Thursday 29 June 2023

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny - The scoop and digest

James Mangold concludes what began in 1981 (or 1936).

Harrison Ford - Indiana Jones
Phoebe Waller-Bridge - Helena 'Wombat' Shaw
Mads Mikkelsen - Dr. Schmidt/Jürgen Voller
Antonio Banderas - Renaldo
John Rhys-Davies - Sallah
Toby Jones - Basil Shaw

Summary

1944.

During World War II, Indiana Jones attempts to retrieve the Lance of Longinus.

After establishing said artefact is a fake, he takes the first part of the Antikythera from Nazi physicist Dr. Schmidt by force, and escapes with fellow archaeologist and colleague Basil Shaw.

August 1969.

Indy's goddaughter Helena Shaw convinces him to find all three parts of the Dial and unlock its secrets.

Meanwhile, Schmidt (true identity Jürgen Voller) has his own agenda for obtaining titular object.

Eye of the Storm

A low bar to clear, but a slight improvement over Crystal Skull.

Opening 25 minutes is classic Indy, but de-aging Harrison Ford means we're concentrating on weird face, rather than what's around him.

An 80-year-old voicing 'younger' self made no sense.

Here's fun - just cast a different actor, a la River Phoenix in The Last Crusade.

Oh, a digital Indy running on top of a train looked like a terrible video game.

Indy cuts a pathetic figure, but at least Ford gives character the send off bullwhip deserves.

Fleabag is a horrible piece of shit, and I really didn't care about anybody else.

Action doesn't belong and CG does all the heavy lifting.  Set pieces are decidedly average and never thrilling.

How Schmidt survived (even though head should've been obliterated) was hilarious.

Ahead of preposterous climax, Voller plans to travel back to 1939 and kill Adolf Hitler, so he can lead Germany to victory in WWII.

But unfortunately for him, they arrive in 214 BC during the Siege of Syracuse.

Just... WHAT?

Before Helena knocks him out, Indy wants to stay with Archimedes and die.

Everything is resolved off screen and so rushed.

A touching reconciliation between Indy and Marian plays out, re-enacting the 'where doesn't it hurt' kissing sequence in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Ignoring other media, franchise should've ended on the big screen after Indy and co rode off into the sunset.

Monday 26 June 2023

No Hard Feelings - The scoop and digest

Director Gene Stupnitsky co-wrote screenplay with John Phillips.

Jennifer Lawrence - Maddie
Andrew Barth Feldman - Percy
Matthew Broderick - Laird
Laura Benanti - Allison
Natalie Morales - Sarah
Scott MacArthur - Jim

Summary

32-year-old Uber driver Maddie is facing bankruptcy for failing to pay taxes on a house she inherited from her mother.

In desperation, she accepts a Craigslist post about a socially awkward 19-year-old boy called Percy.

His rich helicopter parents are looking for a woman in her early 20s to 'date' him before he leaves for college.

In return, lucky lady will be given a car.

Despite promising to 'date his brains out', seductress finds virgin's nut difficult to crack.

Pretty cringe

This claims to be a sex comedy, but Failure to Launch with a different title is more like a drama.

I didn't laugh once, but sure felt uncomfortable.

Was that the intention?

Leads give good performances and there are some sweet moments between them, but tonally - it's a complete mess.

Friday 16 June 2023

The Life and Times of Bram Stoker

Mary Shelley stitched together Frankenstein or The Modern Prometheus and Robert Louis Stevenson developed the idea of a split personality in the Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Another genius created his own piece of influential history.

Career

Abraham "Bram" Stoker was born on 8 November 1847 in County Dublin.

He was bedridden for the first seven years of his life, in a time when it was still common practice to perform blood-letting: draining 'bad blood' from a patient to cure disease.

Interestingly, the Irish Gaelic phrase for 'bad' or 'tainted blood' is droch-fola.

Abraham senior was a member of the British civil administration in the Chief Secretary's Office of Dublin Castle and his mother, Charlotte Mathilda Blake Thornley, entertained Bram with ghost stories and tales of Irish folklore.

He often recounted those days, crediting her for feeding his imagination.

"I was naturally thoughtful, and the leisure of long illness gave opportunity for many thoughts which were fruitful according to their kind in later years."

At sixteen, he was admitted to Dublin's Trinity College and excelled at sport, winning various cups and awards.

During this time, Bram served as president of the Philosophical Society and helped recruit one the college's finest members - a certain Oscar Wilde.

By 1877, Bram had been promoted to the office of Inspector of Petty Sessions.  In this posting, he completed his first published work, Duties of Clerks of Petty Sessions in Ireland, a reference book for civil servants working within the Irish legal system.

Bram was also a frequent contributor to The Daily Telegraph, focusing on the public activities of theatrical personalities.  The most notable figure was Victorian Shakespearean actor, Sir Henry Irving.

After his flattering review of Hamlet, Irving gave him the opportunity to become his Acting Manager in 1878, which he duly accepted; delaying his marriage to Florence Balcombe.

For the next twenty-seven years, Bram was employed as Irving's jack of all trades.

While managing London's Lyceum Theatre and Irving's career, he managed to write several novels on a part-time basis, including Dracula.

Vampire

The word 'vampyre' can be traced back to 1732, when word first entered the English language.

Given the attention of vampires reported by the British press, this coincided (and/or led to) a rising interest in gothic literature.

Although poets Robert Southey and Lord Byron got their teeth into subject matter, Byron's personal physician John William Polidori wrote the first piece of vampire fiction, The Vampyre (1819), modelling his vampire Lord Ruthven on Byron himself.

Dracula

Stoker took name from fifteenth-century Romanian prince Vlad the Impaler.

Contrary to popular belief, Stoker knew very little about the real Dracula.

He was already working on the novel and had even selected moniker for his Count - Wampyr.  After borrowing an obscure history book from the public library while on holiday in Whitby in 1890, he noticed a footnote suggesting Dracula came from a Romanian word for 'devil'.

This fitted perfectly with Stoker's conception for the embodiment of evil, so he appropriated name (as a vampire).

Despite already having works such as The Primrose Path (1875), The Snake's Pass (1890) and The Shoulder of Shasta (1895) under his belt, magnum opus was published on 26 May 1897 by Archibald Constable and Company for six shillings.

No corrected editions followed, although a Constable paperback abridged by Stoker was issued in 1901 for sixpence.

As late as 20 May, the Memorandum of Agreement Stoker signed with Constable to produce the book mentions novel's working title 'The Un-Dead'.

Shortly before its publication, Bram orchestrated a public reading at the Lyceum Theatre, using actors from the theatre company in various roles.  It is believed that mindset was not only to secure copyright, but also as the first step towards producing a stage adaptation of his novel, placing Irving in the title role.

However, any chance of a stage production in his lifetime were dashed when novel (described as being 'vulgar' and 'disgusting'), received scathing reviews.

Finally, there is no doubt that Stoker was influenced by Sheridan Le Fanu's Carmilla, which was originally published as a serial in The Dark Blue (1871-1872).

Death

After Irving died in 1905, Bram suffered a number of strokes.

While on the road to recovery, he penned Personal Reminiscences of Henry Irving.

Novel didn't bring him notoriety as an author, and less than a year later, it was reprinted in a cheaper edition.  He continued to write, but subsequent novels brought precious little success.

Exhaustion took Bram Stoker's life on 20 April 1912.  The sinking of the Titanic upstaged news of his passing a few days earlier.

Dracula's Guest

Florence Stoker collected together stories that were subsequently published as Dracula's Guest and Other Weird Stories (1914), including what she claims in her preface as an 'unpublished episode' from Dracula.

While broadly accepted to be the original first chapter, Stoker's own notes for the novel, discovered by Raymond T. McNally and Radu Florescu in Philadelphia in the 1970's; says it was actually the second.

What is certain that Constable deemed work superfluous, so deleted it prior to publication.

Going back to Le Fanu's work, Countess Dolingen is basically a derivative of Countess Mircalla (an anagram of Carmilla).

Legacy

Over time, novel's popularity soared and literary masterpiece has never been out of print.

Story has been adapted into television dramas, films, subject to endless parody and inspired multiple video games.

Bram Stoker died 111 years ago, but through Dracula - achieved immortality.

Tuesday 13 June 2023

Video games lifting likeness - Act III

Welcome to the penultimate episode.

Rocky

Bullfight: Ring no Hasha
Marciano - Digital Champ
Pound for Pound
Ivan Drago

Draef Varona - Best Bout Boxing
Iron Drago - The Final Round
(Shakes head).

Andrei and Boris - Largo Winch: Empire Under Threat
Amusingly, character model is reused for Ivan, another Russian goon.

Finally.

Street Fighter - Arcade
Attract sequence depicts Joe.
Tiertex altered dude for Amiga/Atari ST versions.
Hmmm.

Rather predictably, sprite is nothing like the above.
Charles Bronson

Battle Shark
Continental Circus
The Terminator

Prvá Akcia


Cyborg T-8P - Battle K-Road


Bruce Lee

Rather than getting heavily involved (as I have before), I will be brief.

Along with Tekken's Marshall LawFei Long (who debuted in Super Street Fighter II: The New Challengers), is probably the most famous 'tribute'.
Enter the Dragon
Iconic pose (less claw marks) was copied in bizarre circumstances.

Dragon Ninja (less the Bad Dudes) - Amstrad CPC.
What the fuck has this got to do with game?

Making even less sense.

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story - Game Gear and Master System
Depiction gives the finger to Jason Scott Lee, who portrayed Bruce in the film.

Jaws: Ultimate Predator - Wii

Plot is completely different to 3DS version, pitting Jaws against mega corporation Paleoco and its illegal genetic experiments. 

Bosses include a Sperm Whale, and extinct monsters such as Dunkleosteus and a Plesiosaur.

Afterthought of Jaws Unleashed is as stupid as it sounds.

Trey Wallace vs Quint


Dr. Jacques Danleau vs Chief Brody


And for all you Red Dwarf smegheads out there.

Mayor vs Chris Barrie


Okay then.

Dracula

Nosferatu, Super Famicom - 1994 and SNES - 1995 vs 1931 film (1947 Universal one-sheet)


The Count was originally released in 1979.

Cover art won't go down in history as one the best.
Text adventure was re-released in 1981, using Frank Langella and Dracula (1979) as template.


Dracula the Undead

Lynx point-and-click is loosely based on original novel, with Bram Stoker as the narrator.

Cover art vs Taste the Blood of Dracula


Dracula A.D. 1972


Dracula (1958)


Did the legendary Christopher Lee give permission?

Suspect not.

Next time, it all ends.

Thursday 8 June 2023

The Boogeyman - The scoop and digest

Stephen King's 1973 very short story of same name has been adapted several times, but Rob Savage is the first to apply extra meat to bones.

For shiggles, two unrelated franchises exist.

The Boogeyman (1980), Boogeyman II (1983) aka Revenge of the Boogeyman and Return of the Boogeyman (1994) aka Boogeyman III.

Boogeyman (2005), Boogeyman 2 (2007) and Boogeyman 3 (2008).

Anyway.

Sophie Thatcher - Sadie Harper
Chris Messina - Dr. Will Harper
Vivien Lyra Blair - Sawyer Harper
Marin Ireland - Rita Billings
David Dastmalchian - Lester Billings

Summary

The Harpers (Sadie, her younger sister Sawyer and therapist father Will) are still coming to terms with the death of their family matriarch, who was killed in a car accident.

A seemingly disturbed man called Lester Billings tells Will a sinister entity killed his kids, and thinks it's now latched onto him.

Later at the Harper's home, Sadie finds Lester's body hanging inside her mother's art closet.

Soon after, Sadie notices a strange mold growing around the house and a creature begins to terrorise Sawyer.

Will initially dismisses the situation, until he's forced to take shit seriously.

Shadows of grief

Performances are good, jump scares can be effective and definitely at its ominous best when silent.

Unfortunately, action-based climax is devoid of suspense.

The involvement of Scott Beck and Bryan Woods (who also co-wrote screenplay with Mark Heyman), is presumably why creature is similar to the alien in A Quiet Place.

Sadie learns from Lester's estranged wife Rita that beastie hides in darkness.

Just turn on the fucking lights already.

When Sawyer looks underneath her bed, a cute riff on Poltergeist (1982) plays out.

From what I can remember, there's a couple of nods to Stephen King.

Lester lives at 217 (The Shining novel) and the Harpers reside at 19 (an important number in author's universe).

Monday 5 June 2023

Asset Plagiarism - Third Theft

Cover art kicks things off.

Dark Amazon vs Baseline Killer¹ vs Babysitter Wanted


¹Shot in 2008, but not released until 2009.

Vengeance Day² vs The Dead Undead


²Footsteps (2006) was repackaged in 2012.

This next set is just weird.

Ivanhoe - Lifeline (26 September 2008) vs Evergrey - Torn (19 September 2008)


And it doesn't stop there.

Blood Dungeon aka Dungeon Girl (2008) vs Scourge (31 January 2008)


The earliest source (as far as I'm concerned at least), smacks of:

The Reaping (2007)
Miscellany

Moon Rocks³ vs Alien


³Novel bizarrely rapes plot of unofficial Alien sequel Alien 2: On Earth, as action largely takes place underground.

M.I.A.: Missing in Action⁴ vs Uncommon Valor


Spiritual successor to Green Beret.

No Such Thing as Monsters vs The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1973)


Discount Leatherface doesn't even appear in piece of shit.

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (opening credits) vs Halloween; The Curse of Michael Myers (VHS back art)


Recycling an image of Donald Pleasence from the final film in original timeline makes absolutely no FUCKING sense.

The cover of the first computer game based on Miami Vice is taken directly from a promo shot in the third and final season of classic TV series.


Why have they swapped places?

(Shrugs shoulders).

Anyway.

One of the billboards in Full Throttle, aka Top Speed played the stealing game.
HA HA HA!

Taito would release Chase H.Q. a year later in 1988, with the two detectives clearly based on Crockett and Tubbs.

Go to Hell vs Alice Cooper - Alice Cooper Goes to Hell


Even font was nicked.


Finally.

John George Jones brutalised rock musician for Soft & Cuddly.
And what are those things either side of face?

Zippy of Rainbow fame turned into a monster.
(Laughs).

Two Tribes: Populous II⁵ - Mega Drive (EU only) vs The Great Wave off Kanagawa - Hokusai


⁵Why title was changed from Populous II: Trials of the Olympian Gods is unknown.

Storm Master vs Death of Marat - Jacques-Louis David


Caravaggio

Westside Gunn - Pray for Paris vs David with the Head of Goliath (Vienna)


Camila Cabello - Romance vs Judith Beheading Holofernes


The Creation of Adam - Michelangelo

God
These are more rip offs, but whatever.

Shadow of the Beast II
Blackthorne
Coming full circle.

Adam and God
Better Dead Than Alien - Amiga
Oh yeah.

Jonathan Wilson - Fanfare
Boris Vallejo

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story vs Taurus, the Bull Fantasy


Satan's Baby Doll (La Bimba di Satana) vs Incubus


Renato Casaro, how could you?

Also.

The Church (La Chiesa)
Filmmakers knew EXACTLY what they were doing.

Frank Frazetta

You can't have one without the other.

Ulysses Siren - Above the Ashes vs Sea Witch


Dying Fetus - Reign Supreme vs Dark Kingdom


Suicidal Angels - Bloodbath vs Swords of Mars


Unbelievably, the Godfather of fantasy art wasn't totally innocent.

Conan the Destroyer vs The Bearers of Bad Tidings - Jean-Jules-Antoine Lecomte du Nouÿ


WTAF, right?

Until next time.
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