Video game sleeve art comparison - Strike 4

Here's another commendable assortment of the well behaved, the naughty and the downright grotesque.

Only a chosen selection will feature as many formats selfishly refuse to change cover art.

Let's proceed before their asses throw a right hissy fit.

Hey pitcher, you are almost like that Mel Gibson film, The Man Without a Face.

There's not a lot you can do with baseball but this still has 'strike' written all over it. 

I didn't like what they did 'then' and I still don't like it 'now'.

Japanese SNES artwork always came vertical and the majority of which never deserved to be pushed off the tallest of cliffs.

Its American equivalent is surplus to requirements but designs can be infinitely worse.

The tagline is more dramatic than a Shakespearean love affair.
More to the point, do I like the artwork?  Well, not really.
Eugene Kettridge (Henry Czerny) says to Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) in the first big budget Mission: Impossible film "You want to shake hands with the devil, that's fine with me."
Yes, I think that's the nearest part quote you can associate with a game that's connected to anything and nothing.

Few could argue that the Lone Wolves never really came of age until their famous franchise became a Real Bout.  Let's look back on when cover art changed dramatically and like the first three games, brought a mixed bag of amusement...

This is acceptable but poor Andy, what the fuck did they to you?

Let me get this shit straight just in case I'm a bit fucked up but did they really believe that mentioning 'simultaneous two-player action' was a good marketing ploy as nobody told them that way before the evolution of man, the dinosaurs even knew about it.
Regardless of that, Joe, Andy and Terry are portrayed as a bunch of inept assholes.

Hey Tel, if you want your cap, get it your fucking self.
Rumour has it that Joe couldn't make it as he didn't want to be party to a Hurricane Upper of senseless bullshit.

Widescreen strips with less meat than a chicken nugget?  Most definitely.

It's an improvement but why is Mai more masculine than me?

This is actually a surprisingly decent effort with more coil than the average spring (rather like Joe's pair of pins).

Houston, we don't have a problem but this time, I question Kim's length of limb...

A super deformity always seems to work, no matter who or what's involved, which suggests a very accomplished style that's unlikely to go out of fashion.

The bilge is unrolled more regularly than wallpaper.

Until you saw this, I bet you all thought that Zangief was a famous Capcom creation?
Hold the motion.  Why the fuck does Bear now have BROWN hair?  If you have to check back for evidence, be my honoured guest.

Who's supposed to be the woman?  Joe vs Mai?  Joe wins.

I understand the transformation gesture but Tung Fu Rue has more goof than Eeyore. 

I've never wanted to slap Geese or Kim before but in this example, they deserve it, THEY REALLY FUCKING DO.

The final and a more decent example.
Terry has a bit more fight than his usual limp self and Mai, she feels like a woman (at last).

Before jogging on, I really do wish that Terry would make his bastard mind up about his cap. Fatal Fury or Neo Geo?  We all have to make difficult decisions in life and this is not one of them...

I am the Mega Man, I am plagued by the shoddy and shitty sacrilege.

Millions will know that as long as you don't judge a book by its cover, you'll do fine.

Things aren't going to get any better.  In fact, they're about to get a whole lot fucking worse.

Who or more appropriately, 'what' drew this?
It's almost as though the artist meant for the protagonist to display twisted agony and unparalleled discomfort.
Hey pal, just aim, and pull the fucking trigger you spineless wimp.

Hand me the blowtorch and pass a pair of pliers because a more practical use for such tools is stirring within, very strongly indeed.

This shit is so discourteous, it is happy to share the ignominy of not being able to shoot straight.  Although, that's the very least of its problems.

Fuck aiming to destroy in the traditional manner, go on my son, aim for the bollocks.  That goes some way to satisfying such mild-mannered perversity.

Well paint my canvas, I entertain with more punishment.

To be rare and fair, no immediate problems here, there or anywhere.

Hey, hey, hey.  Just in case you're more sober than a celibate judge, wrap your eyes around this sorry sack of shit and I'm sure reaching for a bottle of cheap rum isn't too far away.

Trust me my little furry friend, nothing compares to the embarrassment of starring alongside a ninja so stock, an oxo cube would sweat buckets.  Woof Woof?  How about shit shit?

Street Smart was a comparatively early SNK fighting experiment, and digitised graphics aside, Atari completely ripped the concept off with Pit Fighter.  Alpha Denshi Corporation's Aggressors of Dark Kombat, often abbreviated 'ADK' for an obvious pun on the company's initials, attempted to build on what went before.

Anyway, on with the show as although you may reach high, we are about to reach a new low.

The guy on the floor has some bad news.  Oh yeah, he's forced to feature and I can understand why throwing yourself through a window is a more practical alternative to suffering such bullshit.
What really twangs my tail is the artist wanted you to focus on the two losers who unfortunately dominate proceedings.  What the FUCK?

There's a handsome bucket outside that's about to feel the brunt of my nausea.

Not great or even good by any stretch, but at least I smell mediocrity.

Hey honey, don't flush the chain because I've found something even uglier than a turd...

Ho ho ho green giant and more Master System melancholy.
Taking a slice of chocolate gateau and covering it with tomato sauce was disgusting but now tastes delicious.

If you had to, what would you do?
Drink acid or hang this on your bedroom wall?
Fuck.  I hope your throat recovers quicker than it takes the Bullseye board to revolve.

I wish Bomb the Bass would drop a bomb, right on whoever's head...

Hmmm, at least this is capable of jumping through a hoop.

I have no idea what was smoked but hallucinating a demented 'fish' grinning unnerving optimism is surely worth dipping your toe into the fucked up pool.

This is unfortunately ruined not by arm and hammer, but arm and gun.

More 'Alien' inspiration and I suppose the lady in blue rides this appalling tsunami to induce incredible hatred and rage.

Although fairly chaotic, this fire provides a certain warmth.

Never mind about the horrors of war, this geezer is either pointing out that this is an arcade hit from Sega or there's a fucking helicopter.

I am not usually a vigilante but just for today, all that changes.

Oh yes old chap, I don't why but it is indeed amusing to be smacked in the chops by an asshole with an expression more graceless than a handicapped swan.

I deduce that lady pants was so embarrassed at the frequency of such spluttering, the gent (who happens to be carrying something sharp), kindly offered his hand to spice up catching another germ explosion.

Due to the enthusiasm and endeavour exuded by such rigidity, it's obligatory that a swift knee to the happy sack is about to connect.

Okay me hearties, don't follow me.  You bastards know I have earned the divine right for some beatdown action so take a number and get in line.

The last will blow greater any hurricane or whirlwind.

Carrie - The scoop and digest

Along with The Exorcist and The Omen, Carrie has long since cemented its place as being one of the landmark horrors of all time.

For anybody who remains curious, The Rage: Carrie 2 was predictably HORRENDOUS and deservedly a commercial failure.

Ignoring 2002 TV movie, Director Kimberly Peirce has some ‘balls’ in touching the untouchable.

Plot details and/or spoilers will be drenched in pig’s blood.

Mind over matter includes:

Chloe Grace Moretz – Carrie

Julianne Moore – Margaret

Judy Greer – Miss Desjardin

Gabriella Wilde – Sue

Portia Doubleday – Chris

Alex Russell – Billy

Ansel Elgort - Tommy

We begin at the White residence in 1995 as Margaret struggles with the agony of childbirth.

After conceiving, she grabs a pair of scissors but decides against killing the infant.

This is a miracle in more ways than one as there is no umbilical cord.

Eighteen years later...

Carrie is begrudgingly forced to involve herself in a game of water volleyball with a crowd including Chris Hargensen and Sue Snell.

When she fluffs her serve, Chris issues the famous line of “You eat shit.”

While showering, Carrie is confused and frightened as what turns out be her first period begins.  When asking for help, she’s told to ‘plug it up, plug it up’ and is cruelly showered with tampons.

Chris films the whole distressing affair on her smartphone.

Margaret is contacted by Miss Desjardin who takes Carrie home and locks her estranged daughter in a closet to pray for forgiveness as she believes going through puberty is a sin.

Hysterical and menstrual, the door suffers a splitting headache.

Desjardin scolds Chris and co for the ‘really shitty’ stunt they pulled by forcing the punishment of detention by exercise and for anybody who doesn't comply, is refused entry to the upcoming Prom.

Run bitches run.  Come on, keep those knees up.

While the others accept the chance to lose a few pounds, Chris decides to overturn the decision with an empty protest.

Hargensen is out of the Prom but this isn’t over, this isn’t over by a long shot.

Chris plots her revenge with Billy Nolan and uploads ‘Bloody Mary’ to the internet.

I’ve heard farts with more originality.

Meanwhile, Miss White practices the ability to move objects purely by the power of the mind.

With guilt nibbling away at her conscience, Sue asks boyfriend Tommy Ross to take Carrie to the Prom.

Desjardin is naturally suspicious but Sue and Tommy manage to convince that their intentions are honourable.

When Mummy doesn’t share her daughter’s elation of her special invite, she demonstrates that the mind can be deadlier than physical force...

Have you seen the little Piggies playing in the dirt?

No? The White Album and The Beatles should help...

Anyway, Chris and Billy smash some Babe and acquire enough blood meaning their diabolical plan is beyond the pail.

Have no fear; the night of the prom is here.

After final preparations, the sight of her dirty pillows are brought into question.

Margaret is given a dose of her own medicine as she becomes the victim of compressed space and early parole is not assured.

Amidst this spat between mother and daughter, Tommy has already arrived in a shiny limousine.  Suffice to say, Cinderella will go to the ball with her unexpected Prince Charming.

The climax should be flushed quicker than a drugs bust.

Prom results are rigged, the bucket is, albeit reluctantly pulled and guess who takes an early shower?

This time, funny bones are tickled when the video is transferred to the big screen.

Shortly after Tommy kicks the bucket, doors shut, the lights go off, the situation ignites and she ‘flies’.

What?  You have to be shitting me, right?

To quote Edward Woodward’s Sergeant Howie in cult horror The Wicker Man:

“O, God!  O, Jesus Christ!”

During the ‘excitement’, she ensures Desjardin lives.

In the aftermath, Carrie follows Billy and Chris as they flee in their automobile.

A stomp later sends a crack wider than a builder’s bum down the highway.

With no choice but to spin this crate around, they notice Carrie up ahead.  Chris gives the order to kill and Billy steps on it.

Telekinesis forces an emergency stop and Billy never gets the chance to claim compensation for whiplash.

Carrie toys with Chris before tossing the car into a petrol station.

Windscreen wins, head loses.  Just to make sure, Carrie turns up the heat.

Arriving home, she notices that her mother has escaped.

Cheer up baby girl; things are always better after a soak in the bath...

Margaret confronts her and strikes sharply, but is ‘prevented’ from delivering the killer blow as sharp objects are soon forcefully plunged into her body.

As the insane aggressor exhales her last breath, Sue appears and courtesy of the Ken Loach film Raining Stones, the house starts to crumble .  Through telepathy, she tells Sue ‘it’s a girl’ who then launches her to safety.

Sue recounts the tale in court and after leaving a flower at Carrie’s gravestone, granite cracks and we hear a scream from beyond the grave.

Oh, some stupid rock music plays to the credits.

My seat was quickly vacated and left the cinema bubbling with rage.

Let’s scrape the bottom of a decrepit barrel and find limited positives.

It must be appreciated that in terms of dialogue and scenes, much is lifted from the book.

Examples include acts of ‘intimacy’ between Tommy and Sue, Chris’s father and the ‘cancer’ of Carrie’s birth.

Just like the horror short, two buckets are better than one.

For some reason, De Palma renamed the teacher Collins instead of Desjardin, but the others remain.  The death of Margaret and Carrie were also radically different.

Understandably, this was left out but the ballot ends in a tie with sixty-three votes for Frank Grier and Jessica MacLean, and sixty-three votes for Thomas Ross and Carrie White.  They win in a run-off ballot.

As Peirce simmers the soup, she rings the changes but still lack the necessary clout of what went before.

Shortly after the shower scene, an ashtray isn't flipped but instead, a water bottle from a dispenser springs a leak.

The pig is sledged repeatedly by Billy and changed to a single blow from boyfriend Billy with Chris slitting its throat.

She smashes the mirror at home but here, it happens at school.

The boy teases ‘Crazy’ rather than ‘Creepy’ Carrie.

Reverting back to classic, Carrie kills Chris and Billy in a less protracted manner.

The control of the wheel is reversed and after seeing Carrie stagger in a hypnotic state, Chris hopes to scrape her off her front tyre but the vehicle is ‘forced’ to swerve and TK talent completes an explosive comeuppance.

It was a sensible decision as I'm sure the effect of throwing a car in 1976 was a bridge too far.

Putting literary comparison aside, this is a straight shoot out between what succeeds better as a film.

To sweep up any confusion, this piece of shit was a despairingly shambolic train wreck.

Chris is meant to be an unlikable bitch and unlike Nancy Allen, didn't come naturally for Doubleday as her performance at best, was amateurish.

Billy and Tommy fare no better and deliver fractious inconsistency.

Sue was fair to crap, the teacher made hard work of sympathy and while Julianne Moore is the pick of a haphazard bunch, she remains only an adequate replacement for Piper Laurie’s fanatical contribution.

What angers most is the titular char herself.

Gone is the plain and inexperienced, say hi to the fair of face and confident.

Okay, Sissy Spacek wasn't an identical clone as although gaunter and profusely shy, she wasn't corpulent and riddled with acne.

The same extends to Margaret who, ‘had a face like the ass-end of a truck and a body to match’.

In the right circumstances, liberties can be taken...

It isn't a case of Get Shorty, but Get Baffled as Hit Girl appears to be ‘aroused’ by utilising mind control.

Peirce’s last chance to salvage minuscule pride was attending the Prom but fucking that up was naturally a given.

When the King and Queen are receiving applause on stage, there is simply little or no suspense before and during the inevitable bucket tip.

Rewinding the splash several times to apparently make the effect more dramatic displays embarrassing desperation.

Pino Donaggio’s powerful compositions are replaced by a dire selection of banality.

Attempting X-Men, or more so Chronicle (which stole heavily from Akira), is an act of drunken lunacy.

As a comedic example, before passing a mutated holo-virus onto Rimmer through radio waves, Dr Hildegarde Lanstrom of Red Dwarf V fame was able to exploit similar powers including telepathy and hex vision.

Mr Flibble says "Game over boys!"

Dead Space and Kinesis could also be referenced in pixels, but that’s just me going too far.

The portrayal of a tormented individual who understandably snaps and becomes mass murderess was brilliantly realised by Spacek who because of this, didn't need to gesticulate like a twisted politician.

As climaxes go, you are left with nothing apart from the feeling of exasperation.

Even the TV movie was done better, which also retained the stopping of Margaret's heart

It’s well documented that Stephen King hated Kubrick’s vision of The Shining and while I’m unsure if the original satisfied his needs; God only knows what he thought of this interpretation.

The Bee Gees warbled ‘Tragedy’ in their own inimitable style and I condemn this as another.

Which much revered classic is up next to be butchered?

Oh yeah, the already 'delayed' Robocop.

Like a zombie feasting on flesh, I’ll pick the whole depressing situation to pieces.

How video games changed the world.

For some reason, the actual title didn't leave a space between video and games so I'm proud to be different.

I would never normally cover a television documentary but as flying pigs are more common, I needed little persuasion.

Instead of gorging on 'entertainment' such as X Factor and I'm a Pathetic Celebrity, Get Me Some Publicity, switching over to Channel 4 at 9pm on 30 November ensured that we didn't miss a pixel as the history of interactive gaming and how it's changing how we work, communicate and play was given a two hour slot.

I respect Charlie Brooker and while praise can't really be lauded on Dead Set, Black Mirror injected humour that was darkly delicious.

When hosting the BBC's Gameswipe, he described 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand as 'charmless' and slammed the voice over provided by the aforementioned rapper and actor (if you can call him that) - a 'pussy'.

Most broadcasters would infer such an insult but he chose to launch one more direct than a homing missile.

Ha ha ha.  Nice one, geezer.

Now the satirical stalwart oversees a more ambitious assignment and with contributions from others, all big fish were deep fried. 

Starting from the top in 1972, mentioning Atari's Pong was obligatory, but why wasn't Table Tennis on the Magnavox Odyssey brought as the reason for its success?

It suggests research was indeed sound, but not meticulous.

Super Mario, Street Fighter II, WOW (World of Warcraft), Doom, Manic Miner, Tetris, Tomb Raider, The Sims, StarCraft, Shadow of the Colossus, Pac-Man, Mass Effect, Modern Warfare, Parappa the Rapper, Space Invaders and ultimate sandbox game Elite meant the importance of all generations was suitably covered.

While 99.99% of the world will know that WOW extends beyond a brief exclamation of astonishment, I have to allow for those who haven't left the confines of their cave.

Before Kinect, the Wii pioneered how games could be played without the sole reliance on a joypad or similar controller.  Twitter also sang louder than Tweety Pie.

When Monkey Island appropriately appeared, Ron Gilbert stated that he can't help linking elements of Pirates of the Caribbean to Monkey Island and reiterated the ride's inspiration.

This comparison was graphically portrayed on screen and while my feature didn't move, it was still better... lol

He concluded that events had come full circle, or under his breath (WHAT A FUCKING RIP OFF).

The controversial whiff of video game violence is never going to pack its trunk and say goodbye to the circus so franchises Doom, Grand Theft Auto and Mortal Kombat inevitably featured.

The cult voyeuristic shit storm Night Trap and Carmageddon were discussed but Postal, and more surprisingly, Manhunt wasn't dragged up (again).

With scenes of sex, sadomasochism and graphic depictions of gore, DOS point-and-click adventure Phantasmagoria: A Puzzle of Flesh, should be tagged as being the most controversial video game of all time.

Whatever your opinion, it was neither discussed or shown.

It was debated with a smattering of intelligence but some comments made by non-distinct others left a sour taste.

One leading figure labelled parents as 'lousy' if they allowed their 'beyond eighteen year old child' to experience GTA.

Who the fuck do these people think they are?

That aside, the press has always churned out more shit than the bottom of a rabbit's hutch (the Manhunt saga) and feed off people who have long since already made their minds up.

Rockstar are beyond accepting that any crime graver than slipping on a banana peel will be blamed on their smash hit series.

Of the London stabbing, the victim had been shopping for the latest title in the Grand Theft Auto series, and was robbed of his purchase by the attackers.

So the motive was robbery but I'm sure the vast majority read something like 'person stabbed, violent video game responsible'.

End of discussion and a case more closed than Alcatraz.

Suffice to say, the bandwagon was still jumped on.

Hypothetically speaking, if it was the latest title in the Super Mario Bros. series, would they have bothered slipping that in?

Negative.

Of course I wholeheartedly sympathise with the guy and hope he made a speedy recovery.

Reportedly costing £170m to make, GTA V is the most expensive video game of all time.

Before moving on, Brooker spoke about Mortal Kombat 9 and a fatality that he stated went too far, or words to that effect.

Kung Lao provides an alternative Hat Trick by slamming his fedora into the floor (promptly becoming a circular saw), and starting from crotch upwards, completes the process of splitting the vanquished in two.  The blooded strips are then held up as trophies.

Incidentally, this move can also be performed in Shaolin Monks.

Since its arcade birth, this has always been the franchise's selling point so to me, should be met with little surprise that for this super advanced iteration, much energy was concentrated on ensuring that the punishments on show are the most shocking yet.

The majority of which should be applauded for their grisly creativity in regards to dismemberment and mutilation.

Technology has moved on.  Video games have moved on.

Gone are the days of Palace's Barbarian as decapitation was crudely depicted by connecting with a move known as the flying head chop, resulting in a very brief and discoloured blood spurt from a bunch of blocks.

Back in 1987, more fuss was made over Maria Whittaker appearing on the sleeve art.

That's the truth.

Regardless of what 'act' exist in the games of today, any suggestion that pixels turn normal people into homicidal and bloodthirsty maniacs is unfounded and remains complete bollocks.

Games are slapped with PEGI 18 for a reason - to be played solely by adults.

If parents continue to buy GTA, Mortal Kombat, COD or games of a similar nature for their children to play, that's very irresponsible but what can be done?

Not a great deal.

Retailers have become more vigilant and more often than not, will insist on proof of age because it'll be hammered into them that if they don't, it's more than their job's worth.

While browsing in Asda, I was approached by a kid who asked me to buy him GTA V.  As my views on this matter are rather vociferous, I politely refused but then received shit which was apparently justified.

Shortly after, he walked away rather pissed off.

Oh well.

It threatens to escalate in becoming the new 'will you go in shop for some cigarettes and/or booze?'

Back to the show.

At some point, there was also talk of 'addiction', stereotyping females (Dead or Alive) and Rhianna Pratchett (writer of the new Tomb Raider reboot), spoke of Lara transforming from an icon to woman, while discussing the controversy surrounding her being a victim of sexual assault.

Shortly before the show's end, a certain PS3 exclusive raised its magnificent head.

If Uncharted was great then The Last of Us is nothing short of mesmeric.

Hollywood must do the right thing and not adapt it for the big screen.

Naughty Dog deserve every drop of praise for an intelligent and emotionally draining thrill ride that is so much more than zapping a bunch of hostile humans and feeling the terrifying brunt of those infected by a mutated strain of Cordyceps.

Not that others were expendable but Troy Baker and Ashley Johnson gave Oscar-winning performances and seamlessly voice serene emotion for every word that leaves the lips of Joel and Ellie.

It is the ultimate depiction of survival as art direction, character development, script, soundtrack, action and the feel of desperation is palpable.

This is surely the most mature video game ever made.

Stealth kills are 'borrowed' from Manhunt, just like Rockstar 'stole' from Metal Gear Solid.

However, compare the principle to the penultimate scene in Manhunt to when David is stalking Ellie in the restaurant, as you are required to sneak up and stab your aggressor three times.

David is Piggsy and Ellie becomes Cash.

I'm not criticising an otherwise perfect game but if I can associate anything with something, I'll emphasise this in bold.

Speaking of Metal Gear, that was one franchise that should have definitely appeared but didn't even manage a passing reference.

Discussing how SNK and the Neo Geo took on the might of Street Fighter II would have done more good than harm.

You may not think it but Samurai Shodown should be there as without it, Battle Arena Toshinden and more importantly, Namco's hugely successful Soul series wouldn't exist.

Yeah, I maintain that.

Contra somehow managed to stay permanently hidden and while Metal Slug obviously kicks ass, there is a time and a place...

Other notable absentees range from Portal, R-Type and Alone in the Dark.

Hmmm, did Resident Evil (which is a hi-tech remake of Sweet Home on Famicom) really deserve to be left out?

Probably not.

I'm sure you could make a case for many others.

Before Brooker's final thought, discussing the new consoles rounded off a televisual feast.

I hope it didn't go unnoticed but using a remixed version from the Game Boy version of Robocop for its title theme was a nice touch.

Thankfully though, it didn't go On and On like Ariston.

Unless already got, the PS4 and Xbox One will be very difficult to get hold of for Christmas but the prudent should wait because although the PS3 and 360 are now outdated, they're far from obsolete and Sony and Microsoft should continue to offer support until at least 2015.

In my infinite wisdom, developers must be given time so a new system's true power can be exploited to its fullest potential which is why I advise against jumping straight in.

When they venture down the same road as the Wii, we'll see a noticeable, if not significant price drop.

To me, a 500GB PS3 with either GTA V or The Last of Us for under £250 is a steal.

I'm sure the 360 has equally attractive looking and even cheaper bundles.

Nintendo waited far too long to sail the HD revolution and because of this, the Wii U will surely struggle to survive beyond 2014.

They may prove me wrong but I think the writing has already been written on the wall with a permanent marker.

Killer apps are the key to win over the consumer so let's see who gains the upper hand next year.

Whatever happens, exciting times lie ahead.