The Visit - The scoop and digest

Apart from The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable, M. Night Shyamalan has made a living from delivering inconsistent quality.

Oh yeah, After Earth was unbelievably boring and deservedly a box office flop.

Can we all agree Jaden Smith is an asshole?

Thanks in advance.

Could found footage be a genuine return to form or just another 'unnecessary' twist to the happy sack.

Plot details and/or spoilers span Monday to Friday

Making sense of it all:

Olivia DeJong - Becca
Ed Oxenbould - Tyler
Deanna Dunagan - Nana
Peter McRobbie - Pop Pop
Kathryn Hahn - Paula

While their mother Paula gets away from it all with her new bloke, siblings Tyler and Becca prepare to stay with grandparents Doris and John who they've never met before.

Failing to secure any details of argument fifteen years young, they decide to record events at rural farmhouse.

Pop Pop warns to never visit mould infested basement and bedtime is 9.30pm.

Taking a peek after curfew, Nana's behaviour includes projectile vomiting and clawing wall in the niff.

When challenged, Pop Pop claims she has a form of dementia known as sundowning, which compels strange activities after the hot orange thing in the sky hits the sack.

Our man is incontinent and after doing a present inside nappy, embarrassment is hidden inside barn.

Also, he mustn't be late for costume party and speaks of a strange creature.

At different periods, a woman and man visit who were helped by elderly in counselling.

When Becca puts Nana on the spot, infirm goes ape shit.

One night, the camera is left running downstairs and upon finding device, Nana grabs kitchen knife and unsuccessfully breaks into children's bedroom.

Seeking answers from Paula via Skype, she realises peeps aren't John and Doris.

Are kiddiewinks in mortal danger?

Possibly.

After viewing hanging corpses of visitors, Becca legs it to forbidden area and finds the bodies of real grandparents.

Oh, disheveled mental institution uniforms lay nearby.

Impostors: Less than meets the eye.
Impostors: Elderly in disguise.

For anybody who cares, I'm pretty sure secure unit is called Maple Leaf.

'Doris' and 'John' are killed by Becca and Tyler, via multiple stabbing and dispute with fridge door respectively.

In the pouring rain, (very strange), brother and sister are greeted by the clichéd arrival of Paula and law enforcement.

Mother finally reveals argument got physical and regrets of reconciliation never taking place.

"My sister insisted I included this part."

As credits roll, Tyler bizarrely raps the guts of ordeal.

What a great idea and oh fucking dear.

Comedy mystery smells worse than one of Pop Pop's nappies.

The twist is seen coming a country mile off and one-trick pony has surely shot his final bolt.

Anybody who doesn't agree are crazier than antagonists concerned.

Legend - The scoop and digest

Back in the 60s, the notorious Kray brothers ruled London's underworld and basked in the gangster limelight.

They remain cultural icons.

Casting Spandau Ballet brothers Gary and Martin Kemp as Ronnie and Reggie respectively in Peter Medak's 1990 flick was strangely inspired.

As is usually the case ahead of big cinema release, low budget straight to DVD efforts appear on supermarket shelves and Rise of the Krays makes flushing a turd seem interesting.

Based upon John Pearson's novel The Profession of Violence, what can Brian Helgeland's film say what countless books, interviews and newspaper accounts haven't already?

Tom Hardy - The Krays
Emily Browning - Frances
Christopher Eccleston - Det. Supt Nipper Read
Sam Spruell - Jack 'The Hat' McVitie

Completely ignoring childhood build-up, this focuses largely on Reggie's tumultuous relationship with Frances and places greater emphasis on Ronnie's psychotic paranoid schizophrenic.

During one of their trademark kangaroo courts, members of The Richardson Gang crank up the electricity bill.

Rumour has it, "Mad" Frankie Fraser pulled teeth, rather than legs.

Sick bastard.

Maltese scrap and bayonet through hand in snooker hall isn't recycled.

Although Barbara Windsor doesn't feature, Reggie mentions her to Frances at Esmerelda's Barn.

I'm pleased to report Browning is a vast improvement over her irritating predecessor (Kate Hardie).

As for actual person - poor cow.

Eccleston assuming the role of high-profile copper harks back to the good old days of Cracker and DCI Bilborough.

David Thewlis and Chazz Palminteri as Leslie Payne and Angelo Bruno respectively, bring sturdy support, but all are inevitably eclipsed by a certain dual performance.

The swagger of sharp suits emit contrasting sadism and Tom Hardy certainly brings substantial magic.

Reggie laces charm with convincing saccharin whereas the capricious Ronnie can be genuinely funny.

A barmaid is called before an ID parade to identify who shot George Cornell at the Blind Beggar pub.

Giving her the evil eyes, his face is an absolute picture.

After Reggie's brutal stabbing of Jack 'The Hat' McVitie, he nonchalantly queries "Why would you do that?"

Before trilby gets the point (several times), the gun jams, as per fact.

The aftermath of murder has been changed as Reggie leaves alone and takes a stroll beside canal.

Also, Payne is shown dead in the backseat of a car, inferring the twins ordered a hit.

In an earlier scene, Ronnie pays Jack £500 to kill former financial advisor, and promised a further £500 when carried out.

Apparently, the contract was worth £1,500.

No biopic is 100 per cent accurate, so historical inaccuracies are expected more than rats following the Pied Piper.

Ultimately, no matter what's said or written - the truth died with those concerned.

For all the f-bombs, c words and intermittent gory violence, this is a gritty but comfortable watch.

Siblings locking horns borders on silliness, with Ronnie grabbing nuts and Reggie throwing all the punches.

Knocking lumps out of each other in a boxing ring was more satisfying.

Remember Van Damme vs Van Damme in Double Impact?

If not, shame on you.

With a running time that doesn't outstay its welcome, Legend (also a 1985 Tom Cruise fantasy), ticks all the right biopic boxes and succeeds as a slick crime drama.

Comparable with Scorsese's Goodfellas?

Don't make me laugh.

Rezon takes the Force

If the category of arcade developers came up in the final of popular BBC gameshow Pointless, I'd bet vital organs on Allumer winning the jackpot.

In 1991, this oddity melted into folklore as being surely the 'greatest' R-Type rape ever.

How come Irem didn't spank bottoms?

Because, there is no justice that is perfect.  The continually wars prove it.

Holy shit!

'All your base are belong to us' suddenly makes perfect sense.

Title screen.

Zoid lives within the Brood, and attack when they sense objects close to them.

Who's this?

It seems Cancer has grown.

An older version Bydo weapon used for wider area control.  Also capable of hovering.

Equipped with homing missiles, wave and vertical lasers, Planet Bombing Warship is used to capture planets.

Thinking about it, name contradicts purpose.

How ridiculous.

As a side note, Subatomic (salvaged corpse of Dobkeratops), was created with planetary destruction in mind.

Lazer firing blocks vs unmanned highly armoured transport container Dop.

Pink core is Achilles heel.

Otherwise invincible man of bronze Talos was 'unplugged' in 1963 classic Jason and the Argonauts.

Snake vs Worm.

Covered with a tough shell, these creatures guard huge living creature Cyst that reproduces wiggly woos.

Subtle'ish' I suppose.

Bydo culture Bellmite is controlled by electronic centre.

To be fair, unlike organic outer shell which incidentally is worth 300 points, asteroid encrusted exterior is just for graphical effect.

Okay, now shit gets messy.

Compare Leo's tooled up craft to Rezon's machine.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander?

Last Resort was released in same year as Leo (1992), but SNK's game was born first.

Compare sprite and laser crystals.

Oh yeah, incorporating 2P simultaneous play was mere 'coincidence'.

Finally, Mega Drive 1993 shootfest Eliminate Down steals miscellany.

Background vs X-Multiply.

Boss vs Dragon Breed end boss (defeated).

Boss vs Leo

And that my friends is that.

Sinister 2 - The scoop and digest

Ciaron Foy takes over directorial responsibility, but Scott Derrickson co-writes and helps produce.

In case you skipped previous meal, Babylonian deity Bughuul is affectionately known as 'the eater of children'.

Plot details and/or spoilers love to boogie.

(Sssshush), while the camera rolls for:

James Ransone - Ex-Deputy So & So
Shannyn Sossamon - Courtney
Dartanian Sloan - Zach
Robert Daniel Sloan - Dylan
Lea Coco - Clint

A family are strung up like scarecrows and burned alive in the centre of a corn field.

Quick, somebody call Taggart because there's been a murder.

Turns out wee lad Dylan was having a nightmare.

His mother Courtney and brother Zack reside at rural farmhouse, in homage to Stephen King's Children of the Corn.

After Dark Originals poorly remade 1988 gore classic Scarecrows as Husk in 2011.

Anyway...

Dylan is regularly visited by spectral children who insist watching snuff movies on 16mm (not super 8), will cease bad dreams.

Fishing Trip - alligator jaws snap shut.
Christmas Morning - shallow graves can be chilly.
Kitchen Remodel - flooded dining area is left in a shocking state.

So & So (now private investigator), burns down every house of horror (including Oswalt's residence) before keys can be handed over to the next sucker.

Remember, bad things only happen if you vacate property where murders took place.

Thanks in advance for letting me refer to nameless geezer as PI.

Attention abusive husbands, partners or boyfriends - you're all fucking cowards.

Falling under that category is hubby Clint, who turns up with a couple of uniforms to take custody of children.  However, having no means of legality forces a swift exit.

Milo shows Dylan how Sunday Service plays out.

Rats are trapped inside communion goblets and heated with hot coals, forcing rodents to munch their way out of respective abdomens.

Anybody with historical knowledge, and/or visited a decent dungeon will recognise this to be lifted from a popular form of Medieval torture.

Did any prisoner make it out alive?

Gnaw.

On a lighter note, Basil caused widespread panic inside Farty Towels.

Untitled movie (household drill and dentistry) provides background noise, and because Dylan turns spoilsport - the window of opportunity opens for Zach...

An associate of the missing Professor Jonas comes into possession of a ham radio which in PI's presence, emits garbled frequencies.

Observance of violence?

Courtney and the children are forced to leave when Clint shows turns up with the necessary papers.

Uh oh! The chain has been broken.

Zach begins filming build-up, but Dylan manages to secretly text PI.

It seems brother's dream from opening sequence will become reality as Zach incinerates Clint.

Turning up in the nick of time cliché, PI hits Zach with off-road vehicle.

Shortly after, a determined Zach gives chase carrying a sickle.

Talk about making a speedy recovery.  Did Skynet send the bastard Terminator?

Ha ha ha!

Despite best endeavours to flush out Courtney and Dylan, Zach predictably doesn't complete family murder.

Bughuul condemns failure to ashes while remainder escape now burning house.

PI gathers belongings from motel room but uninvited ham radio begins to crackle, before Bughuul pops up to say hello.

This takes a giant dump on far superior original and one of the most ill conceived sequels ever.

Snuff fails to make skin crawl, story is dreadful and characters generally encourage nausea.

If the third revolves around Jonas, thematic staleness requires more than swift injection of unbridled menace.

Street Fighter II - The World Warrior and Champion Edition

Due to the enormity of task ahead, extended analysis will be resisted, but sporadically contradicted.

Even though innumerable differences existed between SNES and arcade, they still fought a great fight and are God compared to the majority of dross that followed.

To paraphrase ‘Dirty’ Harry Callahan’s famous quote in Magnum Force:

“A system’s got to know its limitations.”

The World Warrior

Home computer ports were handled by Creative Materials (for US Gold) in 1992, except the Spectrum version, which was developed by Tiertex Design Studios.

Results clambered the ugly tree and hit every branch on descent.

C64

Commodore’s creamy coloured qwerty is arguably the greatest games machine of all time.

Unfortunately in this case, somebody high on crystal meth death threw several tins of paint and hoped for the fucking best.

Including all chars is impressive and India has SIX, that’s right – six elephants.

Spectrum (128K only)

If 8 bit nemesis was Jackson Bollocks, I’d tentatively call this ‘better’.

Did I really say that?

Using only two colours, (red and yellow, white and blue, green and black etc), inanimate backgrounds look something like the real thing, as do chunky sprites.

To avoid infamous attribute clash, sprites are presumably unmasked, a la R-Type.

Let’s not beat about the burning bush – this is still horrendous.

Plodding gameplay, no music and appalling animation means I’d rather place my hand in a food blender.

Amusingly, scenery can be switched off to 'speed up’ despicable loading.

Oh yeah, how the fuck can Vega climb on his fence without metal structure?

Hmmm.

Amiga (OCS only)

For the benefit of those who aren't Amiga savvy.

Various generations of their hugely successful machine housed different chip sets to increase performance.

OCS (Original Chip Set) – A1000, A2000 and A500

ECS (Enhanced Chip Set) – A3000, A600, A2000 and A500+

AGA (Advanced Graphics Architecture) – CD32, A1200 and A4000

Paula, Agnus, Gary and Lisa (not a joke) and others are found under plastic shell.

Most will have probably experienced this on the good old A500.

Six elephants, all arcade bonus stages and the first ever home version to incorporate intro.

About that intro, randomers choose to settle macho dispute in front of zero audience.  After black guy is thwacked, aggressor and victim are punished with suspended animation.

Decent graphics are paler than a passionate albino and hearing completely the wrong tune for whichever stage understandably baffles.

Chun-Li, Zangief and Ken (Balrog), Dhalsim, Blanka, Guile, Sagat and Bison (character select), Honda (Ryu) and Vega (Ken).

Here's the really funny part.

Ken's stage is used for Balrog's casino.

Ha ha ha!

Limited but legible special move speech compensates for terrible sound effects.

Announcer says jack all apart from ‘fight’.

The regularity of swapping discs and loading required is beyond ridiculous.

To help perform nigh on impossible specials, how about inviting the qwerty?

LMFAO!

So after exhausting so many positives, what about gameplay?

OH GOD! OH MY FUCKING GOD!

Sprites opposing and defying gravity ensure potential orgasm for frustrated astronauts.

Atari ST

Framerate is even worse than previous diarrhoea stain, making this officially one of the worst games EVER.

DOS

This is deliciously BIZARRE!

Every much a piece of shit to play as Amiga, but seeing arcade perfect sprites, portraits and backgrounds was cool.

However...

No stage moves a muscle and sprites squashed inside display look completely unnatural.

Once again, nauseous music makes no sense.

Ken's theme is used for intro, title screen and character select, yet title screen and character select feature throughout entire game.

Overall, it's messier than a baby's nappy.

Here comes a head fuck

Content condemns these fitting between somewhere and nowhere.

Game Boy, 1995

4 megs of hard-hitting action.

'Street Fighter II' isn't a straight port of 1991 original.

Line-up:

Ryu, Ken, Blanka, Zangief, M. Bison, Balrog, Chun-Li, Guile and Sagat.

Vega, Dhalsim and E. Honda missed respective flights.

So with most grand masters selectable, the whiff of cut-down Champion Edition lingers.

But scratch that, because portraits and stages are TNC/Super Turbo.

Call me snooker loopy, but what's the fucking point of moonlighting as third update if none of The New Challengers compete?

I don't care about system limitation, it's a nonsense.

No speech, sparse sound, difficult to execute specials and stages are permanently paused.

Is it fast? Snails needn't worry.

Still, themes beep along quite merrily and chars have a certain amount of 'weight'.

Using a Super Game Boy device applied very limited colour and static SNES World Warrior stages surround.

Excuse me, WHAT?

As this was released after Super on its big brother, logic says go fuck yourself.

Requiring link cable for 2P action sounds obvious, but Crawfish Entertainment's frankly amazing 1999 port of Alpha 2 for Game Boy Colour wasn't so generous.

Master System, Tec Toy 1997

Underrated 1999 thriller Stigmata and not very good 2006 horror Turistas have one thing in common.

They're both set in Sao Paulo.

Switching to pixels, Max Payne 3 and painkillers...

Finally, Brazil is a surreal 1985 Terry Gilliam film.

Nobody gets a prize for guessing which South American country developer hails from.

Street Fighter II' incorporates Ryu, Ken, Guile, Chun-Li, Bison, Sagat, Blanka and Balrog.

Once again, we have a stupid title and mugshots favour TNC.

Differing from portable, backgrounds are a lethal and garish mix of Super and Champion, less spectators.

Ken's vessel sunk and Thailand's slouching statue was used to fund Shadaloo.

Beep music and speech samples encourage ear bleeding, but chars audibly announced when selected makes piece of shit unique.

‘Round’ whatever and ‘Fight’ is spoken, but otherwise...

Just in case you care, same company gave Duke Nukem 3D a stab on Mega Drive, suspiciously dressed as Wolfenstein 3D.

Champion Edition

Normality is mercifully resumed.

PC Engine/PC Engine GT, 1993

The first ever independent port was Japanese only, so American equivalent (Turbo Grafx 16/Turbo Express) missed out.

Hu-card counted the same 20 megs as futuristic SNES Turbo.

New stage colours, playable bosses, barrel break bonus, elephant noises, spoken statements of ‘you win’, ‘you lose’, ‘perfect’, ‘continue countdown’ and whichever ‘country’ meant this kicked SNES World Warrior's ass.

With only two buttons (I and II), Run (usually Pause), is brought for third punch or kick.

Select toggles between fist and feet.

Six buttoned pads like Hori Commander and Avenue Pad 6 offered a more free flowing experience.

No parallax makes things flatter than a pancake and although identical to SNES in every other way, sprites are slightly bigger.

As Hudson’s machine can practically display its entire palette on-screen (481 from 512), theoretically 225 more than the SNES (256 from 32,768), is probably why appearance is more vibrant.

Tunes are technically tinny, but 'sound' superior because they're identical to arcade.

Hopefully that makes sense?

(Sniggers).

Backgrounds

Stages contain less detail than SNES Turbo, and even original.

E. Honda

Lantern on left removed without notice.

Blanka

Clouds don’t scroll.

Ken

Famous cruiser doesn't bob up and down but is at least consistent with lifeless sea.

Dhalsim

Four elephants trumpet during and after round like arcade.  On SNES, meek racket is only heard after round’s end.

Balrog

Extra guitarists either side of bull but sign above was taken down without notice.

Zangief

Additional poster on background’s fencing covers up hole on SNES, but foreground's fencing didn't acquire planning consent.

Weird.

Insert coin had no gap or second poster.

Playing great and looking the part, I suppose the pros and cons cancel each other out.

X68000, 1993

Aside from unavoidable loading and floppy swapping - this is THE arcade.

Basically, every conceivable detail missing from any home console port is here.

What a shame this machine was released only in Japan.

As standard input device wasn't much use, Capcom generously bundled adaptor specifically for use with CPS (Capcom Power Stick) and even SNES/Mega Drive controller.

Nice!

Special Champion Edition, Mega Drive 1993

Punches and kicks are swapped using Start.

Rather inevitably, Sega brought out six button pad and Arcade Power Stick II.

X, Y and Z complemented A, B and C.

Instead of ‘autofire’, we got megafire’ and speed settings.

Holy fucking shit! How exciting.

Weighing in at 24 megs (as opposed to 20), is bigger automatically better?

Let the inquest begin.

North America and Europe made soon to be assaulted black guy white.

How pathetic.

What's worse is arcade version of Hyper Fighting toned down skin colour and dyed hair light brown.

Japanese version (Street Fighter II’ Plus: Champion Edition) reflected coin gobbler.

Hyper is the same principle as Turbo, so peeps can take flight.

Remixed themes and Group Battle mode are welcome additions but sound and voices are fuzzy.

'Countries', ‘you win’ etc etc are heard.

Animation is much the same for player but audience participation suffers.

Crowd doesn't audibly cheer after round’s end in USA (Ken), U.S.S.R. and Spain.

Ryu providing full screen stance replaces scanned poster and box art for special endings.

Regardless of char, he's all you get.

Lazily does it.

Parallax only applies to certain stages and palette limitation forces strange compromises.

Countries are largely SNES Turbo, but clang altered bell. 

Chun-Li

Guy down alley and water from bowl both move.

Zangief

Chain isn't as coiled, but posters are slapped on foreground fence.

Dhalsim

Elephant noise is made during and after round like arcade.

Ryu

Crescent moon adds authenticity but clouds remain static.

What's the bastard point?

E. Honda

Only one lantern, and water dripping from ceiling seems to be more delayed.

Guile

Guy sat on trolley and his bitch appear, breakable crate is positioned differently, therefore hiding radio.

To recap, trolley and bird didn't feature until SNES Super.

Blanka

Clouds are never given the cue to move.

Balrog

Fewer signs illuminate (Golden Goose) and women are blue as can be (dream a little, dream of me).

Guy chucking confetti is decked out in orange hat and suit.

Capcom logo alternates between blue and green.

Vega

Lanterns don't glow, sign above bull doesn't flicker and floor is blue, not green.

Sagat

Statue has green and not blue decor.

M. Bison

Yellow and not blue ceiling.

The excitement of Super and Super Turbo grows more than watered plant...

Pixels - The scoop and digest

Chris Columbus taking Patrick Jean's award winning 2010 internet short to the big screen is potentially an exciting prospect.

Raiders of the Lost Arcade from 2002 Futurama episode Anthology of Interest II being so similar is surely coincidence?

Ahem, moving on...

Plot details and/or spoilers breathes retro.

The future of Earth lies with:

Adam Sandler - Sam Brenner
Kevin James - President William Cooper
Peter Dinklage - Eddie Plant
Michelle Monaghan - Colonel Violet van Platten
Josh Gad - Ludlow Lamonsoff

June 1982.

Teenagers Sam and Will enter a video game arcade world championship and MC announces events will be stored on time capsule and launched into outer space.

Sam kicks the broad ass of competition, but Donkey Kong proves to be a challenge too far as he succumbs to pint-sized Eddie 'Fireblaster' Plant.

Years later, Sam works for technology installation firm Nerd (how original) and Will is President of the United States.

A military base is bombarded and Sam identifies formation to be one found in Galaga.

Ludlow informs Sam aliens misinterpreted footage as declaration of war and sends video games to attack.

Three lives lost and it's game over.

Will hires Sam and Ludlow to help soldiers brush up on hand-eye co-oridination and visual acuity.

Violet demonstrates light beams eliminate pixels, hence the development of light cannons.

Centipede invades Hyde Park and cliché alert - military prove ineffective and nerds secure the situation.

As a reward, aliens donate Duck Hunt dog as a trophy.

Will 'arranges' Eddie's early parole and 'waka waka waka' awaits in the Big Apple.

Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde are represented as cars and successfully defeat fruit chasing dot muncher three times.

Denis Akiyama portrays Pac-Man creator Toru Iwatani with real geezer appearing as an arcade engineer.

Q*bert follows in doggie's footsteps...

It seems victory is complete but wait, we have a cheating bastard in our midst.

Violet's son Matty chats with Eddie and codes hidden behind glasses are the secret of success.

In retaliation of violating rules, aliens send in the video game cavlery and Max Headroom informs they must beam aboard mothership to take on end boss Donkey Kong.

During a mass battle, the appearance of Lady Lisa from fictional arcade Dojo Quest delights a lustful Ludlow.

Arcaders Sam, Will, Violet and Q*bert accept final challenge to rescue Matty and previously kidnapped.

Hairy monster is ultimately destroyed by bonus hammer, freezing all other sprite activity.

For some reason, Q*bert transforms into Lady Lisa and Ludlow happily entertains tongue wrestle.

Aliens bugger off back to whence they came and a year later, infant nosebots bounce impatiently in cot.

This is the cinematic equivalent of swallowing deadly wasabi.

Impending doom should bask in frivolity and not deliberately revel in diastrous drama.

Dinklage's performance, (apparently cobbled together from various 80s gamers) is weird to say the least and Gad's behaviour disturbs, especially when spanking soldier ass and gestating on stage.

The consistent use of mild language is bizarre and unless I misheard, Sandler even f-bombs.

Unlike Wreck-It Ralph, in-jokes never occur during gameplay and dire dialogue is cheerless.

Why fuck with arcade folklore and have Q*bert speak coherent English?

Speech bubble does appear and audibly states 'crap'.

Referencing classics such as Breakout, Galaxian, BurgerTime, Dig Dug, Joust and Frogger do nothing to make giant pile of horseshit smell any sweeter.

Probe was sent in 1982 and because Tetris and Paperboy weren't released until 1984 and 1985 respectively, one detects anachronisms.

Alien obliteration is composed of voxels, making title factually incorrect.

Sam observes Matty playing The Last of Us and Q*bert is horrified at mutated strain of Cordyceps.

One of the biggest let-downs briefly showing undoubtedly one of the greatest games of all time?

More ironic than Alanis Morissette.

The Gift - The scoop and digest

Falling under the category of 'same title, different film', Joel Edgerton writes, helps produce and stars in his directorial debut.

Plot details and/or spoilers won't let bygones be bygones.

Dealing with the past:

Jason Bateman - Simon
Rebecca Hall - Robyn
Joel Edgerton - Gordo

Monkey phobic Simon and overworked wife Robyn relocate from Chicago to California to start a family.

While shopping, they bump into Simon's former classmate Gordo who husband claims not to remember.

Gordo begins leaving innocent presents, ranging from wine (always nice) and fish (ideally served with mushy peas).

Dinner party beckons and because Gordo often turns up unannounced, Simon reckons Gordo has become obsessed with Robyn.

Upon return from private phone call, Simon says let's close all comms.

Woof woof Mr. Bojangles goes missing and the finger of blame is predictably pointed at you know who, but without evidence...

Robyn finds sleeping increasingly more difficult and reacquaints with herself with old friend prescription drugs.

Overcome with paranoia of being 'alone', she collapses and as if by magic, wakes the next day in bed.

Meanwhile, Simon scores promotion at work as nearest competitor Danny McDonald misses out.

Shortly after dog turns up unharmed, they receive a letter from Gordo pouring his apologetic heart on paper.

Simon remains coy over what 'bygones' refers to.

Bun is baked inside Robyn's now relaxed oven but despite apparent harmony, the mystery of Gordo's letter still lingers, so wife seeks answers from Simon's sister.

It turns out that along with friend Greg, Simon was a bully and because of chatting shit over an incident regarding molestation and sexuality, his father was arrested for attempted murder.

When challenged, Simon refuses to accept he's done anything wrong.

A hostile, lying sociopath.  Nice personality combination.

Simon agrees to make peace and finds Gordo hosting a pub quiz.

After insincere apology is quickly rejected, Simon attacks a terrified Gordo.

While celebrating promotion, stone, rock or brick (who cares) is thrown through glass door and behind vandalism is Danny, who reveals that Simon purposely stirred up shit over email, leading to his sacking.

Robyn goes into labour and safely delivers child, but Simon loses job and Robyn tells him where to go.

What goes around comes around, and if you'll forgive me - ha fucking ha!

Robyn's hospital room is 237.

Yeah, I'm a geek for noticing a speculative reference to The Shining?

Christopher Smith's 2009 purgatory horror Triangle makes several allusions to Kubrick's seminal 1980 classic.

Shortly after Dufresne's escape in The Shawshank Redemption, Morgan Freeman's cell is audibly announced as 237.

Most have probably forgotten it was 217 in Stephen King's novel.

Anyway...

Licking scheming wounds, Simon finds a large package left on doorstep.

Moses basket comprises of the following goodies.

1. Duplicate house key (self explanatory)
2. CD (audio recording of Simon ripping the piss)
3. DVD (footage of Gordo taking Robyn into bedroom after she fainted).

Did he rape her?

We don't know, as footage abruptly ends.

A battered Gordo visits Robyn and pleasantries are exchanged.

Robyn glares holding baby, Simon slumps to his knees and Gordo walks away - leaving father's identity undisclosed.

So like It Follows, ending is left ambiguous.

Leaving the strong taste of The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (is the hand that rules the world), whiffing of Fatal Attraction and exhaling Unlawful Entry, strong performances bolster Edgerton's well put together psychological thriller.

Bateman's metamorphosis from hotshot to principal scumbag, Edgerton's socially awkward oddball and Hall's gradual fragility is testament to character development.

Although rollercoaster driven plot plummets into disappointing cliché, I openly recommend with Gordo's smiley face.