Creatures: To the Rescue Ignoring the inclusion of stupid subtitle, goofy disaster has all the style and personality of a fuzzy wuzzy defecating inside a nearby torture chamber. |
Viewpoint I didn't believe in eyesores, until now. |
Tea Time Why the fuck is it raining sugar cubes and err, 'tear drops'? Maybe it's to sweeten the baffling situation of hammer about to break innocent teapot. |
I'm In Shock You and me both mate. Space cadet shouldn't be pissing sweat, as yours truly has more chance banging Miss Universe than flaming meteorites hitting spaceship. |
Action Force II: International Heroes I'd rather be disembowelled and dismembered then be rescued by this fucking prick. |
Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis Something smells rank, and it's not the Trident of Poseidon |
Bubble Bobble Revolution Come bloated freaks, it's time to fuck up the beginning of a fantastic story!! Let's make a nightmarish journey to the cave of monsters! Bad Luck! |
Bunny Zap Not even a hyper accurate zapping laser can prevent floppy eared twat from tearing geezer a new asshole. |
Castle Hassle Ray Parker Jr. famously claimed he 'ain't 'fraid of no ghosts'. But I'm sure clamping eyes on this spectre would traumatise him for life. |
The Causes of Chaos Impending doom awaits for captured woman surrounded by deranged orcs. But it's cool, as a cowardly ninja brandishing a shuriken is about to save the day. Then again. |
Cock'In That title. HA HA HA! Husband is rendered catatonic by his wife producing an egg forcibly removed from bird's rear end. Oh, a random fish floating confirms mindset was not of this earth. |
Head Start Urrgggghhhh. Now I remember... Two pink shirts, an arrow flying through my ears and the haunting image of a green-eyed bastard. I really must stop popping pills and drinking petrol. |
Hell Hole Plastic pussy stands proud against the backdrop of a rickety rope bridge. His nightmare is the future of our reality. |
Spooky Castle If I find out that crucifix wasn't violently shoved up Slimer's orifice, then I'll carry out depraved act myself. |
Streets of London Psychopathic granny using her handbag to clobber an innocent bystander is exactly why I won't be visiting England's capital any time soon. |
Hydrofool Cough. Choke. Splutter. The Deathbowl, and a rusty fate awaits Sweevo. |
KickMaster Thonolan sets off on a long journey to rescue Princess Silphee, and defeat the wicked Belzed. I wish aspiring martial artist Godspeed and unimaginable pain. |
Operation Wolf PC Engine has sustained a lethal injury. Sorry, but port is finished... here. |
Shrek Ogres are like onions and one in particular smells of indescribable foulness. |
Turmoil Guy slipping on oil slick is closely monitored by legless deformity and ground hosts a motorised illusion. Mind. Blown. Up. |
Ghost Hunters John Rambo blasts dishevelled druid while a grinning Nosferatu looks on. Come on Hollywood, make horror crossover happen. |
Until next time
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