Sunday, 26 June 2016

Final Fight - Rampant References

What's not been said before is now spilled.

Capcom's seminal scrolling brawler was inspired by Walter Hill's pretty bizarre 1984 rock and roll action fable Streets of Fire.

Led by Raven (Willem Dafoe), the Bombers Biker Gang kidnap singer Ellen Aim (Diane Lane) and old flame Tom Cody (Michael Paré) is paid $10,000 by new boyfriend Billy Fish (Rick Moranis) to roll up rescuing sleeves.

Before exclaiming "Fuck you asshole!" in The Terminator, Bill Paxton scored a very minor and forgettable role as Clyde the Bartender.
Is there more to Metro City than meets the eye?



Throughout, Tom is largely called surname.

Jessica and Ellen.

I censored bra with red dress.


Haggar looks rather like former wrestler turned actor Jesse Ventura (as seen in The Running Man).

Hey, don't Blain me for not using Predator.

For the moment at least, Shane Black says hero's name of direct sequel The Predator is Quinn McKenna.

We'll see in 2018.

Check out ridiculous ponytail in Final Fight 3, or Final Fight Tough if you're Japanese.

Now for something strange.

West Side saw you face corrupt cop Edi. E, and spat out gum can be eaten.

And you thought gum was for CHEWING?

Was Final Fight 3's opening boss Dave his second cousin twice removed?

After Raven informs he wants Cody dead, Officer Ed Price (Richard Lawson) urges protagonist to leave town.
Of course they don't look alike, what about first name?

Less harpoon gun and wheelchair, you'd think Belger would be modelled on Raven but...

Trust me, showdown is more painful than Dafoe's expression.
Homage takes centre stage with whichever Andore, and André the Giant.

Surname became Hugo in Street Fighter guise.

Mega CD or Sega CD version gave intro a welcome makeover.

Note J's mate Two P licking blade in featured excerpt.

I'd strongly suggest this was lifted from head exploding classic Fist of the North Star.

Thug sent on suicide mission to kill Snake in Golgo 13: The Professional provides an even better example.

Well shit the bastard bed.

Andore head swap and Bay Area boss Abigail fails to control anger management.

Said boss is in homage to King Diamond's first concept album.

Coincidentally, Abigail is also a Japanese thrash metal band.

Sticking with bosses, Damnd could be referencing The Damned and Sodom is probably named after German band of same name.

Controversial transgender enemies Roxy (left) and Poison (right) were surely based on...

...Bret Michaels (left) and CC DeVille (right).

Loading Guns n' flowering Roses.



Rolento vs Colonel (Fist of the North Star)

Complete with eye-patch, Final Fight 3 Skull Cross leader Black took the piss even more.

Street Fighter Alpha 3
Not to be confused with associates Wong Who and G. Oriber, the corpulent Bill Bull takes charge.

Perhaps designers had multiple arm-wrestling world champion and actor Rick Zumwalt in mind.

Bull Hurley gave Lincoln Hawk's Stallone major problems in Menahem Golan's 1987 drama Over the Top.
Censorship? Mistakes? Conversions?

Bear with me guys.

Monday, 20 June 2016

Unfriended - Lost in Translation

Not to be confused with Simon Verhoeven's 2016 version Friend Request, Leo Gabriadze's teen slasher literally contains a few typos.

Much is down to pure laziness, but hey ho.

In no particular order.

Im more than willing tocommunicate with the dead, but apostrophe and not tapping space bar prevents me from doing so.
When 'its' is used in the wrong context - its really fucking annoying.
See what I mean.
Transpose 'ahd' (twice) and you get...
los eit, stopp and plszz.
Stop it, before I lose it, pls.
Girlfriends come and go but 'girlfirens' stay forever.
Faggot is a well known derogatory term for a gay man in North America.
I guess 'faggut' must be a distant cousin.
'Dont' you know sentence should end with ?
More so, 'didn't' is written correctly.
Make up your fucking mind.
lclass lastweek week.
And to cap shit off, its wrong AGAIN.
Yeah, it's so fucked up.

Next time u want to 'lagh' at someone at least do it to their face.
Notice which vowel is missing?
U sorry (redacted).
Pls, please or pleesee, what takes your text speak fancy?
Hopefully, not the latter.
Hey 'its' laura barns...
i'm sorry 'ive' been mean 2u.

Fantastic inconsistency.
Laura Barns tags herself as billiee227.

That would be cooler than your average cucumber, but... example shows, billie227 in every other situation.
Features of similar excitement will return.

Wednesday, 15 June 2016

The Conjuring 2 - The scoop and digest

Only last year, the North London case was dramatised in three part TV mini-series The Enfield Haunting, with Timothy Spall giving a typically commanding performance as paranormal investigator Maurice Grosse.

Ignoring John R. Leonetti's decent prequel/spin-off Annabelle, James Wan returns to direct, with Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga reprising roles.

Amityville, 1976.

Did demonic possession play a part in Ronald DeFeo Jr. murdering his family in November 1974?

That's what the Warrens are here to investigate.

During a trance, Lorraine relives shotgun blasts and unexpectedly encounters nasty looking female.

London Calling, 1977.

Members of the Hodgson family experience supernatural disturbances any hovel can do without.

Maurice Grosse and media friends interview Peggy's now possessed daughter Janet, who claims 'her' name is former owner Bill Wilkins.

He died 72 years young of a brain hemorrhage sitting in armchair.

News travels fast, and the Warrens reluctantly agree to act as observers.

Parapsychologist and skeptic Anita Gregory presents video evidence proving Janet purposely wrecking dining area.

Why'd she do it?

Otherwise, a voice promised to kill brothers and sisters.

On train home, tapes are played back confirming "Help me! It won't let me go."

In other words, Bill's spirit is being manipulated by true enemy dressed in black and white.

They're nun too pleased.

As events escalate, lightning strikes and jagged tree stump may be of vital significance.

Ed resists everything evil presence throws and finds Janet ready to jump from open window.

Lorraine remembers carving demon's name Valak inside bible during Amityville vision, and announcement condemns bitch back to hell.

Text epilogue informs:

Peggy spent the rest of her days in Green Street home and died in the same chair as Bill Wilkins 40 years earlier.

'The Crooked Man' zoetrope is added to the Warrens' Occult Museum and couple dances to Elvis Presley's Can't Help Falling in Love.

Thank you very much.

As credits roll, we hear actual recordings of Janet's 'demonic' voice and actors are compared to real-life counterparts.

Briefly touching on legitimacy...

'Based on the true case files of the Warrens'?

Not really, as they had little involvement.

Janet's levitation is massively exaggerated to what apparently happened.

Back in the late 70s, photographs were highly debatable and now, they're faker than plastic surgery.

Did crosses rotate upside down?

No.  Done only for dramatic effect.

As for 'inverted' crosses representing malevolence, you don't have to be religious to know it's quite the opposite.

When Emperor Nero ordered St. Peter to be crucified, Apostle didn't consider himself worthy enough to die in the same manner as Jesus, so requested death upside down as an act of humility.

Pop bastard culture strikes again.

Paranormal Activity, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, The Devil Inside and The Omen (2006) et al have all taken advantage.

Oh yeah, thrash metal bands might've had a poke too...

Promotional campaign makes no sense as movie posters and TV adverts sub this The Enfield Case.

Whatever, right?

Playing second fiddle to superior original, multiple tropes throughout first half are orchestrated with flair and effective precision.

However, jump scares run out of steam and become all too predictable.

This is magnified when Ed attempts to fix a leak in submerged basement and Valak's shadow terrorising Lorraine.

I can appreciate a little humour, but script can disrespect situation.

Antagonist is a close relative of Bride in Black and dog morphing into Mister Babadook-esque Crooked Man (Javier Botet) is frankly bizarre.

James Wan proves once again he's highly accomplished, but even his biggest fans will grow tired of 'same shit, different film'.

Friday, 10 June 2016

Super Street Fighter II: The New Challengers

Amiga, US Gold 1995

Depending on chipset and RAM, experience differs.

Regardless of tech jargon, both smell strongly of SNES.

ECS (A3000, A600, A500+ or A2000)

Things start promising as Ryu unleashes famous fireball.

Just for a laugh, Ken’s equivalent is red.

No bonus stages, horrible colours and tiny sprites have minimal animation.

Zero speech, occasional squawk for sound effects and very weak music.

Looking on the bright side, stages have correct music for each.

If that sounds stupid, you obviously haven't played The World Warrior...

Static backgrounds can look pretty nice and strangely - they bothered to light up segregated areas in Vegas.

7 discs?

That’s right - 7 BASTARD DISCS.

To be fair, extreme swapping is a vast improvement over hideous OCS predecessor.

AGA (A4000, A1200 or CD32)

First off, intro has gone.

Visuals are probably better and synthed music (again matching whatever frozen stage), is more likable.

Some specials have speech and perversely, you get a choice of speed settings.

6 button pad support is obviously a Brucie and performing full install apparently prevented less crashing and glitching.

On Amiga at least, it's the best version by a country kilometre.

DOS, Eurocom 1996

This IS the SNES port on CD, with ‘Round whatever’ and ‘Fight’.

MIDI themes suck, but sources tell me 6 button pad eased the pain.

Mega Drive, 1994

Fun fact.

At 40 megs, this was said machine's largest cart.

To recap, SNES equivalent counted 32.

So is bigger necessarily better?

No smart remarks girls…

Ha ha ha!

Appropriately, this is personal (between Nintendo and Sega).

Speech is muffled, music suffers greatly and limited palette seals the deal of garish complexion.

However, 'Round whatever' and 'Fight' is an audible consolation.


As expected, their best isn't quite good enough.


Chickens don't cluck and bicycle bell doesn't ring throughout round.


Do clouds scroll?



Dee Jay

Solitary guitarist plays in band stand and musicians refuse to move.

Torch’s glow doesn't cast reflection on audience or stone structure.


Lake doesn't twinkle and flames flash rather than dance.


Fewer signs are lit, but Nin Nin Hall replaces the bizarre situation of Goldwin.

Both girls wear sea green clobber and shoes, (rather than red and blue), and signs above either Casino hoarding are on the blink.


Intensity of yellow lanterns above crowd and wall lamps against green brick are meek in comparison.

Matador adjacent to bull rang in sick and flamenco dancers wear not pink, but yellow.

For whatever reason, they possess more co-ordination when celebrating.

Sign above horned beast only glows after round's end.


Was host venue trying to save electricity?

In SNES, limited colours constantly cycled through.


When covering SNES, my bitching was fairly brief.

From the very beginning, Nintendo thought it would be a good idea to have everybody 'destroy', and not 'kill'.

Also, splat behind VS is actually red and defeated portraits feature blood.


Ryu's scrolling face, Gorbachev's close-up, Blanka's anklet and Dhalsim taking 3 year elephant ride are reinstated.

Opening screens of Dee JayBalrog* and Vega imitate arcade.

Although Iron Mike still counts cash without babes.

*Winning quote: "My fists have your blood on them."


"Get up you wimp."


Whilst munching meal in final screen, he's surrounded by four friends.


Bison says:

"Go ahead, kill me quickly."

Jane pleads:

"Please dear.  Killing Bison won't bring Charlie back."

After 'Please dear etc etc', arcade adds:

"It will simply make you a murderer just like Bison."

**Winning quote: "Are you man enough to fight with me?"


"Are you bad enough to fight with me?"



All her shit is said beforehand entirely in separate screen at father's grave.

Blood appears in either decision,

***Arcade's blurb about Bison's drug ring was cut.


(To Bison).

"All I remember is that you set me up and tried to kill me.  But only succeeded in scarring my face!"

(Bison to Cammy).

"I had feelings for you! I did not try to kill you!"

T. Hawk

(While staring over desolate plain of homeland).

"But he feels his sacred blood boiling deep within his heart."


"But he feels his blood boiling deep within his heart."

Why? I repeat WHY did Nintendo remove 'sacred'?


X68000, 1994

Nearly, but not quite arcade perfect.

A la Champion Edition, box housed specifically made adaptor.

Yamaha YM2151 chip fails to match Q Sound originals, but everything else sparkles.


T. Hawk

Large crowd behind feather headdresses are immobile.


Clouds scroll with more jerk.


Lake doesn’t twinkle.

FM Towns, 1994

Before diving in, let's talk about PC variant's curious name.

FM stands for Fujitsu Micro, as this was far from their first product and interestingly, ‘Towns’ refers to Nobel Prize winning American physicist Charles Townes.

Released in 1993, the FM Towns Marty was the world’s first 32-bit CD console with built-in disk drive.

Where does Marty originate from?

No idea.

Endeavouring to recoup poor sales, they brought out FM Towns Marty 2, but cheaper sequel had no extra horsepower.

Marty games were backwards compatible, but this and Samurai Spirits (Samurai Shodown in North America and Europe) are exceptions, because both required 4MB of RAM.

To clarify, Marty had 2MB and slower processor.

Now you're fully clued up, time to analyse the lazy and great.

Fancy altering your fave character's hair, clothes etc?

If so, 'Color Edit’ is bound to excite and can't be found in any other.

The debut of Arranged soundtrack is best described as enjoying a bag of Revels.

Everybody has their favourites.

Hey, it's okay to admire such a profound statement.

Depending on personal taste, arcade's Q Sound can be turned on.

In regards to audio, overall effect is ruined because:

a) Themes don't begin until Round X and Fight are spoken;
b) Music ceases immediately after You Win or You Lose; and
c) No danger themes.


Animation includes backing off, so automatically kicks console ass.

Settings are fantastic, but allergic to parallax.

Tut fucking tut.

Frustratingly, I am only able to pick the bones out of a few countries.


Sky doesn’t scroll.

Answers on a confused postcard.


Dude with shades sat on crate is frozen in time.  Woman wearing shades on far right doesn’t move leg and foot.  Lady with guy on trolley is static.


Six elephants refuse to trumpet or shake a trunk.

T. Hawk

Everybody present, but not a great deal of onlookers move.

I imagine the rest are missing numerous bits and bobs, but...

Seeking out X68000's adaptor or purchasing Fujitsu’s own six button controller broadens flexibility.

Next time, the speed of Super Turbo's gauge will be dissected.

Friday, 3 June 2016

Dark Escape 4D - Gruelling Analysis

Long overdue, but best things come to those and all that.

My brief review from 2014 indicated I was slightly impressed.

I've since learned fourth dimension relates to 'other' features such as vibrating bench, air blasters and heart rate sensors.

So in other words - bollocks.

IGS upped the ante in 2015 with 5D theatre light-gun game Monster Eye.

Imagine Let's Go Jungle (spiritual successor to The Ocean Hunter), meets Police 24/7 (motion sensing technology).

What does 5D mean?


Nex Entertainment's Production staff include:

Director - Minoru Watanabe
Game Concept Design - Daisuke Tajima
Lead Character Model Designer - Takaki Iwata
Character Model Designers - Kazuyoshi Nagata, Erina Matsui, Katsuhito Kawai, Shigeru Yagi and Mariko Sanefuji

While I have nothing but praise for 'grotesque imagery and shocking scenes', on-rails horror rollercoaster is largely ONE BIG FAT DIRTY STINKING RIP OFF.

Allow me to show you why.

Cabinet's ass end smacks of The Human Centipede.

Was title logo stylized on The House of the Dead 4?

Ask designer Yasuo Mori.

NPC Courtney Wall looks remarkably similar to Haunting Ground's Fiona Belli.

Or Rebecca Chambers from the excellent Gamecube Resident Evil remake.

I can't fucking decide.

Ignoring Prison (which isn't compulsory), let's pick the bones out of each mandatory stage.


Zombie arms bursting through wall reminds me of Day of the Dead (1985).

Swapping wall for wooden boards, same kind of thing happens in Resident Evil 2.
Box art for Outbreak is either terrible, or makes bizarre reference.

I'm going with the former.

Venus flytrap boss deserves a scary high five.

Now shit really hits the proverbial fan.

This fearsome freak dominates Death Chamber.

Urotsukidoji is famous for tentacle porn and gory violence.

The above may have been influenced by Niki's monster.

Splitting heads, two rampaging alligator things provides boss encounter.

Lab Complex should hide its head in shame.

Arachnids are staple diet and responsible for several boo moments.

Ambush scene features amazing slow-mo.
Camera pans around curious containers.

Now what the FUCK does that look like?

(Embarrassed laughter).

You don't have to be a film geek to scream ALIENS.

Oh what a tangled web we weave.

Frank Darabont's splendid adaptation of Stephen King's novella The Mist rings a loud bell.

Dead (left) and alive (right).


Going even further, Resident Evil Code: Veronica's Antarctic base thought of it first.

When Chris gatecrashes frozen party, the dead become slightly more aggressive.

Now for tremendous eight-legged boss.

When vitality is nil, stage complete?

Not quite, as amazing battle continues.

(Hey, how about a close-up?)

Okay, no probs.

Nothing remotely like The Thing (1982)...

Here's ghastly grotesque giving up the ghost.

I actually feel sorry for the poor bastard.
As he possesses tits with more droop than a Weeping willow.

Hideous crone's significance in The Shining is still open to much debate.
I'd suggest the Overlook's evil is strengthened by Jack's willingness to commit adultery.
Now we can enjoy final stage.

Weapons Factory has no regular enemies and consists of one large behemoth.

Magnificent monstrosity is either the Angel of Death (Hellboy 2: The Golden Army), or most likely...

...a certain Queen.

Consumed and imprisoned by giant plant, every tactic in the biohazard book is thrown in your general direction.
Oh man, how good is he?
Shit! Now he's utterly dead.
Oh well, the asshole had it coming.
Unless all deadly seeds are dealt with during 'emergency' situation, Courtney goes ape shit.

Destroying as many security cameras as possible is heartily recommended as threat becomes more manageable.

In true girlie fashion, success sees you hold hands and leg it to freedom.
Before skedaddling, observe the incredible.

Please compare elongated neck to the opening boss of Konami's 1990 Aliens arcade.

Ha ha ha!

Cross-examine face with Vincent D'Onofrio's tragic Private Pyle.

Full Metal What the Hell?

It's time to dazzle more than inconsiderate motorist.

Death Chamber regular cranks up the tension by not immediately attacking.
Looks brilliant, right?

What a crying shame they plagiarised Clive Barker's 1987 classic Hellraiser (adapted from his 1986 novella The Hellbound Heart).

The Engineer was referred to as the fifth Cenobite in novella, but even we know this to be so, beastie's identity remained anonymous in original film.
The more you stare, the worse it gets.

Go on, tell me I'm wrong?

Putting things into perspective, above shot from said scene only lasts TWO seconds.

Yeah, I timed it.


This can't be a coincidence.

If so, pigs do fly.
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