Warning.
Major spoilers.
Summary
For the past 4 years, Joel and Ellie have been staying at Tommy's settlement in Jackson.
After witnessing an 'incident' that leaves Ellie devastated, she embarks on a bloody tale of vengeance, stopping at nothing until those responsible are brought to justice.
Eye candy
Original was obviously no slouch in the visual department, but this is probably the most beautiful game I've ever seen, and at no point does quality diminish.
A huge variety of locations can be looted for supplies, ammo etc, and going underground has us explore sewers and subway station, where lighting is to die for.
Whether throat is slit or enemy's neck is snapped like a chicken, violence doesn't pussy out and remains just as, if not more visceral than before.
After pulverising a human with metal pipe (or other melee weapon), foe will often choke on their own blood.
Voice acting is very strong and Gustavo Santaolalla returns to compose an impressive score.
Gameplay
Gun mechanics haven't really evolved, but Ellie (and Abby) can now run, jump, dodge and 'go prone'.
Revolutionary, yes?
(Sigh).
The tedium of frequently dragging dumpsters and repositioning ladders has been addressed, and utilising ropes and cables to create makeshift climbing solutions, a la Uncharted 4: A Thief's End, is a welcome addition.
Scavenged parts are still used to mod weapons at workbenches, and once training manuals are found, supplements upgrade skills.
Examples include Crafting, Firearms and Stealth.
Cracking safes is straight from Resident Evil 2 (2019), with combinations often written on notes and background.
Infected
Now inconsequential, but whatever.
We get an unexpected boss fight late on.
Bloated
Game spans 3 days and contains multiple flashback sections, equating to a 25-30 hour long chore.
It goes on, and on, and Ariston.
Combat is extremely repetitive, we spend way too much time scrounging for parts and even the odd vehicle action sequence seems forced.
Yes original was also guilty, but at least areas were more compact.
On Moderate difficulty, enemy AI is generously dumb.
While prone or crouching in tall grass, humans will walk straight past Ellie and refuse to investigate any 'suspicious' movement.
When noticed, your trail will be lost fleeing a short distance away.
Is it more of a challenge on Hard or Survivor?
No idea, as that would mean going through it again.
Okay, to the nitty gritty.
A load of Cordyceps
Masterpiece?
My fucking ass.
Idiots say those who aren't doing cartwheels over long awaited sequel must be homophobic.
Not really.
Original had amazing characters, blockbusting script and incredible story.
This on the other hand features atrocious narrative (that's all over the place), lacklustre characters, nonsensical decision-making and panders to political correctness.
Neil Druckmann stated:
"While the first game was about love, this game will be about hate."
Was he trying to be ironic?
Joel's death
Yeah, that 'incident'.
A patrol goes awry, and Joel rescues Abby from the Infected.
Abby's shotgun kneecaps Joel and Tommy is battered unconscious.
With Ellie watching, Abby applies the killer blow with golf club.
Congratulations Naughty Dog, you've done an Alien 3.
Other examples include Star Wars: The Last Jedi and Terminator: Dark Fate.
I wasn't upset, just fucking angry.
Having the balls to kill him off is one thing, but at least go about it in the right way and ensure circumstances are believable.
There's no way hardened survivalists would be stupid enough to reveal their real first names to strangers they've literally just met.
Worst of all, our hearts are ripped out right near the beginning.
Motivation is revealed much later, but I'll spill now.
Joel killed her father (anonymous NPC) when rescuing Ellie at the hospital.
We waited SEVEN fucking years for that?
Goddammit man.
Flashbacks
3 Years Earlier - Joel and Ellie
2 Years Earlier - Joel and Tommy
2 Years Earlier (again) - Ellie and Joel
No issues, because they're actually good.
Before Abby's seven hour-ish epic begins, psychopath scolds Ellie for killing her friends.
Guess self-defence never crossed She-Hulk's mind.
Just another example of poor writing.
Check out convoluted timeline.
4 Years Earlier (and Seattle Day 1)
3 Years Earlier
4 Months Earlier
Seattle Day 2
Seattle Day 3
There's also a really uncomfortable sex scene with Owen to endure.
It's 'The Last' thing I wanted to see.
Do we at any point care and/or feel empathy?
No.
Because game wants us to hate her fucking guts.
Is this what Druckmann wanted?
Apparently so.
Anyway, we finally get back to the present (where Ellie briefly becomes the villain).
Not a joke.
Oh, almost forgot.
HA HA HA!
Climax
Story picks up several months later at Dina's farm.
Thanks to intel from Tommy, Ellie leaves for Santa Barbara alone to kill Abby (who's since been captured by pointless bandit gang the Rattlers).
It looks like Abby's goose is about to be cooked, but then something ridiculous happens.
(Deep breath).
Ellie decides against drowning Abby because of remembering Joel strumming guitar.
WHAT?
So after murdering hundreds of people, she spares who deserved to die the most?
If that makes sense, then I'm married to a three-legged ballerina called Barry.
That's the equivalent of Brad Pitt (upon seeing Gwyneth Paltrow's face), NOT shooting Kevin Spacey dead at the end of Seven.
Great analogy, right?
She allows Abby and Lev to escape.
Following another memory of Joel, Ellie leaves guitar behind at deserted farm and heads off to pastures unknown.
What are we supposed to take from that?
Answers on a post-apocalyptic postcard.
Verdict 4/10
Pretentious nonsense is a colossal failure in storytelling and goes against everything what made original so great.
If Bruce Straley was still on board, maybe result would have been different.
We'll never know.
Major spoilers.
Summary
For the past 4 years, Joel and Ellie have been staying at Tommy's settlement in Jackson.
After witnessing an 'incident' that leaves Ellie devastated, she embarks on a bloody tale of vengeance, stopping at nothing until those responsible are brought to justice.
Eye candy
Original was obviously no slouch in the visual department, but this is probably the most beautiful game I've ever seen, and at no point does quality diminish.
 |
| Ellie and love interest Dina arrive in Seattle. |
 |
| Flooded parking garage is one of the more action packed areas. |
After pulverising a human with metal pipe (or other melee weapon), foe will often choke on their own blood.
 |
| As you can see, shit is pretty messed up. |
Gameplay
Gun mechanics haven't really evolved, but Ellie (and Abby) can now run, jump, dodge and 'go prone'.
Revolutionary, yes?
(Sigh).
The tedium of frequently dragging dumpsters and repositioning ladders has been addressed, and utilising ropes and cables to create makeshift climbing solutions, a la Uncharted 4: A Thief's End, is a welcome addition.
Scavenged parts are still used to mod weapons at workbenches, and once training manuals are found, supplements upgrade skills.
Examples include Crafting, Firearms and Stealth.
Cracking safes is straight from Resident Evil 2 (2019), with combinations often written on notes and background.
Infected
Now inconsequential, but whatever.
 |
| Clickers are encountered after about an hour. |
 |
| Sometimes explosive traps isn't enough, as Runner's torso can scramble towards us. |
 |
| Shamblers are capable of spitting acidic clouds and shouldn't be taken lightly. |
 |
| Behemoth composed of several requires a lot of ammo to be brought down. |
Game spans 3 days and contains multiple flashback sections, equating to a 25-30 hour long chore.
It goes on, and on, and Ariston.
Combat is extremely repetitive, we spend way too much time scrounging for parts and even the odd vehicle action sequence seems forced.
Yes original was also guilty, but at least areas were more compact.
On Moderate difficulty, enemy AI is generously dumb.
While prone or crouching in tall grass, humans will walk straight past Ellie and refuse to investigate any 'suspicious' movement.
When noticed, your trail will be lost fleeing a short distance away.
Is it more of a challenge on Hard or Survivor?
No idea, as that would mean going through it again.
Okay, to the nitty gritty.
A load of Cordyceps
Masterpiece?
My fucking ass.
Idiots say those who aren't doing cartwheels over long awaited sequel must be homophobic.
Not really.
Original had amazing characters, blockbusting script and incredible story.
This on the other hand features atrocious narrative (that's all over the place), lacklustre characters, nonsensical decision-making and panders to political correctness.
Neil Druckmann stated:
"While the first game was about love, this game will be about hate."
Was he trying to be ironic?
Joel's death
Yeah, that 'incident'.
A patrol goes awry, and Joel rescues Abby from the Infected.
 |
| Abby leads a small team within the Washington Liberation Front (informally called the Wolves), who are at war with religious cult the Seraphites (Scars) for control of the city. |
With Ellie watching, Abby applies the killer blow with golf club.
 |
| One of the most beloved characters in video game history deserved so much better. |
Other examples include Star Wars: The Last Jedi and Terminator: Dark Fate.
I wasn't upset, just fucking angry.
Having the balls to kill him off is one thing, but at least go about it in the right way and ensure circumstances are believable.
There's no way hardened survivalists would be stupid enough to reveal their real first names to strangers they've literally just met.
Worst of all, our hearts are ripped out right near the beginning.
 |
| A grieving Ellie visits Joel's grave. |
Joel killed her father (anonymous NPC) when rescuing Ellie at the hospital.
We waited SEVEN fucking years for that?
Goddammit man.
Flashbacks
3 Years Earlier - Joel and Ellie
2 Years Earlier - Joel and Tommy
2 Years Earlier (again) - Ellie and Joel
No issues, because they're actually good.
Before Abby's seven hour-ish epic begins, psychopath scolds Ellie for killing her friends.
Guess self-defence never crossed She-Hulk's mind.
Just another example of poor writing.
Check out convoluted timeline.
4 Years Earlier (and Seattle Day 1)
3 Years Earlier
4 Months Earlier
Seattle Day 2
Seattle Day 3
There's also a really uncomfortable sex scene with Owen to endure.
It's 'The Last' thing I wanted to see.
Do we at any point care and/or feel empathy?
No.
Because game wants us to hate her fucking guts.
Is this what Druckmann wanted?
Apparently so.
Anyway, we finally get back to the present (where Ellie briefly becomes the villain).
Not a joke.
Oh, almost forgot.
 |
| Abby shoots Tommy in the head, yet he survives. |
Climax
Story picks up several months later at Dina's farm.
 |
| Ellie takes five to enjoy the sunset with Dina's baby. |
 |
| A preposterous fight to the death ensues, resulting in Abby biting off two of Ellie's fingers. |
(Deep breath).
Ellie decides against drowning Abby because of remembering Joel strumming guitar.
WHAT?
So after murdering hundreds of people, she spares who deserved to die the most?
If that makes sense, then I'm married to a three-legged ballerina called Barry.
That's the equivalent of Brad Pitt (upon seeing Gwyneth Paltrow's face), NOT shooting Kevin Spacey dead at the end of Seven.
Great analogy, right?
She allows Abby and Lev to escape.
Following another memory of Joel, Ellie leaves guitar behind at deserted farm and heads off to pastures unknown.
What are we supposed to take from that?
Answers on a post-apocalyptic postcard.
Verdict 4/10
Pretentious nonsense is a colossal failure in storytelling and goes against everything what made original so great.
If Bruce Straley was still on board, maybe result would have been different.
We'll never know.
