Sunday, 15 December 2019

Black Christmas - The scoop and digest

The second loose remake of Bob Clark's psychological slasher classic is directed by Sophia Takai.

Imogen Poots - Riley
Aleyse Shannon - Kris
Lily Donoghue - Marty
Britanny O'Grady - Jesse
Caleb Eberhardt - Landon
Cary Elwes - Professor Gelson

Summary

Sorority sisters are stalked by fraternity members possessed by black goo oozing from the bust of Hawthorne College's dead founder.

It's as dumb as it sounds.

Post-credits

Cat is seen lapping up said liquid.

Setting up a potential sequel? Are they taking the piss?

Horrendous

Believe the hype, this was unbelievably BAD.

Aside from lifeless performances and preposterous plot, why was feminist piece of shit rated a 15?

Oh yeah, principle.

There is no blood, swearing, tension or suspense.  It's absolutely fucking pathetic.

During some bullshit talent contest, sexy Santas sing an embarrasing song with all the enthusiasm of a dead slug.

I was cringing.

DKO Army dude using festive lights to strangle girlie from behind rapes the infamous garden shear scene from The Exorcist III.

We're told that college's address is 1974 Elm Road.  Number is surely reffing year when original was released.

Okay, I'll give them that.

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