Saturday 30 September 2023

'Probably' everything that Alien: Covenant ripped off

Meat of sequel is set on 5 December 2104, 10 years, 11 months and 15 days after Prometheus, and apparently ends in early 2105 (17 years before Alien).

Marketing campaign

As per predecessor, several short films were created.

The Last Supper
Meet Walter
Crew Messages
The Crossing
Alien: Covenant x Audi lunar quattro
She Won't Go Quietly
Phobos
Advent
David's Lab: Last Signs of Life

Alan Dean Foster wrote novelisation and a few months later, brought official prequel Alien: Covenant Origins.

An arcade game of same name was released in North America, but was just a rebranded version of Aliens: Armageddon.

Anyway, to serious business.

Poster 1 vs Alien versus Predator 2


Debatable I know.

However, there's absolutely no doubt here.

Poster 2 vs Alien: Isolation Japanese promo¹


Just look at this shit.

¹reused elsewhere.

Neomorph² vs Cale - Aliens: Fire and Stone - Chapter Four


WHAT?

²Inspired by a Goblin shark.

Aliens: Apocalypse - The Destroying Angels (January-April 1999)

At the end of Prometheus, Shaw stuffs David's head inside bag and takes body with her.

The Crossing
In early 2094, Shaw reattaches head.
Learning Deimos is a synthetic spy, Captain Mutombo blows head clean off.

Baal encounters an angel and loses head
The others are able to adequately reattach his head to Deimos' undamaged body.

David vs Dr. Lucien Keitel

To observe angels' life cycle and natural history, Keitel led team (test subjects) to corporeal death.
Sounds familiar.

Check this out.

Engineer graveyard


Baal warned earlier that if Weyland-Yutani programmed subversive sleeper directives into Deimos's body, there's a chance he'll present a threat.

Spoiler alert - they did.

David takes Oram through his lab where he's attacked by a facehugger.


Baal doesn't obstruct Hannibal Sten's pursuit of finding eggs.

Receive me... take me... raise me u---
No prizes for guessing what happens next.

Massey blows bastard away, causing facehugger to jump off.
It then goes for him, with Baal refusing to help.
Both watch, wearing a cold, blank expression.


However, things play out differently.

A praetomorph bursts from Oram's chest.
We don't see Massey giving birth.

Lope is implanted within seconds, reflecting Alien vs. Predator (2004).
While unique to comic, the following must be shown.

Baal places an egg on top of a barely alive giant, infecting it with an alien larvae.
Massive result destroys its own kind and retires Baal.
Poor son of a bitch.

Throop and Jellicoe flee Asteroid L927 on the Rachel.
Finally.

Daniels and Tennessee discover Lope has been killed off-screen, meaning another praetomorph is loose on the Covenant.
Massey's corpse isn't shown, but Arch reveals all.

She finds Massey with his chest cavity ruptured, but failed to find creature.
Throop says it didn't want to be found because they're only interested in biological hosts.

All things considered, how the fuck filmmakers avoided a lawsuit is beyond me.

Friday 22 September 2023

Expend4bles - The scoop and digest

After a nine year hiatus, franchise is the latest to ditch 'The' and incorporate number into title.

Jason Statham - Christmas
Sylvester Stallone - Barney
Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson - Easy Day
Megan Fox - Gina
Dolph Lundgren - Gunner
Randy Couture - Toll Road
Iko Uwais - Rahmat
Tony Jaa - Decha
Andy Garcia - Marsh

Summary

CIA operative Marsh sends the team (along with new blood Easy Day and Galgo's son Galan) to Libya, on a mission to prevent mercenary Rahmat from giving nuclear missiles to his mysterious client Ocelot (a possible reference to Metal Gear Solid), who plans to become mega rich by instigating World War III.

Err, okay.

You're not welcome

Despite reinstating gore, (what number 3 infamously omitted), Scott Waugh's boring shit stain is the weakest yet.

Screenplay sucks serious ass, new additions are virtually pointless (veterans need not apply) and while Megan Fox's initial chemistry with Christmas was fun, soon dissipates.

Incoherent action is crammed with terrible CG and not even the silliness of machine gunning motorbikes on a cruiser in the South Asia Sea rescues situation.

I'd suggest $100m budget was primarily spent on salaries.

Casting Iko Uwais as the main villain was an awesome idea, but character isn't given much to do.

Rather than Stath, Jaa facing Uwais in climatic scrap would've been a way better spectacle.

Yes there's a lot of fisticuffs, explosions etc, but shit is edited/cut in a way which makes it difficult to make out what's going on.

When Barney is 'killed' after about 30m, my immediate reaction was "Yeah, right."

Guess what?

He faked his own death to flush out Marsh (Ocelot) and at the end, comically blows him away inside a helicopter.

(Sigh).

Stallone has confirmed the Stath will take over as the new 'chief'.

Oh wait, he already has.

Wednesday 20 September 2023

'Probably' everything that Prometheus ripped off

Prequel is primarily set on 21 December 2093, so 28 years, 5 months and 13 days before the meat of Alien (4 June 2122).

Marketing campaign

Several short films were created.

TED Conference, 2023
Happy Birthday, David
Quiet Eye: Elizabeth Shaw
Project Prometheus: Mission
Weyland Industries Testimonial
Prometheus Transmission

Novelisation (from a screenplay by Jon Spaihts and Damon Lindel), was adapted by Eisuka Suzuki.

It was only released in Japan.

Okay, to business.

Summary

The crew of titular spacecraft seek the origins of mankind.

Plot is basically Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989).

Here's why.

Scientists abandon logic over belief and most importantly; 'God' exists and wants us dead.

Alien vs. Predator (2004)

Peter Weyland and Charles Weyland have a history of advanced robotics and both founded the Weyland-Yutani Corporation, albeit in different universes.

Don't forget, AVP isn't canon to Alien or Predator.

Engineers used their DNA to spawn humans, while Predators use humans to breed aliens.

Let's take a look at closing scenes.

The Deacon is the result of a trilobite impregnating an Engineer.
Creature got its nickname because of head shaped like a Bishop's mitre.

Predalien erupts from Scar's chest.
It's the same principle.

Aliens: Apocalypse - The Destroying Angels (January-April 1999)

Deep-space rescue specialist Alecto Throop is about to find out that even a fight with the deadly creatures is nothing compared to meeting their masters... or the renegade human who has learned their secrets, ancient secrets that may reveal the ultimate fate of the universe and why it may lie in the clutching claws of the Aliens.

Now shit gets exciting.

In 2089, at the Isle of Skye in Scotland, archaeologists Elizabeth Shaw and Charlie Holloway find a star map left by an ancient civilization on a cave wall.
26 years ago (or in 2116), a paleontological dig deep within Australia's sandy desert funded by the Geholgod discovered a strata of shale predating the oldest previously known formations by a billion years.
For the record, Peter Weyland finances an expedition to follow maps.

Spacesuits


Circumstances are different, but David and Baal lose their heads.


Elizabeth Shaw and Alecto Throop take them away.


Engineer vs Giant


Murals


Join me on Planet 4 for unmissable sequel.

Sunday 17 September 2023

The Equalizer 3 - The scoop and digest

Antoine Fuqua completes trilogy.

Denzel Washington - Robert McCall
Dakota Fleming - Emma Collins
Eugenio Mastrandrea - Gio Bonucci
David Denman - Frank Conroy
Remo Girone - Enzo Arisio
Andrea Scarduzio - Vincent Quaranta

Summary

Crime boss Lorenzo Vitale arrives at a secluded winery in Sicily to find Robert McCall has murdered most of his henchmen.

Despite being held at gunpoint, McCall carries out brutal business, obtaining a key to winery's vault to recoup cash stolen in a cyber-heist.

On leaving, he's shot by Vitale's young son and considers suicide, but instead takes the ferry back to the mainland.

After McCall is found unconscious inside his car by Gio Bonucci of the carabiniere, Dr. Enzo Arisio nurses him back to health.

On doing so, he reports a 'repackaging operation' anonymously to CIA officer Emma Collins.

Amidst all this, McCall grows fond of Naples and clashes with Camorra head honcho Vincent Quaranta, whose drug smuggling operation is funding bomb parts.

Pain compliance

As good, if not better than the original, gory violence is definitely upped from previous instalments.

Impressive climax of McCall infiltrating Vincent's house and stealthily picking off goons smacks of how LĆ©on: The Professional begins.

To nit-pick, McCall's invincibility is never challenged and failing to include a kick ass fight before he kills Vincent felt like a missed opportunity.

There has been talk of de-aging Denzel for a prequel, but casting a different actor would be the more sensible option.

Thursday 14 September 2023

Alien 3 - Fiorina "Fury" 161 Revisited

I wasn't entirely satisfied with original entry.


Which is why I've created the definitive version, featuring brand new material.

Video games

Gameplay and content varies dramatically.

Title screen

Mega Drive/Genesis vs trailer


Pre-mission screen

Amiga, NES, Game Gear and Mega Drive/Genesis vs Alien


Pushing start in Master System port begins with:


Masked dude's identity remains unknown.

Game Over

NES, Amiga and Mega Drive/Genesis
Master System
Game Boy

This time you're not so lucky nobody finds you.

Your mission is over...

And the interesting part.

...this is Ripley, last surviving member of the Nostromo, signing off...
Just before film ends, we hear most of the message Ripley recorded on the EEV, including:

"This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off."

It appears they fucked up.

But by pure coincidence (or not?), this is exactly how Alan Dean Foster's novelisation concludes.

Ending

Amiga, Mega Drive/Genesis, Master System, C64¹ Game Gear and NES

"It is done.."
As Ripley leaves Fury 161 she turns back one last time.
¹Text only.

Screen was 'modelled' on:

Aliens Vol 2 issue 4 - May 1990
Unbe-fucking-lievable.

For the release of Alien: Quadrilogy (a bullshit expression btw), Ridley Scott and Jean Pierre Jeunet agreed to make alternative versions of Alien and Alien: Resurrection respectively, identical to what James Cameron did with Aliens years earlier.

David Fincher refused.

Following troubled production history, he nearly quit the film industry and at the time famously said:

"I'd rather die of colon cancer than make another movie."

In 2009, Fincher disowned the film, saying "no one hated it more than me; to this day, no one hates it more than me."

As a lost director's cut didn't exist, set producer Charles de Lauzirika cobbled together new version by using the so-called 1991 Assembly Cut.

Even though some audio couldn't be repaired, extended result (featuring never-before-seen footage and effects) was far superior to theatrical version.

This wasn't released in the public domain until December 2003.

Alien³: The Gun (1993)

Super Face-Hugger vs Royal Facehugger


'Oxburster' vs Babe's offspring


Both could've been taken from the novelisation, but seems unlikely.

If we don't continue...

Terrifying image is accompanied by a harrowing scream.
SNES

The best console adaptation by far goes cherry picking.

Alien

Poster


Cryotube


Aliens

Hudson's immortal line is edited as just "Game over man".
Ending

The pistons pushes the Queen to her death. 
Why is she here?

Let's check manual.

Somewhere in Fury 161, a Queen Alien is spawning dozens, if not hundreds, of offspring that feed on flesh. The alien egg pods are everywhere, but that's only the start of your problems. The aliens multiply by invading human bodies and growing inside them, and they've kidnapped the entire population of 161!
Kidnapped?

Sure. Whatever.

Objectives are clear: free the prisoners that have been trapped in alien cocoons, eliminate the alien offspring that are infesting Fury 161, and destroy the Queen nesting deep within the prison. If this weren't enough, all of this must be completed before the Weyalnd-Yutani ship arrives and gives the xenomorphs an opportunity to escape and infest other worlds.
Is player pitted against a real-time clock?

No.

This is the only version to show Ripley's descent into fiery cauldron.
End credits

Music is from the final scene of Aliens, just before Ripley and Newt enter hypersleep.

Before manual signs off.

This is the pulse rifle.
(Laughs).

It's basically an AR-15.
Thankfully, weapon is more authentic during gameplay.
And.

Reloading: to reload pick up rifle clips located throughtout Fury 161.
Guess error went unnoticed throughout proof-reading process.

Miscellany

Runner is born through Spike.
Comic - issue 1 (June 1992)
Dog's name was changed to Sparky.
Some unofficial cameos.

Oscar - CD32
Super Turrican² - SNES
²ntbcw 1992 NES game of same name.

Xtro 3³ vs font


³Subbed Watch the Skies in promotional material.

No matter what anybody says, the Dragon getting up close and personal with Ripley is cinematic gold.
More, more, more.

Aliens: Horror Show Part 1 - Dark Horse Comics issue 3 (October 1992)
Aliens: Apocalypse - The Destroying Angels - issue 1 (January 1999)
Love, Death + Robots - All Through the House (S2 E6)
Pig Hunt
The Simpsons - Stealing First Base (S21 E15)
Creature (2011)
Despite poster ripping off iconic image, antagonist is actually a half-man, half-alligator.
For unrelated shiggles.

Peter Benchley's 1994 novel White Shark was later republished as Creature in 1997 to capitalize on miniseries adaptation of same name.

Finally, something pretty weird. 

Fiorina "Fury" 161
Outer-veil mineral ore refinery
Double Y chromosome-work correctional facility
But wait.

Creature aka The Titan Find (1985)
June 23
Spacestation: Concorde
Licensing owner: NTI Corporation
Orbit: Earth's moon
It's entirely plausible that Alien knock off, simply raped err, Alien.

After all, intro is very similar.
We'll never know.
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