Tuesday 31 December 2019

Making 'sense' of Resident Evil 3: Nemesis

Happy New Year!

Ahead of remake (simply called Resident Evil 3), I thought it would be fun to explore why meat of 'false' sequel to Resi 2 is a head fuck.

Opening blurb of European back art is a great place to start.

Just days after surviving the grisly disaster at the mansion lab, Jill Valentine resigns from S.T.A.R.S. and vows to leave Raccoon City.
The Mansion Incident happened on 24 July and Jill's 'Last Escape' begins on 28 September, so what a load of shit.

Manual's prologue states:

A month and a half have passed since the incident ...
The bizarre incident that occurred in the Arclay Mountains etc.
First off, back art is blatantly contradicted and amusingly, it should be two months.

Also, it should be 'has', not have, and Arklay, not Arclay.

What the FUCK?

Getting back to Jill's 'apparent' resignation, we must check out profile.

Jill is a member of S.T.A.R.S.
HA HA HA!

So ignoring Arclay (again), 'she is a specialist in disarming explosive traps'.

Really?

Not according to original's manual she's not.

She is excellent at using special mechanical devices like lockpicks.
(Rolls eyes).

Back art for North American equivalent is virtually identical to EU, but for some reason, adds:

It's in your blood... and
...Some secrets come back to haunt you.
Opening paragraph is rejigged for belated Gamecube port.

Having survived the T-Virus disaster at the mansion lab, Jill Valentine resigns from S.T.A.R.S. and attempts to leave Raccoon City.  But the city is in ruins following an outbreak of a new evil virus.
Here's what I don't get.

Brad rescued Jill and co before mansion went kaboom.

Yet they insist she never left Raccoon City.

Did helicopter crash off-screen?

Whatever.

CG intro is set a few days before action begins.

During zombie attack, police turn up in vehicle marked 102
One problem.

Leon and Claire nicked the same car in Resi 2. 
Highly unlikely, yes?

Jill confirms first half takes place on:

September 28th.
Daylight...
Or 24 hours before Resi 2.

So ruined city should feature Mr. Blue Sky, right?

WRONG!

As you can see, Raccoon City never sees the light of day.
How depressing.
Just before we enter RPD, Nemesis appears from nowhere and murders Brad.

His brain was destroyed, meaning corpse couldn't reanimate and become a zombie in Resi 2.
Tut tut Capcom.

Another explanation is that virus carried inside tentacle possessed unique regenerative secretions, so while not able to revive a dead body, is able to keep the body alive.

But he still came back as undead monster.

I smell... BULLSHIT.

Lanterns off vs lanterns on


Electricity is such a bitch.

Boarded up doors vs unboarded doors



WHY?

Love this one.

Pesky geezer attempts to scare the shit out of us by jumping through window.
24 hours later.

Somebody has repaired it.
Most controversial of all.

We discover that Marvin Branagh has been fatally wounded by zombies.


Said adverb means 'in a way that causes death' and/or 'leads to death'.

We know doomed officer famously turns into a zombie.
So while not technically a mistake, wording sucks.

What about:

'He's unconscious and is severely wounded'.

Much better.

A short time later, he's gone for a walk.
What is this sorcery?

Unfortunate dude in Grill 13's basement had 'chest ripped into and torn apart'.
As flooded area is sealed from the outside (opened with fire hook), how did randomer and zombies get down there?

Err.

Ahead of entering tram, camera shows a wrecked rig.
At the start of either Leon or Claire's A or B scenario, identical vehicle bakes.


Once again, this hasn't fucking happened yet.

At Bar Jack, we can pick up a postcard of St Michael's Clock Tower.
Time is 11:00.

When we arrive at tourist attraction.

Time stands still.
Okay, internal machinery must be broken.

But just before Nemesis destroys rescue helicopter.

CG sequence displays 12:00.
So regardless of player's skill, it 'apparently' takes exactly one real-time hour to negotiate area.

I vehemently disagree, as about 20 minutes is more accurate.

Jill (now cured) wakes up on October 1, which is post-Resi 2.

Cue one more HUGE error.

Nemesis was created to only eliminate S.T.A.R.S.
So big bastard growling famous catchphrase at U.B.C.S. member Carlos is bollocks.

Tuesday 24 December 2019

DVD Déjà vu 2019

The Accidental Husband vs Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason


The Net vs Run Lola Run


Girl Most Likely vs How Do You Know


Headhunters vs Kiss Kiss Bang Bang


The Animal vs Crocodile Dundee


Extraterrestrial vs Need for Speed


High Fidelity vs Dog Day Afternoon


Charismata vs The Haunting in Connecticut


The Butterfly Effect Trilogy vs The Final Destination


Dark Ride vs Sleepaway Camp


The Ninth Configuration vs A Clockwork Orange


Cloud Atlas vs Hereafter


Argento's Dracula vs Batman Begins


The Unwanted vs Vampires


Man Up vs American Pie: Reunion


Lust vs The Roommate


Rosewood Lane vs Cherry Tree Lane


Botched vs Hostel


The Abducted vs The Grind


All the best for Christmas guys and see you next year.
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