Friday, 25 August 2017

The Dark Tower - The scoop and digest

At the beginning of Frank Darabont's The Mist, Thomas Jane's David is seen painting Roland, with mysterious figure clearly based on Clint Eastwood's the Man with No Name from Sergio Leone's seminal Dollars Trilogy, one of Stephen King's primary inspirations for protagonist.

Said piece was actually painted by famous movie poster artist Drew Struzan.

Picking up where book series ended, Nikolaj Arcel combines tidbits from The Gunslinger, The Waste Lands and The Wind Through the Keyhole.

Matthew McConaughey - Walter/Man in Black
Idris Elba - Roland/Gunslinger
Tom Taylor - Jake Chambers

The Tower stands in the centre of the universe protecting us from darkness.

It is said that a child's mind can bring it down.

Wee lad Jake Chambers has recurring nightmares about a Man in Black intent on destroying the Tower, and gun-slinging nemesis out to stop him.

If sorcerer succeeds, all manner of nasty demons will breach darkness and invade reality.

Mummy and boyfriend dismiss visions and declare boy batshit crazy.

After escaping from a pair of Skins moonlighting as psychiatric counsellors, visions lead to Jake to an abandoned house where portal transports him to post-apocalyptic landscape of Mid-World.

Password is 19-19, a mainstay number in King's novelverse

Roland explains he seeks revenge on Walter for murdering his father and baddie kidnaps psychic children in the hope of toppling celebrated structure.

Walter visits New York and before killing Jake's mother and stepfather, learns offspring is the one to realise ambition.

Jake is inevitably nabbed and strapped to Walter's mind extraction machine.

I wonder what happens next?

Roland turns up at base, wades through baddies like they weren't even there and confronts Walter, (who amusingly uses 'magics' like Darth Vader).

How baddie dies is so FUCKING stupid.

Recalling Gunslinger's creed, shots fired trick Walter.

Oh my GOD!

After rescuing Jake, machine is destroyed, thus saving the Tower.

Whippersnapper accepts role as fellow gunslinger and they depart for Mid-World.


The Shining

Jake can 'shine' (touch in books), and framed b/w photo is of the Overlook Hotel.


Dating back before world moved on, Jake stumbles across ruins of Pennywise theme park and hand sculpture clutching balloons seals the deal.

Mr. Mercedes

Below 'Hello There' scrawled in ash, Walter leaves calling card of smiley face.


Toy model of 1958 Plymouth Fury can be seen inside Jake's bedroom.


St. Bernard is walked by randomer in NYC.


Mid-World's portal to Earth is 14-08.

All Hail The Crimson King slapped on the walls of House on Dutch Hill is a nod towards primary villain, with evil presence only making a fleeting appearance in literary works.

Okay, here we go.


Whether you're a noob or fan, result is frankly humiliating for all concerned.

Honestly, fuck this film.

95 miserable minutes is beset with lifeless characters, appalling dialogue, lousy action sequences and contemptible acting.

To be fair, Elba was decent.

Earth 'jokes' are embarrassing.

Coke is referred to as 'sugar' and when Jake tells Roland he's eating a hot dog, Gunslinger asks "What breed?"

(Vigorously shakes head).

If would be scant consolation if McConaughey's villain was good, but performance is absolutely pathetic.

Back in January, I was adamant nothing would touch the genius of The Bye Bye Man.

Well pickle my onion, we have a competitor.

1 comment:

Copyright © 2012-2019 Nukes and Knives™ All rights reserved.