Snow White - The scoop and digest

From a screenplay by Erin Cressida Wilson, live-action reimagining of Disney's timeless classic is directed by Marc Webb.

Rachel Zegler - Snow White

Gal Gadot - Evil Queen

Andrew Burnap - Jonathan

Summary

During a snowstorm, a King and Queen welcome their daughter and name her Snow White.

Err, okay.

While Snow White is still young, the Queen falls ill and dies.

One day, a mysterious woman of great beauty enters the palace and before departing to mount a campaign against an outside threat, the King marries her.

But the new Queen is actually an evil enchantress, caring only about herself.

After the King fails to return, she rules the kingdom with a tyrannical fist and makes Snow White her scullery maid.

Years later, the Magic Mirror proclaims that Snow White is now the 'fairest of all'.

Enraged, the Queen orders her Huntsman to kill Snow White and bring back her heart inside a jeweled box.

He can't bring himself to do it and tells her to flee into the woods, where she stumbles across a cottage and befriends seven abominations, sorry dwarfs.

Along with dashing bandit Jonathan (a version of the Prince), Snow White rallies all to help dethrone the Queen and take back the kingdom.

The Sleeping Death

Extremely low expectations were met, and then some.

Zegler at least gives shit a shot, but Wonder Woman proves once again that she can't act for fucking toffee.

While not a musical, we're bombarded by a plethora of songs, with none remotely likable or memorable.

CG animals look goofy, digital backdrops suck and dwarfs are grotesque.

In fact, the only thing more offensive is notorious video game Snow White and the 7 Clever Boys.

The inclusion of bandits was pointless, as most say and do absolutely nothing.

Climax has dwarfs playing no part.

First off, Jonathan revives Snow White before protagonist confronts the Queen, with 'antidote' dubbed True Love's Kiss, rather than Love's First Kiss.

Snow White refuses to murder the Queen and reminds everybody what life was like under her parents' rule.

The Queen tries to stab Snow White but is foiled by a crossbow thief.  Villain then destroys the Magic Mirror (the source of her power), but as a result is turned into glass and sucked inside a vortex behind the mirror.

(Sigh).

If I was a Gremlin, I'd rather sunbathe then watch this ungodly piece of shit again.