Friday, 11 May 2012

I am the BBFC - introduction.

Welcome one and all to the next post attached to the blog with more sex appeal than J Lo’s booty and Angelina Jolie mixed together.

Bet you lads can't hardly contain yourself.

This is the first of many visual lovelies and the rest will remain patiently wrapped until the time is right to untie that bow.

This has been inspired by a combination of memories, my massive beef with the BBFC, and my own madness.

I’ve slapped the following games with a BBFC rating that in Another World, would cause a massive stir in the cauldron of classification.

Make no mistake - the following games never suffered the nightmare process of having to please BBFC guidelines.

The formats I've chosen should ensure a hefty injection of innovation.

If this was reality, would publishers appeal to the Video Standards Council if they escaped the need for classification?

Or reversing the mirror; appeal because they wanted classification as a statement of intent.

They predominantly scurried behind the ratings rock and hid from the censor's clutches because of the era in which they were released.

Having said that, some were released after 1987...

But I have purposely chosen some that even a drunk Mary Whitehouse couldn’t protest against.

Having said that, even these potential innocents didn’t escape controversy and were criticised, but not really water off a duck’s back, more like ‘who gave a toss’.

If these were remade today – it would be a whole different ball game.

Thankfully, the past will stay in the past and be left well alone.

Unfortunately, bored Hollywood directors didn't take note of this.

Allow me to be the tour guide as I’m taking you down an irreverent, ironic and comical journey into classifying games that the BBFC didn’t.

Before anybody shouts "You cannot be serious", well that's the burning question - am I totally taking the piss or do I really believe these retro superlatives deserve their fantasy rating.

Well the answer to that is possibly, might be, yes, no, sort of and of course.

Mystery is beauty don't you think.

To understand, it obviously helps if you’ve played the games and further to this, played them at a fairly young age but no ID necessary as anybody could buy them.

I’m hopeful this has never been done before (I haven’t checked and why would I) as my material remains original as a Street Fighter II update...

Ha ha ha, guffaw and giggles and it wouldn’t be the same w/o...

Ho Ho Ho - Green Giant.

Never mind BBFC, relax, take it easy and smoke a chunky cigar because I’m here to offer an alternative view and a spiky shoulder to cry on.

Not trying to play on guilt here, nor spinning you a sob story as this wasn’t a simple process, neither was it done in a jiffy so I hope it will reap some reward.

I hope the consumer advice lingo is appreciated as I’ve become rather oh fay at this.

Bets placed, classification wheel span, and it’s all in the Lap of the Gods.

To find out the results - you're just a click away.

As much as I tried, I couldn't add them all on one scrolling page so for this reason, it's a continued rollover.

Whether it's a hotdog kind or a lottery - you decide.

My name is Legion, for we are many....

The good news is that they're to be put up like dominoes in a stereotypical rally.

I live in hope that each won't fall down so easily.

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