Saturday, 21 May 2016

X-Men: Apocalypse - The scoop and digest

Preceded by his Days of Future Past and Michael Vaughn's First Class, Bryan Singer wraps up prequel trilogy.

James McAvoy - Charles / Professor X
Michael Fassbender - Eryck / Eric / Magneto
Oscar Issac - Apocalypse / En Sabah Nur
Jennifer Lawrence - Mystique / Raven
Tye Sheridan - Scott / Cyclops
Evan Peters - Peter / Quicksilver
Kodi Smit-McPhee - Kurt / Nightcrawler
Nicholas Hoult - Hank / Beast
Sophie Turner - Jean / Phoenix

In 3600 BCE, omnipotent mutant En Sabah Nur rules Egypt's Nile Valley but is betrayed during transference ritual.

Before biting the dust, his Four Horsemen manage to preserve him inside pyramid.

1983, Ohio.

To confirm, this is ten years after Days of Future Past.

Scott is taken to X Mansion by older brother Alex (Havok), where the Professor helps him control optic blasts.

Sleeping beauty awakes and wastes little time in recruiting the power of four, starting with petty thief Storm on the streets of Cairo.

I'm jumping the gun, but to cut a long story shorter, Psylocke, Angel/Archangel and Magneto complete the fab four.

There's a lot of horsing around and Professor is inevitably kidnapped.

1407 Graymalkin Lane is destroyed, but Quicksilver (Magneto's son) evacuates student population.

Mutant hater Colonel Stryker takes the meat of survivors to Weapon X facility where a certain Logan escapes and unleashes Wolverine's Rage.

Hey, that was also a 2001 Game Boy Colour outing and berserk reference to comic.

Jean gives sideburns memories and homicidal maniac scarpers into snowy wasteland, setting up the original X-Men film.

In Cairo, Nightcrawler pisses on immortal baddie's transference plans and delivers Professor safely back to fighter jet Blackbird.

A scrap ensues, but Magneto realises the error of his ways.

With a little bit of help from mutant friends, Jean calls upon inner entity Phoenix and fries Apocalypse.

Who needs Pyro, right?

Back at reconstructed mansion, Raven puts the new X-Men through their paces and face off against Sentinels in a training session.

A post-credits scene shows Essex Corporation big cheese taking Wolverine's blood sample from abandoned Weapon X facility.

I mentioned Mister Sinister at the end of Days of Future Past.


Overall, we take a large stride backwards.

It's not bad - just okay, and that in itself leaves me deflated.

2 hrs ish felt considerably longer and that's never a good thing.

Is this the most violent and goriest 12A film of all time?


Olivia Munn's outfit shows gratuitous cleavage and she could whip me silly any day of the week, month or year.

I think most will agree the best thing about The Matrix Revolutions is Monica Bellucci in red bodysuit.

Not that Jennifer Lawrence is a dog of course.

However, Scarlett Johansson remains the sexiest woman alive.


Before facing off against Nightcrawler, Angel defeats a guy carrying his reputation around corpulent waist, aka The Blob.

Also, no anachronisms exist.

1. Eurythmics 1983 hit Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) plays during Quicksilver's comical rescue.

2. In same scene, the observant will clock a poster of Duran Duran's 1982 album Rio.

3. At some point, Reagan's portrait is pinned up on office wall.  Former actor turned President was first elected in 1981.

4. Quicksilver 'trades in' Pong for Ms. Pac-Man which came out in 1982.

About halfway through, Nightcrawler suddenly thinks he's Michael Jackson.

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night.


There's so much to dislike.

Villain of the piece is supposed to be a bad motherfucker, but Oscar Isaac's portrayal isn't the least bit terrifying.  Apart from elemental control, all guy in blue really does is walk about and occasionally shout.

Subject matter suggests the end of the world.

Err, maybe I missed something?

The big showdown is awful and unnecessary pyrotechnics did nothing for me.

Super-sized Apocalypse in astral world looks so fake and worst of all...

After betraying boss man, Magneto arranges two steel girders to form 'X'.

Oh my God!

I was cringing inside.


Moira informs first mutant has been worshipped as a God since the dawn of civilization.

In the disappointing Blade: Trinity, Drake was the first vampire.

Coincidence or insane rip-off?

Who knows?

The next is rumoured to be set in space, so could feature Asteroid M.

At time of writing, I'm not excited.

Monday, 16 May 2016

Titles, taglines, subtitles and miscellany - Clotted and creamy

Shall I bait the hook and dangle rod?

Nah.  You've already bit.

In the immortal words of Vasquez:


Pokémon comes in a variety of colours, including Green, Silver and Gold.

Check out how albums play.

Taylor Swift - Red
Simply Red and Joni Mitchell - Blue
R.E.M. - Green
Four Tet - Pink
Baroness and Stone Temple Pilots - Purple

Supplementary to the above is Blue, as surviving Raptor teams up with veteran T-Rex to fight Indominus in Colin Trevorrow's blockbuster Jurassic World.
It's all gone BlackWhite, and sometimes both.

Black and White (unique end boss from Real Bout Special: Dominated Mind).

SNK somehow got away with stealing Malcolm McDowell's likeness from Kubrick's 1971 classic A Clockwork Orange.

Int milk and Beethoven's Ninth brilliant?
Video game series, film and DC comic.

Black & White is also a track by Detroit Social Club.

The Stranglers and The Hives present Black and White and The Black and White Album respectively.

Simple Minds - Black & White 050505
Black Mama, White Mama mixed prison and blaxploitation.
Black Man, White Hell wraps up Tarantino's latest epic The Hateful Eight.

The Getaway: Black Monday and Thomas Harris novel Black Sunday.

The 'original' SNK filed for bankruptcy on 22 October 2001.

Yes, another Black Monday.

First Star Wars sequel The Empire Strikes Back remains one of the greatest films ever made.

We'll see next year if Episode VIII will do something completely different.

In the meantime, Rogue One should provide a juicy stop gap.

Oh yeah.

Cauldron II: The Pumpkin Strikes Back and The Pig Strikes Back! in the excruciatingly bad Porky's Revenge!

Dad's Army 2016 makes a piss poor reference.

The British Empire Strikes Back
Time for Overkill.

Grindhouse themed House of the Dead: Overkill has a fucking awesome script and I'm sure Tarantino would be impressed.
Isometric 3d-esque mayhem in PS1 shmup Project Overkill.
Endgame for Highlander, Megadeth and PS2 lightgun shooter that nobody gives a shit about.

End Game is found in Cuba Gooding Jr.'s back catalogue.

Crappy 1987 erotic thriller Call Me was a low point in Steve Buscemi's career.

Street Smarts dating column gives me an idea.
SNK's action farce Street Smart.
Dude, Where's My Car? and Nativity 3: Dude, Where's My Donkey?!

Dude, Where's My Ranch? is from Springfield.

Be Careful What You Wish For is a Goosebumps story and Jack Black stars as writer R.L. Stine in last year's silly, but entertaining big screen adaptation.

Taglines take centre stage.

The Darkling and Wishmaster

Coffin Rock and Coraline

Wishcraft and The Fortune Teller

Take a peek below Into the Woods...


Iceman's ending in X-Men: Children of the Atom features said idiom.

See Zebrahead album Phoenix for a song of same name.

Texas - Careful What You Wish For
Midway's War Gods flyer mixes things up.
Be Careful What You Pray For
Ricky Gervais voices dolphin Billy Fin in Family Guy episode Be Careful What You Fish For.

What You Wish For is a book I'll never read.

Incredible stuff.

Massive Attack - Collected and Kula Shaker - Kollected

Kanye West - Eyes Closed and Snow Patrol - Eyes Open

L.A. Machine Guns: Rage of the Machines* and Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

*Gunblade NY and mindless 1999 sequel are found together on Wii.

If you don't want wow, get some...

P.O.W. and P.O.W. - Prisoners of War

Prisoner of War*

*Also a 1954 Ronald Reagan film.

Prisoners of War

Just to annoy, you've also got World War II: Prisoner of War.

Angels & Demons and The Bug - Angels & Devils

Tom Hanks returns for Inferno this year.

Chakan: The Forever Man* and Eric Clapton - Forever Man

*Famously adapted for Mega Drive.

Foxx Fights Back and Jongar Fights Back (Frank Frazetta)

Space Opera Symphony is Rufus in Ultra Street Fighter IV and Arcus II: Silent Symphony was a Japanese video game by defunct Wolf Team (later known as Namco Tales Studio).

Providing you're talking about the 1994 arcade, Bubble Bobble II is also known as Bubble Symphony.

Hark, do my ears hear music?

Air - Pocket Symphony and Márc Almond - Tenement Symphony

Guess so.

Resistance: Fall of Man and Sawney: Flesh of Man

Opening sequence The Dawn of Man from the fantastic 2001: A Space Odyssey.
I know a Captain, and he's after your Blood.

Young Ones episode Time begins by spoofing Dallas and DJ Captain Blood (Robbie Coltrane) lives inside Neil's radio.
Fitz also appeared in Bambi as Dr. Carlisle, alongside assistant Dr. Not the Nine O'Clock News (Tony Robinson).
The Loved Ones and Prom Night Can Be Torture kicks things off.

Taglines which Can Be Deadly.

Revenge, Waking and Detours

Taglines Can Be Murder.

Life On The Run and Dealing With Death

The Great Outdoors and Getting Through High School

Finding LoveHigh School and Millions


The Descent and The Prophecy 3: The Ascent

Left Behind is a series of Christian-based 'end of days' novels by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins.

Apart from inspiring real-time strategy Left Behind: Eternal Forces, Lou Gossett Jr. film trilogy and much slated 2014 Nicolas Cage reboot followed.

The Last of Us: Left Behind is still chargeable for PS3 owners, but came bundled free with PS4 Remastered version.


Leave Everything Behind and Can You Leave Everything Behind

Stunningly appropriate.

I can't take this No More.

The reason?

As you've asked.

No More Heroes took its name from The Stranglers album of the same name.

Chase and Status - No More Idols and Ozzy Osbourne - No More Tears

Afterlife subtitles (also a TV series) and After.Life

Afterdeath and Zombie 4: After Death* (American name)

*Also known as After Death (Italy) and Zombie Flesh Eaters 3 (UK).


Is the Mansion Incident associated with Resident Evil?

Well eat my Jill Sandwich.

The Dyatlov Pass Incident, The Phoenix Incident, The Linguini IncidentThe Shinjuku Incident, The Bedford Incident and just plain old The Incident are all films.

Subs say it doesn't end there.

Reality Kills: The Burningmoore Incident and Tape 407: The Mesa Reserve Incident

Nexus: The Jupiter Incident
 And Guns 'N Roses bring "The Spaghetti Incident?"

Ultimate Play the Game (commonly shortened to just Ultimate), is a legendary 80s video game developer.

The Ultimate Fighter is a US reality cum MMA TV show.

Chapter 4 in The House of the Dead III is called the Ultimate Challenge.


...the ultimate nightmare
The Ultimate Predator!
The Ultimate Warrior 
Lotus III and Winter Sports 2008 bring The Ultimate Challenge.

The Ultimate High
Finishing with tagline.

The Ultimate Confession
Lost Souls (albums from Doves and The Raindogs)

Ben Chaplin?
Game On.
Deaf Havana - Old Souls
Silent Souls
Dark Souls is the spiritual sequel to Demon's Souls and we're up to number three on PS4.

Oh, Dark Souls subs this Bleach entry.

Dead Souls and Yakuza: Dead Souls

Look what's written on G's jacket in Shadows of the Damned...


Brilliant, right?

The Hunt is On for Hyena, Prowl and Headhunters.

Fear Has Evolved (poster only) and Horror Has Evolved

The Fight Has Evolved
Expanding on film's title.

The R-9A Arrowhead was the first to blast off and strike the evil Bydo Empire and scientific experiment (dubbed Project Arrowhead) aimed to open up other dimensions in Frank Darabont's adaptation of Stephen King's novella The Mist.

No Body Is Safe and Nowhere Is Safe

No One Survives, No One Gets Out Alive and No One Leaves Alive!

Dead Forest was previously released as Grave Halloween.

Music of the Spheres* (albums from Ian Brown and Mike Oldfield)

*Remixes of the Spheres followed studio effort.

Galatea of the Spheres - Salvador Dali
Assisted by pet alien Mozart, Yvonne Navarro's 4-piece Aliens comic Music of the Spears tells the story of fruitcake composer Damon readying his masterpiece.
Call of Duty 2: Big Red One (not to be confused with PC game Call of Duty 2), was surely based on 1980 WWII film The Big Red One.

Mark Hamill not only narrates FPS, but also starred in Sam Fuller's epic.
Big Purple One may or may not be a Quality Street favourite of yours.
Connecting war and chocolate?


What Lies Beneath and The Evil Beneath


Evil Lies Beneath
If you...

If you hear it, you're already dead!
If you scream... you're dead.
You Lie You Die and You Scream. You Die.

Ignoring obvious James Bond reference, penultimate set comes courtesy of the letter M.

Rayman M was later called Rayman Arena in North America.
Metroid: Other M
After converting huge hunk of rock, Magneto's base becomes Asteroid M.

Konami's 1992 4P or 6P arcade X-Men brings a perfect example.

Setting also appears in Marvel Super Heroes.

The Whatever Within and The Whatever Inside.


Beast Within
From Within
Inspiral Carpets - The Beast Inside
The Beast Within
The Evil Within
The Evil Inside
Paradise Lost - The Plague Within
The Stranger Within
The Devil Within
The Enemy Within
Finding use for the same film twice?


From now on - it's all Within


The Beast Within: A Gabriel Knight Mystery
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within
Clock Tower II: The Struggle Within (known as Ghost Head in Japan).
By pure coincidence, North American subtitle is a Metallica track.
Elite Squad: The Enemy Within
Prince of Persia: Warrior Within
...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead were spooked after feeling The Ghost Within.

Also, The Ghost Inside is a band.


The Truth Lies Within
The Secret Lies Within
Flipping over Curse of the Witch reveals:

Hidden Secrets Lie Within
Evil Comes From Within
Evil Lies Within All Men
Evil Lies Within
Evil Lives Within

Imagine how I bastard feel.

Ha ha ha!

Five down, eight to go.
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