Wednesday, 2 August 2017

47 Metres Down - The scoop and digest

It's fair to say that Johannes Roberts' filmography has been hit and miss.

Could he finally hit jackpot repeat?

Mandy Moore - Lisa
Claire Holt - Kate
Chris J. Johnson - Javier
Matthew Modine - Captain Taylor
Yani Gellman - Louis
Santiago A. Segura - Benjamin

Sisters Kate and Lisa are getting away from it all in Mexico, and after partying with a couple of geezers, they agree to go cage diving.

Captain Taylor adds chum to the drink and preps them for a dive they'll never forget.

Not long after Kate and Lisa get wet, winch mechanism breaks and sends them plummeting...

How far?

Hmmm.

Kate makes contact with Taylor who advises to swim tight.

Lisa is drawn to what she believes to be Javier, but after getting lost, would be knight in shining armour is devoured.

She takes speargun and attaches spare winch to cage, allowing Taylor to pull them up.

During which, line snaps and we're back to square one.

This time, cage lands on and traps Lisa's leg.

Taylor informs more air tanks are on the way and coast guard will be there in a jiffy.

However, oding on oxygen may cause nitrogen narcosis.

Am I hallucinating?

Not yet.

Lisa manages to break free and stumbles across shark attack survivor Kate.

Flares do enough to frighten feisty fish away and surface is reached.

Shark takes Lisa inside laughing tackle but would be meal casually gouges out eye.

Guess they took inspiration from LL Cool J using cross to stab super intelligent Mako in Deep Blue Sea.

Ha ha ha!

Fending off a shark in this way is possible, but let's face it - highly unlikely.

Oh, special effects team rather importantly forgot to have beastie roll back eyes.

(Frowns).

They're bundled safely aboard and it's revealed Lisa has been tripping for some time.

In other words, she's still trapped on sea bed.

Coast guard complete rescue mission and Lisa realises sibling probably died.

Swim. Retreat. Hide. Repeat.

Although well constructed and eminently watchable, The Shallows did everything better.

On an extremely positive note, digital Great Whites look virtually real.

Script can be more dumb than premise, as Taylor amusingly advises cage is their only protection.

No fucking shit Sherlock.

Most will anticipate jump scares and 'action' sequences primarily shot inside Basildon's Underwater Studio are devoid of tension.

Performances are decent enough, but characters contain less depth than your average puddle.

Dialogue bizarrely gives away silly twist ending and principle cheaply knocks off The Descent.

One more thing.

If you ever go scuba diving and ears begin to hurt, equalise boys and girls.

Or tilt head back and swallow.

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