Hilariously BAD football video game cover art

"It's a funny old game" is a catchphrase associated with the late Jimmy Greaves.

But somehow, I don't think footballing legend was referring to video games though.

(Ahem).

Cult Games

Striker
Player isn't too bad, but crudity of faceless crowd demands all apologies.

British Super League
Despite single-handedly winning the inaugural BSL title, 'D & H' was consumed by stadium's evil and died a raving mad man.

Soccer 7
Why is stumpy in front of a shape happy vortex?
The same reason why drugs the don't work I suppose.

Soccer Star
While skating through green slime, geezer looked down at his right arm and wondered what he'd done wrong to be inflicted by such a gross deformity.

Pro Evolution Soccer

The rivalry with FIFA began after the release of International Superstar Soccer (1994).

Konami rebranded series to eFootball in 2020 and the less said about that the better.

Anyway.

Pro Evolution Soccer
Ah yes, non-descript blue guy racing towards the camera.
So classic, it's coin-operated.

Anonymous atrocity sponsored by Konami giving it large with generic fist pump.
Now we're talking stock.

Pro Evolution Soccer: PES 2009 - Wii
Lionel Messi, (lead singer of Argentina's worst boy band) faded into obscurity and decided a remote and nunchuk would give him the confidence to stare people in the eye again.
They did, but not for long though.

Miscellany

Goal!
I'd love to know who these guys are, but everything's a blur. 

European Football Champ
A peculiar stream of yellow bubbles (probably balloons) and an altercation between players presumably over somebody clutching his face on the pitch.
If geezer was really laid out, why is the referee only showing whoever a yellow?
Corruption is rife and this is brimming with shite.

Kick Off
I do question why red is flying and why white and blue has his hand around opponent's hip.
This is all a bit too physical for my liking.

Ultimate Soccer
At the end of his career, at least dude can say he took one for the team (in the face).

World Soccer
The fact that 'speedlines' are facing wrong way makes this Master System turd smell absolutely divine.

Soccer Boss
With a mouth wider than your average hippopotamus, titular boss accepted his destiny was behind glory holes.

Goal! Two
John Brady was an amateur player from London, living in Chicago at the time.
Booting fresh air with a pained expression is the price of fame I guess.

Track Suit Manager
Bobby Robson is blessed with real match tactics but guy in red was born an asshole and just grew bigger.

Professional Footballer
We all have demons, and keeper's face suggests he has more to exorcise than the Ars Goetia, and countless legions to boot. 

Advanced Soccer Simulator
I used to like blue, but not anymore.
Colour can FUCK off.

Football Manager 3
Frustrated by a poor decision, tracksuit stunned both sets of supporters by storming onto the pitch and embarking on a bloodthirsty rampage.
After evading police capture, he remains at large and his whereabouts are unknown.

Personal best

Street Cred' Football
Drunken Masters are trying to emulate Jackie Chan, but stiff bastards will go down in legend for very different reasons.

The Double
One minute he's topless, and the next, the same guy is wearing silverware as a fucking hat.
The lads taught him a lesson he'd never forget.

Five-a-Side Soccer
Phew just saved it!
Drat my last chance
Pardon me SKIID, but quotes from striker and defender make absolutely no fucking sense.

Club Football: The Manager
Synchronized gurning or regulated electrocution?
This dugout is reserved for the bold, the batshit and the brave.

Bundesliga Manager
Chairman: "Good morning asshole. I'm pleased to say that the board have terminated your contract with immediate effect and appointed an incontinent chimp to lead strategic operations. Lots of love and fuck my sister."
Blotter jotter: "Thanks for that. By the way, I drilled your cousin, that bitch of a wife and ate your hamster. Goodbye and good luck."

Multi-Player Soccer Manager
The fuzz are familiar with the long arm of the law. Unfortunately, whoever birthed this poor bastard took things too literally.

Football Frenzy
The manager of Grimesditch Rangers fantasizes about a stadium chanting "Here we go."
On the other hand, his battered team are praying "Let's go home."

Italy Soccer '90
They say that penalty takers give keepers 'the eyes'.
I can't my eyes off his, for different reasons.

Magnetic Soccer
Yay! My teeth are primed and ready to open the next bottle cap.

Soccer
Two jockeys battle to kick a ten-pin bowling ball.
Congratulations to the guy in red for defying all expectations.

Soccer Director
Doctor Frankenstein's Monster escaped creator's laboratory and masterminded club's relegation by chewing on a fat cigar.

Street Gang Football
The Warriors were cast out from Coney Island and the most feared street gang in the world shrunk like a slug sunbathing in salt.

Super Shot Soccer
Number 10 certainly has fire behind his right boot, with shot leaving geezer spinning in pain and despair.

All the turkey breast boys and girls.