Nukes and Knives™

Friday, 25 February 2022

Newspaper Goofs in Films

Four categories. One epic post.

Let the geekery begin.

Conflicting information

The following headlines (and sub-headings) have absolutely nothing to do with articles.

Read all about it.

Child's Play 3

Max Payne

Batman Returns

Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare

Monster in the Closet

Sliver

The Karate Kid Part III

The Violent Kind

Maniac Cop

Rocky III

Rocky IV

Rocky V

Repetition

Sentences, and even paragraphs are reprinted.

FYI, revisit Rocky III for more.

Anyway, follow the 'dots'.

D-Tox
The facts...
Thus at this conference...
Of no less importance...

Scarily, some shit is repeated in another film.

Monster in the Closet
Of no less importance...
Thus at this conference...
Many persons...
Future plans...

Okay then.

Child's Play 3
A suggestion...
Many persons...
An immediate investigation...

Death Sentence
Although the surface....

Natural Born Killers
The Knoxes... and Mickey and Mallory Knox...

Resident Evil
S.T.A.R.S...

The Omen (2006)
The post became available...

Max Payne
This is the third such murder...
Though the area was cordoned off...
"There was blood everywhere"...

Spider-Man

Police spokesman John Young...

NYPD spokesperson...

Misery

In what is being viewed...
Mr. Wilkes, who was a...

Local pediatrician Michael Banks...
On August 2...

Lucie was the daughter of...

Tragedy struck once again...

The search for famed romance...

Days and confused

Calendars were apparently unavailable.

Batman (1989)
November 7 1989 fell on a Tuesday, not Friday.

Brahms: The Boy II
October 30 1958 fell on a Thursday, not Wednesday.

Captain America: Civil War
March 22 2016 fell on a Tuesday, not Sunday.

Dracula: Dead and Loving It
Parody is set in 1893, but in that year, November 10 fell on a Thursday, not Wednesday.

Fear Street Part One: 1994
July 23rd 1666 fell on a Friday, not Thursday.

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers
November 3 1959 fell on a Tuesday, not Friday.

K-Shop
May 7th 2005 fell on a Saturday, not Friday.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
March 2, 1980 fell on a Sunday, not Tuesday.

Misery
March 23, 1978 fell on a Thursday, not Monday.

Pain & Gain
May 22 1998 fell on a Friday, not Tuesday.

Rocky III
May 15, 1982 fell on a Saturday, not Wednesday.

Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th
April 21 1999 fell on a Wednesday, not Tuesday.

Superman Returns
February 13 2005 fell on a Sunday, not Tuesday.

Taking Lives
August 6th 1983 fell on a Saturday, not Tuesday.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
June 9, 1969 fell on a Monday, not Friday.

The Violent Kind
July 30, 2006 fell on a Sunday, not Wednesday.

The Wrestler
April 6 1989 fell on a Thursday, not Saturday.

My Name Is Lenny
5 April, 1975 fell on a Saturday, not Monday.
9th, 10th & 11th November 1974 fell on Saturday, Sunday and Monday respectively, not Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

The Devil Below

February 6, 1969 fell on a Thursday, not Tuesday.

January 5, 1976 fell on a Monday, not Sunday.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

26 November 1926 fell on a Friday, not Sunday.

24 December 1926 fell on a Friday, not Thursday.

We Are Still Here

November 28 1949 fell on a Monday, not Wednesday.

November 12 1949 fell on a Saturday, not Friday.

November 13 1859 fell on a Sunday, not Thursday.

July 8 1919 fell on a Tuesday, not Wednesday.

December 27 1859 fell on a Tuesday, not Friday.

Trailer Park of Terror

May 9th, 1997 fell on a Friday, not Sunday.

July 12th, 2002 fell on a Friday, not Saturday.

September 28, 2005 fell on a Wednesday, not Monday.

Why is date suddenly 'th' racist?

And.

April 22th, 1984

First off, said day fell on a Sunday, not Saturday, but what the 'th' is going on with ordinal indicator, as the twenty-second day of any month is followed by 'nd'.

Still, they did get something right.

April 3rd, 2008 did fall on a Thursday.

The mind boggles.

Miscellany

Strangeland
"justice was definately not served."
I agree Angelic, it definitely wasn't.

Q - The Winged Serpent
Photographs Fail to Prove Existance of Giant Bird
Hoax or Mass Hysteria?
You decide.

Son
There's something severaly wrong here, and I'm holding physicaians wholly responsible.

Taxi Driver
Pittsburgh is a city in western Pennsylvania.
However, fictitious reporter Michael Cross was the only person to discover Pittsburg.

The Dark Knight Rises
POLICE SUSPECT 'CAT' BURGLAR IN JEWEL HIEST

The Devil Below
Any kind of fire that causes an enviromental disaster deserves the utmost respect.

Misery
Headline states Anne, but article declares the daughter of Carl and Nancy Wilkes is Annie.
Caption under photograph goes one better, as she's now called Annie C. Wilkes.
Oh yeah, blurb repeats itself.

Ready Player One
Article on the left states Mrs. Underwood died after a long battle with cancer and was Fifty Six at the time of her death. As she was born in 1975, this means she died in 2031.
However, ignoring the unusual decision of capital F and S, adjacent clipping states she was Fifty Nine (correct).
Obituary of Karen Underwood Morrow becomes Karen-Morrow Underwood.
Finally, sentence beginning with Karen-Morrow Underwood, wife of Ogden Morrow, repeats until ending with cancer.

The Conjuring 2
200 National Front protestors arrested in London
Good, but then goes on to say 'More than' 200 protestors.

You can't have it both ways.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre
MORE BODIES DISCOVERED ONSLAUGHTERPROPERTY!
'Spacing' was obviously an issue.

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
Longtime (should be hyphenated) Haddonfield resident Laurie Strode, survivor of the so-called "Halloween" mass murders in 1968, was killed yesterday in an auto accident.
What a shame meat of John Carpenter's classic occurred in the real-time year of 1978.

The Midnight Meat Train
Erika Sakaki is initially described as a 'Local' woman, but is later said to be a 'Metropolis' woman.
Amidst odd contradiction, paragraphs frequently repeat.

Rocky V

Rocky is now in the management business and doing it very well.

Nothing sinister.

However.

A completely different headline copies and pastes the above.

Sliver

Horror High Rise Claims Third Victim

Again, no issues, but.

HORROR HIGH RISE
Naomi Singer, 33, plunged to her death on July 13, making the second fatality to be connected to called (not so-called? "Horror High-Rise" in the past year.

Err.

Wrinkles the Clown

June 5, 1981 did indeed fall on a Friday.

See, it's not difficult to spell Pittsburgh.

Yes Taxi Driver - I'm talking to you.

But in the same article.

We magically jump forward in time to 05/11/84.

The Virginia Free Lance-Star is dated 05/23/81, but opening paragraph 'recalls' the kidnapping of Johnny Gosch in 1982.

Polaroid

The community of Locust Harbor is in shock and mourning this week after the loss of three teens. Their brutal abduction and murder has taken this town completly off guard and has had a rippling effect all the way from friends and family down to strangers on the street with no conenction to the victims.
Strangely, article repeats out of sync.

Content is reused elsewhere.

tourtured

victums

Casino

Headline correctly states Rothstein, but article shortens surname to Roth.
Among the factors that will contribute to the size of the demand and the military of unions at bargining (not bargaining) tables are early bird settlements.

And immediately after.

A magazine article begins the same, but omits The.
Spinning on.
Ace Roth (again) in an interview from his spacious penthouse office overlooking the Tangiers the Tangiers Casino says he is the real behind the Tangiers gaming empire.
Ace Rothstein in an interview from his spacious penthouse office overlooking the Tangiers Casino.

Just WHAT?

Friday, 18 February 2022

Texas Chainsaw Massacre - The scoop and digest

From a story by Fede Álvarez and Rodo Sayagues, David Blue Garcia ignores TTCM 2 and Texas Chainsaw 3D.

Sarah Yarkin - Melody

Elsie Fisher - Lila

Mark Burnham - Leatherface

Jacob Latimore - Dante

Moe Dunford - Richter

Olwen Fouéré - Sally Hardesty

Nell Hudson - Ruth

Summary

Nearly 50 years after the events of original, a bunch of young entrepreneurs plan to auction off properties in Harlow's practically deserted ghost town to make area trendy.

When Melody and Dante arrange for police to evict an elderly woman (Mrs. Mc) from the orphanage, she becomes sick and dies en route to the hospital.

After son uses his mother's face as a makeshift mask, Leatherface returns to Harlow.

Meanwhile, a vengeful Sally gets wind of murders and tools up.

Post-credits

A badly wounded Leatherface approaches former farmhouse.

Bloody mess

Gory yes. Good no.

Blatant Halloween (2018) clone is dumb, ridiculous and very predictable.

Annoying characters are thankfully killed quick, leaving Melody and Lila to fight back.

Leatherface lifting Sally with chainsaw rips off Michael murdering firefighter at the beginning of Halloween Kills.

Strangest of all.

Lila's attempt to force villain into submerged area fails when shotgun runs out of ammunition.

Err, Terminator 2 anybody?

I'm sure effort will be a huge success for Netflix, but latest entry left me buzzing less than a broken sex toy.

Sunday, 13 February 2022

Uncharted - The scoop and digest

Ruben Fleischer's film is marketed as a prequel, but numerous changes places celluloid in a totally different canon.

Therefore, motion comic Eye of Indra and superb PS Vita exclusive Golden Abyss (both set before Drake's Fortune) are automatically ignored.

Tom Holland - Nathan Drake

Mark Wahlberg - Victor Sullivan

Antonio Banderas - Moncada

Sophia Ali - Chloe Frazer

Tati Gabrielle - Braddock

Summary

A young Nate and Sam are caught trying to steal the first map made after the Magellan expedition returned to Spain.

15 years later.

Nate, Sully and Chloe hunt for Magellan's gold, but face stiff competition from Moncada's band of ruthless mercenaries.

Pre-credits

Sam is alive and well, preparing another postcard inside prison cell.

Mid-credits

Using Nazi map and his ring, Nate is negotiating a deal with Gage. New character is acting on behalf of the mysterious 'Roman', setting up a potential sequel/re-telling of original game.

When shit gets heated, a now mustachioed Sully intervenes.

Once outside, they're held presumably at gunpoint by an unknown figure, forcing dynamic duo to surrender.

Sic Parvis Magna

From booby-trapped tombs to plane flying over map, globe-trotting adventure is unashamedly Indiana Jones, particularly The Last Crusade.

It doesn't really work, but at least no attempt is made to disguise the fact.

At one point, Nate remarks "Nuns. Why did it have to be nuns?"

Raiders of the Lost Ark has a lot to answer for...

Spider-Man was fairly likable but Wahlberg was totally miscast.

Also, chemistry is seriously lacking and dialogue disappoints.

Even if the first hour was clunky, third act (beginning with a spectacular re-imagining of plane set-piece from Drake's Deception), makes up for it.

In the game, he rides alone on parachuting cargo and lands in the desert, instigating Chapter 18 The Rub' al Khali. Here, Nate hitches a ride on same object with Chloe, which plunges into the drink.

Unlike Tomb Raider (2018), which lifted way too much from lauded reboot, action sequence of Braddock and co using helicopters to steal Magellan's ships is unique to film.

At time of writing, a sequel hasn't been confirmed, but surely inevitable.

Friday, 11 February 2022

Jackass Forever - The scoop and digest

Ignoring all the hoo-ha with Bam Margera, Jeff Tremaine directs series regulars (and new blood) for the final time.

Summary

Warning. The stunts in this movie were performed by professionals, so for your (our) safety and for the protection of those around you, do not attempt any of the stunts you're (we're) about to see.

Painfully hilarious

Godzilla spoof kicks off proceedings, with Pontiussaurus ejaculating over the crowd.

Thereafter, stereotypical mayhem ensues.

My immediate worry was because they're not getting any younger, I expected Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O, Wee Man, Preston Lacy et al to give off Roger Murtaugh vibes, but result was quite the opposite.

For the most part - I couldn't stop laughing.

Ironically, neither could the cast.

Very briefly, Steve-O uses his genitalia as a makeshift beehive, animals are let loose and pig semen is drunk for our viewing pleasure.

It's cringing, immature, occasionally disgusting and extremely dangerous.

Brilliant.

Wednesday, 9 February 2022

The Revenge of Video Game Box Art Mistakes

I've already shamed the famous and more.

http://nukesandknives.blogspot.com/2020/12/video-game-box-art-mistakes-1-of-2.html

http://nukesandknives.blogspot.com/2021/09/video-game-box-art-mistakes-2-of-2.html

But the goofs are far from over.

Legend.

EU - Europe

NA - North America

JP - Japan

Super Ghouls 'n Ghosts (EU/NA)
Aside from blue and green goblins, background (complete with goofy zombies) is based on opening stage's sequel to arcade.

Player cannot slay monsters with sword and no suit comes with a red cape.

Ignoring hackle, the nearest thing to artist's depiction is golden armour.

'Coincidentally', equivalent in Ghouls 'n Ghosts came with a red cape and pointy stick can be found inside a chest.

Let's check out blurb.

We never fight witches or ogres.
But more importantly, evil wizard cannot transform Arthur into a fucking duck.

As once again.

This can only happen in the original arcade.

T2: The Arcade Game

SNES (EU/NA)
The #1 arcade "shooter" all time explodes onto Super NES!
Not an 'all time' goof, but still a goodie.

Mega Drive (EU/NA)
The #1 arcade shooting game of all time explodes onto Megadrive. Much better, but what a crying shame machine is called a Mega Drive
You're a T800 terminator etc should be T-800.
Funny really, as T-1000 is correctly hyphenated.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Game Gear (left) and Master System (right) are based on NES and unrelated to Mega Dive game of same name.

Yeah, Flying Edge purposely misled consumers.

8/16 bit computers
You are T-800 (makes no sense) in the action packed game-play (word isn't hyphenated) of Terminator 2.
In an effort to quash the rebellion, Skynet sends a terminator back through time to 1994 with a directive to destroy the rebel leader John Connor an easy prey (WTF?) as then he was only a child.
T-800 is then sent by the rebels to protect their future leader.
Arnie arrived before the T-1000 (sorry terminator).
Spectacular graphics and fierce animation throw you headlong into the furious story line (not two separate words) of the box-office smash hit.

Year breaks the straw of cybernetic back.

John Connor was conceived on 14 May 1984 and born 28 February 1985, so sequel occurs in 1995.

Hasta la vista, assholes.

Final Fight

8/16 bit computers
When Haggar became Mayor of Metro City, he thought he'd put his street fighting days behind him for good. No such luck - his delectable daughter, Jessica's, (suggesting she owns 'something') been kidnapped by the lawless Mad Gear Gang (gang) and Haggar must face his Final Fight!
Pretty sure sentence should end with full stop.
Whatever, boast of ST and Amiga having arcade-perfect graphics straight from the coin-op is hilarious.

Mega-CD (EU)
I have no idea how Sega let this slip through the net, but screen of Dug and J floating (complete with oddly placed hit effect) is REAL.

And no, neither enemy can jump.

SNES (EU)
Take Metro City back from the Mad Gears gang!

Schoolboy.

•Clash in wresting or boxing style!

Yeah, wrestling is way too boring.

Resident Evil (miscellany)

Original (all versions)
A series of gory attacks in the area surrounding a remote biotech lab brings in S.T.A.R.S. (Special Tactics and Rescue Squad) to investigate.
To this day, I remain perplexed how Capcom allowed such a fuck up, as before the 'Alice' universe existed, the final letter of acronym stands for Service.
Each lurking horror you survive will bring you closer to the source of the Resident Evil.
This is BULLSHIT!

Director's Cut (NA)
The complete UNCUT and UNCENSORED Resident Evil Cinemas.
Bollocks, as only French and German versions are uncut, and in full colour no less.

Resident Evil 2

PS1 (EU)
First there was the disaster at the mansion lab. Umbrella Corp. developed the T-Virus, a muta-genic toxin for use in biological weapons.
Blah blah...
Blood thirsty zombies etc etc. The former is not hyphenated and bloodthirsty is one word.

But that's NOTHING compared to:

N64 (EU)
First there was the disaster at the mansion lab. Umberella Corporation developed the T-Virus, a muta-genic toxin for use in biological weapons.
Spinning on...
The case was eventually closed, but Umberella's experiments were far from over.
All of Raccon City is infested. Blood thirsty Zombies, hideous mutations, now overwhelm the community.
And the best part.
When Lion and Claire arrive in town, their nightmare is just beginning...

Quick guys, pass me a muta-genic umberella, as Raccon City is raining Blood thirsty Zombies (and the odd Lion).

Game.com
Still of head turning zombie appears during the intro of PS1 original, but not in this version.

Resident Evil Gaiden (EU)
Today the gameboy comes of age etc etc.
Err, not Game Boy?
Based on a brand new 'chapter' in the Resident Evil story...
So this implies exclusive entry existed on another system?

NA blurb is much better.

"Experience a brand new chapter in Capcom's classic horror survival series: Resident Evil."

Resident Evil Survivor (EU) - PS1
The victim of a terrible helicopter crash in a zombie-infested town, he has lost his memory and now only his instinct can keep him alive...
The amnesiac protagonist (later revealed to be Ark Thompson) is literally shat from a helicopter wreckage and then explores Sheena Island.
So setting isn't a town.

Resident Evil 0 (EU) - Gamecube
Discover the root of all evil
23 July 1998. The day before the deadly virus is unleashed upon Racoon City.

Hmmm.

Street Fighter II (miscellany)

Turbo Revival

NA
Lightning fast animation, unbelievable graphics and Capcom's signature gameplay make Super Street Fighter II Turbo the most respected fighting game of all time.
I'm sure it still is, but we're dealing with a Revival.

EU
Fine, but revival should be Revival.

Street Fighter Collection (EU Black Label) - PS1 and Saturn
From top to bottom.
Caption states Super SF II, but is actually Super Turbo.
Screen is Alpha 2 Dash, but caption states Super Turbo, describing Alpha 2 Dash.
Screen is Super Turbo, but caption states Alpha 2 Dash, describing Super Turbo.

WHAT AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING MESS.

Street Fighter Collection 2

EU Black Label - PS1
Screen of TWW is actually Hyper Fighting.

EU White Label - PS1

Contains 3 classic arcade exact (rolls eyes) fighters from the Street Fighter II series.
First off, TWW is completely ignored.
Street Fighter 2: Champion Edition introduced fighters of different origins battling for their own country's glory and the ability to play 4 playable boss characters.
What a batshit crazy way to put things.
Street Fighter 2: Hyper Fighter (what... the..?) - introduced faster game speed and airborne special attacks.

Just... WHAT?

But this upstages everything.

TWW is given the finger (again), but Las Vegas and Airfield grab the headlines, because outside of Japan, M. Bison and Vega are known as Balrog and M. Bison respectively.

Double K.O.

Finally.

Street Fighter II (NA) - Gameboy
Watch the temperature rise as Dhalsim incinerates you with his mystical Yoga Flame!
What a big fat, dirty stinking lie, as along with E. Honda and Vega, port omits rubber man from character roster (as screenshot confirms).

Serves lazy bastards right for copying meat from SNES original.

Samurai Shodown

Sega CD
A direct port of SNK's fifth installment to the popular "100 Mega Shock" series, Samurai Shodown pits you blade-to-blade against 12 of the most heinous samurai warriors the arcade has ever witnessed.

Even without Earthquake, this is still technically true, as Amakusa is selectable in 2P.

Still not ideal though.

Back art also speaks of Nakoruru's flame-belching eagle.

Err, no, as when set on opponent, Mamahaha is on fire.

Tam Tam is the only character to 'belch' fire.

3DO

Rather than Samurai Spirits, Japanese version retained rest of world title.

Very unusual.

Despite what any version of title screen would have you believe, SNK didn't handle port in 1993, as this is when arcade and Neo Geo game were released.
In truth, Crystal Dynamics did the honours in 1994.

Cloning arcade's data only partially worked, as port made lots of compromises.

What's this?

JP (left) and NA (right)