Friday, 13 June 2014

Generalising video game impostors throughout history - Quintuple Pixels

Please prepare your mince pies because they're about to be stunned.

You know what to expect, but won't expect what you're about to see.

Unless stated otherwise, screens are from the arcade.

Blagger, Alligata 1983 (C64) vs Manic Miner, Bug-Byte 1983 (Spectrum)


(Alice in Wonderland).
(Cartoon talking bird).
Sharing the same subtitle as the futuristic and disappointing Omen III is pretty strange.




'Sky Lab' instead of 'Skylab Landing Bay' is close, just like the variation of 'The Final Conflict' and 'The Final Barrier', but they aren't done yet.



31 years later, the title of this stage will never make sense.

The sadistic can even tip 'Donkey Kong' into the vat.
Fairly obviously, this is before 'Return of the Alien Kong Beast', so if Matthew Smith was stuck for space, all he had to do was settle on 'Willy Meets the Alien Kong Beast' because like 'miner', 'alien' also counts five letters.

Oh well.

The Endorian Forest is a reference to Return of the Jedi and Processing Plant features 'Pac-Men'.

I'm just warming up but now the temperature's suddenly risen.

Mays Mysteries: The Secret of Dragonville, Studio v5 2012 (DS) vs Professor Layton series, Level-5 2007 onwards (DS)






One is as good as another, but I'm using The Curious Village.






What the FUCK?

Even box art was 'vaguely' similar.



Who Dares Wins, Alligata 1985 (C64) vs Commando, Capcom 1985



The 1986 sequel (Spectrum version shown) was 'apparently' different...


Atari didn't exactly drive us mad, but hit the jackpot with Marble Madness in 1984.


Presenting its nearest relative.

Gyroscope, Melbourne House 1985 (Various)
You want more?  Okay, why not.

Bobby Bearing, The Edge 1986 (Spectrum)
Spindizzy, Electric Dreams 1986 (Various)
Gyroscopic Environmental Reconnaissance and Land-Mapping Device or GERALD, is the probe who demands guidance.
Spindizzy Worlds followed and was released for a host of systems.
These pixels nearly escaped but...

Retrograde, Apex 1989 (C64) vs Cauldron, Palace 1985 (C64)

Objective:

Destroy enemies to earn money.
Go to ground, find enemy hiding planet buster and 'prime' via shop.
Find open door and conquer duct.
Take out boss.
Repeat.

Aerial mayhem
Grounded action
Enter door for extended coverage
Inside
Objective:

Destroy and/or avoid pesky enemies.
Find key (pictured).
Go to ground, use key to open door and find ingredient.
Repeat.

Aerial mayhem
Grounded action
Enter door for extended coverage
Inside
Despite Retrograde boasting weapons, bosses and shop, blatant 'borrowing' screams loud.

Pirates, Nix 1994 vs Blood Bros., TAD Corporation 1990






Hilarious.

Wait a mo.  There's also this.

SWAT Police, ESD 2001
Comparable more to Cabal, Natsume's rather splendid 1994 SNES game Wild Guns joins the party.


Gloom, Black Magic Software 1995 (Amiga) vs Doom, ID Software 1993 (PC)



For fantastic fun, Doom and Gloom is a track by The Rolling Stones.

They even had the balls to directly use door opening and Bishop scream samples from Aliens.

Just in case you didn't know, Sega and their Golden Axe stole law enforcement howls from First Blood and barbaric screams from Conan the Barbarian.

Brian Bloodaxe, The Edge 1985 (Spectrum) vs Jet Set Willy, Software Projects 1984 (Spectrum)



Even those 'lives' dance to the music.

Conveniences are hijacked from Eugene's Lair in Manic Miner which was named after former Bug-Byte employee Eugene Evans.  When all items are got, your ass must waste no time as the bespectacled caricature will attempt to make progress impossible by blocking the exit.


Jinmu Denshou, Wolf Team 1989 (PC Engine) vs Space Harrier, Sega 1985





Yeah, okay.

Chess is something you can't really rip off.  Or can you?

Well poop the bed.

Star Wars Chess, The Software Toolworks 1993 (DOS) vs Battle Chess, Interplay 1988 (Amiga)

Empire vs Rebels
Boys vs Girls
When opposing sides meet in middle, animation takes the piss, sorry piece.


Battle Cars, Namco 1993 (SNES) vs F-Zero, Nintendo 1990/1991 (SNES)



Tut bastard tut.


Before I run out of reel, here's the best of the worst.

Darksiders, Vigil Games 2010 (PS3/360/PC) and Dante's Inferno, Visceral Games 2010 (PS3/360/PSP)

Based upon the said video game, Dante's Inferno: An Animated Epic is well worth watching.



They both have Sony's flagship series to thank.

God of War, Sony 2005
(Series began on PS2, before moving to PSP and PS3)
You could say that Capcom's Devil May Cry was God of War's inspiration (especially when fighting colossi), but I'm not entirely convinced.

Anyway, those concerned bring a special post-credits reaction.

You have got to be yanking the chains of FUCKING Olympus.
Athena, what is the meaning of such unscrupulous treachery?
Spook of Sparta, your crude, unfashionable beard and head balder than a plucked chicken can take a long walk off a tall mountain.
PS.  HO HO HO!
FILTHY WHORE.  Tell the Senate they can kiss my ass.
I will wreak vengeance, in this life or the next.
Battered and broken, the epitome of strength and might is reduced to tears.

My God Vulgrim, what have you and Dante done?
If it's compassion and sympathy you're after.  Sorry pal, wrong demon.
Anyway, man up and enjoy this Circle of Hell.
Alighiero: Beatrice never told you what happened to your father.
Dante: She told me enough.  She told me you killed him.
Alighiero: No, I am your father. 
No.  No.  That's not true.  THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Beatrice... Beatrice.  Why didn't you tell me?
Darling, I wanted so much to spill the oxo and beans, but the salad-dodging, pie eating, light-fingered fat fuck threatened to crush me like a grape and shortly after consuming a bowel destroying curry, fart in my mouth.
Can it get any better?

To find out, please join my good self for the final act.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Copyright © 2012-2017 Nukes and Knives™ All rights reserved.