Friday 27 October 2017

Happy Death Day - The scoop and digest

Known for Paranormal Activity spin off The Marked Ones and Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, Christopher B. Landon writes (not literally), another page in Blumhouse's history.

Jessica Rothe - Tree
Israel Broussard - Carter
Ruby Modine - Lori
Charles Aitken - Dr. Gregory Butler
Rob Mello - Joseph Tombs

After a booze-fuelled evening, Tree wakes up on her birthday in Carter's room, a boy she barely remembers.

Our girl then spits unpleasant venom at everybody she encounters.

Lowlights include ignoring her father's invite for a bite to eat, ridiculing previous lovers and throwing away a homemade cupcake from roommate Lori.

Also, she's having an affair with Dr. Butler.

En route to party, a carousel toy lures Tree into a tunnel where she's ambushed and murdered by a hooded assailant wearing the mask of campus mascot.

Baby-faced disguise was created by Tony 'Ghostface' Gardner, and smacks very much of creepy walking dummy briefly seen in Dario Argento's Deep Red.

She wakes up the 'next' day with a real sense of déjà vu and disturbed to find events set to repeat.

This time, she ignores the tunnel.

Diversity tactic does nothing to prevent the same outcome.

Carter (who at some point confirms they didn't have sex), suggests drawing up a list of suspects to help solve her own murder.

After passing out during another loop, she learns every murder is making her weaker.

It seems this cat is running out of lives.

Tree catches a news report about serial killer Joseph Tombs, who's been held at university's hospital.

Tombs escapes and breaks Carter's neck.  Knowing the only way to save him is to restart the loop, she hangs herself.

Latest loop is used to right previous wrongs and after snuffing out Tombs' light, she celebrates by scoffing Lori's yummy looking treat.

However, she's still trapped in purgatory, meaning killer is still at large.

Tree visits Lori where cake is offered once more.

Cottoning on that she died in her sleep because cake was poisoned, she realises Lori is...

In flashback, we see how roommate framed Tombs for Tree's murder.

Now why would psycho bitch want to do a thing like that?

Well it's simple.  She couldn't get over the fact that doctor gave Tree a repeat prescription of dick.

Cat fight ensues, ending with Lori getting booted out of nearest window.

She wakes to what seems like another loop, but is just now boyfriend Carter playing silly buggers.

Groundhog Day meets Scream?

Yes and no.

Fun teen thriller isn't really a slasher, as gore is practically anonymous.

15 cert is down to theme, rather than content.

A much better, and darker example is Triangle, even if the Aeolus is basically a floating Overlook Hotel.

Universal logo glitching and repeating is clever, Rothe's performance keeps you interested until the end, but killer's motive is very lazy.

Why Tree entered loop in the first place is never explained, so probable prequel will mop up mystery.

References

Lori's surname is Spengler, the same as Harold Ramis's character in Ghostbusters.  Ramis went on to direct Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.

Carter's wall displays a poster of John Carpenter's They Live.

Parallels

Carter candidly states situation felt like Groundhog Day.

Mobile ringtone replaces clock radio playing Sonny & Cher's I Got You Babe.

Both begin as assholes, commit suicide at least once and eventually strive to become better people.

Etc etc.

Sunday 22 October 2017

The Snowman - The scoop and digest

Although not translated until years later, The Bat kicked off Jo Nesbø's best selling Harry Hole book series.

Tomas Alfredson adapting seventh novel may sound odd, but Hollywood has form for doing things ass about face.

For example, second Alex Cross story Kiss the Girls came before Along Came a Spider.

Michael Fassbender - Detective Harry Hole
Rebecca Ferguson - Katrine
Charlotte Gainsbourg - Rakel
J. K. Simmons - Arve Støp
Jonas Karlsson - Mathias Lund-Helgesen

Summary

After murdering women who opt to abort mystery buns cooking in respective ovens, a serial killer leaves crude snowmen as calling card.

Baddie also sends 'Mister Police' letters.

Chain-smoking alcoholic cop Harry Hole takes hotshot recruit Katrine Bratt along to stop him.

Slush

Despite exciting cast, this was TERRIBLE.

Apparently, director says 10-15% of screenplay wasn't shot.

Does that excuse result?

Of course not.

Running time is so disjointed, practically nothing makes any sense, and only a particularly nasty acid trip would have you believe otherwise.

Ferguson and Gainsbourg are just about okay, but Fassbender gives a career low performance.

As for the rest, why the fuck are they even here?

In tension-filled climax, Mathias could've easily shot Hole (again), but instead, chooses to simply walk towards him.

Oh my GOD!

Amusingly, Mathias drowns by conveniently finding the only hole on frozen lake.

For head fucks and guffaws...

Film is set in Norway, but protagonist is Irish and locals are mostly American.

A fully clothed Rakel rides ex partner Hole in a sex scene that isn't.

Some asshole thought it would be a fabulous idea to dub Val Kilmer, who by the way, is in poorer condition than a lump of second hand plasticine.

Piece of shit is filled with vacuous subplots, but Oslo's bid to host the Winter World Cup tops the fucking lot.

Even if I liked Hot Butter's cover of instrumental hit Popcorn (which I definitely don't), ear bleed serves absolutely no purpose.

Before atrocity ends, Hole accepts another case (alluding to The Leopard), indicating there will be a sequel.

Let's hope threat doesn't come to fruition.

Friday 20 October 2017

The Ritual - The scoop and digest

David Bruckner brings Adam Nevill's British horror novel of same name to the big screen.

Rafe Spall - Luke
Robert James-Collier - Hutch
Sam Troughton - Dominic
Arsher Ali - Phil

Six months after their friend Robert was murdered in a convenience store robbery, Luke, Dominic, Hutch and Phil go hiking in Northern Sweden to reflect on recent tragedy.

Dom falls awkwardly and does knee in, so to save time, they take a shortcut through the forest.

What a good idea.

Geezers stumble across a creepy abandoned house and stay overnight.

Strange wooden symbols and headless statue suggests evidence of witchcraft.

Also, growls from 'something' are heard outside.

Bright light selfishly disturbs forty winks and along with sustaining wounds on chest, Luke is forced to relive murder.

Phil is found hugging statue in birthday suit, Hutch has pissed himself and Dom is going ape shit.

Experiences and Luke's wounds are dismissed as bad dreams and accident respectively.

As night falls, guilt continues to torture Luke and noises grow louder, as madness draws ever closer.

Hutch and Phil are killed off-screen, with Luke and Dom finding buddies impaled on trees.

Fleeing from evil presence has them inadvertently discover now active ritual camp, where they're knocked out.

Waking up inside cabin, hideous hag notices Luke's wounds and reveals hers, confirming he's been chosen to join the family.

Dom is tied to a stake and prepped for sacrifice.

Meanwhile, a younger female informs 'God' is worshipped because it gives them life beyond their own.

To his relief, Dom's wife appears, but true form hangs ass up high.

Having wriggled free by breaking thumb, Luke goes exploring and torches humanoid like obscenities bound in wood.

I'm not really sure of purpose.

After shotgun blows away selected peeps, we finally get a proper look at Keith Thompson's Lovecraft-esque monster, as giant skeletal moose with human arms for antlers briefly goes on the rampage.

Although creature has ample opportunity to kill Luke, he manages to leave both forest and nightmare behind.

Stylish

Nothing original, but this is a welcome addition to genre.

Elements of Blair Witch, The Evil Dead, The Wicker Man and even Kill List are here for all to see, but this does more than enough to stand out on its own.

Joe Barton's screenplay never slices cheese, performances are excellent and characters have real personality.

What's most impressive about Bruckner's film is how banter is balanced with serious horror.

However, it's a shame final act flushes tension down the toilet and slips into clichéd familiarity.

Man at the helm is obviously no mug and perhaps talent will be fully realised in next project.

Tuesday 17 October 2017

Lady Liberty - In video games

I'm not getting into port politics, compilations or alternative names, so format shown is at my discretion.

Enjoy folks.

Miscellany

Chaos Control (PS1)
Aero Fighters 2 (Neo Geo)
Assassin's Creed Unity (PS4)
Shadow of the Ninja (NES)
Cadillacs and Dinosaurs (Arcade)
Submerged moment occurs before gameplay begins, making this a very special spot.
Cobra Command (Arcade)
Before 1992 Mega-CD port, Data East thought it would be a laugh to bring a different scrolling shmup of same name in 1988, which was also ported to the NES.
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 (PS3)
Blink and you'll miss it moment can be seen in Hunter Killer.
Cyber-Lip (Neo Geo)
Dark Edge (Arcade)
Die Hard Trilogy (PS1)
Final Fight (Arcade)
Last Ninja 2 (C64)
Punch-Out!! (1987) (NES)
Ninja Baseball Bat Man (Arcade)
Ring of Destruction: Slam Masters II (Arcade)
Street Fighter III: Third Strike (Arcade)
Shadow Warriors (Arcade)
Superman (1988) (Arcade)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Arcade)
Twisted Metal 2 (PS2)
Vigilante (Arcade)
Z-Out (Amiga)
Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds (PS3)
Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars (Arcade)
Deus Ex (DOS)
Bosses

Head Panic (Arcade)
Zombie Nation (NES)
Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 (PS3)
Film licences

X-Men: The Official Game (Gamecube)
Despite title, this ties in with X-Men: The Last Stand.
Judge Dredd (SNES)
Ghostbusters II

Amiga
NES
DOS

Okay, shit looks pretty cool, but 'joypad' should be a NES Advantage joystick.
Why is Slimer goofing about in end screen?
(Sigh).

Parody

Lady Liberty is a character from Blockbuster Video North American rental exclusive ClayFighter: Sculptor's Cut, an update of N64 game ClayFighter 63⅓.
Grand Theft Auto IV (360)

She moonlights as the Statue of Happiness.
And it's her own beating heart, that makes me cry.
Mission in Lego Marvel Superheroes (PS3) takes Lady Liberties.
Superman (1987) (NES)
Why in the Daily Planet is the Statue of Freedom giving advice to Supes?
The Japanese version features a synthesised rendition of John Williams' famous score, synonymous with Christopher Reeve taking to the skies.
During battle with Crippletron in Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse (PS3), a wheelchair-bound spoof can be seen.
For Vega's ending in SNK vs. Capcom Chaos: SVC Chaos, it appears something along the lines of subject matter was erected.
Here's something beyond weird.

Best of Best (Arcade)
Hmmm, nothing like the poster of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.


WTF?

Pièce de résistance

Atomic Runner Chelnov (Arcade)
Unusually, Mega Drive was far more attractive than its coin-op parent.
Crysis 2 (PS3)
Crysis 3 (PS3)
Resistance 3 (PS3)
New York Warriors (Amiga)



Fans of Escape From New York will notice game over screen looks suspiciously like the meat of iconic poster.


Moving on.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time (Arcade)

During a live transmission, Krang half inches the statue.
Leonardo calls alien dude a 'bloated beanbag'.
Wow! Nice insult.
Notice how she 'was' green in intro?

Because...

Against Shredder, she's now blue.
I know oxygen reacting with copper and air gradually caused her to change colour, but this is just fucking ridiculous.

Did the Foot get bored and paint her?

At least continuity is retained for ending.
Blimp transporting 225 ton sculpture is amusingly preposterous.
4P classic was needlessly remade in 2009 for Xbox Live and PSN.

Shadow Dancer: The Secret of Shinobi (Mega Drive)



Ninja Gaiden II (360)

For the benefit of those who don't know, she's only a large-scale baddie in already mentioned update.



Turning Point: Fall of Liberty (PS3)



Duke Nukem: Zero Hour (N64)

Stage 2 - Liberty or Death
Stage 3 - Nuclear Winter
Thirsty for more?

Okay.

Comix Zone (Mega Drive)
Crude Buster (Arcade)
Considering there are 'two' busters, title has always confused me, particularly as Mega Drive port was released as Two Crude Dudes.
After the War (Amiga)
Double Dragon II: The Revenge (PC-Engine)
WHY is head is impaled on top of what could be the Empire State Building?

My friend fuck only knows.
Flashgal (Arcade)
I know what you're thinking.

Wonder Woman, right?
S.D.I. Strategic Defense Initiative (Arcade)



Spider-Man (2000) (PS1)


Spider-Man 2 (2004) (PS2)
Spider-Man and Venom: Maximum Carnage (Mega Drive)
Freedom Fighters (Gamecube)
Guilty Gear (PS1)
Gunblade NY (Arcade)
Marvel Super Heroes (Arcade)
Tumblepop (Arcade)
Charlie's Angels (PS2)
Head Panic (Arcade)
Tomb Raider: Curse of the Sword (Game Boy Color)
Devious Designs (Amiga)
Devil World (Arcade)
Parasite Eve (PS1)


Aya confronts Eve for consuming her sister Maya.
And.

Splatterhouse (2010) (PS3)
Door guardians pop up throughout the reimagining/reboot of Namco's arcade classic.
I personally hated it, but scene is impressively gross.
Check out Rick entering the mouth of madness.
The final part is in development.
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