Tuesday 28 February 2023

The Last of Us - Episode 7

Left Behind

Written by Neil Druckmann
Directed by Liza Johnson

Joel urges Ellie to abandon him for Tommy.  She runs upstairs and hesitates entering kitchen as scene cuts.

Some time before Episode 1, Ellie is training at a FEDRA military boarding school.

During the night, Riley (Storm Reid) sneaks into her room and reveals she's joined the Fireflies.

Riley takes Ellie to an abandoned mall and promises bestie the time of her life.

After jumping to the present for the final time, Ellie uses a needle and thread to stitch up Joel's wound.

Five wonders

Adapting DLC was only necessary because of how Kin ended.

Production team decorated the former Northland Village Mall with numerous props and touched shit up with visual FX.

Chemistry between Ramsey and Reid (sporting a terrible wig) impresses, but relationship was 'sweeter' in the game.

As a reminder, Yaani King (in her only video game appearance) provided voice and motion capture for Ellie's crush.

Both narratives were handled clumsily, and it would have been more engaging to include Ellie searching for meds on her own.

I didn't expect much action, but stupidly thought we'd finally get some visceral gore.

But no, they pussy out AGAIN, as Ellie stabbing an Infected in the head is tame compared to her graphically slitting a Runner's throat.

Monday 27 February 2023

Cocaine Bear - The scoop and digest

Elizabeth Banks directs a premise high off its ass.

Keri Russell - Sari
O'Shea, Jackson Jr. - Daveed
Alden Ehrenreich - Eddie
Christian Convery - Henry
Brooklynn Prince - Dee Dee
Isiah Whitlock Jr. - Bob
Ray Liotta - Syd
Aaron Holiday - Stache

Summary

In 1985, drug trafficker Andrew C. Thornton II dumps duffel bags of cocaine from a plane and jumps out.

Silly sod knocks himself sparko on the door frame and plummets to his death after parachute fails to open.

A couple hiking in the Chattahoochee National Forest spot a bear smashing its head against a tree.

Creature becomes aggressive, killing the woman.

Probably on purpose, but opening is the same principle as Chrissie in Jaws.

As kids, park rangers, criminals and the police head for the woods today, they're in for a nasty surprise.

Extra scenes

Stache hitchhikes to New York with a bag of white powder.

Eddie gives Bob's dog to his son, only for Eddie and Daveed to realise that mutt has eaten Daveed's disconnected fingers.

After credits roll, the bear growls.

Drug-fuelled necessities

First off, the real bear didn't kill anybody, and what happened leading up to its death from an overdose is unknown.

Anyway, B-movie is just as batshit crazy as it sounds and definitely worth anybody's time.

CG is ropey, there's too many cooks and subplots going on, but action delivers the gory goods.

Jimmy Warden's screenplay relies on characters saying dumb things and multiple iterations of 'the bear did fucking coke' to get the laughs.

Quality varies, but humour works.

At one point, Ranger Liz does her best Pulp Fiction impression of 'shooting Marvin in the face'.

In loving memory of Ray Liotta.

Friday 24 February 2023

Film Posters in Video Games - Anything Goes

Welcome to a different postergasm.

Actuals

Silent Hill 2
The Shining
After the War
Rumble Fish
Back to the Future: The Game - Episode 1: It's About Time
L-R: Weird Science and Frankenstein (1931)
Double Dragon Advance
Game of Death
Double Dragon - Game Gear only
The Terminator
Jurassic Park Arcade
The Lost World: Jurassic Park
Street Fighter Alpha
Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie
Thimbleweed Park
Revenge of the Jedi (before it was changed to Return of the Jedi).
Episode III: Revenge of the Sith alludes to original title.
Tomb Raider Chronicles
Casablanca (top) and Rebecca (1940)
Final Vendetta

The King of the Kickboxers (left) and Fist of Fury (right)
Out for Justice (left), Bloodsport (middle) and Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story (right)
Jackie Chan Stuntmaster

Police Story 2
Project A
Until Dawn

The following were all produced by game's co-writer Larry Fessenden, who also has a minor role as Flamethrower Guy.

Stake Land
The House of the Devil
The Innkeepers
Hypothermia (left) and Bitter Feast (right)
Silent Hill

Carrie
Pet Semetary
Die Hard 2 as Crusher Dan
Raiders of the Lost Ark as Shoot
Fake

Developers got creative.

No One Lives Forever 2: A Spy in H.A.R.M.'s Way
Kung Fu Spy of Fury
Rainbow Six Vegas
The Redwood Horror
Remothered: Tormented Fathers
Scears
Detroit: Become Human
The Target, Raken, etc 
Batman: Arkham Knight

The Terror
Prosecutor
The Ghost in Gray
Grand Theft Auto V

Die Already 4
Meltdown
Capolavoro
L-R: I Married My Dad and Sequel II
Last one is interesting.

Vinewood Zombie
Zombie Flesh Eaters or Land of the Dead?


Maybe.

The House of the Dead: Overkill

Isaac motherfuckin' Washington for President.

Papa's Palace of Pain
Naked Terror¹
Ballistic Trauma
Carny
Creeping Flesh²
Scream Train
The Fetid Waters
Jailhouse Judgment
Overkill
¹ and ² exclusive to enhanced PS3 version Extended Cut.

War of the Monsters

Very much in the mold of Rampage and SNK's King of the Monsters, PS2 3D fighting gem should've got a sequel.

Anyway, the influence of 50's creature features are there for all to see.

Terror n Space
Terror in Paradise!
Battle of the Titans
Cerebulon: Destroyer of Worlds
Day of the Colossus
Revenge of Togera
Outpost X
It Came From the Skies
Battle for Atomic Island
The Creeping Chaos
Left 4 Dead

No Mercy
Death Toll
Dead Air
Blood Harvest
Left 4 Dead 2

Reloading.

Dead Center
The Passing
Dark Carnival
Swamp Fever
Hard Rain³
The Parish
The Sacrifice
Crash Course
³Unrelated heist film starred Morgan Freeman and Christian Slater.

Parodies

Beginning with James Bond.

Gex: Enter the Gecko vs For Your Eyes Only


Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard vs GoldenEye


You Only Live 1317 Times is a play on You Only Live Twice.

Lethal Weapon - SNES only vs Lethal Weapon 3


Amiga version is largely the same, but ending favoured digitised screens.

Instead of action platformers, NES and Game Boy were scrolling brawlers.

Guess what?

They all fucking sucked.

Duke Nukem 3D vs Army of Darkness


Orcs Must Die! also rings a bell.
Chex Quest 2

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective


Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade


Jaws


Slayaway Camp 

Given title, I'm sure creators of voxel puzzler had Sleepaway Camp in mind.

Space Camp vs Jason X


Slayaway Camp Five: Bloodbath Beach vs Jaws


My Gory Valentine vs My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)


Santa's Slay⁴ vs Silent Night, Deadly Night


⁴Final coincidence gave wrestler Bill Goldberg licence to have a bloody good time.

Viewtiful Joe

Joe & Silva vs Star Wars


The Viewtiful Escape vs The Hunt for Red October


Some Like It Red Hot⁵ vs King Kong (1976)


⁵Play on Some Like It Hot.

2,000,000 Leagues Under the Sea⁶ vs Jaws 2


⁶Play on 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

The Magnificent 5⁷ vs Gladiator (2000)


⁷Play on The Magnificent Seven.

His Master's Dance⁸ vs The Sting


⁸Play on His Master's Voice

Joe the Hero vs Dracula il Vampiro⁹


⁹Italian for Horror of Dracula (Dracula in the UK), ntbcw Dracula (1931).

Stay tuned for blockbusting finale.
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