The Strangers: Chapter 2 - The scoop and digest

Renny Harlin and writing duo Alan R. Cohen and Alan Freedland return for what is overall the fourth instalment.

Madelaine Petsch - Maya

Gabriel Basso - Gregory

Rachel Shenton - Debbie

Matúš Lajčák - Scarecrow

Olivia Kreutzova - Dollface

Letizia Fabbri - Pin-Up Girl

Summary

Introductory text states:

In 2023, over 1670 people in the United States were murdered by strangers.

They were chosen at random.

Film begins in 2021, with Carol's diner waitress Shelly meeting a man called Frank.  Later that night, she knocks on his motel room door and asks if Tamara is home.  Shelly, Dollface and Scarecrow kill him in the woods.

Jumping to the present, Maya is recovering in hospital and to cover up town's murderous history, the police call bullshit on her story.

Titular antagonists return to finish what they started. 

Mid-credits

Not really, but whatever.

Makeshift trailer provides some details of what to expect in Chapter 3, including Maya potentially joining the strangers.

Of course, this is probably a red herring.

Because you're here (again)

90m chase sequence was tedious, but a slight improvement over the first.

Pin-Up Girl (Carol's Diner waitress Shelly) is briefly given an origin story.  At school, she battered a girl called Tamara to death with a rock, explaining why she asked for her in Chapter 1.  Scarecrow is also present, and helps her draw a smiley face in Tamara's blood.

For the record, Dollface in The Strangers also asked James and Kristen for Tamara.  I get that Chapter 1 remade 2008 original, but as this is a different trio of masked psychopaths, using the same name twice makes absolutely no sense.

Anyway, some really dumb stuff happens.

Maya hides inside a mortuary cabinet with dead boyfriend Ryan inside.

Handle is only on the outside, yet she magically pushes door open when it's locked.

About halfway through, Scarecrow releases an animal from a locked barn and Maya is almost 'boared' to death.

Just... WHAT?

Making things even worse, CG is pretty terrible

Maya stabs Pin-Up Girl in the head with a pair of scissors.  I'm sorry, but she'd be dead, plain and fucking simple.  But no, she survives.

But only temporarily, as she dies after the ambulance flips.

As Scarecrow and Doll Face mourn her death, Maya watches in the distance.

Can saga end on a maximum high?

All will be revealed next year.

One Battle After Another - The scoop and digest

The latest written, produced and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson is inspired by Thomas Pynchon's 1990 novel Vineland.

As a reminder, geezer previously adapted author's Inherent Vice (without changing title). 

Leonardo DiCaprio - Bob Ferguson/Ghetto Pat

Sean Penn - Colonel Steven J. Lockjaw

Benicio del Toro - Sergio St. Carlos

Teyana Taylor - Perfidia Beverly Hills

Chase Infiniti - Willa Ferguson/Baby Charlene

Paul Grimstad - Howard Sommerville/Gringo Coyote

Summary

Members of far-left revolutionary group the French 75, Pat and his partner Perfidia (meaning betrayal), break out illegals from the Otay Mesa Immigration Detention Centre in California.

What they believe is clear:

"Free borders, free bodies, free choices and free from fucking fear!"

I wouldn't be at all surprised if this becomes an actual thing.

After foiling Perfidia planting a bomb, Captain Steven Lockjaw lets her go in exchange for ooh la la at a motel.

The result is Charlene, but Pat fails to persuade Perfidia to embrace family life, so abandons them.

During a botched bank job, Lockjaw captures Perfidia and she avoids doing bird by giving up the French 75 and enters witness protection.

On the run, Pat and Charlene go under the assumed names of Bob and Willa Ferguson respectively.

16 years later, the relationship between an alcohol and drug-dependent Bob and Willa is strained, mainly due to his over-protective nature.

For anti-illegal alien efforts, Lockjaw is promoted to Colonel and joins powerful white supremacist group the Christmas Adventurers, to hunt and take down Bob and Willa.

Snap, crackle, pop

Knockabout political satire is loaded with action, chaos and twists, and a strong candidate for film of the year.

At over 2h 30, running time was initially concerning, but shit simply flew by.

Ever present but never intrusive, Jonny Greenwood's suspenseful score of strings and piano deserves an Oscar.

Chase Infiniti is a revelation, and for those not aware, she's named after Chase Meridian (Nicole Kidman in Batman Forever) and Buzz Lightyear's catchphrase "To infinity and beyond!" from Toy Story.

You can understand the decision to 'misspell' surname.

Ironic humour is served in spades, particularly Jordan Belfort's hilarious temper tantrum at not being able to remember the answer to code speak "What time is it?"

Sporting a spectacularly ridiculous blonde quiff, Penn is also excellent, with sexually charged lunatic eventually gassed and incinerated.

Oh, Sisters of the Brave Beaver is the greatest name for a rendezvous point... EVER.

Alien: Earth - Season 1

For full opinion, please browse post history between August-September.

Episode 1 - Neverland

Written and directed by Noah Hawley

2120.

Weyland-Yutani deep space research vessel the USCSS "Maginot" has brought back alien specimens on a mission that took 65 years.

Crew awakes from cryosleep and among them is tough cyborg security officer Morrow (Babou Ceesay).

Prodigy "Neverland" Research Island.

The consciousness of sick 12-year-old girl Marcy is transferred to an adult robot and becomes the first Hybrid, naming herself Wendy (Sydney Chandler).

Five other children arrive (Slightly, Curly, Nibs, Smee and Tootles), who undergo the same procedure.

Back on the Maginot, specimens are loose and an adult xenomorph goes on a rampage. 

In New Siam, ship crashes into a tower.

While marines and Marcy's older brother Hermit (Alex Lawther) search the wreckage, Morrow alerts MU-TH-UR of their presence.

Peter Pan-obsessed Boy Kavalier (Samuel Blenkin) deploys Wendy, Kirsh (Timothy Olyphant) and The Lost Boys to retrieve Maginot's cargo.

Episode 2 - Mr. October

Written by Noah Hawley and directed by Dana Gonzales

Prodigy "Neverland"

Research Island

Kavalier tells his colleague Dame Sylvia that he plans to make Wendy smarter than him, so he can finally have an 'interesting fucking conversation'.

Yutani contacts Kavalier, demanding ship's cargo.

Wendy meets Hermit and reveals she's really Marcy in another body.

They stumble across inanimate eggs and following the xeno forcing Hermit into an area below, Wendy gives chase.

Episode 3 - Metamorphosis

Written by Noah Hawley and Bob Delaurentis

Directed by Dana Gonzales

Kavalier orders Kirsh to bring alien life forms back to Neverland Island for study.

Meanwhile, Wendy finds Hermit and they fight the xenomorph.  Wendy manages to kill monster, but both are seriously injured in the process.

Hermit goes under the knife, while the Sylvias look after Wendy.

In New Siam, Morrow contacts Slightly via the device he earlier embedded and convinces synth to be his friend.

Kirsh cuts open an egg, dissects a facehugger, removes larva and places it inside a tank which swims into a lung, presumably Hermit's removed during surgery.

En route to the laboratory, Wendy psychically intercepts alien signals and ultimately collapses.

Episode 4 - Observation

Written by Noah Hawley and Bobak Esfarjani

Directed by Ugla Hauksdóttir

Wendy reveals she is able to mimic the xenomorph's language, the equivalent of insects chirring.

Morrow (first name Kumi) convinces Slightly (actual name Aarush Singh) to steal back the eggs so he can return them to Weyland-Yutani.

Nibs bizarrely decides she's pregnant, and becomes hostile when Dame Sylvia doubts impossibility.

During idle chit chat with the Five, three other corporations are mentioned - Threshold, Dynamic and Lynch.

Slightly fails to complete his mission and Morrow reveals he used 'friend's' real name to track down and threaten his family, forcing Slightly to find someone and lead them to an egg. 

Wendy observes the lung (that wasn't Hermit's) containing facehugger larva, which has since matured into a chestburster.  She communicates with organism, petting it like a dog.

I'm just disappointed that creature didn't start singing Hello! Ma Baby.

Episode 5 - In Space, No One...

Written and directed by Noah Hawley

Flashback episode plays out what happened aboard the Maginot, 17 days before colliding with Earth.

A saboteur (Petrovitch) purposely causes a containment breach, releasing two facehuggers, which latch onto Bronski and Captain Dinsdale.

Yes they all die, (apart from Morrow of course), but here's cannon fodder in full.

Clem, Zaveri, Rahim, Chibuzo, Teng, Malachite and Shmuel.

Blood leech and everybody's new favourite alien T. Ocellus escape and cause mischief.

Xenomorph belatedly appears and kills Teng.

Morrow murders Petrovitch with his arm blade, like the fucking T-1000.

After xeno kills Zaveri outside MU-TH-UR room, Morrow awaits to crash on New Siam.

Back in the present, Morrow meets Yutani and vows to kill Kavalier.

Episode 6 - The Fly

Written by Noah Hawley and Lisa Long

Directed by Ugla Hauksdóttir

As Wendy continues to communicate with the xenomorph (which is a now a teenager I guess), Atom Eins sacks Arthur when he refuses to reset Nibs, but Dame Sylvia reluctantly carries out his orders.

Yutani agrees to pay Kavalier 20 billion for the alien specimens, which will only be delivered after legal quarantine ends.

Kirsh contacts Tootles, telling him to feed and water the creatures.

Once inside the lab, he overrides door locking system, enters a room and face is destroyed by acid-spitting bugs.

Slightly leads Arthur to the lab, where an egg hatches and a facehugger impregnates him, theoretically stopping Morrow from killing his family.

As chaos builds, Slightly hides inside a vent, taking Arthur's body with him.

Episode 7 - Emergence

Written by Noah Hawley and Maria Melnik

Directed by Dana Gonzales

Previous episode ended inside a vent, but Slightly has since hidden Arthur under his bed.

Guess rooms are conveniently connected?

Disgusted at Kavalier dismissing Tootles' death as an 'accident', Wendy convinces Nibs to leave the island with her and Hermit.  In retaliation, Wendy hacks the lab and releases the xeno, which escapes into the forest.

Kirsh finds Slightly and Smee carrying Arthur, and assists them to the beach.

Arthur gives 'birth', and Morrow takes them captive.

Wendy, Hermit and Nibs are held at gunpoint by Yutani soldiers, but Wendy commands the xeno to attack.

Kirsh captures the chestburster and grounds Slightly and Smee for being naughty.

Wendy reaches the boat, but after Nibs kills a soldier, Hermit incapacitates her, as the xeno watches in the distance.

Episode 8 - The Real Monsters

Written by Noah Hawley and Migizi Pensoneau

Directed by Dana Gonzales

Wendy and co are in a cell, separated from Hermit and Morrow.

Kavalier reveals he built a Synth as a child and used creation to kill his abusive father.

Wendy unlocks the cell and Kavalier flees.

Smee and Slightly enter a lab and subdue Kirsh and Morrow.

Atom lures Hermit to Kavalier's room where the Ocellus is loose.  Wendy arrives and paralyzes Atom (confirmed to be a mechanical), and the Ocellus escapes to the beach, reanimating Arthur's corpse.

As Yutani forces approach the island, the Synths have imprisoned Kavalier, Dame Sylvia etc and with Wendy's pet in close attendance, she declares "Now, we rule."

Alien: Earth - Episode 8

The Real Monsters

Written by Noah Hawley and Migizi Pensoneau

Directed by Dana Gonzales

Wendy and co are in a cell, separated from Hermit and Morrow.

Kavalier reveals he built a Synth as a child and used creation to kill his abusive father.

Wendy unlocks the cell and Kavalier flees.

Smee and Slightly enter a lab and subdue Kirsh and Morrow.

Atom lures Hermit to Kavalier's room where the Ocellus is loose.  Wendy arrives and paralyzes Atom (confirmed to be a mechanical), and the Ocellus escapes to the beach, reanimating Arthur's corpse.

As Yutani forces approach the island, the Synths have imprisoned Kavalier, Dame Sylvia etc and with Wendy's pet in close attendance, she declares "Now, we rule."

Assessment

A soul-destroying end to one of the worst fucking things I've ever seen.

Congratulations Disney.  Seriously, awesome work.

The writing, characters, decision-making, xenomorph, just absolute HORSESHIT.

And yeah, I'm talking about the whole series.

Alien³ and Alien: Resurrection, all is forgiven.

Will a second season be greenlit?

Don't know and don't care.

HIM (2025) - The scoop and digest

Produced under Jordan Peele's Monkeypaw banner and unrelated to 2016 miniseries of same name, Justin Tipping directs and co-writes sports-themed horror with Skip Bronkie and Zack Akers.

Marlon Wayans - Isaiah White

Tyriq Withers - Cameron "Cam" Cade

Julia Fox - Elsie White

Tim Heidecker - Tom

Don Benjamin - Cam Sr.

Jim Jeffries - Marco

Summary

A young Cameron Cade watches the San Antonio Saviors win the 67th USFF Championship, but his idol Isaiah White is badly injured in the process.

Fourteen years later, Cam is the next big thing.

One night while training alone, he's knocked unconscious by a person in a goat costume.

He takes a call from his agent Tom who reveals that Isaiah is planning retirement, and wants to train him at his isolated desert compound.

When Cam arrives, Isaiah confiscates his cell phone and lists the rules:

"No phone calls, no porn, no OnlyFans, just football."

Well that sucks.

Isaiah puts Cam through various challenges and on-site doctor Marco secretly injects him with a mysterious liquid, which Cam believes to be a type of performance enhancing drug.

As time goes by, Cam realises host's motives are anything but benign.

Gift from the Gods

An interesting concept is butchered by piss poor execution.

Film spans six Days:

Fun, Poise, Leadership, Resilience, Vision and Sacrifice.

Apart from curious dialogue, rubbish music and bizarre acting, we're also bombarded with crazy filters, smacking of Plumbers Don't Wear Ties.

Oh sorry my bad, this actually fucking moves.

Here's the preposterous climax.

Isaiah is part of a blood lineage which manufacturers G.O.A.T. players.  As there can be only one (insert Highlander reference here), they fight to the death and Cam bludgeons Isaiah with a helmet.

Cam enters a football field, where animal masks present a contract for him to sign.  He refuses, and murders everybody except Tom, who is dragged to a pentagram and blown up by an unseen force.

HA HA HA!

A bloodied Cam nonchalantly walks past cheerleaders and into the desert.

Following critical acclaim, HER is already in active development.

Only kidding guys.

Night of the Reaper - The scoop and digest

Co-written with brother Ryan, Brandon Christensen directs latest Shudder exclusive.

Jessica Clement - Deena

Ryan Robbins - Sheriff Rodney Arnold

Summer H. Howell - Emily Goulding

Keegan Connor Tracy - Elizabeth Talbot

Matty Finochio - Officer Butch Cassidy

Max Christensen - Max

Ben Cockell - Chad

David Feehan - The Reaper

Bryn Samuel - Willis

Savannah Miller - Haddie

Summary

Emily Goulding is babysitting Mark and his sister Marina.  She soon finds creepy notes placed on teddy bears around the house and realises she's been stalked.  Emily is killed by a masked figure, with event recorded to boot.

At some point later, Deena returns to Reedy Creek, where sleepy town is preparing to celebrate Halloween.

Sheriff Rodney Arnold and Officer Butch Cassidy (seriously) are sent Sinister-style snuff tapes entitled The Camper and The Babysitter, of a boy called Connor and Emily being killed respectively.

As the mystery of the killer's identity deepens, Deena and Arnold find themselves embroiled in personal tragedy and family trauma.

Fear does unpredictable things

A thrilling opening sequence teases something special, but that's as good as whodunnit gets.

Unlike classic psychological horrors such as Black Christmas (1974) and When a Stranger Calls (1979), this was rather boring.

Apart from one exploding head (involving a mined walkie-talkie), gore takes a back seat.

While never stated, meat is set at least in 1987, as confirmed by a poster of Robocop inside a drug store.  Among the fake VHS tapes is Superhost (2021), another of Brandon Christensen's films.

Clement puts in a commanding shift, retro setting is inspired, and Max (director's real-life son) smashing Centipede on an Atari 2600 raised a smile.

Like so many others in recent times, killer (forest services officer Elizabeth) is assisted by her accomplice and cameraman Chad.

Why did Elizabeth kill Deena's sister Emily? She replies "Why not?"

Err, okay.

Suffice to say, Deena doesn't complete revenge mission and Arnold shoots antagonist dead.

Take a wild guess at which song is used for end credits?

If you said Blue Öyster Cult's (Don't Fear) The Reaper, a prize is on its way.

Monsters Untold: Diluted Hysteria

Welcome to a landscape forged in hell, grown from trauma and nurtured by hate.

Makeshift limbs

Dawn of Fear (2020)

Hollow¹ (2007)

¹ntbcw 2011 film of same name.

Shiki the Golden Lion - One Piece
Prosthetic legs are actually his swords Oto and Kogarashi.

The Suffering² (2004) and Ties That Bind³ (2005)
Slayers are able to scuttle about on walls and ceilings.

To quote back inserts.

²Character designs by Stan Winston Studios

³Creatures by Stan Winston

Mosquito - Frankenstein's Army (2013) vs Prisoner 639 - Tokyo Gore Police (2008)

Behind Ruka, Key Man's 'pet' has swapped swords for assault rifles.

On a lighter note.

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
Crow Fishers walk through the remains of the Green Place.

The Dark Crystal (1982)
The Gelflings ride Landstriders. 

Fornicus, Lord of Bondage and Pain

The most recognisable monster in The Cabin in the Woods (2011) has a fascinating story to tell.

Pose is reminiscent of the poster for Hellraiser (1987).

And this cheap knock off.

The Missionary - Silent Hill: Revelation (2012)

Monstrous form of Claudia Wolf is nothing like boss from Silent Hill 3.

Let's take a closer look at spherical orb.

Curt (Chris Hemsworth) gives his hands a workout.

Take away rotating metal rings, and you're left with:

Gravity Drive - Event Horizon (1997)

Which unofficially appeared in:

Silent Hill 4: The Room (2004)

Finally.

Extreme Ghostbusters - Deadliners (S1 E5) - September 1997
Crainiac (along with cohorts Corpuscle and Gristle) are based on the Cenobites.

Namely, Butterball (left) and Chatterer (right).

Did buzz saw haircut influence the design of Fornicus?

Anything's possible.

Science is Violence

Resident Evil Village (2021) vs Frankenstein's Army⁴ (2013)

⁴ntbcw the similarly sounding and unrelated film Army of Frankensteins (2014).

Heisenberg's Factory

Mechanically-modified test subjects are the result of the infestation of the Cadou parasite.

Soldat Zwei vs Burned Match Man

Soldat Panzer vs Crypt Monster

But the prize obviously goes to:

Sturm vs Propellerhead

Capcom is yet to comment.

I wonder why?

Some may claim boss is a nod to Air Man, who debuted in Mega Man 2 (1988), ntbcw with Mega Man II (1991) on Game Boy.

Robot does have a cooling fan embedded in its torso.

If that's their defence, then good fucking luck in court (if a case is ever brought of course).

Gatecrashing the party.

V/H/S/94 (September 2021)
Deranged scientist James Suhendra sedates a man, dubbing him Subject 98, who subsequently goes a murderous rampage.

More. More. More.

Gatling Goblin - Labyrinth (1986)

The Park (2015)

Mad God⁵ (2021)

⁵Film took over 30 years to make and prior to its release, stop-motion supremo Phil Tippett had a mental breakdown and was admitted to a psychiatric ward.

Disclaimer

All stop motion shot with Dragonframe

High-speed photography shot with the Red Raven

No doggies or kittycats were harmed making this picture

Shot on location in Berkeley, California 1987 - 2020

Miscellany

Rabid (2019) vs Sugarplum Fairy - TCITW

Here's another mouthy bastard.

Leviathan - Supernatural (debuted in S7, September 2011)

Killer Robot - TCITW vs Virus #4 (1993)

Comic was adapted into a film in 1999, which Jamie Lee Curtis called an "all time piece of shit".

There was also a novelisation and a tie-in video game Virus: It Is Aware (which had had practically nothing to do with cinematic counterpart).

Undercover Cops (1992)

Set in the same post-apocalyptic universe as In the Hunt, Air Duel and GunForce II, Irem's classic side-scrolling brawler spills visceral gore.

New York City, 2043.

City Sweepers (Zan, Matt and Rosa) are sent to take down insane scientist Dr. Crayborn and his army of eccentric cronies.

Most enemies are human, others not.

Gunpuncher aka Moguralian

Madca

Experiments are Frankenstein's Army-esque don't you think?

Viewpoint (1992)

Even today, graphics and superb hip hop soundtrack still kick serious ass.  The other thing I remember about 'Zaxxon on crack' is 74 meg Neo Geo AES cart costing £225 (equivalent to about £595 today).

Chicken feed, right?

Anyway, check out some bizarre similarities to Crab boss.

Virus #2 (1993)

It's like artist literally took a photograph.

And after destroying outer casing.

Key Man - Tokyo Gore Police

Exposed brains mounted on pseudo goggles?

HA HA HA!

For the record, Viewpoint 2064 was announced in 1999, but N64 sequel (with prototype clearly modelled on Star Fox) was ultimately cancelled.

Alien: Earth - Episode 7

Emergence

Written by Noah Hawley and Maria Melnik

Directed by Dana Gonzales

Previous episode ended inside a vent, but Slightly has since hidden Arthur under his bed.

Guess rooms are conveniently connected?

Disgusted at Kavalier dismissing Tootles' death as an 'accident', Wendy convinces Nibs to leave the island with her and Hermit.  In retaliation, Wendy hacks the lab and releases the xeno, which escapes into the forest.

Kirsh finds Slightly and Smee carrying Arthur, and assists them to the beach.

Arthur gives 'birth', and Morrow takes them captive.

Wendy, Hermit and Nibs are held at gunpoint by Yutani soldiers, but Wendy commands the xeno to attack.

Kirsh captures the chestburster and grounds Slightly and Smee for being naughty.

Wendy reaches the boat, but after Nibs kills a soldier, Hermit incapacitates her, as the xeno watches in the distance.

Assessment

More pain. More BULLSHIT.

Why after leaving Arthur, did facehugger jump in a tree? Then for no reason, Arthur teleports, without facial scarring.

Also, where did raft come from?

Remember when perfect organism's structural perfection was matched only by its hostility?

I sure do.

But now, monster is a joke, Wendy's dog no less.  And why have it running about in broad daylight?

"Hide and follow."

More appropriately - FUCK and YOU.

Oh, I'm fully aware that a derivative of 'pets' was explored in four-piece comic series Aliens: Rogue (April-July 1993), but that's literally another story.

The Long Walk - The scoop and digest

Although published five years after Carrie in 1979, Stephen King's first novel (under the pseudonym of Richard Bachman) was conceived during 1966-67.

Project has been attached to numerous directors, including Frank Darabont, André Øvredal and the legendary George A. Romero.

What came to fruition is written by JT Mollner, scored by The Lumineers co-founder Jeremiah Fraites and directed by Francis Lawrence, ironically of The Hunger Games fame.

Cooper Hoffman - Ray Garraty (#47)

David Jonsson - Peter McVries (#23)

Garrett Wareing - Billy Stebbins (#38)

Tut Nyuot - Arthur Baker (#6)

Charlie Plummer - Gary Barkovitch (#5)

Ben Wang - Hank Olson (#46)

Joshua Odjick - Collie Parker (#48)

Mark Hamill - The Major

Judy Greer - Ginnie Garraty

Summary

A wall of text confirms Mr. Raymond Garraty's voluntary submission to participate in the Long Walk was accepted through lottery.

Unimaginable riches and a single wish await the winner.

On May 1st, shortly before 8am, Ray's mother Ginnie bids son an emotional farewell.

He meets Peter McVries, Billy Stebbins, Hank Olson, Arthur Baker and "Curly" Adam White, amongst other teenagers making up the fifty.

The Major assigns numbers and explains the rules.

Walk until there's one left.

Maintain a speed of 3 mph.

Whoever falls below gets a warning and has 10 seconds to get back on track.

After three warnings, you get your 'ticket'.

A warning is erased after one hour at speed, and so forth.

If you step off the pavement, ticket will be issued immediately.

We also learn people can't take breaks, sleep or use the toilet.

Yeah, you must literally piss and shit on the go.

Forget about turning hardship into hope, scarcity into abundance and division into solidarity, the real question is - who's ready to fucking win?

Every moment matters

Life-or-death ordeal can be an uncomfortable watch, but Hoffman and Jonsson add plenty of heart to what is essentially a cinematic walking simulator.

Soldiers show no mercy and shoot dead who don't comply.

Film spans five days over 331 miles.

Depending on age, fitness and terrain, the average person walks at 3 mph, taking about 20 minutes to complete a mile.

So on fingers and thumbs, unofficial finishing line is reached after 110.3 hours.

Primary changes include:

1. 50 walkers, not 100. 

2. Walking speed is reduced from 4 mph (at the request of King himself).

3. Warnings are 10s rather than 30s, which makes total sense.

4. Ray doesn't have a girlfriend.

5. Hank's death is watered down.

6. Peter is more likable.

7. Scramm is omitted.

Ending

Billy allows himself to be killed and Ray is executed by the Major, declaring Peter the winner.  After requesting a carbine as his wish, Peter kills the Major for Ray.

In source material, Peter dies peacefully, Billy has some kind of panic attack, Ray wins and the Major survives.

Most controversially, the novel's 'dark figure' is removed.

They dropped a bollock there.

Alien: Earth - Episode 6

The Fly

Written by Noah Hawley and Lisa Long

Directed by Ugla Hauksdóttir

As Wendy continues to communicate with the xenomorph (which is a now a teenager I guess), Atom Eins sacks Arthur when he refuses to reset Nibs, but Dame Sylvia reluctantly carries out his orders.

Yutani agrees to pay Kavalier 20 billion for the alien specimens, which will only be delivered after legal quarantine ends.

Kirsh contacts Tootles, telling him to feed and water the creatures.

Once inside the lab, he overrides door locking system, enters a room and gets face destroyed by acid-spitting bugs.

Slightly leads Arthur to the lab, where an egg hatches and a facehugger impregnates him, theoretically stopping Morrow from killing his family.

As chaos builds, Slightly hides inside a vent, taking Arthur's body with him.

Assessment

Absolute fucking garbage.

Tootles' stupidity and complete disregard for danger pissed me off so much, I nearly put my through foot through the TV.

On the plus side, only two episodes remain.

And that is the only reason I'm braving shit out.

The Toxic Avenger (2025) - The scoop and digest

First screened at festivals in 2023, writer-director Macon Blair remakes trashy 1984 original.

Peter Dinklage - Winston Gooze/The Toxic Avenger

Jacob Tremblay - Wade

Kevin Bacon - Bob Garbinger

Elijah Wood - Fritz Garbinger

Taylour Paige - J.J. Doherty

Julia Davis - Kissy Sturnevan

Julian Kostov - Budd Berserk

Additionally, Luisa Guerreiro plays Toxie's suit performer.

Graphic novel (the official Tox-spansion of the movie) and Adam Cesare's novelization are out now.

Summary

Film is set in St. Roma's Village (a play on Tromaville, as 'S' is purposely faded out).

J.J. Doherty, an employee of corrupt pharmaceutical company BTH (Body Talk Health) leaks secret information to investigative reporter Mel Ferd (named after the original Toxic Avenger), but are attacked by The Killer Nutz, a psychopathic gang and popular rock group, who kill for the BTH.

Ferd is killed, but J.J. escapes, angering their manager Fritz Garbinger.

At the BTH, crooked CEO Bob "Mr. Five Inches" Garbinger and assistant Kissy are flapping about financial woes, with the former also owing money to gangster Thad Barkabus.  When Bob's younger brother Fritz tells him that J.J. escaped, Bob demands that she be killed.

Winston Gooze is struggling to support his stepson Wade and learns he has 'gas on the brain'.

In desperation, Winston begs Bob to help him buy medication, but Kissy locks him out of fundraising gala.

When J.J. arrives in an alley, the Nutz kill Winston instead of whistleblower.

They dump his body in a vat of toxic sludge, transforming him into a deformed mutant.

Possessing superhuman strength and armed with a glowing mop, 'Toxie' begins serving radioactive justice, escalated by Bob ordering the Nutz to kidnap Wade.

Post-credits

Kissy (who earlier mutated after guzzling the dregs of Bob's elixir) is revealed to have survived explosion, albeit badly burned.  We then cut to Winston demonstrating how to make the best cheese sandwich.

Find out what hurts

Looking for something dumb and extremely good fun? Then look no further boys and girls.

The sleaze may have gone, but gratuitous gore is delivered in spades.

Unlike his predecessor (Pat Ryan Jr.'s Mayor Peter Belgoody), Bacon's campy villain is an absolute hoot.  He even does his best impression of Gary Oldman, as instead of screaming "EVERYONE!", he stands to lose "EVERYTHING!" 

After capturing Winston, Bob extracts his blood, hoping to inherit strength and giant penis, but foolishly drinks untested cocktail, becoming a horny werewolf-esque beast.

Bastard's goose is eventually cooked (or rather blended) inside the bonnet of a car, spraying onlookers with copious amounts of blood.

Principle reminded me of Gremlins, as one such creature is comically mulched inside a food mixer. 

The Conjuring: Last Rites - The scoop and digest

Set up by the mid-credits scene in The Nun II (that used footage cut from previous entry The Devil Made Me Do It), what is reportedly the last entry in long-running franchise is written by Ian Goldberg, Richard Naing and David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrick and directed by series veteran Michael Chaves.

The Smurl case was first dramatized in 1991 TV movie The Haunted, starring Stephen Markle and Diane Baker as Ed and Lorraine respectively.

For shiggles, an unrelated film of same name was released in 2018.

Vera Farmiga - Lorraine Warren

Patrick Wilson - Ed Warren

Mia Tomlinson - Judy Warren

Ben Hardy - Tony

Rebecca Calder - Janet Smurl

Elliot Cowan - Jack Smurl

Kila Lord Cassidy - Heather Smurl

Beau Gadsdon - Dawn Smurl

Summary

In April 1964, Ed and a pregnant Lorraine are investigating an antique mirror at a curio shop.  Upon touching it, the mirror cracks and seemingly awakens a demonic entity, causing Lorraine to go into labour.

At the hospital, she gives birth to Judy who is initially stillborn, but survives.

1986.

West Pittston, Pennsylvania.

For her confirmation ceremony, Heather Smurl is gifted the same mirror from 22 years prior.

A series of paranormal events occur, prompting Heather and her sister Dawn to get rid.

When object is crushed inside a garbage truck the following morning, Dawn violently vomits blood and pulls a shard of glass from her mouth.

After Father Gordon dies, Judy has a vision, leading her to the Smurl house.

The Warrens show up to save the day.

Post-credits

As Judy marries Tony, among the guests are people from the Warrens' past cases, including Carolyn Perron (Lili Taylor), Janet Hodgson (Madison Wolfe) and David Glatzel (Julian Hilliard).

Lucy Locket lost her pocket

Low expectations were met, and then some.

Nothing really happens until the final 20 minutes, leaving us to endure a desperately drab family drama.

Unnamed demon subjugates three spirits to torment the Warrens and Smurls.

A grinning hag, her volatile daughter and an axe-wielding hillbilly, who murdered both in the house when he discovered his wife was having an affair.

Although manifestations of the demon appear (such as a giant Annabelle and the darkness which kills Father Gordon), we never see its true self.

Judy witnesses an apparition of Annabelle sitting in a rocking chair, freaking her out.  However, an engagement ring from Tony instantly erases such trauma.

Her reaction is just stupid.

During last knockings, a possessed Judy does some Carrie shit and throws the Smurl dog against a wall.

Trust me, it's unintentionally hilarious.

Using the power of love (a force from above), the Warrens vigorously chant prayers, shattering the mirror and destroying the demon.

If this really is the end, series bows out with a whimper.

Primitive War - The scoop and digest

Based on Ethan Pettus's 2017 self-published debut novel of same name, Luke Sparke co-writes and directs 'Platoon with dinosaurs'.

Ryan Kwanten - Sgt. Ryan Baker

Tricia Helfer - Sofia Wagner

Nick Wechsler - Eli Taylor

Jeremy Piven - Col. Jericho

Anthony Ingruber - Gerald Keyes

Carlos Sanson Jr. - Leon

Albert Mwangi - Miller

Jeremy Lindsay Taylor - Borodin

Summary

During the Vietnam War in 1968, a Green Beret platoon in a remote jungle are killed by unknown creatures.

In response, Colonel Jericho sends a recon unit known as the Vulture Squad to rescue the Green Berets, who were on a classified mission.

When airdropped into the valley, Sergeant Baker and his team of degenerates and fuck ups discover unusually sized bird footprints, feathers and a notebook, with the final entry stating 'We're being hunted!"

Meanwhile, a Soviet squad called the Dogs of War are tracking Baker's team, but most become a tasty meal.

Russian paleontologist Sofia rescues them and explains the dinosaurs were brought back by a science experiment masterminded by General Borodin, who using a particle collider, created wormholes through space and time, in an attempt to crush America.

Crazy bastard must be stopped, but everybody's on the menu

End of the world shit

B-movie takes itself too seriously and is at least 30m too long, but still way better than I expected.

Unlike the Jurassic Park/World franchise, kills are gloriously gruesome, particularly when a Quetzalcoatlus casually disembowels a soldier with its beak.

As for prehistoric pests, CG is really impressive, and even if some types are just background noise, packs of Deinonychus and Utahraptors steal the show.

Towards the end, Borodin's soldiers kill an infant Tyrannosaurus, provoking the wrath of both parents to attack compound.  Action sequence is like a Dino Crisis cut scene on crack.

The collider is blown up by explosive charges, but many dinos have already left (including the T-rex family).

Of course second book could be given the same treatment, but that's in hope rather than expectation.

Alien: Earth - Episode 5

In Space, No One...

Written and directed by Noah Hawley

Flashback episode plays out what happened aboard the Maginot, 17 days before colliding with Earth.

Duration isn't random, and I'll reveal why later.

A saboteur (Petrovitch) purposely causes a containment breach, releasing two facehuggers, which latch onto Bronski and Captain Dinsdale.

Yes they all die, (apart from Morrow of course), but here's cannon fodder in full.

Clem, Zaveri, Rahim, Chibuzo, Teng, Malachite and Shmuel.

Blood leech and everybody's new favourite alien T. Ocellus escape and cause mischief.

Xenomorph belatedly appears and kills Teng.

Morrow murders Petrovitch with his arm blade, like the fucking T-1000.

After xeno kills Zaveri outside MU-TH-UR room, Morrow awaits to crash on New Siam.

Back in the present, Morrow meets Yutani and vows to kill Kavalier.

Assessment

Complete with hanging chains and forfeiture of shares, remake of Alien goes overboard with series references.

It would've been cool for somebody to tell us how and more importantly, where crew collected specimens, but that would be asking too much.

Xenocam is blatantly Alien³ and there's an unnecessary sex scene between Zaveri and Bronski, just like the awful Alien: Covenant.

Characters make dumb decisions and don't seem too concerned about perilous situation.

I have a question.  Why isn't monitor screen text reflected on Morrow's face?

(Sigh).

The last 20 minutes huffs and puffs, but fails to blow any houses down.

Aliens

First off, Morrow drops a cigar down a hole in burnt grating, recreating Hudson spitting.

Backstory reveals his daughter Estelle (played by real-life daughter Haddy) died on Mission Year 8 of 65 aged 19 from a house fire.

Hmmm, 65 - 8 = 57.  Ripley was in hypersleep for 57 years.

Ripley asks how long it will take for them to be rescued.

Hicks: 17 days.

Hudson then rains on everybody's parade by saying they're not gonna last 17 hours.

Coincidentally, in Alien, Brett initially says the Nostromo won't be functional for 17 hours.

Finally, as a funny quirk, Tanaka is portrayed by Byron Bishop.

Not bad, for a... human.

Caught Stealing - The scoop and digest

From a screenplay by Charlie Huston and based on his 2004 novel of same name (the first in the Henry Thompson series), crime thriller is scored by Ron Simonsen (recorded by Idles) and directed by Darren Aronofsky, in his first film since The Whale. 

Austin Butler - Henry "Hank" Thompson

Regina King - Detective Elise Roman

Zoë Kravitz - Yvonne

Matt Smith - Russell Miner

Liev Schreiber - Lipa Drucker

Vincent D'Onofrio - Shmully Drucker

Benito Martínez Ocasio - Colorado

Summary

1998

Lower East Side

4 in the morning...

New York City.

Former San Francisco Giants baseball player Henry "Hank" Thompson continues to be haunted by a drunken car crash which killed his fellow teammate Dale Williams.

After Hank's friend Russ (sporting a magnificent mohawk) leaves his cat Buddy before he departs for London to see his sick father, Russian mobsters Aleksei and Pavel viciously beat Hank up when he refuses to give up Russ's whereabouts, resulting in him losing a kidney.

We're told Russ is a drug dealer, connected to notorious Hasidic brothers Lipa and Shmully Drucker.

Hank finds a mysterious key hidden inside Buddy's litter tray, and his girlfriend Yvonne is subsequently shot dead off-screen.

When Hank confides in corrupt cop Dt. Elise Roman (who owes the Russians serious cash), a deadly struggle for survival in the criminal underworld begins.

Scary monsters

Considering director usually swims in the river of surreal psychological horror, this was a hugely enjoyable swerve.

Action and gunplay are complemented by some dark humour and great performances.

An interesting thing to note.

The combination to Paul's safe is 111564.  Whether intentional or not, November 15 1964 is the day after the St. Louis Cardinals beat the New York Yankees in the World Series.  Event is seen as a significant date in the history of baseball.

Story impressively twists and turns, with nobody really gaining the advantage until Hank at the end.

The Druckers gun down Roman and agree to give Hank a cut of the $4m for services rendered.

En route, Hank notices that Lipa has Vyonne's lighter, implying they killed her.  As he's the only one wearing a seatbelt, Hank purposely crashes at high speed, killing the brothers.

At some point later, Hank adopts Russ's identity and escapes to Tulum with half the loot.

Shortly after end credits roll, his mum (Laura Dern) receives the balance of cash darling son sent in a suitcase, amusingly exclaiming: "FUCK!"

Ignoring swear, ending is identical in principle to Trainspotting.