Your Host - The scoop and digest

The latest Saw clone is written by Joey Miller (making his feature debut), and directed by DW Medoff, known for I Will Never Leave You Alone and Pollen.

Jackie Earle Haley - The Host

Ella-Rae Smith - Anita

Jamie Flatters - James

David Angland - Matthew

Joelle Rae - Melissa

Summary

A bloodied man called Jake (Tom Claxton) is declared the winner by his masked captor.

To walk free, all he has to do is choose a present, but after pulling its string, a loaded shotgun blows his head off.

We hook up with Matthew, Anita and Melissa partying at James's summer house.

Unbeknownst to them, the Host has snuck inside and drugs the four douchebags.

They wake up disorientated inside a dingy warehouse, with necks chained to a wall.

Guess filmmakers were fans of Jigsaw (2017), as less buckets on heads and barn, set up is nigh on identical.

Let the games, sorry 'rounds' begin.

The cake tastes terrible

Ignoring despicable contestants (whose acting is dodgy to say the least), this was ironically more enjoyable than most of the Saw franchise.

Nervous, playful, hysterical and creepy - Haley gives a career best performance.

Games include Rock Paper Scissor Shoot, Admit It, Wildcard and Incision Decision, each with their own rules, revelations and consequences.

Although clearly touched up with CG, practical gore effects deserve props.

In flashback, we learn antagonist's real name is Barry Miller, and formerly hosted Wheel of Games.

Anita made a complaint against Barry for touching her shoulders, ruining his career and life.

So he's out for revenge, with the others just collateral damage.

But how he designed and built such complex mechanisms is never explained.

To be fair, John Kramer wasn't revealed to be a former architect and engineer until Saw IV (2007).  Going further, profession was first mentioned by John to Cecelia in Saw X (2023), which is chronologically the third.

Ending leaves a satisfying taste, as Barry kills Collin Piper (Gerald Lepowski), after rapist admits to his crimes.

Nice one geezer.

Black Phone 2 - The scoop and digest

Ditching 'The' from title, Scott Derrickson's sequel is again co-written with C. Robert Cargill, but rather than Mark Korven, is scored by director's son Atticus.

Mason Thames - Finney Blake

Madeleine McGraw - Gwen Blake

Ethan Hawke - Grabber

Demián Bichir - Armando Reyes

Jeremy Davies - Terrence Blake

Miguel Mora - Ernesto Arellano

Anna Lore - Hope Blake

Summary

Rocky Mountains, Colorado, 1957.

A young Hope Blake (Finn and Gwen's mother) has a conversation with somebody on a dead payphone.

North Denver, 1982.

Four years after Finney killed the Grabber, Gwen begins to have recurring dreams about murdered children.

To understand the truth, she travels to Alpine Lake Camp, where Hope previously worked as a teenager.

Sounds nothing like Camp Crystal Lake, right?

They're told by Christian compound's supervisor Armando that the blizzard has closed the roads and they'll be stranded for at least two days.

Finney speaks with the Grabber, whose manevolent spirit is out to avenge the role Finn played in the death of his brother Max.

Shortly after, he attacks Gwen in her dream, with injury translating to reality.

Later, they discover that finding the bodies of the Grabber's previous victims are vital to defeating him.

Nothing burns

Despite upping the gore (hence 18 certificate), this was everything I feared and more.

Performances remain strong and grainy dreams are beautifully shot, but blatantly ripping off A Nightmare on Elm Street (specifically Part 3: The Dream Warriors) towards the end, left me rather confused.

Did villain (real name Wild Bill Hickok) need any backstory?

No.

Apart from looking like an asshole by skating on frozen lake, the Grabber is earlier left 'traumatised' by Gwen.

"Fuck you dinosaur dick."

HA HA HA!

Bill is brutalised by Finn and Gwen, then finished off by the children dragging him beneath to a watery grave.

Let's hope he stays dead for good this time.

Beast of War - The scoop and digest

Writer-director Kiah Roache-Turner's second creature-feature after Sting, ntbcw The Beast of War (1988), aka The Beast, is inspired by actual events: the sinking of the HMAS Armidale on 1 December 1942.

However, story is fictional.

Mark Coles Smith - Leo

Joel Nankervis - Will

Sam Delich - Des

Maximillian Johnson - Stan

Lee Tiger Halley - Teddy

Sam Parsonson - Thompson

Tristan McKinnon - Bobby

Aswan Reid - Archie

Summary

Australia 1942.

When their boat is sunk by Japanese forces somewhere in the Timor Sea, a group of young soldiers must put personal differences aside and resist the advances of a 20-foot Great White Shark.

Blood and movement

Once we've dispensed with the formalities of boot camp training (like any traditional war movie), titular beast (mockingly nicknamed 'Shazza') is revealed in phenomenal fashion, and undoubtedly the best practical example since Jaws.

No CG here boys and girls, just good old-fashioned animatronics and puppetry.

Good on ya Formation Effects.

A really nice touch is a soldier jamming a broken air raid siren into the shark's fin, giving off shrieks of unique distortion.

Apart from spilling a generous amount of gore, Roache-Turner also 'adds' the equivalent of Herbie Robinson from Quint's USS Indianapolis monologue.

"I reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist."

Yeah, a torso floats to the surface.

With the rest eaten, shot or blown up, only Leo, Will and Des remain during the final scenes.

Awaiting help, a Japanese soldier standing on his capsized boat pretends to surrender by tossing his sword into the sea.  But instead, bastard engages with Leo and Will in hand-to-hand combat.

Des pulls an explosive from under the debris and kills himself and enemy.

Leaving Will to fix the motorboat, Leo (with final grenade in hand), pulls the pin and shoves bomb deep inside its gaping maw, losing an arm in the process.

Shortly after boom time, Leo scrambles aboard and survivors drive toward the sunset.

Did they really rip off Jaws 3?

Apparently so.

Little Nightmares III

Due to Tarsier Studios busy with the upcoming Reanimal and Bandai Namco still owning franchise's intellectual rights, baton is handed over to Supermassive Games.

Summary

Low and Alone must work together to escape the Spiral, a new set of locations within The Nowhere, where monstrous beings aren't the only threat.

Character select

Low - bow and arrow

Alone - wrench

It matters not which weapon is wielded, as other is CPU-controlled.

Chapters

1. Necropolis

2. Candy Factory

3. Carnevale

4. The Institute

Story takes about 4 hours to finish (which may or may not include dying x amount of times).

Broken reflection

Visuals remain top notch and chase sequences can be decent, but other than that - I was grossly underwhelmed.

Settings are disconnected from universe, music is largely anonymous, puzzles require little brain power and the slightest deviation results in death.

Yes series has always been unforgiving, but this is next level.

Also, AI will run/hide to whichever safe area, so thinking is done for us.

WTF?

As for antagonists, only The Supervisor (crushed Terminator style, in a hydraulic press), Mini-Kin (torched by hot air balloon's burner) and The Hypnotist (smashing spectacles) bite the dust. 

Giant Baby teases something out of Shadow of the Colossus, but after a series of insipid encounters, it's driven away by a swarm of birds, never to be seen again.

After passing Laurence R. Harvey (unofficially lending his likeness from The Human Centipede II), Low leaves imaginary friend behind, revealed to be nothing but clothes.

Regardless of character, ending is identical.

What's worse, twist is given away during a cut scene in Necropolis.

Having left the Institute, a post-credits scene shows Low trying to repair a cracked mirror.

Verdict 5/10

Collectibles

In LN II, finding all eighteen 'glitched children' unlocked a secret ending, confirming sequel is actually a prequel.

Here, they're replaced by dolls (25 in total), five in each, except Carnevale (10).

But exploration only gives specific trophies/achievements.

Lazy bastards.

If you really want to exhaust everything game has to offer, we can also shoot 11 crows (Bird-Brained), find 6 nomes (Home Sweet Nome), 10 lady statues (Omnipresence) and 6 ghosts (Institutionalized).

Secrets of the Spiral

DLC costs £11.99, and two new chapters (not essential to story), are scheduled to drop in April-June and October-December 2026.

By then, everybody will still give a shit, right?

(Rolls eyes).

Good Boy (2025) - The scoop and digest

Unrelated to Korean TV action series, 2022 film of same name, or similarly titled films Good Boy! and Good Boys, Ben Leonberg (in his feature-length directorial debut), co-produces and co-writes screenplay with Alex Cannon.

Indy - Himself

Shane Jensen - Todd

Arielle Friedman - Vera

Larry Fessenden - Grandpa

Stuart Rudin - Richard

Hunter Goetz - Weatherman/Narrator

Anya Krawcheck - Doctor

Max - Bandit

Leonberg's four-legged star pays homage to Indiana Jones, whose character was named after George Lucas' dog, referenced by Sean Connery in The Last Crusade.

"We named the dog Indiana."

Summary

Suffering from severe lung disease, Todd leaves New York and moves into his late grandpa's family home in the woods with his dog Indy, who begins seeing a skelatal figure caked in mud.

As Todd's condition worsens, Indy does whatever it takes to protect the one he loves.

Post-credits

Behind-the-scenes featurette has Leonberg and wife-producer Kari Fischer revealing film took 400 days to shoot, sometimes taking an entire day to 'coax' a reaction out of Indy, often with hilarious results.

Who's there?

Did I just watch the live-action version of Courage the Cowardly Dog?

Basically, yes.

Even at a lean 72 minutes, Indy repeating the same thing between rooms became tedious and/or gimmicky.

There are a few decent jump scares, but it doesn't help that most scenes were shot in the fucking dark.

When Todd dies, the Mud Man (a metaphor for his illness) drags his body into a cavern in the basement.

The following morning, Todd's sister Vera arrives and finds Indy sitting at the bottom of cellar and calls for him.  After pausing, he reluctantly obeys.

I can almost feel the lumps appearing in everybody's throats.

The Smashing Machine - The scoop and digest

Based on John Hyams' 2002 documentary The Smashing Machine: The Life and Times of Extreme Fighter Mark Kerr, writer, co-producer and director Benny Safdie focuses on the years between 1997 and 2000.

Dwayne Johnson - Mark Kerr

Emily Blunt - Dawn Staples

Ryan Bader - Mark Coleman

Bas Rutten - Himself

Oleksandr Usyk - Igor "Ice Cold" Vovchanchyn

Summary

São Paulo, Brazil.

1997

In his first professional fight (representing American Freestyle Wrestling), Mark Kerr destroys Paul Varelans.

Tokyo, Japan.

Pride 7 Fighting Championships

On September 12 1999, Kerr loses to Igor Voychanchyn, but after arguing that Igor won illegally by repeatedly kneeing him in head, result is overturned to 'No Contest'.

Despite moral victory, Kerr is devastated by the whole affair and takes shit out on girlfriend Dawn Staples.

Kerr recovers from drug addiction and beats Enson Inoue at the Pride 2000 Grand Prix, but loses to Kazuyuki Fujita in the final round.

We jump to 2025 in Scottsdale, Arizona, with the real Mark Kerr shopping at a grocery store.

Wall of text reveals Mark married Dawn in Las Vegas 11 days after his loss to Fujita, had a son with her and retired in 2009.

Pain temporary. Pride is forever!

First off, does The Rock act his muscles off?

Kinda.  But unlike hype, let's not get carried away.

Props to prosthetic designer Kazu Hiro for making the most overpaid actor in Hollywood history unrecognisable though.

Film is well made and fights are brutal, but Emily Blunt (who looks absolutely stunning btw), is spectacularly under-utilised and mechanical script makes an unremarkable story even more boring.

Ignoring Martin Scorsese's classic Raging Bull, better use of your time is The Wrestler, Warrior or even The Iron Claw.

V/H/S/Halloween - The scoop and digest

It's that time of year again.

Diet Phantasma - frame narrative

Written and directed by Bryan M. Ferguson

In 1982, The Octagon Company (led by Blaine Rothschild) are trialing a soda called Diet Phantasma (made with poltergeist extracts), before putting product on the shelves.

Test Subject 37 takes a sip and tentacles sprout from the can, removing his jaw.

Three interludes follow, so for the purposes of simplicity.

More Subjects bite the dust and 40 vomits a black liquid and repeatedly smashes her head against room's glass window.  She is subsequently torched with a flamethrower.

41 initially enjoys accursed stuff, but then spontaneously combusts, decorating room with her blood and guts.

After more carnage, a possessed 47 displays pale eyes.

Coochie Coochie Coo

Written and directed by Anna Zlokovic

Teenagers Lacie and Kaleigh are preparing to celebrate their final Halloween on Earth 

A group of boys tells the girls that 'The Mommy' will get them.

They knock on the door of a house that seemingly appears out of nowhere and a female voice entices them inside.

Taking candy from a basket causes container to drop, leaving a human fetus and trails of milk.

They come across deformed adults acting like babies.

After finding Mommy has already converted Lacie into one of her own, Kaleigh resigned to her fate, voluntarily lays down in the nursery as Mommy signs a lullaby.

Ut Supra Sic Infra

Written by Paco Plaza and Alberto Marini

Directed by Paco Plaza

Following the murders during a Halloween party, police question sole survivor Enric.

Segment flashes back and forth between the investigation and the house where the murders took place.

Enric, Vicky and several others enter a cupola and find a disconnected telephone and Ut Supra Sic Infra (As Above, So Below) scrawled on wooden boards.  He reads it out loud three times and the phone rings.  Ignoring Vicky, he answers and has a seizure.

For the record, telephone principle is presumably lifted directly from feature-length 2014 found footage horror As Above, So Below.

Weird.

Back in the present, the police take Enric back to the house and he recites Latin phrase again.  This time, an officer answers the phone, and Enric vomits the partygoers' eyeballs, before sending all to the ceiling.  He takes their eyeballs and then everybody drops down.

Fun Size

Written and directed by Casper Kelly

Josh, Austin, Lauren and Haley leave a party disappointed there was no candy.  In response, adults decide to go trick or treating.

Outside a house, they find a huge bowl of candy labelled 'One Per Person'.

Austin unwraps a penis shaped chocolate and takes a bite, which apparently ejaculates.

He wants more, but a hand emerges from the bowl and swallows them all.

They wake up inside a warehouse and stalked by supernatural being Fun Size.

Austin is found tied to a conveyor belt and chopped up going through the machine, with numerous body parts turned into candy.

Lauren manages to escape, but Fun Size kills her.

Later, two children take a finger from Fun Size's bowl.  When one admits to breaking the rules, bowl attacks.

Kidprint

Written and directed by Alex Ross Perry

Tim Kaplan runs Kidprint from his electronics store, a children's video ID service that is meant to help identify and save missing kids.

While at a party, he's informed by a concerned mother that a young girl has gone missing, with a police officer asking him to get a video for Maria.  When he arrives at the store, Tim discovers tapes of missing children being tortured or murdered.  Tim is attacked by his employee Bruce Dittman.

It's revealed that Bruce used Kidprint to lure children to the basement of the store to carry out unspeakable acts.  Before Maria, Bruce also captured a boy called Drew and ripped his face off.

When Tim attempts to help Maria and Drew, they assume he is Bruce's partner, and viciously stab him to death.  Immediately after, Bruce kills them.

In the aftermath, Tim is labelled The Butcher of Ardmore, and having got away scot-free, Bruce commits to continuing the Kidprint service, for the sake of the children.

Home Haunt

Written and directed by Micheline Pitt-Norman and R.H. Norman

Since 1977, Keith has set up his home as a haunted house with his wife Nancy and son Zack.  Keith sneaks into the back of an antique store and finds a music record called Halloween Horror.

Whilst playing, LP bursts into flames and ghosts start killing the guests.

Keith, Zack and Nancy manage to escape, but a witch grabs Zack's camera, who proceeds to murder kids out trick or treating.

The entrance of demon's mouth suddenly comes to life, breaking free from the building.

Diet Phantasma - mid-credits

47 appears saying "It's scary how good it turns out."

For internal use only

Coochie Coochie Coo was the stand out, Fun Size was probably funnier than intended and Kidprint was the darkest in terms of subject matter.

While spilling generous gore, acting throughout misses rather than hits, wraparound is among the worst and finale sucked.

Franchise is getting stale, but I'm sure Shudder will keep churning shit out.