Sunday, 29 January 2017

T2 Trainspotting - The scoop and digest

Terminator ref in title was used as a joke, so this could be associated with something other than what we unofficially call James Cameron's masterful shape-shifting sequel.

For giant shits and hysterical giggles, 2009 Filipino horror Tenement 2 was stylised as T2.

Fascinating, right?

Of his monumental fallout with Boyle, McGregor recently said:

"It was almost nothing to do with The Beach.  I mean, of course, it was all over The Beach and my understanding that I was playing the role.  To discover that I wasn't, came as a bit of a shock.  It wasn't just not getting that role.  It was [the way] it was handled that wasn't very clever."

In short, casting an American (The Wolf of Wall Street) increased budget.

Anyway, it's all water under the bridge.

Although taking bits and bobs from Porno, material is largely new.

Lest we forget, 2002 book sequel lifted things from big screen adaptation of Trainspotting.

This is a super massive, gargantuan risk.

Can 'shit' sequel be avoided?

Ewan McGregor - Renton
Jonny Lee Miller - Simon
Ewen Bremner - 'Spud' Murphy
Robert Carlyle - Begbie
Anjela Nedyalkova - Veronika

So what have they been up to... for twenty years?


Going through a divorce in Amsterdam, a nostalgic Rents returns home and attempts to reconcile with friends he ripped off.


Yeah, Sick Boy has gone.

Swapping smack for white nose powder, pulls not many pints for customers at his auntie's boozer the Port Sunshine and with the help of Bulgarian prostitute Veronika he met at a sauna, runs an extortion racket.


Had a kid by estranged wife Gail and still junkie turns to writing about life experiences.


Arranges for fellow inmate to stab him and escapes from hospital disguised as a doctor. Our favourite psycho is revealed to be impotent and focused solely on revenge.

Events go something like this.

After thwarting Spud's suicide attempt via suffocation, Rents enters Port Sunshine where he and Simon don't exactly kiss and cuddle.

Differences are apparently put aside, but what Rents doesn't know is that he and Begbie plan revenge.

Simon and Rents 'acquire' cash cards from customers at anti-Catholic pub and empty numerous accounts at hole in wall.

I'm not sure if it's even explained how Simon knew PIN 1690 would work with the majority of plastic?

The much anticipated meet between Franco and Rents happens in a nightclub toilet.


He manages to get away, albeit injured.

Spud returns to 'the great outdoors' and lays flowers in memory of Tommy.

Simon cannot resist reminding Rents that he effectively signed Tommy's death warrant by introducing him to heroin.  Mark counters by saying he was too busy filling his veins to keep an eye on baby Dawn.

Ultimately, they decide to revisit a bad habit.

Begbie surprises Spud at his apartment and inevitably asks where Rent Boy is.

Knowing he's done a terrible thing, Spud tries to warn Mark at the pub but it's too late.

Begbie knocks out Simon and eventually pushes Rents through ceiling hole, causing him to fall in such a way that he's strangled by a stray cable.

Before death occurs, Simon blinds Franco with aerosol and Spud clouts him with a toilet.

He's bundled inside boot of car and delivered 'off screen' back to prison.

Veronika flees the country with Simon and Mark's £100K and film ends with Rents dancing in bedroom, as camera pans out creating an endless corridor

Perfect Day?

Far from it, but could've been helluva lot worse.

Carlyle and Bremner smash respective roles and how split-screen cubicle scene unfolds is excellent.

For those who haven't read the original book, a flashback scene clears up title.

Begbie comes face to face with his alcoholic father (also played by Carlyle) in a disused station.

He says something like "What 'yer doing here anyway, Trainspotting?"

Rents and Simon singing 'No more Catholics' may tickle tummies, but Spud appropriately provides the laughs.

Poor wee cunt got sacked for not realising the clocks went back an hour in summer, because he was so high on smack.

Raging Spud takes up boxing and gets KOed by trainer.


Explosive energy has vanished.

Like John Hodge's script, plot is forced and laboured.

McGregor is boring and Miller no longer possesses what he once said of heroin - great fucking personality.

We didn't need words flashing up and updated 'Choose' monologue is stupid.

Kelly Macdonald and Shirley Henderson are absolutely POINTLESS.

Irvine Welsh cameos as a fence, while Swanney and Rent's mother have been killed off.

Veronika replaces Porno character Nikki Fuller-Smith and unnecessarily beds Renton.

References aside, original is shown way too much.

Simon even says to Mark "You're here for nostalgia."

Violent convict escapes and the police aren't even looking?


Begbie's pursuit features a pseudo 'Here's Johnny' moment.

Perversely, sticking head through wall reminds me of Roy Batty in Blade Runner.

Apart from Young Fathers, soundtrack is flatter than a puncture.

Relax (Frankie Goes to Hollywood), Radio Gaga (Queen) and Dreaming (Blondie) are all great songs, but just don't work.

New version of Born Slippy is Slow Slippy, Brian Eno's Deep Blue Day can be heard and The Prodigy remixes Lust for Life.


(When cross-referenced to original).

On several occasions, it's stated that Renton left Spud £4,000.

Keith Allen's drug dealer bought about two kilos from small time wasters with an accidental bad habit for £16,000, paid in eight £2,000 bundles.

Trouble is, only a solitary wedge is waiting inside Spud's locker.

How the fuck wasn't this noticed?

Ironically, Sick Boy bought Mikey's skag for £4,000.


Franco is dumped inside boot wrapped in some kind of material.

Not long after, we briefly see a now conscious Begbie trying to escape with material nowhere to be seen.

The end?

Theoretically no, but I can't imagine there'll be enough demand to adapt either 80s set prequel Skagboys or Begbie entry The Blade Artist.

I stand corrected of course.

Wednesday, 25 January 2017

Go Film Go (Postergasm)

Welcome to the first of many.

* indicates a different film of same name exists.

** remade and/or rebooted.

*** has to be awkward.

Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill exuded excellent chemistry in the big screen adaptation and sequel to long-running television series 21 Jump Street.

It Came From Beneath the Sea (left) and Cat Ballou (right)
Earth vs. the Flying Saucers (left) and S.W.A.T. (right)
Heavy Metal
Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger (left) and The 7th Voyage of Sinbad (right)
The New Centurions
The Wild One
Spoofing anything from Star Trek to Top Gun, 2014 follow up 22 featured a variety of fake assignments.

Why is 39 Jump Street an electronic target game?

Considering after 43, we jump to 2121, I hope 2078 missing adventures are also accounted for.


Men in Black crossover MIB 23 will apparently make them canon.


American Gigilo - The Warriors
Home Alone - The Incredible Melting Man
*House (1986) - The Blob
House of 1000 Corpses - Creature from the Black Lagoon
Julie and Julia - Attack of the Crab Monsters
Napoleon Dynamite - Dragonslayer
Sleepers - Last Tango in Paris
Demolition Man - Lethal Weapon 3
Twins - Rambo III
X-Men: Apocalypse
Romancing the Stone
 (left) and Revenge of the Nerds (right)
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
The Mark of Zorro (left) and Excalibur (right)
**Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Critters
Pulp Fiction is arguably the coolest film ever made.

While Vincent and Mia dine at Jack Rabbits, we appreciate silver screen importance from the 50s.

The Young Racers
Motorcycle Gang (left) and **Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (right)
Rock All Night (left) and Sorority Girl (right)

The Black Stallion
The Outsiders
Beverley Hills Cop II

Rambo: First Blood Part 2 (left) and *The Enforcer (1976) (right)
My favourite scene in Shane Meadows' Dead Man's Shoes is when Richard (Paddy Considine) makes Sonny 'nervous'.

Check out this excerpt.

"I'd gather them goonies and get whatever you got comin' mate... 'cause I'm gonna fucking hit you all."


Taxi Driver
Enter the Dragon
In principle, 2008 Australian revenge thriller The Horseman (not to be confused with The Horsemen), ripped it off.

Knocked Up

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Star Wars
In the rather great Sisters, Maura and Kate's party goes amusingly mental.

Way before that.

Out of Africa
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
Greg Olliver's psychological horror debut Devoured served up tension and atmosphere.

Down in the subway at midnight...

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2
Friends with Benefits
Horrible Bosses
**The Hills Have Eyes and ***The Evil Dead are joined at the hip.

Rather than Roger Kastel's painting, Wes Craven's 1977 cult classic includes a ripped promo poster of Jaws, inferring running time was immediately more terrifying.
In response, Sam Raimi inserted a portion of said film, suggesting his video nasty was even scarier than Hills.
The banter continued, as Nancy watches The Evil Dead in **A Nightmare on Elm Street.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master paid tribute to series creator with...
*** Fede Alvarez's 2013 reimagining was simply called Evil Dead.

It'd be rude not to show a few more.

Adjacent to iconic poster, My Name Is Bruce promotes so so 2005 hack and slash video game Evil Dead: Regeneration.
No prizes for guessing which film is showing at Aero movie theatre in Donnie Darko.
Matt (Lee Ingleby) works in a video rental store in 'Dire' (as in Danny) zomcom Doghouse.

Very hard to spot, but Jennifer's Body boasts a miniature.
Glass is empty, but can be easily refilled.
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