Thursday, 26 June 2014

Video games Lost in Translation - Crust

Wait over for more entertains circus drink hungry to perform on stage of madness surrounding tower of 100 elephants and fourty lyons.

Shit day will became better so enjoy magnoficent selections!

1944: The Loop Master (Arcade)
Time weights for no man, so take Chouto and get the fuck out of dodge while you still can.
Big Karnak (Arcade)
Thank Tut this was released in 1991 and didn't inspire 
The Bangles have all us 80s boys and girls walk like an Egiptian.  
Blagger (C64)

Yeah, and I think it's 'something' to do with the spelling...
Maybe eery is some kind of confusing alternative to eerie that exists by swimming in bullshit.  Grave yard isn't split or hyphenated either.
Crossed Swords (Neo Geo)
I can take a blow to the uppie, even the lowie, but please - anywhere but the middie.
Eight Forces (Arcade)
Wouldn't the English language be a better place with a word like destoroyed?
Thank You!
Er, you're welcome.  (I think).
Fighting Run (PC Engine)
Hi Alexia?  Listen, I need you to cansel all prior engagements as I have a hot date with insanity wearing a little black dress.
Football Champ (Arcade)
'You is hero' or 'you were hero'?
Not ideal but hey, it's better than the reality
Actraiser (SNES)
Fillmore may become a land where people can live in peace.
Shit, that would be right.
Actraiser 2 (SNES)
Justania and Favorian are at war.... (because of some asshole forgetting to press the space bar between Death and Field).
Or maybe the fuck up was pressing the space bar.  Who knows?
During an award ceremony, have you ever heard of anybody announcing 'Congratulation'?

If so, you have my sympathies.

Fatal Fury (Neo Geo)
Sparkster (SNES)
We move on.

Gemini Wing (Arcade)
Who the fuck programed this shit?

Oh yeah, Superman's dyslexic alter ego.
The King of Fighters 2000 (Neo Geo)
Congraturation!  Thanks a lot!
(For pissing me right off). 
Salamander (MSX)

Look pal, I'll dicide on situation outside time limit.
The same bullshit is back, sooner than we expected...
Mad Gear (Arcade)
Although I am vary giad about your memory and ram, I'd prefer to shove items in a very uncomfortable place.
I will never forget this.
Metamor Jupiter (PC Engine)
If anything is mixede up, it's this.
Ninja Kazan (Arcade)
First congratualtion, now the fear of adding 's' has spread to right (reserved).
Real Bout Fatal Fury 2: The Newcomers (Neo Geo)
Another exective mistake produced by SNK.
Space Harrier (PC Engine)
I surmise using o twice must be dangerous...
Vendetta (Arcade)
What a rude way to inform a punk that your dead meat is available for collection.

The contraction of 'you' and 'are' to make you're was obviously meaningless.
Way of the Warrior (3DO)
Muy Tai is (ahem), apparently a martial art that originated from France.
Savate maybe, but Muy Tai is as yet, undiscovered...
Muay Thai was popularised in film by villain Tong Po (Michel Qissi) in Van Damme vehicle Kickboxer and more famously, Sagat in Capcom's Street Fighter II.
Zing Zing Zip (Arcade)
We see destroyed but 'and you can do it you attack to the "more" evil empire !' is just hairy bollocks.
Zombies Ate my Neighbors (SNES)
This level is obviously a pun on 1989 film Look Who's Talking but that remembered to use an apostrophe...
64th Street: A Detective Story (Arcade)
Hawkwing.  This is Eagle Feather.  Pursuing unarmed suspect with revolutionary tactic of Chase and Arest.
Negative Eagle Feather, just nail the fucker.

Ten four Hawkwing.  Nailing fucker as we speak.
Global Champion (Arcade)
Is this really pretty coll? (Not really).
Rastan (Arcade)
This situation, oops, situatioin is getting serious, but I (Conan wannabe) cannot afford to die or my ass will be more worthless than an Xbox 360 drawing red rings (around the world).
The Ninja (Master System)
Since when was a ninja interested in capturing secret rolls?
Whatever, I bet the filling tastes nice.
Fatal Fury 2 (Neo Geo)
He's trying his dest but his dest clearly isn't good enough and his school won't be popolar, not even to a stale turd desperate for fly interaction. 
Fatal Fury Special (Neo Geo)
Oh dear.  Die is one of several words described as a homophone.
What a shame they used the wrong one.
Grisly, huh?
Fatal Fury 3 (Neo Geo)

Capoeira is a Brazilian martial art.
Cooperia?  Bob knows.
Whoever's looking for the secret files, don't ask Sokatu as you're right and he's wrong.
Blazing Star (Neo Geo)

We've heard of quiff but criff?
That is one hairstyle not worth trimming.
P.O.W.: Prisoner of War (NES)
This is just getting ridiculous...
Final Fight (Amiga)

Ever tasted confectionry?  Didn't think so.
There is nothing normal about their existances.
After abusing alcohol, the toilet suffered the brunt of their foolishness and subsequently, didn't flush for days...
Wait.  The original 1989 arcade didn't care about confectionry either.

The guy in the middle knows all about this shit.
The dest awaits.  Oh God, cheers Cheng.

Breath of Fire (SNES)

Sara if free from Jade's control.
Why aren't we celebrating?  Oh yeah, if 'is' wrong.
Don't worry, the Xeon Gas can only affect you.
Breath of Fire II (SNES)
Strike a match.  What isn't made in heaven, descends into hell.
Harvest Moon (SNES)
What shouldn't be there?

You heard me.
Okay, I get it now. 
Even the greatest RPG of all time isn't perfect.

Chrono Trigger (SNES)

The outro roll is perfect, but...
...I guess they sacked the typist and hired another directer for the intro.
Hang on a mo, shouldn't it be directors?

Yes, but whatever leather.

Castlevania: Curse of Darkness (PS2)
The last gen has no excuse, no fucking excuse.
From Konami to Square, it makes no odds.

Ehrgeiz: God Bless the Ring (Arcade)
Their exective producer will kick their asses. 
(Same shit) in the 1999 PS1 conversion.

They added Producer, with Kenji Takemoto and Fumi Nakashima also needed for FF (Final Fantasy) VII staff which is odd, but never mind that because if by magic, Square employed Yoshinori Kitase and not Toshinori Kitase - as per the 'different' FF VII arcade staff.
Funnily enough, Chrono Trigger does boast Yoshinori as director or 'directer', so did Toshinori part company before the PS1 game came out, thus equating to pure coincidence?

Even if that was the case, Toshinori should've still got the credit as you can't undo history.

I suppose whatever theory has a shout and a whisper.

The race is penultiamte, with finishing danger slapping salutation deep in despare.

Knights of the Round (Arcade)

Here's Merlin dishing out some innocent advice on how Lancelot, Perceval and Arthur should find the Grail.
"You should be able to find it because you were able to sacred sword."
In Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket, the tragic Private Pyle talked to Charlene (his rifle), but chatting to your sword is just taking things beyond extremes.
Maybe this guy should add a little magic to Capcom's sentence construction...
...and their FUCKING dictionary.
Keeping with films, John McClane cursed his situation in Die Hard 2 with "How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?"

What he really meant was "How can the same mistake happen to different pixels twice?"

Let me demonstrate greatness.

Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer (Neo Geo)
Amazing, right?

I end with Taito's equivalent of Shakespeare.

You will laugh.  If not, cheer up.

Metal Black (Arcade)

I love how humankind go on very well.
On such occassion, some bilge describes that mysterious disappearance of woman rise in waves in many places in the world. 
Which places?  Country or continent?  County or city?

I wanna know.  Right now.

HOLY SHIT!  That is more brilliant than cereal drenched in ice cold milk.

Intrigue continues:

"Defending-the-earth-from-the-outside organization."
Make no mistake, they really meant such fantastic bullshit.
Women on the Earth were abducted as substitutes for having their descendants.
What. The. Fuck?
That "Sindy" bird may be lovable, but I heard the Planet "Zancs" will cut the red ribbon around the old Elm tree just to feel the sensation of unity.
I could read such insane ramblings forever and a year, but every bad thing must come to beginning.


You are super great player.

Man and ladies like these deserve jin, smoke and joke.

The forces of galaxy will return plenty more so reward is yesterday.

Sleep good.  Speak still and stay mellow.  Hello!
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