Friday, 17 April 2015

Go Film Go (Now Showing)

Part II is all about what those involved could, but largely don't watch in feature presentation.

So that immediately rules out what can be heard in conversation (we'd be here all day) or referenced on a much smaller screen (already covered via 'film in film').

In just over six months, 21 October 2015 will be upon us.

How will you celebrate 'Back to the Future' day?

I have a few ideas which may involve the trilogy, tasty snacks and booze...

Director Max Speilberg warns that in Jaws 19, this time it's REALLY REALLY personal.


After shitting bricks, Marty retorts "Shark still looks fake."

The sequel in Paris was FUCKING awful but An American Werewolf in London effortlessly blended dark humour with the macabre.

Howling mad David joins undead pal Jack to watch fake porno See You Next Wednesday.  During which, his victims amusingly suggest how he should pop his cork.


For anybody who's interested, "See You Next Wednesday" comprises of:

Brenda Bristols - Linzi Drew
Lance Boyle - Lucienne Morgan
Chris Bailey - Gypsy Dave Cooper
Georgia Bailey - Susan Spencer

Brenda Bristols.  Ha ha ha!

Street drinking trio Alf, Ted and Joseph are about to sup their last drop of cheap petrol against the backdrop of Tower Bridge.
'Owned' by Yuri (pictured), King and Mai, The King of Fighters '94 displays identical landmark.


Jim (Cillian Murphy) wakes up 28 Days Later and finds that London has been ravaged by rage in Danny Boyle's cult classic.
Christopher Eccleston aside, the decision to recruit the army nearly thawed an otherwise superb ice cube.
Resident Evil 3: Nemesis boasts a pre-rendered pile up.


The gloves of moustached British boxing geezer Dudley presented a much better alternative to Balrog and debuted in Street Fighter III: New Generation.



Capcom complete the full English.

Darkstalkers: The Night Warriors, 1994 (J. Talbain's stage)
Super Street Fighter II: The New Challengers, 1994 (Cammy's stage)
Who needs a tour guide when you have me?

Not to be confused with 2003 found footage effort The Last Horror Movie, The Last Horror Film includes fake flick Caller in the Night.


Les Uns et les Autres (aka Bolero) and Cannibal Holocaust.
Lucio Fulci's 1982 controversial thriller The New York Ripper is loaded with grisly gore, and theatre marquees.

An American Werewolf in London and Night Hawks.
It should actually be Nighthawks.
60 Second Assassin and Revenge of the Bushido Blade.
Although visible in previous snap, this angle brings Final Exam and Slavers into sharper focus.
Prisoner of Pleasure is SEXational and SEXtacular.
After Way of the Dragon, Chuck Norris stars as drug kingpin in Slaughter in San Francisco aka Yellow Faced Tiger and Huang mian lao hu.
In 1980 classic Maniac (not the 2012 remake), we see adult 1977 comedy Baby Face.
The Hills Run Red (2009) features attractive looking urban legend Babyface.
During the video nasty crisis, I Spit on Your Grave and The Last House on the Left were banned in the UK.  Romano Scavolini's schizophrenic slasher Nightmare was no different.

The Street Fighter, Five Deadly Venoms and Kung Fu Massacre, aka The Big Showdown.
Stir Crazy
Caligula
Manhunt aka The Italian Connection and The Four Assassins.
It's time for the piss to be taken.

Here's George (with ice hammer).
Here's Johnny (with axe).
Incredibly, the ending even stole from The Omen.

Smiling for the camera.
"Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast; for it is the number of a man; and his number is 666."
Dennis Hopper's Sicilian spiel to Christopher Walken's gangster type Vincenzo Coccotti is what everybody remembers in True Romance.

Sonny Chiba presents a triple bill of The Street Fighter, Return of the Street Fighter and Sister Street Fighter.
Rutger Hauer did star in other films apart from Blade Runner, and one of those was sci-fi Wedlock.

Graffiti Bridge and Marked for Death.
"You talkin' to me?"

"Who the fuck do you think you're talkin' to?"

Taxi Driver is one of the most important and influential films of all time.

Tired of transporting New York's scum and degenerates, De Niro's unstable Vietnam vet turned cabbie Travis Bickle eventually snaps.

Towards the end of James Wan's revenge thriller Death Sentence, the shootout scene is openly modelled on its famous climax.

Anyway, bold XXX entertainment wasn't exactly appreciated by cold and distant Betsy (Cybill Shepherd).

Sometime Sweet Susan and Kärlekens språk, aka Swedish Marriage Manual.
As a side note, Nature's Paradise featured in Carry on Camping.

Top Gun was cheesy and perfuntory, but I understand why it was such a soaring success.

For Tom Cruise's next box office smash, Brian Flanagan learns 'Coughlin's Law' in tedious drama Cocktail.

Still, 'here's looking at you kid'.

Casablanca
Red Dwarf IV episode Camille expertly parodied the 1942 b/w weepie as after Kryten and 'huge green blob' part company (wearing the shoes and high heels of Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman respectively), Lister remarks 'this could be the start of a beautiful friendship'.

Donnie Darko is either a stroke of fantastical genius or reeks of shit.

Whatever your opinion, S. Darko was unspeakably BAD.

The Evil Dead and The Last Temptation of Christ.
Without hesitating, you'd immediately associate Francis Ford Coppala with Apocalypse Now, The Godfather and even the god awful Dracula.

The Outsiders starred unappreciated gang warfare and teenage hormones.

Beach Blanket Bingo and Muscle Beach Party.
Who stole 'c' in the latter?  Err...
In the original 1989 live action adaptation of The Punisher, Dolph Lundgren was ideally cast as Marvel vigilante Frank Castle.

Its title sequence features Make Them Die Slowly.


If that doesn't ring your ding dong, maybe alias Cannibal Ferox will?

Oh well.

Don Siegel's Dirty Harry was one of THE films of the 70s.

Of course it's down to 'that' quote, but Andy Robinson gave a blistering and frightening performance as psychopathic killer Scorpio.

Even today, many are still probably blissfully unaware that albeit in different circumstances, Fatal Attraction cloned Play Misty for Me.

As Siegel previously directed Eastwood in Coogan's Bluff and Two Mules for Sister Sara, 'arranging' to display Callahan's directorial debut was probably done out of respect rather than to feed ego.
He and Eastwood would again work together in Escape from Alcatraz.
Basket Case (the 1982 original at least), is a crazy horror classic.

Guys & Dolls
Tiger From Hong Kong
Kung Fu The Brothers, Tiger From Hong Kong and Shanghai Com... I don't know.
Just before I run out of credit, whatever you do - don't mention the 'v' word.

You mean vampire?

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Near Dark has our man Caleb (Adrian Pasdar) wondering 'what the fuck is that thing in the sky?'

Baddies Lance Henriksen, Jenette Goldstein and Bill Paxton starred in James Cameron's xenomorphic action juggernaut Aliens a year earlier in 1986.
Tune in next time for the big bastard grand finale.

(Don't leave us hanging, the suspense is killing us softly).

Okay, I suppose it'd be cruel to tease.

How do teenagers typically brighten up a bedroom wall?

Yeah, cover wallpaper with film posters...

Sunday, 5 April 2015

Psycho Spoof Beast #1

You thought it was the end... but the parody has just begun.

Does that sound vaguely familiar?

For the benefit of those who aren't tagline gurus, I've just paraphrased one of Saw IV's selling points.

Namely:

"You think it is over... but the games have just begun."

I was of course referring to my original trilogy but anyway, let's dance.

Set after PS1 game Hail to the King, subtitle A Fistful of Boomstick is presumably referencing 1964 Sergio Leone classic A Fistful of Dollars.
Who knows why cheap Dhalsim rip off Alsion III of Visco Corporation's Breakers series is named so, but Ramsesses III was an Egyptian Pharaoh...
Baby Bonnie Hood of Darkstalkers 3 sends up a certain Little Red fairy tale.
For his debut live stand-up show Animals, Ricky Gervais hoped to deliver a Thriller.


Is it really plausible to base a computer game around a music video?

Not really, but that's exactly what Mastertronic attempted in 1985 with Spectrum effort Chiller.

Events ran in the wrong order (starting in the forest and not the cinema) etc etc, but that's where similarities end as this had fuck all to do with anything, because the aim was for some guy to collect crucifixes and rescue a fair maiden.

Marvel over its unappealing glory.

Notice the 'unlicensed' use of Pac-Man ghosts and Space Invaders.
At least Famicom exclusive Splatterhouse: Wanpaku Graffiti made no secret of spoofing the iconic video.
Cracking the miscellaneous 'writing' whip of Indiana Jones.


In this 1991 Megadrive adventure, Donald Duck sets off to find King Garuzia's treasure.
The animated series of Donkey Kong Country swapped religious artefact for crescent shaped fruit in episode Raiders of the Lost Banana.


Complete with fedora and bullwhip, Dandy-J wasn't the only char to light up Sunsoft's eccentric Neo Geo fighter Waku Waku 7.
It was later converted to the Saturn.
Depending on era, the often twisted world of Garbage Pail Kids may not have drained pocket money.

What a shame the film was unfortunately unpleasant, and not in a good way.

Check out these light-hearted and obvious examples.

R2-D2


Rambo


Ronald Reagan


E.T.


Tim Curry as 'sweet transvestite' and mad scientist Dr. Frank N. Furter.


In apocalyptic 2013 comedy This is the End, an all-star cast including Seth Rogen and James Franco play exaggerated and fictional versions of themselves.

After Jonah Hill becomes possessed, this segment references not The Exorcism of Emily Rose but...


Eminem spoofs British A.I. Max Headroom in music video Rap God.


Curren$y album This Ain't No Mixtape chose to base cover art on Vice City.


Hollywood Pictures presents The Great Sphinx of Giza (and others).


Kiss - Hot in the Shade
Elgiza is a giant but regular enemy in Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin.
Bizarre arcade Chocky! Chocky! not only ripped off Pang, but also 'borrowed' scenery from Bomb Jack.


Did these assholes really think nobody would notice?

What incredible bullshit!

I am... Nas, and there's more.


Serving miscellany, and can you beat the boss?

Actraiser (SNES)
You'll face this at the end of Kasandora, Act II.
Myth (C64)
In principle, the NES port of Salamander (renamed Life Force), featured an identical boss.


System 3 didn't think of it first.

Many will remember the excellent Megadrive port of Toaplan's Hellfire.
The relatively skilful will defy flying sarcophagus and dodge bullets.
Back with Myth and before tackling King Tut's head, we must enter the Great Pyramid.
Before Fighter's History, Data East's mascot Karnov debuted in his own crazy 1987 arcade.
In all honesty, I bought the Spectrum version on impulse and to this day, don't regret it.
Okay, the framerate was choppier than troubled waters but retained all of what made insert old silver coin such a fucked up action trip.
 Skeletons riding mutated ostriches, demons in bird's nest and gargoyle faces crying upon injury made taking drugs seem redundant.
Lara Croft's Tomb Raiding exploits and others of a similar nature (now or ever), will never be excavated.

I know, what a Ankher.

We've all seen the climax of King Kong.  Damn those biplanes, damn them.

It was beauty killed the beast.

Yeah it was, and what a complete and utter bitch.

Caravan Palace - Panic
Fantasy supremo Frank Frazetta provides the cover for issue #81 of Eerie magazine.
King-size baby equals king-sized spoof.
There is precious little The Simpsons haven't parodied and King Homer forms part of Treehouse of Horror III.
The others being Clown Without Pity and Dial "Z" For Zombies
A few months before Treehouse of Horror III premiered in America, look how Homer was represented in SNES/Megadrive mini-game outing Bart's Nightmare.
I cautiously say this may be the first time we saw Bartzilla.
Although Gamecube classic Viewtiful Joe was a commercial flop, VFX Powers continued and was even adapted as anime.
During the original's credits, heroes and villains take the piss out of and star in classic movies as if they were their own.
Hulk Davidson is obviously posing as colossal ape and Some Like It Red Hot is a take on the 1959 Marilyn Monroe film Some Like It Hot.
For extended description, Joe and co will be back in another episode...

We're off on a march, the March of Progress.


The Doors - Full Circle

Known as California Man in Europe.
1983 sci-fi horror The Deadly Spawn portrays the epic strut on poster. 
It's considered rude to point.  Try telling Uncle Sam that.

Here's how the following lock and tape load.


From the creators of the Runaway saga and the sequel to Hollywood Monsters, The Next Big Thing has a doctored version of Sam on box art.
He prefers to pick up where he left off.
Vampire thriller Daybreakers is a bit different from the usual need the feed as after a plague sweeps the world, some bloodsuckers look to cooperate with the human remainder in order to survive.
Of course, things don't go according to plan...
Parodius Da! portrays top hat as innocent, but potentially lethal bald eagle.
This was enough for arcade or SNES port to never see the light of day in North America.
I fail to understand the big fucking deal?
After all, the poor bastard was fated to become a thanksgiving turkey.

During the credit roll of Free Birds, Jake dons the hat and wears the clobber.


"My God sirs! You can break our bones, but you'll never break our spirit!"

Jack Klaff (as waxdroid Abraham Lincoiln) in Red Dwarf IV episode Meltdown.

Did cult space comedy go downhill after VI?  A resounding and unequivocal YES!

Sculpted by Daniel Chester French and carved by the Piccirilli Brothers, the statue of the 16th American President dominates Washington D.C.
Without getting too much into film or television, here's my pick of a kick ass bunch.

In the first season of the American adaptation of BBC series House of Cards, Frank Underwood (Kevin Spacey) has blood on his hands. 
Immolation - Majesty and Decay
The final pair are straight from film and game.

Seemingly iImmortal Hollywood legend Clint Eastwood must prevent the President from getting In the Line of Fire of John Malkovich's former CIA assassin Mitch Leary.
Before inevitable home conversions, Sega brought on-rails lightgun effort Line of Fire originally for arcades in 1989.
Has featured film been confused with unrelated game?  Probably.
1989 Data East arcade Sly Spy was a blatant James Bond rip off.
The hero's name is what?
Here's a scooby doo, don't use any imagination.
Give yourself a punch in the bollocks or a nip to the lady bits if Sly didn't leave lips.
Whichever artist was responsible for home computer conversion, he/she has publicity shot of 007 part timer to thank.


It's a shame Timothy Dalton only starred in Licence to Kill and The Living Daylights because he did a striling job.

Never mind, there's always Hot Fuzz.

Before logging off, let's stay with Data East and Robocop 2.

Unlike the original, their 1991 effort remained exclusive to coin muncher.

However, they and Ocean ensured home owners didn't miss out with a completely different platforming interpretation in 1990.  The C64 and NES versions are largely the same, but Speccy and Amstrad mixed things up with exploration, puzzle elements and altered stages.  Amiga and ST were based on the latter but system prowess improved the experience, (at least from a visual POV).

To actual and hugely inferior silver screen sequel.

As you can see, Sly Spy is paraded on the entrance of OCP's crime prevention unit.


Officer Duffy is forcefully asked to take a seat when refusing to co-operate about Cain's whereabouts.

Cabinet marquee suggests Bad Dudes are about to take on Dragon Ninja, right?


You'd think so, but oops a bastard mistake because when soon to be labelled 'rotten cop' takes a closer look, we observe this is actually Sly Spy.


Who's at fault?

Director Irvin 'The Empire Strikes Back' Kershner or Data East for supplying the arcade?

I'm going with both.

#2 guarantees stronger material but until that happens, even The Rifles remain None the Wiser of what'll contain.
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