Saturday, 24 October 2015

Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension - The scoop and digest

The series so far...

Paranormal Activity

Katie killed Micah on 8 October 2006.  His body was discovered by police three days later.

She was gunned down by police in original ending and slits her own throat in alternate cut.

Paranormal Activity 2


One of those prequel/sequel things with events leading up to original and focuses on Katie's sister Kristi.

Watch for:

Kristi's gradual possession and before kidnapping Hunter, Katie murders Daniel and Kristi on 9 October 2006.

Paranormal Activity 3



18 years before Katie and Kristi's possession...

Watch for:

Grandma Lois watching Julie's boyfriend Dennis violently contort and before sisters accompany her upstairs, Kristi calls for 'Toby'.

Paranormal Activity 4


Just over five years after sequel (31 October 2011), with filming taking place throughout November.

Watch for:

Something 'witchy' and Katie charging like a woman possessed.

A post-credits scene sets up spin-off and features random woman in shop stating "Esto es solo el comienzo" translating as "This is only the beginning".

The Marked Ones


Less than a year after fourth, (12 June 2012 to be exact).

Latino locale is typical found-footage, but without nightly documentation.

Watch for:

Parallel twist ending as when cornered by Jesse in Lois's house, Hector is forced to enter a room which transports him back to the fateful night of 8 October 2006.

It turns out Katie screaming downstairs was because of seeing a terrified Hector, and while Micah is playing protector; she becomes re-possessed and stabs Micah in a frenzied attack.

Hector is startled and presumably knocked unconscious by a sharp-toothed Jesse.

Almost immediately after, a Midwife turns us off.

Oh yeah...

Everybody forgets about, and/or disregards 2010 Japanese indie effort Tokyo Night.

When searching for San Diego Katie murder on internet, article's headline reads:

"Woman said to be possessed by the Devil kills boyfriend."

Best described as a pseudo remake/reimagining of Oren Peli's 2007 original, split-screen action and J-horror saves disappointing bastard child.

Now you're bang up to date, how does this fit in?

Chris J. Murray - Ryan
Brit Shaw - Emily
Olivia Taylor Dudley - Skyler
Ivy George - Leila
Dan Gill - Mike

September 1988.

The climax of third is followed by Lois introducing Katie and Kristi to mystery geezer, who informs how important they are in regards to the arrival of Toby.

29 November 2013.

The Fleeges family (great name) move into their new home where antique video camera and bunch of tapes are soon discovered.

Recapping how third began.

Katie delivered the same set of plastic bricks to a pregnant Kristi in March 2005.

After a ransacking in August 2006, the tapes went missing.

Until now...

As camera wasn't part of dispatch, how'd it get there?

Wearing such a fantastic moustache, Ryan's brother Mike must be a Tom Selleck fan.

Recording equipment captures strange ash particles floating about, which are otherwise invisible to the naked eye.

Upon closer examination, the camera has been 'adapted' and fitted with extra picture tubes.

Night #1

Etc etc.

Videos show Kristi and Katie's exploits with guy from 1988 to 1992 and current playback capturing aggressive apparitions raise worried eyebrows.

Evidence of 1987 etched on concrete slab confirms new home is built upon where sisters used to live before bricks and mortar burned down in 1992.

Leila talks to imaginary friend Toby, plays Bloody Mary and when questioned, answers make little sense.

Could she be part of the prophecy?

What can't be seen, can still be felt...

Inevitable call is made to religious figurehead who advises performing an exorcism is pointless.

Demons don't haunt houses, they haunt people - and running isn't the answer.

No, we need extermination.

Ritualistic symbols drawn off-screen on bedroom wall by daughter dear opens a hole to another dimension.

Priest laces area with protection and demon is smothered with salt covered blanket inside circle of light.

It seems everything is okay, but...

Man of the cloth is grabbed by unseen force and sucked into abyss;
Skyler takes aim and vomits toxic black liquid on Mike; and
Whilst fleeing the scene, a huge demon arm bursts from Ryan's chest.

Four down, two to go.

Emily follows Leia through portal and whaddyaknow, we're back in 1988.

Briefly bumping into a young black-eyed Katie, 'it's too late' (for Leila), as blood acquisition has already completed the ritual.

Toby in human form (shown only from waist down), nonchalantly snaps Emily's Gregory Peck.

Before battery goes dead, Leila holds hands with Toby and they walk towards camera.

First off, this isn't a sequel to spin-off, so why ditch numbering system and add subtitle?

Yeah, it pisses me off.

Another franchise to do so for no reason is Mission: Impossible, as Ghost Protocol and Rogue Nation aptly demonstrates.

According to cinema ticket, I watched 'Paranormal Activity 5'.

Ha ha ha!

Successfully giving what ardent fans crave, Gregory Plotkin's film entertains until canvas fades to black.

'Boo' moments still work and the belated appearance of visible activity pours liquid relief.

With so much left unanswered, I'm already salivating for more.

Toby's true identity?

Will Jesse be invited to the next party and create a paradox?


Can Demons and Witches play nicely?


Despite claims of calling time at the supernatural bar, they'll suck franchise dry until vampires no longer crave for blood.

Personally, I don't see that happening any time soon.

Tuesday, 20 October 2015

Crimson Peak - The scoop and digest

"Beware of Crimson Peak."

Will Edith heed mother's ghostly warning?

Mia Wasikowska - Edith Cushing
Tom Hiddleston - Sir Thomas Sharpe
Jessica Chastain - Lady Lucille
Charlie Hunnam - Dr. McMichael
Jim Beaver - Carter Cushing

Fourteen years later, aspiring writer Edith meets the dashing Sir Thomas, who seeks potential investors for his clay mining contraption.

Edith's father Carter is particularly unimpressed.

A detective is hired to snoop and Carter learns of Thomas's bigamy.

Thomas and sister Lucille accept a large pay off, on condition they leave as soon as practicable and brother breaks Edith's heart.

Carter pays with his life when disapproving head loses argument with sink.

Edith and Thomas are soon hitched and move from Buffalo to Cumberland in Blighty.

Containing persistent spirit and colder than your average fridge, Allerdale Hall is a mansion not without its problems.

One snowed in night, a tumble in the hay eases growing tension between newlyweds.

From what I remember, 'Crimson Peak' is described as the effect of clay reacting with snow.

Lucille serves a wicked cuppa but unbeknownst to Edith, tea is actually poisoned, hence why coughing up blood becomes routine.

She begins to suspect there's more to dilapidated mansion than creaky floorboards and falling leaves, so takes express elevator to explore.

Clay-covered spectral pursuer turns out to be husband's mother Elona, who upon discovering brother and sister's incestuous relationship, was subsequently murdered.


Remember Brookside causing controversial tsunamis with 'that' story-line all those years ago?

With toxin gradually overwhelming, Edith is surely next on inheritance menu, but Doctor McMichael unexpectedly arriving threatens to scupper heinous crime.

But scratch that, because the useless bastard is stabbed by Lucille.

Oh, flashback reveals sister killed Carter.

Realising love for Edith, Thomas purposely targets non-lethal area.

Siblings turn on each other and Lucille dispatches former lover in a jealous tantrum.

After psycho bitch chases frightened mouse, Thomas' ghost provides the perfect distraction for Edith to cave Lucille's head in with snow shovel.

Fleeing the scene with McMichael, Lucille is seen plink plonking away on piano.

Sometimes, director's reputation goes before film.

Trailer hints at supernatural terror, but instead we get Gothic romance.

For a better example, I hesitantly recommend Coppola's 1992 adaptation of Dracula.

Poorly orchestrated jump scares and bizarre dollops of bloody violence are rendered almost irrelevant.

Elona looks ugly enough, but because chief geezer was executive producer in Andres Muschietti's Mama, comparisons with 'Edith' are inevitable.

Despite striking colours and atmospheric setting (primarily inspired by 60s classics The Innocents and The Haunting), we're left to ponder what might have been.

Average didn't previously exist in del Toro's filmography.

It does now.

Sunday, 18 October 2015

Frankenstein: Maximum Voltage

Although first published nearly 200 years ago, the popularity of Mary Shelley's novel refuses to diminish.

Told through the eyes of Igor (Daniel Radcliffe) with James McAvoy as the Doctor, the delayed Victor Frankenstein is out in November.

The Frankenstein Chronicles is coming soon to a television screen near you.

Perpetuated by the evils of popular culture, Doctor's creation is largely slapped with erroneous name tag.

Hitting ignition.

Frank (Kevin James) is Mavis's uncle in successful 2012 fangtasy comedy Hotel Transylvania.

Seriously, watch out for fire.  Fire bad.
To everybody apart from best bud Drac, he's Frankenstein

On recently viewing slapstick-filled, but toothless sequel, I make the following observations.

1. After delivering unconvincing scare, strangers say something like "Hey look, it's Frankenstein."
2. When introducing himself to Drac's father Vlad (Mel Brooks), he claims Frankenstein, but then states 'technically' Frankenstein's Monster.
3. As per original, credits again state Frankenstein.

What the fuck ever.

Towards the end of festive Bottom episode Holy, Richie finds a baby dumped on his doorstep.  Feeling sorry for the 'not' abandoned little blighter, Spudgun and 'Little' Dave Hedgehog give their presents of Terry's All Gold and bottle of aftershave Grrr.

Eddie completes the Three Kings parody.

"He can have my Frankenstein mask I was gonna scare the shit out of Richie with later."
Red Dwarf was ruined after Series VI.

Hopefully I'll be proved wrong, but it's already certain new episodes will be awful.


Lister's pet cat Frankenstein is referenced during Series I and II.

Cat is worried about looking like the 'Bride of Frankenstein' in Series IV episode DNA.

When Rimmer condemns the crew to Quarantine in Series V, Cat's goof is this time corrected by Kryten.

"It won't be the waste disposal Frankenstein, this time I'm gonna unscrew your neck bolts and microwave your head."

Moving off topic, fun was sporadically made of the Lemming suicide myth and narcissistic feline used to call Lister a 'monkey'.

To be fair, his character is universally dumb so I'll let that one slide.

Different principle, but the same error was somehow inexplicably made in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, as one human labels Koba a stupid 'monkey'.

Steam-rolling on.

Treehouse of Horror XX begins with bullies Dolph, Jimbo and Kearney taunting classic movie monsters, including somebody in green make-up...
Fred Gwyne's Herman from classic TV show The Munsters was based on Boris Karloff. 
Garbage Pail Kid Undead Jed aka Frank N. Stein, is represented as a zombie.
When Krang is revived inside his new body, Turtles episode Shredder and Splintered pays direct homage to Colin Clive's iconic exclamation of triumph.

"It's alive!"

Very clever.

Gene Wilder and Kenneth Branagh do the same in Young Frankenstein and Mary Shelley's Frankenstein respectively.

Robert De Niro gives a commanding performance as Creature/Sharp Featured Man.
This reaction from cyber punk cross-genre SNES classic Shadowrun is rather subtle.

If they meant it of course.

The Creature has been a recurring Castlevania pest as far back as the Belmont ancestry cares to remember.

Ignoring regular enemy, here's a few boss examples.

In PS1 'reverse castle' epic Symphony of the Night, he looks beyond ridiculous.

Not sure about purple blazer, but Portrait of Ruin's iteration was great.

Order of Ecclesia added muscle (and preposterous nukes), for altered persona Goliath.

My final example is Data East's zombie infested 1993 arcade exclusive scrolling brawler Night Slashers.

Frankenstein's Monster was an Atari 2600 game and PC/Saturn Myst lookalike Frankenstein: Through the Eyes of the Monster incorporated Tim Curry as the Doctor.

Along with clones and variations, Frankenstein's Monster has been a Marvel mainstay for decades.

However, the DC equivalent is strangely just called Frankenstein.

Zoinks! I nearly forgot to mention Scooby-Doo.

We all do stupid things when pissed, and giving Monster Brawl the time of day is one such example.

Fights end with fatalities so Voice of God (Lance Henriksen) giving Mortal Kombat style commentary shouldn't surprise.

Undead Heavyweight division boasts Frankenstein:

Oh dear!

A quote from 1987 classic The Monster Squad is of particular relevance.

"Is Frankenstein the name of the monster, or the guy who made him?"

"The guy."

Give those scriptwriters a well-informed high five.

However, things go downhill...

Tom Noonan as 'Frank' or 'Frankie'.

To compound blunder further.

Based on Brian Aldiss' novel of same name, Roger Corman's Frankenstein Unbound shows how it's supposed to be done.

Probably influenced by Castlevania, Van Helsing typifies absurd popcorn entertainment.

Shuler Hensley as Frankenstein's Monster
Recruited only for fantastic reference, antagonist Gunther from Tobe Hooper's 1981 slasher The Funhouse uses a certain mask to hide horrific disfigurement.


The NES conversion of spooky house point-and-click Uninvited features Doctor Frankenstein's laboratory.

Hip hip fucking hooray.

Egor's objective in 1992 C64 arcade adventure Frankenstein is to retrieve body parts.

The Amiga version made task 'cuter'.

Years before Fahrenheit, note the 'Emotion' meter...
CRL's 1987 graphic text adventure Frankenstein was slapped with a 15 certificate for gory imagery.

Remarkably, you assumed the role of Doctor and Monster.
Here's Dr. Franken on Game Boy.

Notice the problem yet?

Known as The Adventures of Dr. Franken in North America, the 'Doctor' is too uncool for SNES school.


Newspaper headline displaying embarrassing King Kong joke will push laughometer over the edge.

Monster Goes Ape?

That's right, but we're playing the Doctor.

I give up.

Ending shows the result of girlfriend Bitsy (honestly) pieced back together.
Er yeah, definitely a head scratcher.

Bandai brought Castlevania-esque North American NES exclusive Frankenstein in 1990.

Hang on, I thought this was subbed The Monster Returns?


'Super' Frankenstein prepares to curl one out...
Bride of Frankenstein should be most famous for "We belong dead."

Interestingly, ambiguous title could be referring to Valerie Hobson (Doctor's wife) or Elsa Lanchester (The Bride), because Colin Clive's Henry and Boris Karloff's Monster are both at some point referred to as 'Frankenstein'.

52 years later, Ariloasoft ignored everything 1935 classic stood for (apart from unlicensed title), and challenged lady pants to find heart, lungs, kidneys, liver and brain.

You've gotta love artist's impression of Elsa Lanchester.

Representing player as salad dodging fitness junkie?
Awesome idea.
When all organs are got...
Like Nosferatu and Dracula, could Frankenstein Jnr. be an unauthorised adaptation of Son of Frankenstein?

Yeah, what a load of shit.

Viz Design surely hacked latter game and inserted new sprite.

As 'guy with the chin' is clearly the offspring of 'Monster', box art is made redundant.

Franken Zombie is a boss from first Ghost 'n Goblins remake Makaimura on Wonderswan.
Most combatants in Capcom's original Darkstalkers: The Night Warriors moonlight as movie beastie.

Morrigan (Succubus), Anakaris (Mummy), Demitri (Vampire) etc etc.

Not forgetting Victor (character) as Frankenstein (type).


Before running out of charge, cue music.

Frankenstein are tracks by New York Dolls and Lenny Kravitz.

Wayne's World features Alice Cooper performing Feed My Frankenstein.

The video of Queen's Bicycle Race contains a glaring visual error.

"I don't believe in Peter Pan, Frankenstein or Superman."
Space and Female of the Species also screwed up.

"Frankenstein and Dracula have nothing on you.  Jekyll and Hyde join the back of the queue."

As Frankenstein's Monster wouldn't fit music, how about replacing creator with 'Karloff' for revised lyrics.

Go on, don't be boring...

Whatever, journey over.

Wednesday, 14 October 2015

Regression - The scoop and digest

In 1980, accounts have surfaced that satanic rituals are being practiced in America.

Panic and fear spreads.

Ethan Hawke - Detective Bruce Kenner
David Thewlis - Professor Raines
Emma Watson - Angela Gray
David Dencik - John Gray

Taking place ten years hence, a man (soon to be revealed as John Gray), walks into a police station and claims of sexually abusing his daughter Angela, but with no recollection of doing so.

Assisted by the bearded guidance of psychologist Professor Raines, Detective Bruce Kenner is determined to uncover the truth.

In terms of plot development, there isn't really a great deal to divulge.

Hawke endures half-baked scientific explanation, squabbles with those in close attendance and descends into a paranoid tizz.

After much horsing around, closing scene sees the innocent John pleading with Kenner to leave delusional and lying bitch daughter alone.

Ending text goes something like:

There is no evidence of satanic ritual abuse ever taking place.

Today, regression techniques are not used as it encourages false memories.

Alejandro Amenábar spectacularly bungles a genuinely interesting concept and sticking with soporific running time is an achievement in itself.

The usually excellent Thewlis is extremely generic, Hawke howls hysteria and Watson cries irritating wolf.

Okay, working with a script more drab than falling rain doesn't help, but even so...

Mad monks during nightmare sequences are just piss poor excuses to insert ineffective horror.

Old woman (the face of packet soup), prompting 'hush' signal is surely a Sinister reference?

While not the worst film ever conceived, it's definitely one to quickly forget.

Friday, 9 October 2015

Sicario - The scoop and digest

Meet what motivated ass to watch on opening night.

Although omens are good, what about the reality?

Emily Blunt - Kate
Benicio del Toro - Alejandro
Josh Brolin - Matt

Title definition is displayed on canvas, and goes something like:

'Sicario' is a term describing Jerusalem zealots who killed Romans with small daggers concealed within cloaks.

In Mexico, the word Sicario means 'hitman'.

After a raid in Phoenix, Arizona, idealistic SWAT agent Kate and her partner Reggie discover a large number of bagged dead bodies hidden inside walls.  In the aftermath, a bomb kills two officers.

Kate and Reggie are selected by Defence adviser Matt to help bring down cartel boss Manuel Diaz.

Operation takes them to Juráez and by now, we've met Matt's mercurial partner Alejandro.

Mutilated bodies strung up should not remind of Predator and please disassociate setting with Western-themed FPS series.

Disgusted at complete disregard for public safety when cartel thugs are dispatched at border patrol, Matt tells Kate this is how things are done.

In other words, lap shit up or lump it.

A vicious wet willy later, Alejandro forces prisoner Guillermo to reveal Diaz's whereabouts.

Unhappy of their treatment, Reggie and Kate demand answers.

A yarn is spun about causing disruption to Diaz's drug empire and intel received from a crowd of migrants tells of a tunnel network.

They arrest one of Diaz's money launderers but Matt refuses to proceed as he wants to bust Diaz for something bigger.

Going over Matt's head, his boss Dave tells Kate hands are tied.

A frustrated Kate pounds booze at a local bar and Reggie introducing geezer may be just the tonic she needs...

Back at the flat, would-be lover possessing identical rubber bands of money launderer ensures passion becomes nasty.

Upon hearing commotion, Alejandro rescues Kate and subsequently, beats the names of cops under Diaz's control from corrupt yap.

Tunnel raid proves to be the perfect decoy for Alejandro to slip away and kidnap mule Silvio, (the guy persistently nagged by son to play soccer).

For her interference, Alejandro rewards Kate with a bullet to chest vest.

Soon after belting Matt, her superior spills that our friend is working for the Colombian cartel so he can get close to Ruiz's boss Alarcon, who arranged the murder of his wife and daughter.

After killing Silvio, Diaz takes Alejandro to his jefe (Spanish for chief), who along with Alarcon's guards - all bite the big one.

He toys with Alcaron, before executing family and the man himself.

Alejandro gives Kate a waiver to sign as not doing so would effectively be 'suicide'.

Whilst on balcony, she thinks better of squeezing the trigger...

Silvio's widow watches fatherless son finally have a kickabout and gunfire can be heard in the background.

Every film strives for greatness, but Denis 'Prisoners' Villeneuve's crime thriller abuses the privilege.

Brolin and especially Blunt are brilliant, but Benico del Toro's performance is off the fucking planet.

Screen time simply mesmerises and silence is triple distilled with exceptional menace.

Utterly compelling, superbly written and completely believable, only an asshole drunk on drugs would fail to appreciate the most taut spectacle of the year.

Friday, 2 October 2015

Artistic beauty in film: The Art of Gallery

My cinematic love affair with famous paintings continues and the sausages of sophistication are sure to sizzle.

In this blockbusting edition, I explore the result of camera granted permission to roll inside respective establishment.

I've already covered Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986), with The Art Institute of Chicago providing iconic scene.

Here's much more.

Vertigo (1958)
The California Palace of the Legion of Honor (now known as The Legion of Honor)

Scottie (James Stewart) is seen passing Nicolas de Largilliere's Portrait of Victor Marie d'Estrees (left) and Charles André van Loo's Architecture (right).
Created specifically for Hitchcock's psychological classic, Madelaine (Kim Novak) is mesmerised by John Ferren's Portrait of Carlotta Valdes.
Above where you'd park bum is Flowers Before a Window by Jans-Frans van Dael.
Amsterdamned (1988)

Serial killer canal thriller comes highly recommended.

The Night Watch - Rembrandt
I'm happy to report that gargantuan masterpiece is Nicolaes Eliasz Pickenoy's Civic Guards from the Company of Captain Jan Claesz Vlooswijck.
Rembrandt's Syndics of the Drapers' Guild
Ferdinand Bol's Venus and Adonis
In Bruges (2008)

Behind Ray's ponderous glare is Antoon Claeissans' Mars Vanquishing Ignorance.
Ken (Brendan Gleeson) gawps at Jan Provoost's Death and the Miser.
The Legend of St Ursula of Cologne - unknown Flemish master
Scenes from the Legend of St George - unknown Flemish master
The Flaying of St Sisamnes - Gerard David
The Last Judgment - Hieronymus Bosch
Midnight in Paris (2011)
Musée Rodin

You already know Van Gogh's Starry Night dominates poster, so now one delves deeper inside Woody Allen's delightful romcom fantasy.

A spectacular wide shot brings a selection of Monet's Water Lillies into beautiful focus.
The Bather - Picasso
Grand Nu a la Draperie - Picasso
The Stendhal Syndrome (1996)
Uffizi Gallery

Based on actual psychosomatic order, Dario Argento's horror probably remains obscure to most.

Madonna of the Rose Garden - Botticelli (right) and please note the extras of Primavera and The Birth of Venus inside visitor's guide book.
To save the inconvenience of using microscope, close-ups are provided...

Piera Della Francesca's Portraits of the Duke and Duchess of Urbino.
Caravaggio's Medusa
Botticelli brings another magnificent pair.

Madonna of the Pomegranate on far left and...
Madonna and Child with Six Saints
Paolo Uccello's Niccolò Mauruzi da Tolentino unseats Bernardino della Ciarda at the Battle of San Romano
Landscape with the Fall of Icarus - Pieter Bruegel the Elder
Now we head to the National Gallery in London's Trafalgar Square.

I could talk about Frederick Wiseman's three hour 'film' of the same name, but I'd fall asleep.

It is dull - with a capital D.


This is the moment Daniel Craig's Bond meets Q (Ben Wishaw) in Skyfall.

Spectre draws ever closer...

PS. This is Room 34.

J. M. W. Turner's The Evening Star (left), The Fighting Temeraire (middle) and Rain, Steam and Speed - The Great Western Railway (right).
Incidentally, Timothy Spall was terrific in Mike Leigh's excellent 2014 biopic Mr. Turner.

Joseph Wright's Experiment on a Bird in the Air Pump (left) with Thomas Gainsborough providing both The Morning Walk (middle) and The Watering Place (right).
Dutch Boats in a Gale ('The Bridgewater Sea Piece') - J. M. W. Turner
From the immediate left to right, The Market Cart - Thomas Gainsborough, The Graham Children - William Hogarth and John Constable's Salisbury Cathedral from the Meadows.
Peter O'Toole stars in Roger Michell's 2006 comedy-drama Venus.

PS. We've moved to Spain and Room 30.

Portrait of Archbishop Fernando de Valdés (left) and Philip IV of Spain in Brown and Silver (right), both from Diego Velázquez.
His magnum opus.

Venus at her Mirror
The Heavenly and Earthly Trinities - Bartolomé Esteban Murillo
St Trinian's (2007) reboots and borrows from Frank Launder's original 1954 flick The Belles of St. Trinian's.

PS. The girl's strut unruly skirt in 'various' rooms.

Cimabue's Celebrated Madonna - Frederic Leighton
Joshua Reynold's Colonel Tarleton (left) and Captain Robert Orme (right).

Mrs Oswald - Johann Zoffany
(From left to right).
Christ Carrying the Cross - Altobello Melone.

The rest are all by Giovanni Battista Moroni, namely Portrait of a Gentleman ('Il Gentile Cavaliere'), Portrait of a Lady ('La Damain Rosso'), Portrait of a Gentleman and Canon Ludovico di Terzi.
Girolamo Romanino's High Altarpiece, S. Alessandro, Brescia (far left), comprises of The Nativity, Saint Alexander, Saint Jerome, Saint Gaudioso and Saint Filippo Benizzi.
Observe Joachim Beuckelaer's Air (left) and Fire (right) from group The Four Elements.

Earth and Water are somewhere out of shot in Room 11.

The joke of 'stealing' Scarlet Johansson refers to her playing Griet in 2003 film Girl with a Pearl Earring, with Colin Firth as Johannas Vermeer.

Since 1902, she's never vacated The Mauritshuis so...
Just for kicks, PDC dartist Raymond 'Barney' van Barneveld's hometown is also The Hague.

Let's have a skeg at Italy and Room 32.

Perseus Turning Phineas and his Followers to Stone - Luca Giordano (right) and The Fall of Phaeton - Johann Liss (far right).
Caravaggio's The Supper of Emmaus (middle) and Judith in the Tent of Holofernes - Johann Liss (right).
Today, Caravaggio's genius is on opposite wall.

Christ in the House of Martha and Mary - Diego Velázquez (far left), and near Colin Firth, Francisco de Zurbarán's Saint Margaret of Antioch.
Before its transfer to the Art Gallery of Ontario in 2008, Peter Paul Ruben's Massacre of the Innocents presumably resided in Room 29, hence why we're able to see masterpiece flash before our very eyes.
Thirsty for more?

Austria's capital guarantees not to sow the seeds of disappointment...
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