Tuesday, 16 August 2016

Suicide Squad - The scoop and digest

For the first time in extended universe, Zack Snyder makes way for David 'Training Day' Ayer to have a crack as writer/director.

Will Smith - Deadshot/Floyd Lawton
Margot Robbie - Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn
Jared Leto - Joker
Viola Davis - Amanda Waller
Joel Kinnaman - Rick Flag
Jay Hernandez - El Diablo/Chato Santana
Cara Delevingne - Enchantress/Dr. June Moore
Jai Courtney - Captain Boomerang/Digger Darkness
Karen Fukuhara - Katana/Tatsu Yamashiro
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje - Killer Croc/Waylon Jones
Ben Affleck - Batman/Bruce Wayne

Following Superman's death in Dawn of Justice, intelligence big cheese Amanda Waller introduces us to the dangerous likes of Harley Quinn, Killer Croc, Deadshot and El Diablo.

Were bios stylized and/or ripped off from Lollipop Chainsaw?

Despite obvious danger peeps pose, they're soon removed from Belle Reve penitentiary and placed under Colonel Rick Flag's command.

Injecting nanite bombs inside respective necks of Task Force X ensure dogs are kept on a tight leash.

Captain Boomerang, Slipknot and Katana complete unsavoury crew.

By now, Joker has already made his presence felt in flashback with Dr. Quinzel.

After touching a cursed idol, Dr. June Moore was possessed by an evil supernatural entity coined Enchantress.

Pissed at imprisonment, Enchantress relocates to Midway City with army of creatures, where she summons brother Incubus and begins constructing a weapon.

Here's a tip, don't break her heart...

As far as expendable assets are concerned, city is under terrorist attack.

Around this time, Harley texts Joker who forces tech guys to disable girlfriend's bomb.

Using bullets and melee, minions are taken care of and actual target Waller is found in a safe room.

Joker hijacks a chopper and welcomes Harley aboard, but Waller's men shoot flying machine down.

She survives the crash and Joker apparently dies.

Holding back floods of tears, life goes on.

Enchantress' cohorts kidnap Waller and Flag destroys detonation gadget, thus relieving the group of any further participation.

Nah, they've got a point to prove.

With a little help from SEAL team, Croc plants a bomb set to go off under Incubus.

El Diablo finally embraces fiery rage and sacrifices himself by pinning target down, just as bomb conveniently goes bang.

Baddie overpowers all concerned but Harley fakes allegiance, slices open Mayan priestess and takes beating souvenir.

Croc throws another bomb into swirling shitstorm of trash and Deadshot pulls the trigger.

Flag has the balls to crush Entrantress's heart and frees the Doc.

Do yourself a favour and look up Jim Henson's The Storyteller and how title character dies in The Heartless Giant (adapted from an early German folk tale).

Maybe you've already guessed ridiculous coincidence...

For services rendered, Waller agrees to cut each sentence by 10 years (with specific privileges).

While Harley makes cup of Espresso, Joker unexpectedly arrives and rescues lover.

"Let's go home."

During mid-credits, Bruce Wayne is willing to protect Waller, in exchange for top secret dossier detailing plans to expand metahumans.

Or [cough] Justice League.

Analysis

What promised so much is only average.

Humdrum action never quickens pulse and story couldn't be more generic.

Editing is disjointed and I'm quietly confident a shitload of scenes were cobbled together from cutting room floor.

Pros

Ben Affleck picks up from where he left off and brief involvement gets a big thumbs up from me.

Apart from being one of the most desirable women in Hollywood, Margot Robbie has great fun as unstable temptress and gets all the best lines.

From clobber to personality, I think most will agree Jared Leto's portrayal is akin to his psychotic comic book counterpart.

Cons

Will Smith was pretty good in I Am Legend, but unfortunately gets back to boring basics and mentions film title in the dumbest way possible.

"We're some kind of Suicide Squad."

Okay, script is David Ayer's fault but whatever.

What's with Enchantress doing all this weird hula dancing?

Just stick a bastard grass skirt on her already.

Killer Croc grunts on the sidelines, Katana is wasted, Slipknot is killed off almost immediately and providing you like lumps of wood - Joel Kinnaman delivers a spellbinding performance.

The Clown Prince of Crime may be good, but he's hardly in it.

Like tattoo on forehead - decision is 'damaged'.

At the end, he and cronies turn up inexplicably wearing SWAT uniforms.

Errr.

A heartless Entrantress is Mia possessed and attempts to deceive Deadshot by becoming his daughter.

Evil Dead 2013?

Soundtrack album

Most don't appear in film (WTF?) and all the best tracks from celluloid including Sympathy for the Devil (The Rolling Stones), Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (AC/DC), Paranoid (Black Sabbath), Seven Nation Army (The White Stripes) and The House of the Rising Sun (The Animals) are missing.

Panic! at the Disco's cover of Bohemian Rhapsody is found on CD but Queen's original is used for film.

That makes sense, right?

WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT!

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