Wednesday, 18 January 2017

The Bye Bye Man - The scoop and digest

Adapted from The Bridge to Body Island, (a chapter from non-fiction book The President's Vampire), director Stacey Title's teenage horror hopes our skin will crawl with fear.

Douglas Smith - Elliot
Cressida Bonas - Sasha
Lucien Laviscount - John
Carrie-Anne Moss - Detective Shaw
Jenna Kanell - Kim
Doug Jones - Bye Bye Man

In 1969, a man commits mass murder on his block and before pulling the trigger, asks victims if they spoke of 'his name'.

Remember this, never forget this:

"Don't say it, don't think it."

From now on, above will be referred to as 'motto'.

Jumping to the present, Elliot, his girlfriend Sasha, and best bud John, party like there's another tomorrow at their off-campus house.

Elliot finds mysterious nightstand with 'motto' written repeatedly inside, and The Bye Bye Man.

John's psychic associate Kim makes contact with something unpleasant during a seance, prompting her to hysterically state [motto], and silly old Elliot says [censored].

You complete and utter ASSHOLE.

Kim is killed by a 'random' train when trying to rescue a family, and the police inevitably bust Elliot's paranoid balls.

Bacon is saved because suicide note reveals she murdered roommate and planned to continue insatiable blood lust.

If searching for Bye Bye Man on internet draws a blank, try motto?


Newspaper archives informs teenager killed his family and told a journalist (man from beginning), that the Bye Bye Man forced his hand.

Extended scene from pushing start is played out, with Bye Bye Man bearing witness to journalistic suicide.

Reporter's widow is paid a visit and solution is simple pimples.

Kill everybody who knows, then off yourself.

Elliot decides to fight back by ignoring deception, theoretically weakening him.

Back at ranch, curse convinces John and Sasha to turn on each other.

Our man shows up and intervenes, ultimately killing girlfriend, not John.


Bye Bye Man gives Elliot another mind trip and protecting Virgil and Alice, pulls the gun on himself before entry is forced.

In the aftermath of house burning down for no fucking reason, charred survivor John whispers 'Bye Bye' into Detective Shaw's ear.

OH... MY... GOD!!!

Idea was decent, but words cannot even begin to describe how incredibly BAD this was.

Even though it's only January, this will be the golden turkey of 2017.

Contemptible jump scares, inept editing and surreal situations are just the tip of shitberg.

Penned by Jonathan Penner, script can be hilarious.

Librarian Mrs Watkins chews the fat with Elliot in book paradise and declares 69 bloke 'must've been batshit crazy'.



Everybody's horrendous, but Douglas Smith (of Ouija fame), sparkles in one very special scene.

Slamming on 50s Everly Brothers hit Bye Bye Love, Elliot decides to sing along.

During which, a frankly bizarre tantrum, and/or seizure ensues.

Was this supposed to be a fucking joke?

Whatever, bring on the parody.

For fun, Bye Bye Baby and Bye Bye Badman are tracks by Bay City Rollers and The Stone Roses respectively.

Shortly after, he mows down hallucination and looks back in triumph; only for the now cursed Mrs Watkins to 'conveniently' appear in front of him.

I laughed out loud.

Nearly as amusing is John's reaction after Elliot whacks him over the head with baseball bat.

'Are you crazy bro?'

Or something to that effect.

Surely antagonist saves the day, right?

Not really.

Who is he? How did he come to be? Why is he killing people?

We don't know, because plot has more holes than a golf course.

Less said about appalling CGI hellmutt the better.

Significance of coins?

I give the fuck up.

Primary concern is limp ass ending leaves door ajar for prequel or sequel.

Oh please God no.

Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Psycho Spoof Beast #3

To begin, posters, and no 'fandom'.

Gutterballs does Halloween and Maniac.

 The Tripper vs Saw

Stalled vs World War Z

Tagline of Christian James' funny zomcom "When there's no bathroom in hell, the dead will walk the earth" cleverly references George Romero's satirical 1978 undead classic Dawn of the Dead.

Lisa's Substitute (The Simpsons) does a sterling job of reffing The Graduate.

But wait an amazing minute.

Take a gander at Naomi (Margot Robbie) teasing Jordan (Leonardo DiCaprio) in Martin Scorsese epic The Wolf of Wall Street.

Was shot based on and/or stole from the above?

The only material difference is legs are spread.


The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2* vs The Breakfast Club

*Film is actually called The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2.

Anyway, 2008 documentary film American Teen did the same thing.

The Fun House vs The Rocky Horror Picture Show*

*Lorelei Shark's ruby lips of course parody a different set of Jaws.

Saving Star Wars vs Saving Private Ryan

Spy vs Lethal Weapon 3

Unfortunately, Howard the Duck was made.

I know, the world's a sick fucking place.

Scraping the bottom of a very despicable barrel.

Breeders of the Lost Stork vs Raiders of the Lost Ark

My Name Is Bruce can kiss my ass, but The Stoogitive brought a smile to disappointed face.

Argentine revolutionary Che Guevara becomes a zombie for Juan of the Dead.

Less famous beret, persona of Galactic President is assumed for Contra: ReBirth.
Nick Webber (Craig Robinson) gives two famous albums a makeover in odious sequel Hot Tub Time Machine 2.

Sharp Little Object vs Jagged Little Pill

Forget It vs Nevermind

One more.

Danzig (Skeletons) vs David Bowie (Pin Ups)

Former porn actress Kayden Kross and supermodel Twiggy appear on respective albums.

Debuting in Galaxy Fight: Universal Warriors (and also Waku Waku 7), Bonus Kun makes fun of Ryu.

Check out what bargain bin has to offer in Space Quest IV: Roger Wilco and the Time Rippers.

Boom vs Loom*

*Whilst engaged in conversation with a pirate in The Secret of Monkey Island, dialogue options encourage Guy to ask about Loom in the SCUMM Bar.

It Came for Dessert vs It Came from the Desert

Note in description that Enemaware's fakery mentions Defender of the Crown Rib Toast, referencing Cinemaware's strategy classic Defender of the Crown.

Fancy a bit of Leonardo da Vinci?

Course yer' do.

The Last Supper

American Horror Story: Coven (The Seven Wonders)
Battlestar Galactica (promoting The Final Season)
South Park (Margaritaville)
That '70s Show (Streaking)
The Expendables 2
Vitruvian Man

The Scientific Secrets of Doctor Who, The Official Zombie Handbook (UK) and Idiocracy

Celebrity Juice T'Box Set and poster for Madea's Family Reunion are stylised on Andy Warhol pop art.

GPK Abstract Abby is a mash up of Pablo Picasso
From now on, it's film all the way.

Space Quest 6: Roger Wilco in The Spinal Frontier was the final game in the series and as subtitle suggests, was basically a Star Trek parody.

One question, why did Sierra abandon roman numerals?

Romancing the Throne and The Princeless Bride sub King's Quest II and VII respectively.

Each are obvious plays on Romancing the Stone and The Princess Bride.

Don Siegel first adapted Jack Finney's novel The Body Snatchers as Invasion of the Body Snatchers in 1956.

It would be remade in 1993 as Body Snatchers and strangely, once again in 2007 as The Invasion.

However, it was Philip Kaufman's 1978 remake that lives long in my memory.

Why? Donald Sutherland screams the answer.

Truly disturbing.

Paperazi vents anger towards episode's title character Britney's New Look (South Park).
Judy points at Roy in post-credits scene of The Haunting of Bill Crouse (The IT Crowd).
Medieval knight (Max von Sydow) plays a game of chess with Bengt Ekerot's personification of Death in seminal 1957 classic The Seventh Seal.
Film and television rings the loudest of bells.

Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
Nasty (The Young Ones)
Ooooh, have we got a video? Yes we've got a video.
King Kong and Godzilla star in the impressive 1996 big screen outing Beavis and Butt-Head Do America.

Whose fucking idea was it to have the beginning of Part VI: Jason Lives spoof James Bond?

Beyond ridiculous.

Aliens runs a final bypass.

Space Quest V: Roger Wilco - The Next Mutation
Our hero meets Spike, a facehugger who leaves trails of acid behind. 
Earthworm Jim's antagonist Queen-Slug-For-A-Butt is video game royalty.

Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse was gut-wrenching to play, but most stages were fun, especially Chickens in Space.

Predictably, Giant Chicken Queen poses boss challenge.

Until next time.
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