Wednesday, 30 November 2016

Bad Santa 2 - The scoop and digest

Known for the admirable remake of Freaky Friday and Mean Girls, Mark Waters hopes to justify why 13 years later, Terry Zwigoff's particularly great anti-Christmas comedy needed a sequel.

Billy Bob Thornton - Willie
Tony Cox - Marcus
Kathy Bates - Sunny
Christina Hendricks - Diana
Brett Kelly - Thurman aka The Kid

I'll be as brief as possible.

Following a failed suicide attempt, Willie meets with Marcus who informs he was released from prison because of 'overcrowding'.

We assume Lois is still inside and who knows what happened to Mrs Santa?

Marcus persuades a reluctant Willie to join him in Chicago to heist a charity store whose office safe apparently holds millions.

To gain inside information, Willie and Marcus volunteer as Santa and Elf respectively and much to the horror of Willie, bumps into dear old mother Sunny, who also wants a slice of the action.

Thurman (now 21), hooks up with Willie at mum's house.

For the record, Sunny frequently refers to offspring as 'shit stick', because ever since birth - he tried to fuck everything.

Okay then.

All concerned go through the unpleasant motions until Willie cracks the safe and Marcus double crosses partner in crime.

Sunny secures the loot and before making her escape, shoots and runs over Marcus.

She unsuccessfully blends in at Santacon and blasts interfering son.

Protecting Willie, Thurman is also shot (in the ass), and the police conveniently show up.

Going straight, Willie fills Thurman's stocking with gifts and teabags a helpless Marcus in hospital.


And not in a good way.

Boring, mechanical, predictable, tasteless, misogynistic and repulsive?

One of the worst comedy follow ups ever?

Guilty, on all counts.

Loathsome piece of rat shit is rightly condemned to the fires of hell.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Oh, and FUCK!

Yeah, that's all we largely hear and there's nothing remotely funny.

Thornton and Bates wear embarrassed faces, while Cox drops a barrage of f-bombs at every given opportunity.

Brett Kelly is now unspeakably bad and Hendricks' only meaningful contribution is shagging Willie.

Unlike its predecessor, the significance of Chopin's seminal masterpiece Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2 is now redundant.

I would ask nearest toilet to flush this turd, but I'm not that much of a bastard.

Saturday, 26 November 2016

Let's Get Ready To Wrestle

Whether you're a fan or not, theatrical fantasy proved to be extremely influential.

Ever since 1983 arcade Tag Team Wrestling, video games never looked back.

We all know about Final Fight's Andore (Hugo in Street Fighter) paying homage to André the Giant, but the Red Cyclone was based on Victor Zangief.

Instead of suplexing licensed games, I'm here to pin down how likeness of household names were largely blatantly stolen.

With or without 'alterations', most are obvious and some aren't, but bear enough resemblance to warrant ring participation.

This is so intense, it'll make you sweat buckets.

Tecmo World Wrestling (NES)

Akira Dragon vs Antonio Inoki

El Tigre vs Tiger Mask

Pat Gordon vs Lou Thesz

Rex Beat vs Hawk

Jackie Lee vs Riki Choshu

Boris Chekov vs Stan Hansen

Mark Rose vs Ric Flair

Julio Falcon vs Hulk Hogan

Randy Gomez vs Harley Race

Dr, Guildo vs Big Van Vader

Blue King Demon vs Blue Demon

Championship Wrestling (C64)

Colonel Rooski vs Steve Austin

K.C. Colossus vs Hulk Hogan

Zeke Weasel vs Earthquake

3 Count Bout (Neo Geo)

Leo Bradlay vs Ricky Morton

Roy Wilson vs Bruiser Brody

Terry Rogers vs Lex Luger

The Red Dragon vs The Great Muta

Master Barnes vs Warlord (Powers of Pain)

The Main Event (Arcade)

El Condor vs Mil Máscaras

Conan the Great vs Hulk Hogan

Maui Mauler vs Haku

Kamikaze Ken vs Ricky Steamboat

San Antonio Smasher vs The Tonga Kid

Saturn Six vs Ax (Demolition)

Bigfoot Joe vs King Kong Bundy

Alan the Empire vs André the Giant

Saikyō Takada Nobuhiko (Super Famicom)

? vs ?

Yeah, unfortunately I can't speak and/or read Japanese.


Big Van Vader vs Gary Albright

Ha ha ha!

Big Bang Pro Wrestling (Neo Geo Pocket)

Deitz vs The Undertaker

Mike vs Bill Goldberg

Abadede (Streets of Rage 2, Mega Drive) vs The Ultimate Warrior

Spike (Violent Storm, Arcade) vs Hawk

Shadow Warriors (Arcade) vs The Road Warriors

Samurai Shodown's Earthquake may look nothing like his wrestling namesake, but face paint may have been inspired by Warlord (Powers of Pain).

Thunder Pro Wrestling Retsuden was exclusive to Japan and the only entry from the Fire Pro Wrestling series to appear on Mega Drive.

? vs Riki Choshu

 ? vs Big Van Vader

? vs Jushin 'Thunder' Lieger

Fire Pro Gaiden: Blazing Tornado (Arcade)

Bullnoi vs Bray Wyatt

Lucha libre is a form of wrestling developed in Mexico.

Here throws.

Firebird vs Fray Tormenta

Hayate vs Super Strong Machine

Saturday Night Slam Masters (Arcade)

El Stinger vs Lizmark

Street Fighter IV's El Fuerte was also conceived with somebody in mind.

Scorpion vs Tinieblas

Biff Slamkovich vs Kerry von Erich

Jumbo Flapjack vs Barbarian (The Powers of Pain)

Grater vs Big Van Vader

Big Bear (Fatal Fury 2) and original persona Raiden also clang a masked bell.

Ring of Destruction: Slam Masters II (Arcade)

Ortega vs Superstar Billy Graham

Saber vs Owen Hart

Fatal Fury bonus stage vs Barbarian

King (Tekken series) vs Tiger Mask

Wrestle War (Arcade)

Image remained exclusive to insert coin.
Bruiser Brody (top left) and Jason the Terrible (top right)

Mil Máscaras (middle left) and Hawk (middle right)

Oh, and Titan Morgan as Hulk Hogan.

When converted to Mega Drive in 1991, you'll notice North American/European cover art is 'slightly' different to its Japanese counterpart.

Can't think why?

Before referee calls time, here's more from the Hulkster.

Unsurprisingly, others took it upon themselves to copy iconic vest rip.

Wrestling Superstars (8 bits)
Saturday Night Slam Masters
Street Fighter III 2nd Impact: Giant Attack and Third Strike
For some reason, Alex w
asn't given the privilege in 1997 original New Generation.
Bullfight Ring no Hasha (PC Engine)
Fatal Fury bonus stage
Baron Kaiser (Hammerlock Wrestling, SNES)
Muscle Power (World Heroes series, Neo Geo)
Super Fire Pro Wrestling 2 (Super Famicom)
Tom Anderson (Burning Fight, Neo Geo)
Hawk (Vendetta, Arcade)
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