Thursday, 21 December 2017

DVD Déjà vu 2017

Julia X vs Run! Bitch Run!

Nightmares Come at Night vs I Am Not a Serial Killer

Followed vs Eden Lake

Berlin Syndrome vs It Follows

Scars vs Girls Against Boys

Come Out and Play vs Kingdom Hospital

Botched vs Hostel

Cloud Atlas vs Hereafter

Slaughter High vs Scum

Dark Amazon vs Babysitter Wanted

Gone (2012) vs Salt

All the best for Christmas and see you next year.

Sunday, 17 December 2017

Star Wars: The Last Jedi - The scoop and digest

On franchise's ruby anniversary (surely why logo is red for the first time), Rian 'Looper' Johnson picks saga up directly after literal cliffhanger.

Mark Hamill - Luke Skywalker
Carrie Fisher - General Leia Organa
Daisy Ridley - Rey
Adam Driver - Kylo Ren/Ben Solo
Oscar Isaac - Poe Dameron
John Boyega - Finn
Kelly Marie Tran - Rose Tico
Domhnall Gleeson - General Hux
Laura Dern - Vice Admiral Holdo
Gwendoline Christie - Captain Phasma

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....

Dur, dur, duh, duh, dur, dur, dur, dur, dur, dur, etc etc etc.

Title crawl goes something like:

The First Order reigns supreme.

Supreme Leader Snoke sends his ruthless army to destroy the Resistance, but attacks have proven to be unsuccessful.

General Leia Organa believes Rey will bring Luke Skywalker back to spark hope.

However, in the midst of battle, the Rebel base has been exposed...

(Camera pans down).

After Poe and co survive a TIE dogfight, Snoke chastises Kylo Ren for losing to Rey and failing to destroy Skywalker.

When awaking from some kind of hypersleep, Finn asks Poe "Where's Rey?"

Luke is a broken man and came to die on the 'most unfindable planet in the galaxy'.

We get a smashing shot of submerged X-Wing and introduced to the adorable Porgs.

Was name influenced by The Pogues?

Ha ha ha!

I'd liken them to a furbee crossed with a penguin.

He's initially not interested in helping out, but changes his mind when R2 plays a recording of Leia on board the Falcon.

"Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope."

What a cheap trick.

General Hux stalks Leia's fuel-dry fleet, while Rey and Ben psychically chew the fat.

It's eventually revealed that Luke tried to kill Ben, as he was powerless to prevent the Dark Side from consuming him.

Unfortunately, nephew threw a spanner in murderous works by waking up.

Rogue apprentice slew vast majority of Jedi generation and took selection with him.

Maintenance employee Rose catches Finn trying to escape and a relationship blossoms.

Via video link, Maz informs the only way to infiltrate Snoke's lead Star Destroyer is to find master code breaker on casino city Canto Bight.

It's Mos Eisley rebooted, with music humming of Cantina band.

Instead, they recruit a hacker called DJ, who later gives Rey and Finn up for some First Order booty.

Snoke plays with Rey for a short time and orders Ben to fight her.

Psychic conversation was arranged by disfigured baddie, as a plan to kill Luke.

Ben deceives Snoke and uses Luke's lightsaber to slice Master in two.

Yes, all powerful bad ass is suddenly killed.

Okay then.

Rey and Ben team up and dispense with Praetorian guards.

Final act takes place on secret Rebel base Crait where llama-esque Crystal Critters inhabit planet.

After new Supreme Leader throws everything but the kitchen sink at Resistance, Luke faces Ben alone.

Jedi is struck down, but physical form is actually still on Ahch-To (God bless you).

Luke dies shortly after, becoming one with the Force.

This was not a popular decision among fans.

We close with anonymous boy on casino planet gazing at ring bearing Jedi Order insignia.

A force to be disappointed with

Ignoring book and comic series Journey to Star Wars, let's look at film independently.

There's impressive duels, spectacular set-pieces and bold diversity, in what overall is a 'mediocre' Star Wars movie.

Rian Johnson takes elements from Episodes V and VI, but unlike The Force Awakens, this is largely an original film.

But that is a double-edged lightsaber.

Driven by a boring catch spaceship if you can storyline, bloated running time is littered with 'convenient' deaths, dropped subplots and wasted characters.

Most hated (and understandably so), that Johnson took a giant shit on everything what Luke's character stood for, but regardless of opinion, Hamill does a brilliant job.

Attire is obviously based on Alec Guinness's Obi-Wan and using Yoda's ghost from Empire and Jedi gets a huge thumbs up.

While seeing Carrie Fisher for the final time will bring a giant lump to our throats, she will be remembered for a special performance.

Oh, she completed every scene and none were cut.

Her daughter Billie Lourd has a small part as Lieutenant Connix.

Reunited on-screen for the first time in 34 years, Leia says to Luke  'I wear my hair different now', obviously making reference to iconic buns.

Ridley's character ultimately goes nowhere, Adam Driver is given greater scope, but Boyega is boring.

New characters Rose and Leia's deputy Holdo are fun for different reasons.

Chewie cooks and prepares to eat a Porg, but is put off when one of its kind looks on in sheer horror.

Even I went 'awwwww'.

Rey's parents selling her on Jakku for booze?

I never expected (such a fucking cop out).

Before Finn's ridiculous fight with Phasma, he states 'Come on Chrome Dome'.

(Pulls face).

By pure coincidence, insult is also a Turtles villain.

Leia scolds Poe for blatantly ignoring orders by saying 'get your head out of your cockpit'.

Who was Snoke? Where are the Knights of Ren?


Never mind about Rey being so Force proficient without the necessary training, why was topless shot of Adam Driver kept in?

Finn and Rose's adventure on Canto Bight was pointless and grossly erroneous.

One of C-3PO's arms was noticeably red in The Force Awakens, but limb has magically reverted back to gold for no apparent reason.

Abrams will direct Episode IX (Colin Trevorrow left the project due to creative differences), so maybe we'll be told how Maz got Luke's lightsaber and more might be made of Rey's apocalyptic vision.

They're adamant she won't be digitally created, so it will be interesting to see what they do about Leia.

All will be revealed in 2019.

At the end of first set of credits but before main scroll, a touching tribute appears.

In loving memory of our princess: Carrie Fisher.

(Wipes tear from eye).

Wednesday, 13 December 2017

Psycho Spoof Beast #4

Sharknado: The 4th Awakens vs Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Aside from subtitle exploitation, gotta admire box art.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 vs Rocket to Russia (Ramones album)

Just for kicks, home art came in colour.

Be afraid. Be very afraid. (The Fly 1986) vs Be unafraid. Be very unafraid. (Little Nicky)

1984 classic The Terminator is now more famous for ripping off the opening of Outer Limits episode Soldier.

After plaintiff successfully sued all concerned, an undisclosed out of court settlement was agreed and filmmakers were forced to insert 'acknowledgement to the works of Harlan Ellison' at the start of end credits.

James Cameron vehemently denied plagiarising work and in 2009 said:

"Harlan Ellison is a parasite who can kiss my ass."

Anyway, "come with me if want to live" was first said by Reese (Michael Biehn) to Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton).

In apocalyptic horror Legion, Paul Bettany's Archangel Michael quotes line for word for word.

Here's more.

The Lego Movie
Come with me if you wanna not die (Wyldstyle)
Alien vs. Predator (Arcade)
Come with me if you want to survive (Predator Warrior)

American Reunion
Loni Lipstein is targeted for shermanation.
Postman Pat: The Movie
Vision comes courtesy of Patbot 3000.
Terminator 2: Judgment Day

In 1987, Australians Filia and Constantinos Kourtis developed the concept for a film called The Minotaur, with title monster being able to shape-shift into various human and nonhuman forms.

Proposed screenplay was shared with Hollywood production companies in 1989.

James Cameron, an International Creative Management client, received a copy and expressed an interest in getting shit rolling, but film was ultimately never made.

T2 was released in 1991 and case was heard in 1994.

Court determined that T-1000 was not substantially similar.


Hoppy of Clayfighter 2: Judgment Clay expertly reenacts iconic poster.

Last Action Hero climbs aboard the banter bus and places Stallone in the title role.
To the best of my knowledge, the first parody of T2 was in the logotastic intro (which had to be loaded separately), of 1992 C64 classic Creatures 2: Torture Trouble.

Fun fact.

On title screen, remove joystick from Port One, wet finger of choice and give port pins a damn good rub until Clyde turns into Maximus Mouse (of Summer and Winter Camp fame).

With a bit of luck, you'll receive infinite lives.

Even if cheat is basically female masturbation, how amazing.

Sausage Party expertly refs specific instance of liquid metal assassin reforming.

Rocky XXXVIII (Airplane II: The Sequel) vs Rocky III

Space shuttle's computer R.O.K. 4000 is a parody of HAL 2000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Rambo: First Blood Part 2

Long-running comic series Buster introduced Prambo in 1985.
Spoofing anything from Raiders of the Lost Ark to Conan the Barbarian, UHF (Ultra High Frequency) has gained a cult following.
Sabotage (2014)
Crossing Ron (as in Reagan) with Rambo results in Ronbo.
 As a special bonus.

David Ayer's film also shows a drawing of Billy the Puppet.
I bet you never Saw that coming.

Hot Shots! Part Deux also had a pop at first Rambo sequel, but primarily poked fun at Rambo III.

Exceeding a body count of both RoboCop and Total Recall, it remains the 'bloodiest movie ever'.


Basic Instinct, Star Wars and a clever T-1000 reference completes piss take.

The Simpsons

Bram Stoker's Dracula

Night of the Living Treehouse of Horror (Game Boy Color)
You can find this in stage Vlad All Over
Treehouse of Horror IV (Bart Simpson's Dracula)
Treehouse of Horror XXIV

Pan's Labyrinth
Alice in Wonderland
The Birds
Treehouse of Horror XX

28 Days Later
Spellbound (Dial M for Murder or Press '#' to Return to Main Menu)
Mortal Kombat (Sub-Zero fatality)

Okay, it's not identicial, but Frankenstein parody Frinkenstein in Treehouse of Horror XIV does enough to qualify.

Klassic fatalities can be executed in Mortal Kombat X and XL.
This is an interesting one.

The One Wherein There Is a Big Twist, Part II (Drawn Together)
I guess this was based on...

Mortal Kombat: Deception (Various)
Waku Waku 7 (Neo Geo)

Politank-Z vs Dominion

Rai Bakouoh vs Kensou (The King of Fighters series)


ClayFighters (N64)
Blue Suede Goo is the King.
Think Ninja Baseball Bat Man is an obscure side-scrolling beat 'em up?

Well, Irem's classic ain't got shit on Strata's Ninja Clowns.

With the evil Twisto safely behind bars and evil spell broken, protagonist is hailed a hero.
Quiff is not the only interested spectator, as for some fucking reason, the Queen (bottom right) has a huge hooter.
Title screen pokes fucked up fun at Batman.
James Bond

Beavis and Butt-Head Do U (DOS)
Van Damme's final opponent in A.W.O.L. (one of its several names), is Atilla (Abdel Qissi).

Formidable baddie never goes anywhere without his Persian cat.
Is it coincidence that iconic Bond villain Blofeld strokes identical pussy?


Tundratown crime boss Mr. Big is a shrewd tribute to Marlon Brando's Vito Corleone.
Duke Weaselton (Alan Tudyk) runs a pirate DVD stall.

Check out six clever knock-offs.

Pig Hero 6 (Big Hero 6), Wrangled (Tangled) and Wreck-It Rhino (Wreck-It Ralph)
Meowana (Moana*), Giraffic (Gigantic**) and Floatzen 2 (Frozen 2***)
*Wasn't released until later in 2016.
**Due to be released in 2018.
***Due to be released in 2019.

Back to the Future Part II

Michael Jackson and then President Ronnie are given the Max Headroom treatment in the Cafe 80s.

Dragon's Lair II: Time Warp (Arcade)

Alice in Wonderland
Beethoven's study contains the threat of hungry cat and composer belting out the beauty of Symphony No. 5, in C Minor. 
A very busty Eve in the Garden of Eden.
While bringing the Statue of Liberty to life with slime, Ray has his own Hannibal moment in mediocre sequel Ghostbusters II.

I love it when a connection comes together.

Glen (Billy Boyd) grabs a knife in Seed of Chucky, reproducing a young Michael's POV in Halloween.

Space Invaders '95: The Attack of Lunar Loonies (Arcade)

A huge battle ship #106780 Yamato is approaching fast.
Don't get it?

Well Darius me.

Oh, there's also this.

When was one of most influential arcade games ever released?
Yeah, 1978.
Lovely stuff.

In the climax of music video for Three Lions '98, Baddiel helps Skinner reenact the moment Bobby Moore lifted the World Cup in 1966.
Could Russia 2018 be England's year?

Let me think.


Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse (PS3/360) has Brian and/or Stewie take down ED-209.

The Hand That Rocks the Wheelchair* (Family Guy) vs Thriller

*Pun on The Hand That Rocks the Cradle.

Viewtiful Joe: Double Trouble! (DS)

Gadget-Cop (RoboCop)
Killer Hands (Edward Scissorhands)
In name at least, end boss Heinderella is an obvious play on Cinderella.
The Shining

Seed of Chucky
....I can't think of anything to say.  Fuck it!
Finding Nemo
Heeere's Brucie!
Postman Pat: The Movie
All work and no play makes Wilf a dull boy!!
A Nightmare on Face Time (South Park)

In Mel Brooks' classic Star Wars trilogy spoof, John Hurt 'had the space special' at Gus' Galaxy Grill diner.  He was the only original cast member from 1979 classic to reprise his role, as substitutes dressed in Nostromo uniforms make up crew of Ripley, Parker etc.
Chestburster actually looks pretty vicious.
Until he starts dancing and sings Hello! Ma Baby.
Cracks me up every time.

Shrek 2
Rather than chest, Puss in Boots bursts through ogre's clothing.
Planet 51
Polymorph (Red Dwarf III)
Man-made genetic experiment from Earth that went wrong uses extendable mouth to feast on victim's emotion (in this example, Kryten's guilt).

It also extracts Lister's fear, Cat 's vanity and Rimmer's anger.
Another variety dominates final part of series VI episode Emohawk: Polymorph II, transforming Cat into Duane Dibbley.
Kid Dracula (Game Boy)
My most obscure example comes courtesy of remake and sequel to 1990 Famicom exclusive
 Akumajō Special: Boku Dracula-kun.
Fair enough, horned beast spits fireballs, but resemblance is uncanny.
You can't have one without the other.


Peter's Daughter (Family Guy)
Big Trouble in Little Sanchez (Rick & Morty)

Modified Queen xenomorph is Jerry's perception of Beth.

Albert Einstein

To honor physicist's 72nd birthday, friends and colleagues organised a bash at the Princeton Club.  Before departing for the night, opportunistic press photographer Arthur Sasse attempted to coax one final smile, but genius chose to stuck out his tongue instead.
This is a snippet of title sequence to classic horror-themed Young Ones episode Nasty, with Neil surely parodying famous photograph.
'Little blue crunchy things' refs American hip hop band of same name.
In the first stage of Family Guy: BTTM, Mort's b/w portrait is of particular relevance.
I'm good, so very good.

Venus (from Botticelli's The Birth of Venus)

God only knows what developers of PC Engine CD shmup Ai Cho Aniki were smoking, but content of first sequel flies higher than any kite.

'He' appears as boss (complete with scallop shell), and bizarrely turns 'female' during credits.

Going all out.

Cryptoriana - The Seductiveness of Decay (Cradle of Filth album)
I have nothing but admiration.

The Creation of Adam - Michelangelo


A Matter of Faith and E.T. the Extraterrestrial

FairyTale: A True Story
Sausage Party
Frank and Brenda touch tips.
One more.

Killer Klowns from Outer Space
The principle remains.

Adam and God's hand

The Wit & Wisdom of Tyrion Lannister (George R.R. Martin novel)
Bruce Almighty
God and Adam's hand

Seed of Chucky and The Ricky Gervais Show boxset

Ai Cho Aniki again, as boss character Adam flies about on half moon.
Seriously, what the fuck?

Ha ha ha!

Coming full circle.

The Simpsons (revisited)

Blood Feud
The Homer of Seville
A Star Is Burns
Title sequence of short film A Burns For All Seasons also spoofs E.T.
Until next time.
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