Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire - The scoop and digest

Adam Wingard returns to direct the latest instalment in the MonsterVerse franchise.

Rebecca Hall - Dr. Ilene Andrews

Brian Tyree Henry - Bernie

Dan Stevens - Trapper

Kaylee Hottle - Jia

Alex Ferns - Mikael

Fala Chen - Iwi Queen

Summary

Following the defeat of Mechagodzilla, Kong has relocated to Hollow Earth and in between destroying other Titans, Godzilla rests at the Colosseum in Rome.

After a Monarch outpost picks up an unidentified transmission, Dr. Ilene Andrews, her daughter Jia (last member of the Iwi tribe), veterinarian Trapper and conspiracy podcaster Bernie follow Kong inside Hollow Earth via a sinkhole.

Kong reaches the Underground Kingdom and forces adolescent ape Suko to take him to his lair, where the ruthless Skar King uses a crystal to command ice-powered monster Shimo.

In Cairo, Mothra convinces Godzilla to team up with frenemy Kong to prevent Skar King from ruling the surface world.

Project Powerhouse

Entertaining yes, but weaker than predecessor.

Godzilla Minus One made us care about human contingent.  Here, and rather predictably - we don't give a shit.

To be fair, exposition machine Rebecca Hall is watchable enough.

Titular Titans (who 'teleport' by the way) are frustratingly kept apart until the last knockings.

Despite top billing, Godzilla is forced into a supporting role.

Is it coincidence that Shimo is basically the same principle as Garraka from Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire?

Hmmm.

For all my bitching, action-packed climax in Brazil delivers the goods.

When Skar is caught in Shimo's icy stream, Kong grabs bastard and smashes him into a thousand pieces.

Fatality.

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire - The scoop and digest

Gil Kenan's sequel (who also co-wrote screenplay with Jason Reitman), occurs two years after the events of Afterlife.

Paul Rudd - Gary Grooberson

Carrie Coori - Callie Spengler

Finn Wolfhard - Trevor Spengler

Mckenna Grace - Phoebe Spengler

Kumail Nanjiani - Nadeem Razmaadi

Patton Oswalt - Dr. Hubert Wartzki

Emily Alyn Lind - Melody

James Acaster - Dr. Lars Pinfield

Bill Murray - Dr. Peter Venkman

Dan Aykroyd - Dr. Ray Stantz

Ernie Hudson - Dr. Winston Zeddemore

Annie Potts - Janine

William Atherton - Mayor Walter Peck

Summary

New York, 1904.

Firefighters enter a building and find a room full of people frozen to death.  The only survivor is a woman in a suit of armour clutching a mysterious orb.

In the present day, the Spenglers now live in the firehouse, bankrolled by Winston.

At Ray's Occult Books, patron Nadeem sells Ray the orb, which belonged to his late grandmother.

Dr. Wartzki explains object was built to imprison demonic god Garraka, who was defeated by the Firemasters thousands of years ago, by exploiting its weakness to fire and brass.

When Phoebe is forced by Melody (ghost she earlier befriended) to recite ritual's chant, Garraka escapes and recruits every ghost caught by OG crew.

Mid-credits

A gang of Mini-Pufts steal a Stay-Puft truck.

Slimed

What a waste of fucking time.

Convoluted mess is incredibly boring and mechanical script may destroy your soul.

Bill Murray serves absolutely no purpose and only here because, well, he's Bill Murray.

Sigourney Weaver was not approached to return and I don't suppose she cared.

Virtually nothing happens until the last 20 minutes and action is average at best.

I'm sure Hollywood will greenlight another, but I wouldn't give two shits if proton blasters were never fired again.

Immaculate - The scoop and digest

The latest entry in nunsploitation is directed by Michael Mohan and written by Andrew Lobel.

Sydney Sweeney - Sister Cecilia Jones

Álvaro Morte - Father Tedeschi

Benedetta Porcaroli - Sister Gwen

Giorgio Colangeli - Cardinal Merola

Dora Romano - Mother Superior

Giulia Heathfield Di Renzi - Sister Isabelle

Summary

Sister Mary attempts to escape from a convent, but is caught by hooded figures and buried alive inside a coffin.

At some point later, Sister Cecilia Jones accepts an invitation from Father Tedeschi to join a convent in Italy that cares for nuns during their final days.

Cecilia soon befriends Gwen and makes herself at home.

One day, Cecilia's purity is brought into question and an ultrasound scan reveals she's pregnant, even though she's never had sex with a man.

Tedeschi becomes unhealthily obsessed with 'miracle'.

Angel of light

First off, title makes no sense, as Immaculate Conception is not the same as the Virgin Birth.  The former refers to Mary free of original sin at the moment of her conception.

Circumstances may be different, but I noted a number of eerie similarities to 2018 horror St. Agatha.

1. Coffin.

2. Tongue is cut off.

And worst of all:

3. Hooded nuns (complete with fabric masks), are IDENTICAL.

Did they rip shit off?

Who knows?

Anyway, this was still a nasty little gem.

Former geneticist turned priest Tedeschi tells Cecilia that taking DNA samples from a nail used in the crucifixion will create another Jesus.  After 20 years of trying, she proved to be the perfect fertile vessel.

Sydney Sweeney is exceptional and sequence of bloody face screaming in agony was mesmerizing.

It all kicks off during the final 15 minutes which spills an impressive amount of gore.

We don't really get a good look at baby (assumed to be the Antichrist), but briefly hear horrible bastard gurgle and growl.

Cecilia grabs a rock and crushes abomination, albeit after film cuts to black.

Ending is satisfying, but is it as shocking as Saint Maud?

No.

Road House (2024) - The scoop and digest

From a screenplay by Anthony Bagarozzi and Charles Mondry, Doug Liman reimagines 1989 cult classic of same name.

Jake Gyllenhaal - Elwood Dalton

Daniela Melchior - Ellie

Conor McGregor - Knox

Billy Magnussen - Ben Brandt

Jessica Williams - Frankie

B.K. Cannon - Laura

Joaquim de Almeida - Sheriff

Summary

Former UFC champion Elwood Dalton makes a living by scamming fighters in the underground circuit.

After witnessing his latest 'victory', Frankie asks him to be the head bouncer at The Road House in Florida Keys, as beach bar is attracting the wrong clientele.

Dalton soon clashes with a biker gang, who work for crime boss Ben Brandt.

Getting wind of the situation, Ben's father Gerald contacts mafia enforcer Knox to hunt Dalton down.

Amidst all this, we learn Sheriff "Big Dick" is corrupt and tells Dalton to get the fuck out of dodge.

Mid-credits

Knox is revealed to have survived and escapes from hospital.

All at sea

Touching the untouchable needs to stop - RIGHT NOW.

Seriously, the only highlight is Jake Gyllenhaal and Patrick Swayze would probably appreciate his performance.

The rest is just...

Brandt's rubbish goons, aka "rage-filled dickheads" attempt goofy humour, but spectacularly fail.

McGregor's acting debut is embarrassing and quality of CG between him and Dalton insults a terrible video game.

Was forgotten direct-to-video sequel Road House 2 better?

Maybe.

Go Film Go (Postergasm 6)

Miscellany

Dracula's Widow
Dracula (1931)

Not Another Teen Movie
Pretty in Pink

Anguish (1987)
The Lost World (1925)

Clownado
The Evil Eye

Nobody
Touch of Evil

Popcorn
Hysteria (1965)

No Sudden Move
Heldorado

Nobody Sleeps in the Woods Tonight 2
Maniac Cop

Primal Rage
Casablanca

Q; The Winged Serpent
Taste the Blood of Dracula (French)

Superman III
Blade Runner

The 25th Hour
Cool Hand Luke

The Exorcist III
Here Comes Mr. Jordan

The Fault in Our Stars
V for Vendetta

Wes Craven's New Nightmare
Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare

Extra beef

Saturday the 14th
Jaws 2¹

¹Jack Leynnwood's Teaser Style B artwork is favoured over Lou Feck's more famous effort.

Butterfly Kisses
The Blair Witch Project²

²Co-director Eduardo Sánchez makes a guest appearance.

Sydney White
Star Wars: Episode VI Return of the Jedi³

³Drew Struzan's original artwork for Revenge of the Jedi.  Title was changed to Return by George Lucas in December 1982.

Multiples

Cooties
L-R: Psycho (1998) and Jaws

Guns Akimbo
L-R: Commando and Rambo: First Blood Part II

Scare Package
L-R: Night of the Living Dead (1968) and Camera Obscura (2017)

Step Brothers
L-R: Heavy Metal and Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone

Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat
L-R: Waxwork, Dracula A.D. 1972 and Theater of Blood

The Dead Don't Die
L-R: The Thing (1982), Halloween (1978) and Videodrome

Clownhouse

Something in the Basement

The Outsiders

Gremlins

The Road Warrior

Them!

Poltergeist II: The Other Side

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

Rocky III

Edge of the Axe

Platoon

The Color of Money

Pusher (1996)

Mad Max (French)

The Way of the Dragon (Hong Kong)

The Before Time

The Maltese Falcon (French)

Touch of Evil (French)

Trick or Treats

Dracula vs. Frankenstein

I Was a Teenage Werewolf

Christmas Bloody Christmas

Killer's Delight

Spookies

Scalper

Blood and Black Lace

L-R: Black Sabbath and Dawn of the Dead (1978)

The Final Girls

L-R; Fright Night (1985) and City of Fear

L-R: The Mutations, Bram Stoker's Dracula and The Deep

You Might Be the Killer

Starve

L-R: Mask Maker and Black Fist

L-R: House of Bones and Bomb City

The Disaster Artist

Ready to Rumble

L-R: Bait (2000) and Thirteen Ghosts

L-R: Seven and East of Eden (French)

The Deadly Spawn

King Kong (1933)

Tales from the Crypt

The Valley of Gwangi (top), The Green Slime (bottom) and Earth vs. the Spider (right)

Demons (1985)

Champions

Metropolis - 1927 (1984 Spanish version)

The Terminator

L-R: No Nukes, 4 Flies on Grey Velvet and Nosferatu the Vampyre

Until next time.