Nukes and Knives™: Video game sleeve art comparison

What was the fantastic four becomes the famous five.

You know how this Royce rolls...

First off, we'll start with Pacific Rim in a different universe.

In the end, there can only be one... King of the Monsters.

Of course SNK were inspired by Godzilla, but did the assholes responsible really have to take this to extremes?

Captain America can fuck off.

Behold, the perfect example of imagination.

Did I like what the sequel brought?

How about... FUCK NO!

It's time to visit worlds that were almost forgotten.

As these are all pretty similar, they have enough personality to do Capcom's gem justice.

The other guy was nursing a hangover...

I've abandoned the vigilante tag because now I'm a bastard renegade.

Stock stereotypes ignited by a hero in flame equates to a clutch of bullshit.

The whore on the left and unfortunate on the right are outdone by the kick-happy prick in the middle.

As I note a contribution from Sammy, this forces a whole new Viewpoint.

Amateurish but acceptable, I suppose.

Playing the C64 version of Green Beret from all action compilation Live Ammo is a memory I'll never forget, as Army Moves, The Great Escape, Rambo: First Blood Part 2 and Top Gun completed the collection.

Enough of such pleasant reminiscences...

The border control reminds me of Pamela Anderson.

Nothing great but cartoon muscles aren't likely to offend.

The Two Towers or the Taj Mahal?
This gun provides no fun and makes me feel rather glum.

Tiger, tiger roaring dull on rocky terrain.
What lifeless hand or eye could suffer thy devastating imagery?

For anybody who's apparently had a shit day, please spare a thought for what the poor bastard in green must endure.

This improves matters by a countryside furlong.

Rastan swaps razor blade on a string for a mixture of steel and shit.

It looks like the dinosaur dragon thing has been given a hagfish for a tongue.

He-Balls, (wishes he had a pair).

He-Dick (indeed).

So we've had Sword, Axe, Sword, Sword, Axe.

It's almost like a password.

Although there are many others, I'm now focusing on Bydo's debut and sequel.

Some titles are worthy of more explanation but...

Unsurprisingly, iconic villain Dobkeratops dominates.

Since when did the legendary R-9 look like this? Ha Ha.

Yes, this captures a more appropriate look.

Although I've never really liked this, it's what most know and grew up with.

H.R. Giger's Alien is engulfed in some kind of intergalactic smog.

The R-9 returns but with the inclusion of an excellent looking Dobkeratops.

He's drab, he's brown and deserves a right royal frown.

Remember isometric action?
Nope, neither do I. Not even Dimensions enjoyed this perspective.

Similarly, details of destroying a demented viper with disastrous lip surgery also remains sketchy...

The weak point of Subatomic - up close and personal.

The writing has changed and this isn't R-Type II...

Without skating around the issue or beating around the bush, THIS IS BULLSHIT.

Everyone was filled with excitement at the prospect of space travel.
Er yeah. My head's in a shed.

No effort in the background department causes attribute clash.

Isn't it strange that most, but not all; attempted to add spice by using completely the wrong style of writing.

For instance, Super R-Type (Japanese) is correct but R-Type on MSX (also Japanese), decided against such authenticity.

Hey ho.

Born in the era of Hang On, Outrun and Afterburner, Space Harrier was a cabinet moving, blood pumping, adrenaline-fuelled classic. For a small charge in the wonderful world of Shenmue, video arcades allowed you to insert virtual coin and experience the good old days...

Great job, as this accurately recreates action and enemy.

Oops a fucking daisy.
Disjointed enemy and corny explosions are matched only by our hero's constipation.

The shit dial is cranked up a notch as only a fool would consider this cool.

Happy go lucky fire-breathing dragons aside, our man has adopted a curious mullet with dysfunctional pins.

The contents of my handkerchief after ejecting a naval monsoon admittedly isn't pleasant, but in comparison, paints a picture of paradise.

It's apparently therapeutic to have your body inconveniently blown apart as the dragon in red is delirious at such a sensation.

The opportunity to clamber from the plague pit of pestilence was declined...

Let's see if nausea persists with how Jordan Mechner's famous creation was interpreted.

The stare of hypnotic perversion is unnecessarily eerie.

Hmmm, which implement would inflict more pain on the guy grinning appalling arousal?
Claw hammer or chisel?
Ah, decisions decisions.

The chisel provided the perfect substitute to persuade the withdrawal of happiness...

It looks like the force wasn't with Luke Skywalker.

A splendid effort counters tumultuous tedium.

If this is a glorious day to jump, you can all kiss my delicious rump.

The Persian darkness encompasses the disdain of painful strokes.

With eccentric boss design and decent action, Toki is held in high regard.

What happens next?

This turns heads, rather than stomachs.

I sense a volcanic rage will imminently erupt.

Considering the quality usually associated with the Japanese, this is rather lame.

Despair sinks lower than a lizard's belly as we are given the fuck you finger.

Forcing the artist to inhale anal exhaust would begin to ease the pain of visual torture.

The original Shadow of the Beast (commonly known as Beast) is famed for bitplanes, an insane level of parallax scrolling, extensive copper colour reloading and a superb assortment of themes from David Whittaker.

The evils behind the visual and aural gloss is undoubtedly appalling gameplay, insane difficulty and general frustration.

Let's enjoy the work of fantasy supremo Roger Dean.

There is of course a but when it moved to console...

If any animal, vegetable or mineral confidently claims the protagonist was a demented wolfman, clouting the fucker with a baseball bat will bring immediate satisfaction.

While axes couldn't be swung, they at least could be thrown but in any case, your primary weapon was a ball and chain.

Despite picking the right tool for the job, this is of little consolation to protect ourselves from unnecessary flatulence.

Beast III was an Amiga exclusive so we can't be tortured further.

For me, Resident Evil has always been a pleasure in game and a 'guilty' pleasure in film.

Resident Evil 5 set the trend for a sad decline.

Let's have a look at the indescribably brilliant 2002 Gamecube remake and 4 Resident Evil.

I'm sorry, I can never get over such a ludicrous decision.

Even a tacky biohazard symbol would brighten up this steaming pile of horse doodoo.

When an actual screen scene is depicted for cover, fatal contagion detected.

Sticking a flesh guzzler with a dagger might be less stiff than cardboard.

Years later, The Bunnyman Massacre ripped this off...

Capcom's PS2 rehash was along the same lines but lacked the subtlety that made the original so great.

How bloody awful.

I agree that monochrome is more abstract but choosing not to use and palette swap the Gamecube art was a bad decision.

It's not perfect but this 60 fps renovation is the definitive version.
Nine years later, who actually cares?
In terms of cover quality, this runs the Gamecube mighty close.

I'll finish with the fear of blood tends to create fear for the flesh.