Wednesday, 18 November 2015

'Super' Back to the Future Part II

Back to the Future Day was actually 22 October in the UK.

This is because the DeLorean materialised 4.29pm PDT (0.29am BST).

Old news I know, but even so...

To counter Keith Lemon's terrible Back t'Future tribute, my analysis of Invictus's Super Famicom obscurity will generate 1.21 jigawatts of entertainment.

Or is it 'gigawatts'?

On a positive note, ears never tire of listening to various remixes of Alan Silvestri's iconic Overture, but out of place original themes disturb.

If my calculations are correct, when this feature hits 88 miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit.

Legal disclaimer.

Back to the Future II?

Never heard of it.

It's cool, because title screen brings things back on track.


Unlike Clock Tower, a fan translation never happened so unless fluent in Japanese, dialogue means nothing to man or time-travelling beast.

It's no biggie though, because gameplay is less complicated than taking a piss.

Doc presumably chats to Marty and Lorraine about kids they've not yet had.

Why is Marty already wearing his self-adjusting, self-drying jacket?

Yeah, that's just the beginning...

Roads? Where we're going, we don't need... roads.

Not bad, but the inclusion of booster fx meant Amiga nailed it.

8 bits inevitably retained inferior principle.

Here's a peek at 2015.

Hey McFly, you bojo!
Those boards don't work on water!
Unless you got POWA!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Think this game cares?

In two separate encounters, Griff 'acquires' another baseball bat.

In contrast, short circuits in bionic implants only swung a solitary 'red' bat.

In alternate 1985, mistakes become intense.

Biff vs Biff's

Biff Tannens Pleasure Paladise and Casi vs Biff Tannen's Pleasure Paradise and Casino

Biff Tunns Museums vs Biff Tannen Museum Entrance

Whoah, this is heavy.

Biff hired a bunch of mutants for security personnel and WHY is Marty still riding his hoverboard?

Tuba, dustbin lids and hammer?


Next, his now busty mother apparently speaks of Jack.

Oak Park Cemetery attracts disturbing types.

I guess he's on the same drugs as game designers.

So Marty reaches memorial which according to dialogue states 1973 3, in other words March 1973.

What kind of fucking gravestone isn't date specific?

George Douglas McFly was murdered on March 15 1973.

Unrealistic wage demands meant Crispin Glover was famously replaced by Jeffrey Weissman.

Glover is credited for 'Back to the Future' footage in sequel's credits.

As per film, Doc turns up to console Marty.

But yeah, he's still in futuristic clobber.

Apart from dressing gown colour, our villain looks great - right down to those very loud sideburns.

As 1955 forms part of waffle, how, where and when he got his hands on Gray's Sports Almanac is apparently revealed.
(Laughs) "Funny, I never thought it would be you."
Bear (honestly) provides bizarre boss battle.

"You're not gonna believe this, we've gotta go back to 1955."

"I don't believe it!"

No Doc, YOU won't believe this.

Marty pots the Pink, and look what's beneath feet (again)...

(Angrily puffs out cheeks).

Strickland assaults slacker and magically confiscates the book.

To be fair, he does get shoved about.

Karate students?

Begging yer' pardon, but I must rub my Eyes.

Fifties porn?

Oh La La.

Marty? Marty? Come in?
I know you're super busy saving the future but why couldn't the lazy bastards dress me in different clothes to reflect time period?

After all, it was good enough for Mr. Tannen, so why wasn't the same courtesy extended to McFly and the Doc?
Is it because there's a problem with the Earth's gravitational pull?
Rock and roll, because we're at The Enchantment Under the Sea Dance.

Biff feels the brunt of George's wrath.

Here's a little quiz question.

Once given by Old Biff (crazy old codger with a cane), where does high school lout stash book?

a) sock
b) trouser back pocket
c) asshole
d) safe
e) sleeve
f) carrier bag
g) none of the above

Fans of the movie will scream b), but answer is actually g).


Here's bastard why!

(Audible gasps).

He... 'hid' the... Almanac inside his FUCKING mouth?

"What can you say?"

"Well Begbie had a phrase for it."

"It was fuckin' obvious that cunt was gonna fuck some cunt."

Marty beams at receiving bouncing bonus.

This boss fight predictably has Zero in common with actual events.

These guys must be Skinhead and Match.
3-D is so high, he's flying.
Taking a skeg at Biff's bitches.

Casey Siemaszko (left), Billy Zane (middle) and Jeffrey Jay Cohen (right).
3-D aside, strikingly identical.

A shoulder charge later, Biff claims stuff back.
Wink and you'll miss Hill Valley with a Chance of Meatballs.

Or dung, staple diet of a certain beetle?

The final stage is called Biff.

But that makes sense?

If only the rest did.

Golden crates falling from lorry is the main thing to worry about in a supremely easy fight.
Less Doc not rescuing Marty, automated sequence is spot on as before crashing into a manure truck, Biff endeavours to mow down Kelvin Kline.

Hey Biff, quit yer' whimpering and be a man.

Also, stop talking shit.

Roll credits.

Overall, artistic licence plunges hilarious depths.

Worse than Konami's Aliens arcade?

Not quite.

In a masochistic kind of way, I'm gutted they didn't adapt original and third.

Then again...
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