Tuesday, 13 February 2018

Hellraiser: Judgment - The scoop and digest

The tenth in long-running franchise is not a sequel.

Instead, Gary J. Tunnicliffe's film is best described as a semi reboot.

Damon Carney - Sean Carter
Randy Wayne - David Carter
Alexandra Harris - Christine Egerton
Gary J. Tunnicliffe - Auditor
Paul T. Taylor - Pinhead
Helena Grace Donald - Jophiel
Grace Montie - Crystal

"Obsolete. Irrelevant. In an age when desire has become amplified but where lust can be sated electronically."

Pinhead chews the fat with new assistant the Auditor about how they plan to seek souls who thrive on degradation and sin.

In our world, a man called Watkins receives a letter inviting him to 55 Ludovico Place.

As Beethoven's Für Elise plays, Auditor informs 'we have such sights to show you'.

He's knocked out off-screen and awakes tied to a wheelchair.  Auditor conducts interview about him luring a young girl to jam jar, with result passed to the Assessor.

Fat human scoffs Auditor's findings and regurgitates 'sins' into a sink linked to another room.

Members of the Jury (hot ladies with disfigured faces) find him guilty and three munters cleanse stripped body with unpleasant tongues.

The Surgeon slices up condemned, removing face and skin.

Just in case you've forgotten, different character bearing same name was a Cenobite in Hellseeker and Hellworld.

The Jury are drenched in blood and camera zooms out.

Some time later, the rather stunning Crystal (who can't act for fucking toffee), is killed by a hooded assailant.

Police officers Sean and David Carter, along with female bit Egerton, find message 'I am a jealous God' written in blood on the carpet.

Said message is an excerpt from Exodus.

It seems serial killer dubbed the Preceptor has been a naughty boy again.

Muffled sound from lifeless body compels little black dress to be unzipped, revealing she was cut open and stitched up.  Breaking the seal, darling doggie is rescued.

She saw mutt as her baby, so killer placed it inside womb.

Geddit?

Preceptor is a masonic term, meaning teacher, responsible to uphold law and tradition.

In this case - the 10 Commandments.

Watkins (flasher and kiddie porn peddler), is made chief suspect and laptop's history leads Sean to visit last known address.

Sean's words about his career chokes the Assessor and also leaves the Jury in some discomfort.

This summons the angel Jophiel who orders Sean's release.

During cleansing process, he wriggles free from restraints.

Auditor returns to find Cleaners dead and a box missing.

There's no need for any retaliation bullshit, as Pinhead is super confident he'll be back.

At Sean's place, David picks up a copy of Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities.

Among the slightly famous 'It was the' sentences in Book the First: Recalled to Life, season of darkness and winter of despair stand out.

Medical examiner tells Sean and Egerton that prior to her death, killer wedged cell phone down Crystal's throat.

Conveniently, GPS app was running at the time.

At an abandoned warehouse (where murder actually took place), Sean apparently kills Egerton.

(Sigh).

Saw style flashback sequence shows David googling 'God judging both the righteous man and the wicked', bringing up search result Ecclesiastes.

Latin transliteration of Greek for the Koheleth (meaning gatherer), is traditionally translated as 'teacher', 'preacher' and 'preceptor'.

Motivation? He's doing it for the love of God.

Holy cliché Batman.

Indeed Robin, simply astounding.

Sean's cheating wife Alison and David are held at gunpoint and forced to solve the box.

Pinhead does not accept trade of adulterers and murderer is hooked.

Audit was so rancid, it made the Assessor and Jury envious of his guilt.

He's told that he'll be reborn into an eternity of agony.

Alison and David are subsequently killed and Jophiel tells Sean to continue his work with their blessing, a decision which angers Pinhead.

Egerton blows Sean away and calls for an ambulance.

Back in Hell, Pinhead finally loses patience with Jophiel and arranges hooks to shut nagging yap up for good.

'Jesus wept.'

Nice ref, but delivery is terrible.

After Pinhead states 'he has nothing left to fear', Auditor suggests perhaps there is a torture they cannot endure.

Banishment. Exile. Back to the mortal world.

We see a now human Pinhead gibbering 'the sweet suffering' and it's left ambiguous if a higher power has made this reality.

A post-credits scene in Hanover shows two Mormons spreading the word of God.

Auditor answers door and invites them in.

Err, why has operation moved to Germany?

(Shakes head).

Pain without pleasure

It's well put together, performances from leads largely impress and special effects are good for straight-to-video, but take away Cenobites, and you're left with nothing more than a poor man's Seven.

What the FUCK?

Tunnicliffe's screenplay can be well written, but becomes cheesy and almost comical towards the end.

Compared to Christopher Young's superb theme, Deron Johnson's new music blows.

Mike Jay Regan reprises role as Chatterer III, but even though noise is heard, teeth don't always move.

Goof is particularly obvious during Sean's nightmare.

The only thing more pointless than Heather Langenkamp's Landlady is the Butcher.

Door may be left open for another, but series needs to die - right now.

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