Sunday, 22 October 2017

The Snowman - The scoop and digest

Although not translated until years later, The Bat kicked off Jo Nesbø's best selling Harry Hole book series.

Tomas Alfredson adapting seventh novel may sound odd, but Hollywood has form for doing things ass about face.

For example, second Alex Cross story Kiss the Girls came before Along Came a Spider.

Michael Fassbender - Detective Harry Hole
Rebecca Ferguson - Katrine
Charlotte Gainsbourg - Rakel
J. K. Simmons - Arve Støp
Jonas Karlsson - Mathias Lund-Helgesen

Summary

After murdering women who opt to abort mystery buns cooking in respective ovens, a serial killer leaves crude snowmen as calling card.

Baddie also sends 'Mister Police' letters.

Chain-smoking alcoholic cop Harry Hole takes hotshot recruit Katrine Bratt along to stop him.

Slush

Despite exciting cast, this was TERRIBLE.

Apparently, director says 10-15% of screenplay wasn't shot.

Does that excuse result?

Of course not.

Running time is so disjointed, practically nothing makes any sense, and only a particularly nasty acid trip would have you believe otherwise.

Ferguson and Gainsbourg are just about okay, but Fassbender gives a career low performance.

As for the rest, why the fuck are they even here?

In tension-filled climax, Mathias could've easily shot Hole (again), but instead, chooses to simply walk towards him.

Oh my GOD!

Amusingly, Mathias drowns by conveniently finding the only hole on frozen lake.

For head fucks and guffaws...

Film is set in Norway, but protagonist is Irish and locals are mostly American.

A fully clothed Rakel rides ex partner Hole in a sex scene that isn't.

Some asshole thought it would be a fabulous idea to dub Val Kilmer, who by the way, is in poorer condition than a lump of second hand plasticine.

Piece of shit is filled with vacuous subplots, but Oslo's bid to host the Winter World Cup tops the fucking lot.

Even if I liked Hot Butter's cover of instrumental hit Popcorn (which I definitely don't), ear bleed serves absolutely no purpose.

Before atrocity ends, Hole accepts another case (alluding to The Leopard), indicating there will be a sequel.

Let's hope threat doesn't come to fruition.

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