalier's face needs slapping and 'adults' saying dude and bro is really annoying.

Wendy using a small knife to decapitate xeno off-screen in a dark room was just dumb. 

Bioweapons are presumably imminent, so let's just hope shit improves next week, otherwise I will be more than Slightly annoyed.

The Number 28

In the right hands, you can make anything interesting.

28 is the sum of all its divisors (except the number itself).  Specifically, 1 + 2 + 4 + 7 + 14 = 28.  It's also a 'happy number', meaning when you repeatedly add the squares of its digits, you eventually reach 1 (2^2 + 8^2 = 4 + 64 = 68, 6^2 + 8^2 = 36 + 64 = 100, 1^2 + 0^2 + 0^2 = 1).

February is the only month with 28 days (except during a leap year), there are 28 letters in the Arabic alphabet, Woodrow Wilson was the 28th US President and Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness is the 28th entry in the MCU.

28th century

Films

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets - 2740

Mutant Chronicles - 2707

Bill & Ted Face the Music - 2720

Video games

Marathon¹ (1994) - 2794

Xexyz - 2777

Privateer 2: The Darkening - 2790

Terminal Velocity - 2704

¹ntbcw upcoming 2025 entry of same name.

Dan Simmons' 1989 sci-fi novel Hyperion (the first in the Hyperion Cantos series), is set in 2732.

Miscellany

Left 4 Dead
The fourth part of first campaign No Mercy is The Hospital.
To reach Rooftop Finale, a lift must be called which terminates on Floor 28.

Cabin 28

The Life and Times of Savior 28
Over the course of decades, titular superhero S-28 renounces violence.

28 Days

28 Days - 28 Days

Units of time

Mindset will soon become clear.

The Bed Sitting Room (1969)

Absurdist satirical black comedy is set in London, on the third or fourth anniversary of a nuclear war that lasted two minutes and 28 seconds.

La Jetée (1962)

Chris Marker's b/w short runs for 28 minutes and is constructed almost entirely from still photographs, telling a story of a post-nuclear war experiment in time travel.

Terry Gilliam's 12 Monkeys and TV series of same name lifted several concepts from featurette.

My Dead Girlfriend (2006)

Opening text:

"The course of true love never did run smooth."

A Midsummer Night's Dream.

"Shoot 'em in the head..."

Night of the Living Dead (1968).

28 HOURS LATER

28 Days Later (2002)

A laboratory in Cambridge housing highly aggressive chimpanzees infected with a virus dubbed 'Rage' is infiltrated by animal rights activists.  When one such member frees one of their 'torture victims', test subject attacks her and succumbs to the virus, triggering a societal collapse.

Standalone sequel 28 Weeks Later was released in 2007.

Last Rites (2006), aka Gangs of the Dead and City of the Dead was later released in the UK as 48 Weeks Later.

Can't think why?

Ha ha ha.

28 Months After (2012)

Heed my advice. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME.

28 Months Later never came to fruition, but 28 Years Later is a direct sequel to Days.

The madness continues and/or ends in January 2026 with The Bone Temple.

Final flourish

Windjammers was released for the Neo Geo in 1994.

Guess what?

Dotemu developed and published sequel for the Switch, PS4 etc in 2022.

Tron (1982) was one of the first films to use substantial CGI.

Its first sequel was Tron 2.0 (2003), but Tron: Legacy (2010) decanonized events, relegating video game to an alternate continuity.

By the way, 2010 - 1982 = 28.

(Ahem).

One more.

Outbreak (1995)

Film begins in 1967, then jumps 28 years to 1995.

WOW!