Tuesday 28 November 2023

Napoleon - The scoop and digest

Ridley Scott's directorial debut The Duellists was set during the Napoleonic Wars, but period drama didn't feature the man himself.

46 years later.

Joaquin Phoenix - Napoleon
Vanessa Kirby - Joséphine
Tahar Rahim - Paul Barras
Mark Bonnar - Junot
Rupert Everett - Duke of Wellington
Youssef Kerkour - Marshal Davout
Ian McNiece - Louis XVIII
Ben Miles - Caulaincourt

Summary

The turbulent rise and fall of military genius Napoleon Bonaparte is played out in chronological order.

Command and conquer

Grandiose epic fails to emulate Gladiator, but still a fine piece of cinema.

Ignoring nationalities (literally), historical inaccuracies include Napoleon present during Marie Antoinette's beheading and meeting Wellington in person.

Also, given his admiration for Ancient Egypt, it's highly unlikely that he would've ordered his army to target the pyramids.

Phoenix's portrayal is quirky, egocentric, funny and ruthless, but 'power-hungry upstart' can throw silly tantrums.

David Scarpa's script is generally competent, but Phoenix barking: "You think you're so great because you have boats!" at a British ambassador was unintentionally hilarious.

Kirby excels as a cruel slut and Everett is great value in the last 20 minutes.

"Boney's Old Bird Caught Out of the Nest Again"

Yeah, that's how newspaper headline bizarrely shames her promiscuity.

WTF?

Battle sequences initially last as long as Napoleon in bed, but Austerlitz and Waterloo (albeit with CG) are pretty spectacular.

However, incomparable to Waterloo (1970).

4 hour long director's cut is coming to Apple TV+ next year and it'll be interesting to see if leaving out 90 minutes or so was for the best.

Sunday 26 November 2023

Posters and Cover Art - Battle Royale II

Original was good.


But sequel will blow minds.

Films

Prepare for a colossal mix and match job.

Splinter (2021) vs Jacob's Ladder (1990)


Meg 2: The Trench vs The Black Demon


Nekromantik vs The Prowler


Warlock: The Armageddon vs Hellraiser


Fantasy Island vs Forest of the Living Dead


The Thaw vs Teeth


Paranormal Encounters vs Grave Encounters 2


Fatal Fandom vs Face/Off


Convict 762 vs 12 Monkeys


Dark Glasses vs They Live


Holidays vs Trick or Treats


Thanksgiving vs Urban Legends: Final Cut


The Raid: Redemption vs Poltergeist III


The Last Resort vs Three aka Survival Island


Blue Beetle vs A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge


The Red Book Ritual vs Books of Blood (ntbcw Book of Blood)


And the prize goes to:

First Blood vs New Fist of Fury


UNBELIEVABLE.

Video games and films

The Goonies II vs The Jewel of the Nile


Hoverforce vs Die Hard


Until Dawn vs Death Watch (ntbcw with Deathwatch)


Fist Fighter vs Angel Town


Films and video games

Saw X vs Saw II: Flesh & Blood


Army of Darkness vs Zak McKracken and the Alien Mindbenders


Yaarathu vs Condemned


Seriously, what the FUCK?

Scream (1996) vs Vigilante (arcade flyer)


Holy... SHIT!

Miscellany

Brace yourselves guys for some absolute beauties.

Call of Duty: WWII vs Boardwalk Empire - season 3


Beyond the Shadows (final part of Night Angel trilogy) vs Assassin's Creed


Zombies Assemble (2017) issue 1 vs The Incredible Hulk (2008)


Wonder Woman (2017) vs Land of the Pharaohs


The Bad Education Movie vs Airbourne - No Guts. No Glory.


Muse - Simulation Theory vs Ready Player One


The Sorcerer and the White Snake vs The Way of the Dragon


Athlete - Vehicles & Animals vs Imajica


The Stepfather (2009) vs Halloween (1978)


Dead Draw vs Reservoir Dogs


Cadash vs Dragons of Despair - Clyde Caldwell


The Ides of March (2011) vs Peter Gabriel - Peter Gabriel (aka PG 3 and Melt)


Creed II vs Prometheus Bound (2005 edition)


Err, I have no words.

Righteous Kill vs David Bailey's photograph of Reginald and Ronald Kray leaving Cedra Court on 3 August 1964


I appreciate any two suits can walk down a street, but there's just something about it.

Little Deaths vs Paradise Lost - Paradise Lost


Does poster of naked woman with shards of glass in her back represent horror anthology in any way?

No.

The Deadly Hands of Kung Fu

Vigilante (home computers) vs issue 1 (April 1974)


Renegade was the genesis of Double Dragon.

Master System vs How To section - issue 6 (November 1974)


Bob Wakelin vs issue 11 (April 1975)


The Punisher - first series

Serious Sam: Next Encounter vs issue 1 (January 1986)


Green Beret vs issue 5 (May 1986)


Navy SEALs

Game was much better than the critically panned 1990 film of same name.

However, the following is pretty wacky.

Stage complete screen (Amiga version shown) vs issue 4 (April 1986)


Game Boy vs issue 2 (February 1986)


Until next time.
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