There is no point in covering this in my usual way because no shovel of any size is big enough or deserves to scoop this sorry mountain of the proverbial.
I've paid and sat through some shit in my tenure but Part III makes The Watch and The Sitter seem absolutely hilarious.
Oh my God, this is fucking horrendous.
I can only assume the reason behind Todd Phillips completely abandoning the whole 'waking up wondering what the fuck happened last night' concept is because he thought that people didn't want to relive the formula for a third time.
If this was the case, I can't begin to tell him how wrong he was.
Franchises such as Saw, Final Destination and Paranormal Activity all get away with repetition because each serving makes fans hungry for more.
This clearly demonstrates when change is not for the better and also that this was the result of a violent hangover.
Instead of Finding Nemo, we get Finding Chow and this road trip is a full on, humour phobia fest that nobody will ever want to experience again.
Feeding chickens with chicken and cocaine is apparently a joke?
There isn't really a clever or even funny sequence of events in the entire film as The Wolfpack almost seem embarrassed for all the wrong reasons.
It would also benefit Heather Graham and John Goodman to forget this quicker than it takes a bullet to leave the chamber of a gun when the trigger is properly pulled.
This is more backwards than a car that wants to be different and suffice to say, you'll require several drinks in the hope to blank out this remarkable failure.
I'm sure the giraffe decapitation has already become infamous as the animal was never going to duck.
Bad taste and The Farrelly Brothers go together like cheese and biscuits but this goes together like sugar and mustard.
When Alan meets his eventual wife in a pawn shop, a notice is spelled in the wrong context as 'checks'.
Even if this was deliberate, how can that be funny? During this scene, lollipop sucking is cringing and unnecessarily drawn out.
There's hardly anything to recommend but at least the opening credits scene features a parody of The Shawshank Redemption when Chow's escape hole is found by a prison guard.
Towards the end when Alan revisits the pawn shop, an Abbey Road reference is made when they and Doug 'cross the road'.
You wait for the cameo from Mike Tyson but you'll be waiting a long time...
Ironically, the definite highlight is along with Alan's wife and monkey, the gang do awake to the aftermath of carnage with Stu horrified to discover that he'll need to be measured up to determine his bra size...
Yeah, I actually laughed but as this is during the end credits, you could in theory miss the only bit worth watching.
Stu's unwanted moobs and how a still running motorbike crashed into the wall will never be explained but after this alternative torture, I don't want to know.
Does Alan need a love interest? No!
When handled correctly, fairly frequent profanity can be funny. Is this the case here? No!
Do I want my money back? No, but only if you can find a bear that doesn't shit in the woods.
Even without a crystal ball, I can already see the opinions scruffily slapped on the inevitable 'extended version - too rude and crude for cinemas' DVD and/or Blu Ray artwork.
"Hysterical - the best is saved until last"
"Genuinely incredible - believe the hype"
"Comedy genius, it's a rip-roaring grin fest"
Hopes are now pinned that Seth Rogen, James Franco, Jonah Hill et al will somehow make This Is The End even funnier than Ted.
I know it can't and won't but being an optimist and all that...
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