Sunday, 31 July 2016

Films Lost in Translation - Screen 2

My last post for at least a few weeks features some absolute beauties.

1. Technology

A Haunted House 2
Stylized on Paranormal Activity, we occasionally laugh at hit and miss piss take of The Conjuring, Sinister and The Possession.
I 'recentelly' noticed Malcolm Johnson's email to Professor Wilde contained an error.
Well Aghoul me.
Arena (2011)
When a server interupted me, I traded the ignorant bastard in for a younger model.
Curse of Chucky
Finding police 'psychologists' in Chicago is impossible, but psycologists are ten a penny.
Dark Skies
Like national wildlife experts, I too am confounded that such an 'unusual' event selfishly occured over Memorial Day weekend.
Dead Heat (1988)
Hepatic relates to the liver, but if you have a ruptre - happy days.
Eager for boredom to set faster than superglue?
Investigate the origin of 'reasearch'.  Trust me, you won't be disappointed.
Nightmare (1981)
Diagnosis of Patient Tatum:
Mild amnesia. Homicidal. Dream fixation. Seizures.
Not forgetting an extremely rare case of 'schizophernia'.
Dumb ass psychopath should've demanded a second opinion.
Postman Pat: The Movie
First off, R.I.P. Ken Barrie, who died aged 83.
CGI fails to capture the charm of the classic TV show and I wouldn't be at all surprised if Patbots frightened its target audience.
'Speilberg', Bay (presumably as in Michael) and [Mike] Disa, vie to direct Pat flic.
Errors nearly overshadow embarrassment of actual film.
Predator 2
There's only one r in 'harassment'.
Oh well, shit happens.
Silent Hill
Hundreds of people vanishing into the forrest and not coming out by now is just... weird.
I vehemently disagree.  They just needed a break from broken and/or jammed locks. 
The Shadow Men
Read the second part of eyewitness Douglas Kaufman's quote carefully and literary goof becomes all 'to' obvious.
Or should that be too?
Big Bad Wolf
Being severely mauled by an unidentified animal is a mild inconvenience, but when severly mauled - that really, really fucking hurts.
Chappie was unmistakably Neill Blomkamp, but sci-fi failed to capitalize on interesting ideas.


You baby will turn and acknowledge sounds around the home, like music and many children prefer a woman's voice to that of a man (sexist bastards).
The developmental years from 1-6 are the most improtant in you (wrong again) child's life, shaping them for their future.
Early  learning (note extra space), says you (right at last), are never to young to learn.hear from our experst etc etc.
What a complete mess.
Infant learning now omits apostrophe for 'childs' but spells 'experts' correctly.
Ha ha ha!
2. Daily rag

The Shawshank Redemption
I'd like to think that the last thing that went through his head, other than that bullet, was to wonder how the hell indictements ever got the best of him. 
Cop Land
Re: Sandy Hamilton's write-up, sorry, 'it's' wrong (twice). 
Was cop spoof Hot Fuzz any good?


Unless you're a barsket case, there's only one way to spell 'basket', and Sandford Primary School entered special measures for teaching puppils.
Let's bipass any rumours, Tim Messenger cannot spell for bastard toffee. 
Idle Hands
Headline reads 'Bolan' Barmaid Murdered, but article describes the deceased as a Bowl-An waitress, killed in the parking lot of said 'establishement'.
We're then fed a banquet of irrelevant bullshit about President's back-to-back Cambodia speech that just about did it for him.
And we care, because?
3. Books and Magazines

Deep Red
Unlike harassment, 'occurence' has two r's.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984 original)
Maybe I'm being anti-personel, but how did goof slip through the proof-reading net?
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
I didn't loose the belly so celebrated with greasy kebab, fries and crate of brown fizzy stuff.
Alien vs. Predator
Pacific American can stick medicinal accoustics right up Charles Bishop Weyland's ass.
4. Mail

Best of the Best (1989)
As this was typed by an arcade game designer, I guess congradulations are in order.
Contracted: Phase I
Nominating petition filed with selection committe announces Samantha England will compete in the 14th Annual FLOWER & FLORAL Competition.
Although mistake is rotten, it adds to the flavour.
5. Miscellany

Silent Hill: Revelation
I believe place of education was Midwich Elementary School, not Ndwich.
Maybe fairly rubbish sequel switched over to a parallel universe?
Death Proof
Nobody's perfetc, especially bar sign.
Freddy vs. Jason
Harrassment and violence... not at our school.
Harassment and violence... at some other school.
80s set comedy Hot Tub Time Machine was bearable.  Its sequel was fucking awful.

Problems with (whatever), St. Nicholas Cage can help.
A short time later.

Taking ice, heroin, speed, smack, whack and jack should distort the reality of St. Nicolas Cage. 
Jaws: The Revenge
I EEP well clear of the greatest film ever made.
Genetically engineered dinosaur hi-jinks now with Jurassic Park.

I'm not a paleontologist but...

Stegasaurus should be Stegosaurus.
Tyranosaurus should be Tyrannosaurus.
2001 Maniacs (2005 remake of Two Thousand Maniacs!)
Beyond the grave, Harper Alexander seeks bloody revenge for Febuary foul up.
Hellraiser: Bloodline
This was the final instalment to have any official involvement from Clive Barker.
Below employee lounge in northwest corridor is the only place air 'conditionioning' can be either located or maintained.
That's yer' lot.

Can third and final part top the lot?

It has a fighting chance.

Saturday, 23 July 2016

Giger Power!

Award-winning Swiss surrealist left behind an iconic legacy.

Let's face it, the guy was a fucking genius.

Something tells me Alien wasn't his only contribution to cinema.

Although not a supernatural patch on Tobe Hooper's fantastic original, Poltergeist II: The Other Side had its moments and probably most remembered for Julian Beck's creepy Reverend Kane uttering "God is in His Holy Temple."

Stomach cancer would seal his fate in real life.

After necking tequila, a drunken Craig T. Nelson turns nasty and eventually spews up Mezcal worm.

The original Species wasn't very good and spawned a host of terrible sequels.

Still, the true guise of Natasha Henstridge's sexy alien Sil compensated, who went through men faster than water disappearing down plughole.

He was also responsible for choo choo nightmare sequence.

It may have been based on a drawing for Alejandro Jodorowsky's cancelled big screen adaptation of Frank Herbert's classic 1965 novel Dune.

I've never seen mutant thriller Future-Kill, but I bet vital organs poster was the highlight.

For psychological point-and-click adventure Dark Seed (and its 1995 sequel), Giger gave Cyberdreams access to much of his fantastic archive.

As Normal and Dark worlds co-exist, did Silent Hill rip idea off?

Here we see Satan I, which Celtic Frost used for their album To Mega Therion.
Landscape XVIII.
Mike Dawson's reflection eerily becomes...
...The Great Beast (detail).
Not to be outdone.

The innocent stare of infancy morphs into something less than adorable.

At just 27, Giger's long-term partner Li Tobler committed suicide.

She is immortalized in 1974 paintings Li I and Li II.

How both are used.

Darkworlder Keeper of the Scrolls helps Mike stop the ancients.
Complete with archetypal biomechanical gloss, Hommage à Böcklin is incorporated.
A fitting tribute of Arnold Böcklin's fifth version of Isle of the Dead.
In stunning contrast, the following received no permission and exploited Giger's immense popularity.

It's all jolly good fun.

Biometal (SNES)
W Ring: The Double Rings (PC Engine)
X-Multiply (Arcade)

Z-Out (Amiga/Atari ST)
Act-Fancer: Cybernetick Hyper Weapon (Arcade)
Rezon (Arcade)
Splatterhouse 3 (Mega Drive)
Mega Turrican (Mega Drive)
It appears bony transport was inspired by Biomechanical Landscape III (Trains)
Contra III: The Alien Wars (SNES)

Recurring series monster Kimkoh 'unofficially' appears as opening boss in the generally unlikable Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia.
Chakan: The Forever Man (Mega Drive)
Devil Crash (Mega Drive)
Ecco the Dolphin was directly influenced by the writings of John C. Lilly and sees Bottlenosed bad ass pass through time and defeat an alien race.

Vortex Queen
Developed by Psyclapse (a division of Psygnosis), Baal was uncharacteristically a very ordinary action platformer.

Instead of Roger Dean, Melvyn Grant assumed cover art responsibility.
Amusingly, the end boss is fuck all like what we're led to believe.
Wait a mo.

Hmmm, I detect some 'similarity'.

Depending on chosen route, expect to fight this incarnation of Jagger Froid in Mega Drive alternative Contra: Hard Corps.
Releasing Dark Knight's ultimate power, the Firebird, is key to defeating Dark Gaia's final form in SNES RPG classic Illusion of Gaia.
In pretty bizarre Master System effort SpellCaster, observe end boss Dark Lord.
Not to be confused with Game Boy, or much later GBA reimagining; Game Gear version of Double Dragon demanded to Hold Your Tongue.
What's this?

Space Manbow (MSX2/MSX2+)
Oh my Li!

What a superb rip off.


Very, very debatable, but I reckon when designing first form of Silent Hill: Homecoming end boss Amnion, Double Helix Games took a leaf out of the great man's book. 
His most celebrated creation remains kind of a big deal.

Physical evidence will be shown...
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