Frankenstein: Maximum Voltage

Although first published nearly 200 years ago, the popularity of Mary Shelley's novel refuses to diminish.

Told through the eyes of Igor (Daniel Radcliffe) with James McAvoy as the Doctor, the delayed Victor Frankenstein is out in November.

The Frankenstein Chronicles is coming soon to a television screen near you.

Perpetuated by the evils of popular culture, Doctor's creation is largely slapped with erroneous name tag.

Hitting ignition.

Frank (Kevin James) is Mavis's uncle in successful 2012 fangtasy comedy Hotel Transylvania.

Seriously, watch out for fire.  Fire bad.

To everybody apart from best bud Drac, he's Frankenstein

On recently viewing slapstick-filled, but toothless sequel, I make the following observations.

1. After delivering unconvincing scare, strangers say something like "Hey look, it's Frankenstein."
2. When introducing himself to Drac's father Vlad (Mel Brooks), he claims Frankenstein, but then states 'technically' Frankenstein's Monster.
3. As per original, credits again state Frankenstein.

What the fuck ever.

Towards the end of festive Bottom episode Holy, Richie finds a baby dumped on his doorstep.  Feeling sorry for the 'not' abandoned little blighter, Spudgun and 'Little' Dave Hedgehog give their presents of Terry's All Gold and bottle of aftershave Grrr.

Eddie completes the Three Kings parody.

"He can have my Frankenstein mask I was gonna scare the shit out of Richie with later."

Red Dwarf was ruined after Series VI.

Hopefully I'll be proved wrong, but it's already certain new episodes will be awful.

Anyway...

Lister's pet cat Frankenstein is referenced during Series I and II.

Cat is worried about looking like the 'Bride of Frankenstein' in Series IV episode DNA.

When Rimmer condemns the crew to Quarantine in Series V, Cat's goof is this time corrected by Kryten.

"It won't be the waste disposal Frankenstein, this time I'm gonna unscrew your neck bolts and microwave your head."

Moving off topic, fun was sporadically made of the Lemming suicide myth and narcissistic feline used to call Lister a 'monkey'.

To be fair, his character is universally dumb so I'll let that one slide.

Different principle, but the same error was somehow inexplicably made in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, as one human labels Koba a stupid 'monkey'.

Steam-rolling on.

Treehouse of Horror XX begins with bullies Dolph, Jimbo and Kearney taunting classic movie monsters, including somebody in green make-up...

Fred Gwyne's Herman from classic TV show The Munsters was based on Boris Karloff. 

Garbage Pail Kid Undead Jed aka Frank N. Stein, is represented as a zombie.

When Krang is revived inside his new body, Turtles episode Shredder and Splintered pays direct homage to Colin Clive's iconic exclamation of triumph.

"It's alive!"

"IT'S ALIVE!"

Very clever.

Gene Wilder and Kenneth Branagh do the same in Young Frankenstein and Mary Shelley's Frankenstein respectively.

Robert De Niro gives a commanding performance as Creature/Sharp Featured Man.

This reaction from cyber punk cross-genre SNES classic Shadowrun is rather subtle.

If they meant it of course.

The Creature has been a recurring Castlevania pest as far back as the Belmont ancestry cares to remember.

Ignoring regular enemy, here's a few boss examples.

In PS1 'reverse castle' epic Symphony of the Night, he looks beyond ridiculous.

Not sure about purple blazer, but Portrait of Ruin's iteration was great.

Order of Ecclesia added muscle (and preposterous nukes), for altered persona Goliath.

My final example is Data East's zombie infested 1993 arcade exclusive scrolling brawler Night Slashers.

Frankenstein's Monster was an Atari 2600 game and PC/Saturn Myst lookalike Frankenstein: Through the Eyes of the Monster incorporated Tim Curry as the Doctor.

Along with clones and variations, Frankenstein's Monster has been a Marvel mainstay for decades.

However, the DC equivalent is strangely just called Frankenstein.

Zoinks! I nearly forgot to mention Scooby-Doo.

We all do stupid things when pissed, and giving Monster Brawl the time of day is one such example.

Fights end with fatalities so Voice of God (Lance Henriksen) giving Mortal Kombat style commentary shouldn't surprise.

Undead Heavyweight division boasts Frankenstein:

Oh dear!

A quote from 1987 classic The Monster Squad is of particular relevance.

"Is Frankenstein the name of the monster, or the guy who made him?"

"The guy."

Give those scriptwriters a well-informed high five.

However, things go downhill...

Tom Noonan as 'Frank' or 'Frankie'.

Oops!

To compound blunder further.

Based on Brian Aldiss' novel of same name, Roger Corman's Frankenstein Unbound shows how it's supposed to be done.

Probably influenced by Castlevania, Van Helsing typifies absurd popcorn entertainment.

Shuler Hensley as Frankenstein's Monster

Recruited only for fantastic reference, antagonist Gunther from Tobe Hooper's 1981 slasher The Funhouse uses a certain mask to hide horrific disfigurement.

Attractive.

The NES conversion of spooky house point-and-click Uninvited features Doctor Frankenstein's laboratory.

Hip hip fucking hooray.

Egor's objective in 1992 C64 arcade adventure Frankenstein is to retrieve body parts.

The Amiga version made task 'cuter'.

Years before Fahrenheit, note the 'Emotion' meter...

CRL's 1987 graphic text adventure Frankenstein was slapped with a 15 certificate for gory imagery.

Remarkably, you assumed the role of Doctor and Monster.

Here's Dr. Franken on Game Boy.

Notice the problem yet?

Known as The Adventures of Dr. Franken in North America, the 'Doctor' is too uncool for SNES school.

OH MY GOD!

Newspaper headline displaying embarrassing King Kong joke will push laughometer over the edge.

Monster Goes Ape?

That's right, but we're playing the Doctor.

I give up.

Ending shows the result of girlfriend Bitsy (honestly) pieced back together.

Er yeah, definitely a head scratcher.

Bandai brought Castlevania-esque North American NES exclusive Frankenstein in 1990.

Hang on, I thought this was subbed The Monster Returns?

(Sigh).

'Super' Frankenstein prepares to curl one out...

Bride of Frankenstein should be most famous for "We belong dead."

Interestingly, ambiguous title could be referring to Valerie Hobson (Doctor's wife) or Elsa Lanchester (The Bride), because Colin Clive's Henry and Boris Karloff's Monster are both at some point referred to as 'Frankenstein'.

52 years later, Ariloasoft ignored everything 1935 classic stood for (apart from unlicensed title), and challenged lady pants to find heart, lungs, kidneys, liver and brain.

You've gotta love artist's impression of Elsa Lanchester.

Representing player as salad dodging fitness junkie?
Awesome idea.

When all organs are got...

Like Nosferatu and Dracula, could Frankenstein Jnr. be an unauthorised adaptation of Son of Frankenstein?

Yeah, what a load of shit.

Viz Design surely hacked latter game and inserted new sprite.

As 'guy with the chin' is clearly the offspring of 'Monster', box art is made redundant.

Franken Zombie is a boss from first Ghost 'n Goblins remake Makaimura on Wonderswan.

Most combatants in Capcom's original Darkstalkers: The Night Warriors moonlight as movie beastie.

Morrigan (Succubus), Anakaris (Mummy), Demitri (Vampire) etc etc.

Not forgetting Victor (character) as Frankenstein (type).

WRONG!

Before running out of charge, cue music.

Frankenstein are tracks by New York Dolls and Lenny Kravitz.

Wayne's World features Alice Cooper performing Feed My Frankenstein.

The video of Queen's Bicycle Race contains a glaring visual error.

"I don't believe in Peter Pan, Frankenstein or Superman."

Space and Female of the Species also screwed up.

"Frankenstein and Dracula have nothing on you.  Jekyll and Hyde join the back of the queue."

As Frankenstein's Monster wouldn't fit music, how about replacing creator with 'Karloff' for revised lyrics.

Go on, don't be boring...

Whatever, journey over.

Regression - The scoop and digest

In 1980, accounts have surfaced that satanic rituals are being practiced in America.

Panic and fear spreads.

Ethan Hawke - Detective Bruce Kenner
David Thewlis - Professor Raines
Emma Watson - Angela Gray
David Dencik - John Gray

Taking place ten years hence, a man (soon to be revealed as John Gray), walks into a police station and claims of sexually abusing his daughter Angela, but with no recollection of doing so.

Assisted by the bearded guidance of psychologist Professor Raines, Detective Bruce Kenner is determined to uncover the truth.

In terms of plot development, there isn't really a great deal to divulge.

Hawke endures half-baked scientific explanation, squabbles with those in close attendance and descends into a paranoid tizz.

After much horsing around, closing scene sees the innocent John pleading with Kenner to leave delusional and lying bitch daughter alone.

Ending text goes something like:

There is no evidence of satanic ritual abuse ever taking place.

Today, regression techniques are not used as it encourages false memories.

Alejandro Amenábar spectacularly bungles a genuinely interesting concept and sticking with soporific running time is an achievement in itself.

The usually excellent Thewlis is extremely generic, Hawke howls hysteria and Watson cries irritating wolf.

Okay, working with a script more drab than falling rain doesn't help, but even so...

Mad monks during nightmare sequences are just piss poor excuses to insert ineffective horror.

Old woman (the face of packet soup), prompting 'hush' signal is surely a Sinister reference?

While not the worst film ever conceived, it's definitely one to quickly forget.

Sicario - The scoop and digest

Meet what motivated ass to watch on opening night.

Although omens are good, what about the reality?

Emily Blunt - Kate
Benicio del Toro - Alejandro
Josh Brolin - Matt

Title definition is displayed on canvas, and goes something like:

'Sicario' is a term describing Jerusalem zealots who killed Romans with small daggers concealed within cloaks.

In Mexico, the word Sicario means 'hitman'.

After a raid in Phoenix, Arizona, idealistic SWAT agent Kate and her partner Reggie discover a large number of bagged dead bodies hidden inside walls.  In the aftermath, a bomb kills two officers.

Kate and Reggie are selected by Defence adviser Matt to help bring down cartel boss Manuel Diaz.

Operation takes them to Juráez and by now, we've met Matt's mercurial partner Alejandro.

Mutilated bodies strung up should not remind of Predator and please disassociate setting with Western-themed FPS series.

Disgusted at complete disregard for public safety when cartel thugs are dispatched at border patrol, Matt tells Kate this is how things are done.

In other words, lap shit up or lump it.

A vicious wet willy later, Alejandro forces prisoner Guillermo to reveal Diaz's whereabouts.

Unhappy of their treatment, Reggie and Kate demand answers.

A yarn is spun about causing disruption to Diaz's drug empire and intel received from a crowd of migrants tells of a tunnel network.

They arrest one of Diaz's money launderers but Matt refuses to proceed as he wants to bust Diaz for something bigger.

Going over Matt's head, his boss Dave tells Kate hands are tied.

A frustrated Kate pounds booze at a local bar and Reggie introducing geezer may be just the tonic she needs...

Back at the flat, would-be lover possessing identical rubber bands of money launderer ensures passion becomes nasty.

Upon hearing commotion, Alejandro rescues Kate and subsequently, beats the names of cops under Diaz's control from corrupt yap.

Tunnel raid proves to be the perfect decoy for Alejandro to slip away and kidnap mule Silvio, (the guy persistently nagged by son to play soccer).

For her interference, Alejandro rewards Kate with a bullet to chest vest.

Soon after belting Matt, her superior spills that our friend is working for the Colombian cartel so he can get close to Ruiz's boss Alarcon, who arranged the murder of his wife and daughter.

After killing Silvio, Diaz takes Alejandro to his jefe (Spanish for chief), who along with Alarcon's guards - all bite the big one.

He toys with Alcaron, before executing family and the man himself.

Alejandro gives Kate a waiver to sign as not doing so would effectively be 'suicide'.

Whilst on balcony, she thinks better of squeezing the trigger...

Silvio's widow watches fatherless son finally have a kickabout and gunfire can be heard in the background.

Every film strives for greatness, but Denis 'Prisoners' Villeneuve's crime thriller abuses the privilege.

Brolin and especially Blunt are brilliant, but Benico del Toro's performance is off the fucking planet.

Screen time simply mesmerises and silence is triple distilled with exceptional menace.

Utterly compelling, superbly written and completely believable, only an asshole drunk on drugs would fail to appreciate the most taut spectacle of the year.

Artistic beauty in film: The Art of Gallery

My cinematic love affair with famous paintings continues and the sausages of sophistication are sure to sizzle.

In this blockbusting edition, I explore the result of camera granted permission to roll inside respective establishment.

I've already covered Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986), with The Art Institute of Chicago providing iconic scene.

Here's much more.

Vertigo (1958)
The California Palace of the Legion of Honor (now known as The Legion of Honor)

Scottie (James Stewart) is seen passing Nicolas de Largilliere's Portrait of Victor Marie d'Estrees (left) and Charles André van Loo's Architecture (right).

Created specifically for Hitchcock's psychological classic, Madelaine (Kim Novak) is mesmerised by John Ferren's Portrait of Carlotta Valdes.
Above where you'd park bum is Flowers Before a Window by Jans-Frans van Dael.

Amsterdamned (1988)
Rijksmuseum

Serial killer canal thriller comes highly recommended.

The Night Watch - Rembrandt

I'm happy to report that gargantuan masterpiece is Nicolaes Eliasz Pickenoy's Civic Guards from the Company of Captain Jan Claesz Vlooswijck.

Rembrandt's Syndics of the Drapers' Guild

Ferdinand Bol's Venus and Adonis

In Bruges (2008)
Groeningmuseum

Behind Ray's ponderous glare is Antoon Claeissans' Mars Vanquishing Ignorance.

Ken (Brendan Gleeson) gawps at Jan Provoost's Death and the Miser.

The Legend of St Ursula of Cologne - unknown Flemish master

Scenes from the Legend of St George - unknown Flemish master

The Flaying of St Sisamnes - Gerard David

The Last Judgment - Hieronymus Bosch

Midnight in Paris (2011)
Musée Rodin

You already know Van Gogh's Starry Night dominates poster, so now one delves deeper inside Woody Allen's delightful romcom fantasy.

A spectacular wide shot brings a selection of Monet's Water Lillies into beautiful focus.

The Bather - Picasso

Grand Nu a la Draperie - Picasso

The Stendhal Syndrome (1996)
Uffizi Gallery

Based on actual psychosomatic order, Dario Argento's horror probably remains obscure to most.

Madonna of the Rose Garden - Botticelli (right) and please note the extras of Primavera and The Birth of Venus inside visitor's guide book.

To save the inconvenience of using microscope, close-ups are provided...

Piera Della Francesca's Portraits of the Duke and Duchess of Urbino.

Caravaggio's Medusa

Botticelli brings another magnificent pair.

Madonna of the Pomegranate on far left and...

Madonna and Child with Six Saints

Paolo Uccello's Niccolò Mauruzi da Tolentino unseats Bernardino della Ciarda at the Battle of San Romano

Landscape with the Fall of Icarus - Pieter Bruegel the Elder

Now we head to the National Gallery in London's Trafalgar Square.

I could talk about Frederick Wiseman's three hour 'film' of the same name, but I'd fall asleep.

It is dull - with a capital D.

So...

This is the moment Daniel Craig's Bond meets Q (Ben Wishaw) in Skyfall.

Spectre draws ever closer...

PS. This is Room 34.

J. M. W. Turner's The Evening Star (left), The Fighting Temeraire (middle) and Rain, Steam and Speed - The Great Western Railway (right).

Incidentally, Timothy Spall was terrific in Mike Leigh's excellent 2014 biopic Mr. Turner.

Joseph Wright's Experiment on a Bird in the Air Pump (left) with Thomas Gainsborough providing both The Morning Walk (middle) and The Watering Place (right).

Dutch Boats in a Gale ('The Bridgewater Sea Piece') - J. M. W. Turner

From the immediate left to right, The Market Cart - Thomas Gainsborough, The Graham Children - William Hogarth and John Constable's Salisbury Cathedral from the Meadows.

Peter O'Toole stars in Roger Michell's 2006 comedy-drama Venus.

PS. We've moved to Spain and Room 30.

Portrait of Archbishop Fernando de Valdés (left) and Philip IV of Spain in Brown and Silver (right), both from Diego Velázquez.

His magnum opus.

Venus at her Mirror

The Heavenly and Earthly Trinities - Bartolomé Esteban Murillo

St Trinian's (2007) reboots and borrows from Frank Launder's original 1954 flick The Belles of St. Trinian's.

PS. The girl's strut unruly skirt in 'various' rooms.

Cimabue's Celebrated Madonna - Frederic Leighton

Joshua Reynold's Colonel Tarleton (left) and Captain Robert Orme (right).

Mrs Oswald - Johann Zoffany

(From left to right).
Christ Carrying the Cross - Altobello Melone.
The rest are all by Giovanni Battista Moroni, namely Portrait of a Gentleman ('Il Gentile Cavaliere'), Portrait of a Lady ('La Damain Rosso'), Portrait of a Gentleman and Canon Ludovico di Terzi.

Girolamo Romanino's High Altarpiece, S. Alessandro, Brescia (far left), comprises of The Nativity, Saint Alexander, Saint Jerome, Saint Gaudioso and Saint Filippo Benizzi.

Observe Joachim Beuckelaer's Air (left) and Fire (right) from group The Four Elements.

Earth and Water are somewhere out of shot in Room 11.

The joke of 'stealing' Scarlet Johansson refers to her playing Griet in 2003 film Girl with a Pearl Earring, with Colin Firth as Johannas Vermeer.

Since 1902, she's never vacated The Mauritshuis so...

Just for kicks, PDC dartist Raymond 'Barney' van Barneveld's hometown is also The Hague.

Let's have a skeg at Italy and Room 32.

Perseus Turning Phineas and his Followers to Stone - Luca Giordano (right) and The Fall of Phaeton - Johann Liss (far right).

Caravaggio's The Supper of Emmaus (middle) and Judith in the Tent of Holofernes - Johann Liss (right).

Today, Caravaggio's genius is on opposite wall.

Christ in the House of Martha and Mary - Diego Velázquez (far left), and near Colin Firth, Francisco de Zurbarán's Saint Margaret of Antioch.

Before its transfer to the Art Gallery of Ontario in 2008, Peter Paul Ruben's Massacre of the Innocents presumably resided in Room 29, hence why we're able to see masterpiece flash before our very eyes.

Thirsty for more?

Austria's capital guarantees not to sow the seeds of disappointment...