Friday 25 August 2017

The Dark Tower - The scoop and digest

At the beginning of Frank Darabont's The Mist, Thomas Jane's David is seen painting Roland, with mysterious figure clearly based on Clint Eastwood's the Man with No Name from Sergio Leone's seminal Dollars Trilogy, one of Stephen King's primary inspirations for protagonist.

Said piece was actually painted by famous movie poster artist Drew Struzan.

Picking up where book series ended, Nikolaj Arcel combines tidbits from The Gunslinger, The Waste Lands and The Wind Through the Keyhole.

Matthew McConaughey - Walter/Man in Black
Idris Elba - Roland/Gunslinger
Tom Taylor - Jake Chambers

The Tower stands in the centre of the universe protecting us from darkness.

It is said that a child's mind can bring it down.

Wee lad Jake Chambers has recurring nightmares about a Man in Black intent on destroying the Tower, and gun-slinging nemesis out to stop him.

If sorcerer succeeds, all manner of nasty demons will breach darkness and invade reality.

Mummy and boyfriend dismiss visions and declare boy batshit crazy.

After escaping from a pair of Skins moonlighting as psychiatric counsellors, visions lead to Jake to an abandoned house where portal transports him to post-apocalyptic landscape of Mid-World.

Password is 19-19, a mainstay number in King's novelverse

Roland explains he seeks revenge on Walter for murdering his father and baddie kidnaps psychic children in the hope of toppling celebrated structure.

Walter visits New York and before killing Jake's mother and stepfather, learns offspring is the one to realise ambition.

Jake is inevitably nabbed and strapped to Walter's mind extraction machine.

I wonder what happens next?

Roland turns up at base, wades through baddies like they weren't even there and confronts Walter, (who amusingly uses 'magics' like Darth Vader).

How baddie dies is so FUCKING stupid.

Recalling Gunslinger's creed, shots fired trick Walter.

Oh my GOD!

After rescuing Jake, machine is destroyed, thus saving the Tower.

Whippersnapper accepts role as fellow gunslinger and they depart for Mid-World.

References

The Shining

Jake can 'shine' (touch in books), and framed b/w photo is of the Overlook Hotel.

It

Dating back before world moved on, Jake stumbles across ruins of Pennywise theme park and hand sculpture clutching balloons seals the deal.

Mr. Mercedes

Below 'Hello There' scrawled in ash, Walter leaves calling card of smiley face.

Christine

Toy model of 1958 Plymouth Fury can be seen inside Jake's bedroom.

Cujo

St. Bernard is walked by randomer in NYC.

1408

Mid-World's portal to Earth is 14-08.

All Hail The Crimson King slapped on the walls of House on Dutch Hill is a nod towards primary villain, with evil presence only making a fleeting appearance in literary works.

Okay, here we go.

Abomination

Whether you're a noob or fan, result is frankly humiliating for all concerned.

Honestly, fuck this film.

95 miserable minutes is beset with lifeless characters, appalling dialogue, lousy action sequences and contemptible acting.

To be fair, Elba was decent.

Earth 'jokes' are embarrassing.

Coke is referred to as 'sugar' and when Jake tells Roland he's eating a hot dog, Gunslinger asks "What breed?"

(Vigorously shakes head).

If would be scant consolation if McConaughey's villain was good, but performance is absolutely pathetic.

Back in January, I was adamant nothing would touch the genius of The Bye Bye Man.

Well pickle my onion, we have a competitor.

Tuesday 22 August 2017

Go Film Go (Postergasm 2)

Unless marked by *(year), cultural reference in feature presentation indicates original was favoured over remake.

** different film bearing same title also existed.

Also, additional notes will be made at my discretion.

Miscellany

About Time - Amélie
Boogie Nights - Serpico
Charlie's Angels - E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
Don Jon - Titantic
James Cameron's 1997 blockbuster was nothing like 1953 film of same name.
Enemy - Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958)
Kidulthood - Enter the Dragon
Paranormal Activity 3 - The Bad News Bears (1976)
Pink Flamingos - Baby Doll
Rabid - Carrie
Run, Fatboy, Run - Team America: World Police
Saturday Night Fever - Rocky
Trainwreck - *Scarface (1983)
Zathura: A Space Adventure - Bullitt
Hot Tub Time Machine
Okay, we've got Rocky IV (far left) and Red Dawn (left).

Fine, because both were released before 1986.
However, the same thing can't be said about Rambo III (far right), as that wasn't shat into existence until 1988.
I love anachronisms.

From now on, multiples only.

Last Action Hero

A Few Good Men
Bram Stoker's Dracula
Single White Female
Wayne's World

Beast of the Yellow Night (top left) and Creature with the Blue Hand (bottom left)
Pet Sematary (Megadeth version).
Ha ha ha!
L.A. Without a Map

The Big Red One (left), Breaking the Waves (middle), Mystery Train (right) and The Man Who Knew Too Much (bottom right)
A Matter of Life and Death (left) and Dead Man (right)
Vertigo
Final Exam

The Toolbox Murders (left), The Corpse Grinders (middle) and Murder Is My Beat (right)
Born to Kill was originally released as Cockfighter, meaning reissue could be confused with 1947 film of same name.
Eli Roth's tribute to Italian cannibal films The Green Inferno is dedicated to Ruggero Deodato (Per Ruggero).

After all, Cannibal Holocaust is 'the mother of all cannibal films'.

37° 2 le matin (original French title for Betty Blue)
Christiane F
Swimming with Sharks was a darkly humorous satire on Hollywood, with Kevin Spacey unsurprisingly giving a great performance.

Gas, Food Lodging
Raiders of the Lost Ark
1941
Casualties of War
Swedish horror comedy Evil Ed may be an obvious play on Evil Dead, but title comes from Stephen Geoffreys' nickname in Fright Night.

Evil Dead 2 cannot be missed, but slapped on side of computer monitor is a miniature of Trans-Gen (Spanish title for 1987 horror The Kindred).
Critters
Cherry 2000
Dr. Giggles
Prince of Darkness
Title also subs a 1966 Dracula film.
*The Fly (1986)
What's wrong with Little Nicky?

EVERYTHING.

Anyway...

Blow-Up
Psycho (1960)
The Birds
Loosely based on the novel of same name, The DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) is definitely not teenage trash and comes highly recommended.

Zombie (centre), Shock Waves (right) and Murders in the Rue Morgue (far right)
Those with keen eyes will notice mirror casting Maniac (1980) in its reflection.
The She-Creature (left) and The Brain Eaters (right)
At nearly three hours long, David Fincher's Zodiac is both boring and absorbing.

Whatever your opinion, take a skeg at these beauties.

**Conquest (1937) (left) and Key Largo (right)
I Died a Thousand Times
Illegal (left) and Atomishe duivels (Flemish title for Them!)
The Asphalt Jungle (top left) and The Wrong Man (centre)
The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms
I'll finish off with John Landis's classic An American Werewolf in London.

Gloria
The Long Good Friday
Prom Night (left), The Formula (top right) and Airplane! (bottom right)
Monty Python's Life of Brian
Raging Bull
Battle Beyond the Stars
Later in porno theatre, subway victim Gerald Bringsley (Michael Carter) informs he was the victim of David's carnivorous lunar activities.

Oh, here's one more in sexy Nurse Price's apartment.

Casablanca
Here's looking at you, kid.

Until next time.
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