Friday, 19 December 2014

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies - The scoop and digest

Originally subbed There and Back Again, buckle up and ride with me for the last time.

Plot details and/or spoilers will engage in combat.

Middle-earth ends for:

Martin Freeman - Bilbo
Ian McKellan - Gandalf
Richard Armitage - Thorin
Orlando Bloom - Legolas
Bard - Luke Evans
Manu Bennett - Azog
John Tui - Bolg
Saruman - Christopher Lee

Still pissed at taking a golden shower, Smaug sets about decimating Laketown until Bard poops on his party when handed the Black Arrow by son Bain.

It seems Phil 'The Power' Taylor may have some competition as he cornily scores a direct hit.

A dragon slayer is born.

In the aftermath of the town's destruction, the survivors set up shop in Dale.

While searching tirelessly for the fabled Arkenstone inside the Lonely Mountain, Thorin has contracted 'dragon sickness' because Smaug brooding over Erebor's gold has brought a curse.

Why is everybody else immune?


At Dol Guldur, Galadriel and Saruman help defeat several Nazgul and rescue a weakened Gandalf.  Principal bad boy Sauron appears to tempt Galadriel but she casts him out from whence he came.

Orc head honcho Azog is planning an imminent assault on Erebor and sends his son Bolg to ambush elsewhere.

Even though Bilbo has already handed over the Arkenstone to the elf contingent so Thorin can be appeased, the stubborn sod's having none of it.

Cousin Dain Ironfoot II arrives with his crew of armoured dwarves to give these bastards a hammerin'.

War beasts (trolls with on-board weaponry) are summoned to assist in the Orc rampage.

During all that jazz, Legolas and Thorin resume unfinished business with Bolg and Azog respectively.

Legolas takes care of son but due to the sheer weight of his rock and chain weapon, Azog goes under ice.  However, he drags himself up and gleefully stabs Thorin with makeshift arm but crucially, our baddie gets the point even more...

Before succumbing to his wound, he and Bilbo make amends.

Hairy foot bids farewell to Thorin's remainder and heads back to the Shire with Gandalf.

Upon return, his estate has been sold off.

111 years hence, his older self welcomes a visit from an old friend.

Overall, a fairly satisfying conclusion to a mediocre trilogy.

We never wanted a very short book to be stretched over three films and compressing all into a single epic would have definitely sufficed.

Speaking on behalf of hundreds and thousands, I'm relieved it's over.

My first complaint is the death of Smaug.  Yeah I know it's inevitable, but to paraphrase a John Lennon song, give dragon a chance.

Did Benedict Cumberbatch care?  No.  This is easy money.

Dwarves were labelled 'scum' and 'filth' in the first and second respectively but this time, Orcs keep derogatory remarks to themselves as the insult baton is handed to their enemy.

There isn't much plot, script can be awful and those supporting the main course cannot act for toffee.

Two sequences deliver knockout referencing blows.

At some point, Legolas assumes control of a war beast and I swear Peter Jackson has played God of War and the only thing missing was executing button and analogue stick prompts.

When Azog goes under the ice, Renny Harlin's Cliffhanger jumps instantly to mind.

The scene in question is when mountain ranger Gabe Walker (Stallone) gets the better of Rex Linn's crooked federal agent Travers who takes a swim to Arizona.

There's only one more avenue to go down but obtaining rights for The Silmarillion is a billion miles away.

If it does become a reality, five chapters surely means five films.

Please God no!

Season's greetings and until next year folks.

Friday, 12 December 2014

The Pyramid - The scoop and digest

How in Giza was the Great Pyramid built?

Regardless of theory, nobody knows.

Clutching at canopic jars, I'd suggest those who somehow moved unfathomable weight didn't possess brutish strength, but just adopted construction techniques beyond scientific explanation.

Released by Fantasy Software in 1983, there was a Spectrum puzzle-cum-shmup bearing the same title, with the C64 game coming in 1984.

For reasons unknown, a dude in a submersible is tasked to find a way out of dodge.

An endless stream of bizarre enemy types are out to halt progress and in order to exit each screen, bombing a barrier by collecting colour-changing diamond is how one gets out.

Choice of exit determines your next 'chamber' and from apex, the only way is down.

Getting that off my retro chest...

Produced by Alexandre Aja and directed by collaborator Grégory Levasseur, a found footage horror of sorts endeavours to emulate all that came before.

Plot details and/or spoilers will be excavated.

Keeping things not under wraps include:

Ashley Hinshaw - Nora
Denis O'Hare - Holden
James Buckley - Fitzie
Christa Nicola - Sunni
Amir K - Michael Zahir

In 2013, a team of American archaeologists discover a lost pyramid buried in Cairo for x amount of years.

Along for the ride are experts father and daughter Holden and Nora, cameraman Fitzie (or Fitz), robotics geezer Michael and journalist Sunni.

Hi-tech robot Shorty takes a peek but 'something' shuts visuals down.

Once the gang are inside, bearings are soon lost.

After floor collapses, Sunni climbs a shaft but is attacked by an unknown creature.

They try to run, fail to hide, but do break on through to other side.

It turns out these animals are scrawny cat sphynxs and main monster is Anubis.

Michael is killed off screen, (presumably by the devourer of impure souls) while Sunni reacts badly to spikes.

The survivors find a burial chamber and ceiling reveals the star that shines brightest paves the way to freedom.

Holden's heart is taken and because beating organ fails to restore balance to the scales, yummy yummy for Anubis's tummy.

Fitzie and Nora ascend a ladder but our baddie is hot on their heels...

She gets a little tied up and Fitzie's face is crushed like an insect.

Releasing herself with a convenient cutting tool, cats climb on his back and attack.

Well open my sarchophagus, I remember something like that happening in Jurassic Park when the last Raptor foolishly tries its luck against the T-Rex...

Anubis puts a downer on Nora's escape and brings closure to a truly awesome experience.

Congratulations Mr Levasseur, your film has achieved the astonishing feat of being even worse than As Above, So Below.

Apart from a fairly well done three-sided and fictitious environment, hieroglyphs conclude there is nothing; truly less than nothing to recommend climbing this mountain of FUCKING misery.

The script is impossibly amateurish, CGI makes Mega Shark, Sharknado et al seem big budget and why does it take so bastard long for Anubis to rip Nora's heart out, as the same courtesy isn't extended to anybody else?

Inept cliche at its deplorable best.

Robbie Coltrane's sharp drinking, chain smoking, gambling washout Dr. Edward Fitzgerald in Jimmy McGovern's Cracker detests anything other than 'Fitz' and because the bearded Jay can have identical nickname and/or variation - a very strange coincidence exists.

Something I prefer to forget is Fitz was the American adaptation of Cracker.

Clunge seeking sex pest does his best, but ultimately gives a useless performance.  Denis O'Hare of American Horror Story and True Blood fame is disappointing and the others unfortunately take too long to die.

"Terrifying - you'll want your mummy."

Oh sorry, I'm just predicting what some asshole will state on cover art next year.

They say a worthless artefact may become priceless in the years to come but expecting this to follow suit is delusional optimism.

Sunday, 7 December 2014

Horrible Bosses 2 - The scoop and digest

Less Colin Farrell of course, Sean Anders reunites an ensemble cast and hopes to build on Seth Gordon's largely entertaining 2011 original.

Plot details and/or spoilers are held to ransom.

Fools and tools include:

Jason Bateman - Nick
Charlie Day - Dale
Jason Sudeikis - Kurt
Chris Pine - Rex
Jennifer Aniston - Dr. Julia Harris
Jamie Foxx - Motherfucker Jones
Chritoph Waltz - Burt
Kevin Spacey - Dave

Dale, Nick and Kurt struggle to market the Shower Buddy, until mega rich father and son Burt and Rex Hanson agree to invest in their business venture, providing 100,000 units are manufactured.

Predictably, things go tits up and they're left with a massive debt to contend with.

After deciding to kidnap Rex, they visit Jones who advises it is best to have the kidnapped take a little trip to dozy land.

Aside from chloroform, what's the best way to force forty winks?

Watch a boring film?  Suffer the incoherent ramblings of an uncharismatic lecturer?

Yes and no, but gas always does the trick, which they steal from Julia's place of employment.

Nick gives the sex-addicted, naughty nymph what she craves and they escape with a tank of nitrous oxide.

At Rex's house, the idiots accidentally put themselves under...

They find Rex hiding in their boot and informs staging his own kidnapping is an ideal way to screw his father out of millions, hence why he personally increased the group's original ransom demand of half a million to five.

Burt involves the police and realising that money is more important than offspring, Rex breaks down quicker than a hammer to glass.

Taking pity on him, they form an unlikely alliance and assist Rex in the farce.

At the ransom drop, Rex shoots his father dead and double-crosses the gang so he can inherit the family fortune.

Motherfucker arrives and planning to claim the fortune for himself, rescues them from imminent arrest.

He drives them back to the warehouse and makes off with the money, where the gang find Rex all tied up.

Just as the police are about to arrest the gang, Rex's mobile goes off and the ringtone is recognised to be the same as the one left to Burt by the kidnappers.

Rex takes police chief Hatcher hostage and before the desperate is subdued, Dale takes a bullet.

In the aftermath, Dale recuperates in hospital and the police agree to drop all charges.  Julia and Dale's wife Stacy make peace but the Doc worries Dale as she intends to make a lesbian out of her.

Dave subsequently purchases the Shower Buddy business and Motherfucker uses his recently acquired windfall to invest in Pinkberry.

Ahead of credit roll, an outtakes reel is always worth sticking around for.

Sudeikis enjoyed greater success when given a Hall Pass with Owen Wilson and alongside Aniston in We're The Millers.

It starts promising enough but gags run out of steam.

Unlike Katy Perry's ringtone, nothing should make one roar with laughter.

Let's just say Ruthless People went about its business in a far more professional manner.

The leads carry on where they left off but Aniston, Spacey and Foxx are only here because they have to be.

Still, Pine impresses with a strong and quirky performance.

If the third ever happens, role reversal is the obvious progression but if not, we'll get over it.

Sunday, 30 November 2014

R-Type: Penultimate Bit

Flash gits may drive E-Type, F-Type or X-Type Jaguars but in 1987, Irem stunned arcade goers as R-Type soon became the most influential shmup series of all time.

Visuals were nothing short of astonishing and bosses dropped jaws.

Due to notorious difficulty level and merciless attack waves, you needed more than the Force to survive.

Even with practice, your ass was usually still grass and supplying the coin slot with countless ‘old’ 10ps was a necessity.

Ah - those were the days…

Let’s blast off and strike the evil Bydo Empire.

C64, Rainbow Arts 1988

Graphics were handled by eventual Turrican maestros Manfred Trenz and Andreas Escher.

Chris Huelsbeck and some bloke called Ramiro Vaco assisted with useful music.

Despite largely fine visuals (especially bosses), much of what we see flickers and glitches. 

Sluggish gameplay, cut down levels and loading that bores means it’s one to avoid.

‘Realized in only 6 weeks’.

I guess they meant ‘created’, or more appropriately – rushed.

Master System, Compile 1988

While slowdown and flicker is outrageous, they made the best of a limited palette.

Locating a not particularly obvious area on the fourth had you warp to a unique ‘super stage’ populated by weird aliens.

While that’s kind of good, the removal of wave cannon is fucking unforgivable.

Spectrum 48K, Electric Dreams 1988

Considering host machine – simply amazing!

Meaty weapons, chunky sprites and attractive colours had us rubbing our eyes in disbelief.

To add further gloss, sprites are ‘unmasked’ so to evade attribute clash.

The frame rate chugs, we hear virtually nothing and much disappears but these shortcomings do not detract from an incredible experience.

It’s a shame 128K didn't materialise as loading would have been definitely lessened.


Amstrad CPC, Electric Dreams 1988

Very much like the Speccy (as ports often were), but colour scheme offends and moves even slower than what it was based on.

MSX, 1988

Disregarding awful colours, this looked decent but is strangled by spectacularly jerky scrolling.

Amiga, Factor 5 1989

The R-9 and Bydo moved pretty smoothly, but colours are way off the mark and detail lacks clout.

Still, in-game themes are nice but just quite ‘electronic’.

As per usual, the Atari ST was similar, but fell short.

X68000, 1989

Sharp’s monstrous machine is almost perfect in terms of sound and looks, but is hampered by slight discoloration and collision detection issues.

PC Engine, Hudson Soft 1988

It may be military slang but FUBAR (fucked up beyond all recognition), was popularised by Gabriel Cash (Kurt Russell) in 1989 action comedy Tango & Cash.

Meet one of those situations…

They simultaneously (or thereabouts), released two hu-cards in Japan, each containing 4 stages - awkwardly titled R-Type I and R-Type II.

I know football is a game of two halves but this is something else.

After completing stage 4, we enter mothership before the mission code is given in order to begin hu-card 2.

With no internet, they had us by the balls.

The title screen of the first states 'R-Type' and R-Type II declares ‘R-Type Part-2’, so both contradict cover art.


The sixth stage is ‘as you were’ but after defeating the standard monster, a brand new boss followed.

So then, a single card apparently didn't have enough memory to store all but a year later, American audiences played R-Type on the Turbo Grafx 16 without needing a mission code after stage 4...

That makes no fucking sense, none whatsoever.

If any asshole has the balls to say that’s anything other than Dobkeratops dung, come find me and we'll ‘discuss’ it.

The port itself is famously superb as apart from a drop in resolution and tinny music, visuals are arcade perfect with arguably more vibrant colours.

PC Engine GT/Turbo Express, 1988/1989

Exactly the same, just on a 'smaller' scale.

For those who don’t know, ‘GT’ stands for Game Tank and was the first handheld to be identical to its CRT hogging counterpart.

Boasting a crystal clear screen, kick-ass 7.16mz processor and true 16 bit graphics, this was the portable system to own.

Unfortunately, sound capacitors dwindled with age and backlit screen was prone to dead pixels.

Powered by 6 AA batteries, play equated to about three hours before giving up the ghost.

Sega's North American rarity Nomad also required half a dozen, but only lasted a paltry hour.

It's therefore amazing that the Neo Geo Pocket Colour gave approximately 40 hours from only two.

PC Engine CD, 1991

Knowing that Hudson fucked up, Irem stepped in with Japanese exclusive R-Type Complete CD.

Is the title supposed to be some kind of reference or sick in-joke?

Providing you had the Super CD add-on, or owned the all-in-one Duo, you’re cock locked and ready to rock.

Featuring a bunch of unknowns, they added lengthy and fully spoken anime sequences, synonymous with CD based systems.

Apart from original tunes, they gave the choice of marmite sounding arranged music.

Unlike hu-cards, heavy flicker now perversely lingers.

Game Boy/Game Boy Pocket, B.I.T.S 1991

Not to be confused with Micro, the Pocket was a smaller design of the original monochrome monster and two AAA batteries gave about 10 hours play.  For whatever reason, it had a slightly larger screen than the futuristic Game Boy Colour.

We stumble through six, instead of eight stages.

The first three stages are largely as you remember but the fourth, fifth and sixth are slight redesigns of the arcade's sixth, seventh and eighth respectively.

Basically, the fourth and fifth are floating somewhere in space.

Frequent flicker and slowdown unsurpringly hampers, but graphics retain admirable detail.

R-Type II

June 2164.

‘The seed of Bydo’ affair is crushed by the ‘plot type R-9’ group.

Bydo Mission II 2165, confirmation of Bydo’s regeneration received.

Not that anybody cares but this time, an upgraded R-9C is sent to exterminate threat.

Despite upping graphical detail, the 1989 sequel was a disappointment.

Ch-ch-ch-ch changes…

Charging the iconic wave cannon beyond max for a short period results in gauge changing colour, indicating that a new and more powerful ‘bubble’ blast can be unleashed.

The gauge itself has lost weight and stages are downsized to the shmup average of six.

Amiga, Arc Developments 1991

Suffers from lag and visual intensity is omitted, but all stages and charming music compensates.

In comparison, Atari ST owners had a right to be jealous.

Game Boy/Game Boy Pocket, B.I.T.S 1992

Five strikes instead of six and just like before, they got bored after the third.

The fourth and fifth are redesigns of fifth and sixth, with the former having a very slightly altered boss.

So if the arcade's fourth was a personal favourite - tough pap.

Super R-Type, 1991 (SNES)

Meet R-Type II: Gold or R-Type II: Special.

It’s the same, but less impressive principle of what Capcom did with Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts.

Calling this Ultimate Sloth-Flicker isn't unjust, it’s deserved.

There is simply no fucking excuse of how slowly sprites operate and how often they disappear.

Stages 2, 5 and 7 are exactly per the arcade’s first, fourth and sixth, which leaves a minor head fuck to explain…

1 – expendable new creature polluting the big black. 
3 –  the second stage, but slightly altered boss producing snakes is borrowed from R-Type's second.
4 – based on the third, but two battleships completely dominate until we go inside to destroy a larger engine (lazily lifted from the first).
6 – The other new stage is an altered version of the arcade’s fifth and recycles falling junk (like what must be avoided during R-Type's seventh boss).  Finally, the boss is an inferior cousin of R-Type's fourth.

Got that?  Lovely!

This motor burns classic rubber, but is made unnecessarily frustrating because the twisted fucks thought it would be a giggle to remove restart points.

Finishing Hard unlocks Pro mode which if completed, the masochistic are rewarded with an extra sequence after normal ending.


Largely prosaic, but nevertheless…

R-Types, 1998 (PS1)

Way overdue yes, but this is the first time arcade perfect ports were made available for home consumption.

CGI and narrative explaining the war against Bydo features a freaky skeletal like pilot.

Leaving the title screen for a short period and against jazzy music, a fancier showcase has the R-9 strutting its stuff with the delusional roar of Dobkeratops bringing proceedings to a close.

Yes, this is done purely for effect as iconic villain never makes a squeak.

Pushing ‘pause’ during gameplay allows ‘vertical hold’ to be adjusted and when beaten, any stage can be replayed.

If the punishment of enemy placement disheartens, exploiting memory card is wholeheartedly recommended.

Let’s cut to the chase, R’s Library Version 1.0 is why this is a must purchase for anoraks.


Here we delve into the ‘R Series ships’ and each 3D model can be freely rotated.

Apart from the R9, earlier models such as R3, R5 and R7 may interest.

If specifying machine specification and history wasn't enough, details on TP (POW Armour), FC (Force), BT (Bit Device) and Parts (information on capable weaponry) should satisfy.


From 2043 until 2165, the timeline of spacecraft development project ‘RX-Project’; headed by Dr. Jim Client is displayed in full.

Together with graphical stills, Force development, teething problems of other machines, successes and failures will delight die-hard fans.


It may apply to all but some definitely have alternative names.

For example:

Dobkeratops (Doppelganger)
Sporg (P-Staff)
Ironclaw (Cancer)

Assigning enemies with names like Harsh, Lady, Scant, Rios and especially Pata-Pata, leaves me with this unanswered question.


The creature known as Manth has a gene structure very similar to that of a human being.

Holy shit guys and gals, we’re closely related to a fictitious alien race.

Our lives will never be the same again…

Unless homework was done, you'd be blissfully unaware they didn't include Library on PAL.

Why?  Who knows?

R-Type DX, 1999 (Game Boy Colour)

Tetris, Link’s Awakening and Super Mario Bros. were others to be given a Deluxe makeover.

Switching systems, Sonic Adventure DX: Director’s Cut was a Gamecube enhanced version of the Dreamcast original.

(Ahem), moving on.

Nobody can argue this is five Arrowheads housed within a single gamepak, but...

Playing the untouched originals is pointless but choosing 'third' and 'fourth' adds up to 56 colours and improves background detail.  

That just leaves DX and I quote:

‘The two R-Types combined to form the ultimate R-Type challenge!!’

Combining colours 3 and 4 as one long game curdles my cream.

What a fucking con.

R-Type Dimensions, 2009 (Xbox Live/PSN)

On the surface, this is R-Types, but Tozai Games quickly reveal a HD revamp.

Nostalgic eye candy is given a superb overhaul as mostly gorgeous colours and new lighting effects shouldn't stun, but make the current generation smile.

Oh yeah, there’s also co-op play.

Whilst indulging in technological advancement, 'tilting' at will transfers action to 3D.

The perspective looks a little weird and plays no different, but eyes soon adjust.


Taking a slight detour, Ninja Spirit, Dragon Breed, Undercover Cops, Mr. Heli, In the Hunt, Gunforce and Blade Master all deserve their place in arcade folklore.

If it wasn’t for Kung-Fu Master, the majority of beat ‘em ups wouldn’t exist.

Obscurity Hammerin’ Harry and wonderful action fighting hybrid Ninja Baseball Bat Man succeeds as having the best video game title ever.

Let’s remind ourselves of what the masters sandwiched around their stellar universe.

X-Multiply came around the same time as R-Type II but boasted darker subject matter, as scientists deploy the x-002 fighter inside a living human host to destroy parasitic filth.

Flexible tentacles replace Force device which was later stolen by Konami’s still stunning looking Xexex.

Along with Image Fight, this was belatedly released on a single disc for Japanese audiences on PS1 and Saturn in 1998.

Slapped with a cyberpunk Akira and/or Blade Runner-esque theme, Armed Police Unit Gallop aka Cosmic Cop, initially baffled in 1991 as this 'part of universe' effort adopted a zero tolerance approach towards ‘mad cars’ in each zone.

Via a gauge that gradually empties, enemies can be locked on with laser stream.  This gradually tops up when unused but power ups encourage a quicker refill.

Your actual sprite is perhaps a tad too large and shat straight from the Bydo.

There is ubiquitous detail but backgrounds are desperately drab.

Short, and not particularly sweet.

Pulstar, Aicom 1995 (Neo Geo)

Extravagant tribute or incredible rip off?

Developer’s origins remain mysterious as only theories exist.

Logic suggests that like Nazca, Aicom was founded by a bunch of disgruntled and frustrated Irem employees.

'Unofficial', but accepted 1998 follow-up Blazing Star was released under their new guise of Yumekobo.  A year later, they unexpectedly excavated SNK's 1989 dinosaur popcorn Prehistoric Isle in 1930.

Having previously dived deep, I’m only wading in the shallow end.

Mind blowing rendered graphics dominate eight superb stages and attack waves even crueller than R-Type guarantees obligatory persistence.

Buying the more affordable CD version sees each stage introduced with blink and you'll miss them CG.

For all its undeniable brilliance, heavy slowdown and being able to cheaply 'nuke' bosses afforded by discarding Force means it’s far from perfect.

If you can find a way of cheating, without cheating - that's a terrible oversight.

Still, what a spectacle.

R-Type Leo, 1992

“3, 2, 1 – Let’s go!”

Never released outside of arcade and discounting Dimensions, it's the only R-Type to offer 2P simultaneous play.

Bastard child is different for numerous reasons.

Instead of Force and wave cannon, weapon crystals give a hybrid of two bits without bobs.

These chaps absorb most bullets and shoot forwards or backwards, but using these as a homing bomb thing is their primary function.

New types of missiles and laser assist further in obliterating intergalactic ass.

Another first is that stages now have titles and battleship, what battleship?

Simply blasphemous.

Its six levels are generously spacious and attack patterns forgive with interest.

Er, is this really an R-Type game?

Visuals bask in relative opulence, but music unnaturally disturbs with a compendium of cheery and out of place compositions.

Bosses are best described as a genuine mix of sterling detail and abject failure.

It’s not bad, good even, but is easily dissociated from franchise.

This came out after Last Resort, so is it a mild coincidence that co-op play was introduced and even how bits behave?

In SNK’s game, you get a single 'unit' that doesn't home in, but can be fixed and shot off in whichever direction.

There’s even some questionable enemy design steals too.

Top secret report!  (Shsssh – don’t tell anybody).

The idea was to build a quasi-mechanical earth by using a bionic computer called the ‘Major’.  The project dubbed ‘paradise plan’, hoped to colonise and create a new world.

This ended in failure because of a Major malfunction.

Paradise Plan became part of history and was destroyed by the latest technological weapon known as ‘Leo’.

Next time, the saga concludes with the rest.

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

Contains very strong bloody violence and disturbing imagery

Okay, I've missed Halloween but my own compilation of delirious damnation more then compensates.

Before the bandwagon of video game violence was jumped on, much of what I bring escaped the clutches of requiring BBFC certification.

Of course, it's PEGI nowadays.

Please proceed with caution as this is suitable for adults only.


We begin with action grandaddy Resident Evil 4 and although littered with 'anything goes' death sequences, many were just set to repeat in different circumstances.

In other words - boring.

Wiping the blood from my brow, presenting the perfect pair.

Dr. Salvador was largely successful in depriving Leon of his head.
In the Japanese version, his chainsaw splits from torso down because any depiction of seppuku is illegal.
If bug-like creature Novistador is given an inch, he'll literally take a mile.
Primal Rage (Arcade)
Success for the God of Hunger is aptly demonstrated.
Splatterhouse 2010 (Various)
The reboot of Namco's notorious horror action classic wasn't well received.

However, this tortured soul deserves a mention.
Dead Space 2 (Various)
Failing 'eye surgery' is eminently avoidable but watching Isaac's gruesome demise at least once is irresistible, right?

Come on, don't bullshit a bullshitter.
Mortal Kombat 9 - (Various)
I'd be here all day displaying what the series has to offer so I've whittled it down to just Shang Tsung's 'Bang Bang' fatality.
This is identical to, but just a gorier alternative of Joker's 'Gunshot', as seen in Mortal Kombat vs. DC. Universe.
Lazy, very lazy...
He's got the look of somebody.  Don't tell me...

Oh yeah, I've got IT!

Talk about taking the Pennywise.

Let's pretend we've managed to complete P.T. (Playable Teaser), without succumbing to violent episodes of sheer terror.

The sight of fetus and the sound of baby crying is the least of your worries...
For about 20 relentless minutes (or however long it takes to get the fuck out of dodge), environmental changes and general unpleasantness emotionally imbalance your soul.

Until the purgatory of a terrifying hallway is negotiated, we remain oblivious to the fact we're playing Silent Hills on PS4.

I'm actor Norman Reedus and congratulations, you've just shit your pants.
It's rather like Dark Escape 4D, first-hand experience is paramount.

Sticking fast with the fog engulfed and nightmarish landscape of broken locks.

Dr Fitch in Homecoming.
Having left The Room, Eileen keeps a watchful eye on Henry Townsend.
The once pretty nurse Lisa Garland leaks the red stuff from every orifice in the frustrating and flawed PS1 original. 
In the third instalment (but direct sequel to the first), Heather vomits the deity in fetus form which Claudia ingests and dies.
However, the playable sequence that made me cringe is when 'memory of Alessa' (who later becomes a boss), mimics Heather's every movement as the room begins streaming blood.

Will another outing appear on the silver screen?

Probably not, but like 28 Months Later - I live in hope.

Now for some good old-fashioned gore.

BloodStorm (Arcade)
Bushido Blade (PS1)
Ninja Masters (Neo Geo)
Samurai Shodown IV (Neo Geo)
Snatcher (Mega CD)
Immediately disowning biological disaster The Orn Emperor at birth from Thunderforce VI is a foregone conclusion.

This projectile is used against the player by a boss in Beast Busters: Second Nightmare on SNK's Hyper Neo Geo 64.

Scary, yes?

Listen guys, you can all just Go To Hell.

Followed by Soft & Cuddly.

Acts of torture may look primitive and inoffensive now but when Spectrum ruled supreme, it was anything but.

C64 classic Beyond the Forbidden Forest made its death sequences all the more unsettling because of the scrambled audio that accompanied.

Not bad for 1985.

This is how the original Doom rewarded the persistent.

What the fuck did this animal do to deserve such a horrific demise?
Obviously something pretty bad.
Take a look at this image from Akumajo Dracula on X68000.

This first came in 1993 and served as a remake to the 1986 original, unsurprisingly benefiting from graphical and sound enhancements.

Later released on PS1 in 2001, Castlevania Chronicles featured the untouched remake and an 'arranged' version with superficial design changes.

Anyway, body parts bathing in and protruding from a giant mirror is pretty sick.

Turning horror up to eleven.

Condemned: Criminal Origins (360)
Clive Barker's Jericho (Various)
Laser Ghost (Arcade)
Last Alert (PC Engine CD)
Presumably depicting Jesus Christ, a skull wearing a crown of thorns is just asking for trouble.

Look what the newspaper dragged in.

Yes, Paperboy 64 doesn't read well.

I mean come on.  He should not, I repeat not be depicted as Satan's deformed offspring.

What the FUCK?

Rocking chair and candlelit sacrifice form part of adventures inspired by the works of H.P. Lovecraft.

Darkness Within: In Pursuit of Loath Nolder (PC)
Henry's dead wife in Darkness Within 2: The Dark Lineage (PC)
Ethan observing a mutilated corpse in Condemned 2: Bloodshot (Various)
Upon closer examination, the entire sternum has been extracted...
Coming before Loath Nolder, 1995 point and click The Dark Eye wouldn't be possible without Edgar Allen Poe.

This portrait from Amnesia: Dark Descent tops the lot, or does it?

Not quite, as that accolade belongs to Clive Barker's Undying.

These beaten portraits from Bison and Zangief (as seen in the arcade of Super and/or Super Street Fighter II Turbo), display bleeding eyes and twisted agony.

Censored yes, but the feel is somewhat retained in the tepid SNES port of Super.
Phantasmagoria: A Puzzle of Flesh lives and breathes the epitome of controversy.

Here are some light-hearted examples.

Back in the late 80s and early 90s, us men remember Elvira (Cassandra Peterson) for her remarkable pair of assets.

Following on from their own Personal Nightmare, Horrorsoft continued events from the 1988 film of the same name - Mistress of the Dark.

Here are a couple of ways of how one can go the same way as the dodo.

The Jaws of Cerebus didn't hold back.

The sight of boobylicious beauty can only be good but...
...demonic transformation kills any activity in the trouser department.
Elvira: The Arcade Game was a forgettable platform adventure and despite title, was never an arcade game to begin with.

Waxworks concludes gratuitous gore.

Well don't just stand there - give the woman a hand.

Don't have nightmares...
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