Tuesday, 17 June 2014

A Million Ways to Die in the West - The scoop and digest

Whether you're a Family Guy fan or not, Ted is one of funniest films you'll ever see.

Now the Wild West takes centre stage and the horse trough could potentially taste sweeter than sugar.

Plot details and/or spoilers will be drawn at high noon.

Shearing you up include:

Seth MacFarlane - Albert
Charlize Theron - Anna
Neil Patrick Harris - Foy
Amanda Seyfried - Louise
Liam Neeson - Clinch

Sheep farmer Albert is dumped by girlfriend Louise for chickening out of one duel too many.

He meets and befriends Anna, wife of villainous and ruthless gunslinger Clinch Leatherwood.

Louise gets with the moustached Foy and Albert is initially jealous.  Though unsuccessful, Anna poses as his lady in meringue dress to make Louise realise what she's missing.

Foy challenges Albert to a duel but Anna rigs proceedings by plying Foy's drink with laxative.

By now, Clinch and his boys have arrived in town and isn't the best pleased when he learns that 'somebody' was seen kissing Anna.

Playing the outlaw stereotype, he threatens to perform unsanctioned executions until the guilty lips step forward.

When fleeing from Clinch and his angry mob, Albert is taken by a tribe of Indians who intend to incinerate his cowardly ass but are dissuaded when he reveals a bilingual skill.

Taking a bowl of wacky hallucinogens instigates flashbacks of a fool which inspires courage.

Returning to Old Stump, Albert opens fire and wounds Clinch with a bullet earlier laced with Diamondback rattlesnake venom who subsequently dies.

Albert spurns Louise's advances to rekindle their relationship as he and Anna live happily ever after.

Oh my God, what a monumental letdown.

Laughs are extremely sparse, cutaway gags self-destruct and attempts to gross out the audience fall remarkably flat.

There is no epic 'Chicken' fight, the plot is stunningly unoriginal and even the Moustache song fails to inspire.

Frequent fucks and coarse sex references bring more tumbleweeds than an episode of Shooting Stars after Vic Reeves cracking a purposely terrible joke.

However, the madcap celebrity based gameshow was actually funny.

You wait and wait for something to arouse your laughing tackle but sadly, nothing really does.

To be brutally honest, an autopsy would bring more amusement.

It's pathetic, but shortly before the credits, Jamie Foxx (reprising the role of Django Freeman) killing the owner of the shooting range is probably the only thing worth waiting for.

This is all down to Peter Griffin's piss poor direction which unlike Ted, couldn't organise bloodshed on the battlefield.

The essence of Back to the Future Part III largely runs free, especially since Christopher Lloyd makes a cameo when conducting a little weather experiment.

Here's how it goes.

Albert = Doc Brown/Marty
Anna = Clara Clayton (eventually)...
Clinch = Buford 'Mad Dog' Tannen

Scenes are reinterpreted.

Upon Albert and Anna attending the County Fair, the camera pans to maximise the view of Old Stump, just like it did when Marty first enters Hill Valley.

The shooting gallery in the County Fair is taken from the Town Festival, as is the dance.

I'm pretty sure that Albert suggests that he and Clinch should settle their dispute like men.

If I'm totally wrong, Marty isn't a crack shot at Wild Gunman.

While Old Stump and Hill Valley are set in 1882 and 1885 respectively, Konami's prequel/sequel Lethal Enforcers II: Gun Fighters played out in 1873.

Of course, you already knew that...  Ha ha ha.

Briefly digressing...

Red Dead Revolver, Call of Juarez and live action lightgun jaunt Mad Dog McCree all bear substantial significance.

Rewinding back to 1985, Spectrum owners will remember isometric classic Gunfright.

Although John Wayne is synonymous with the genre, Sergio Leone and his famous Dollars trilogy is all that's needed to mount my horse.

It would of course be disrespectful to discount Eastwood's High Plains Drifter, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Pale Rider and Unforgiven.

Now the beast is resaddled, giddy up boy.

In homage to Blazing Saddles, the title sequence is modelled on the 1974 classic.

Family Guy literally shouts the loudest reference as during Indian speak, Albert spouts Mila Kunis and recycles the gag by Jabba in It's a Trap!

When Albert has an 'epiphany', The Simpsons Movie jumps out and sheep on long spindly legs may seem like an original trip but is sure as shit a clever parody of Salvador Dali's famous painting The Temptation of St. Anthony.

Right, attention all so-called professionals because you ain't got shit on me.

Elements of massive disappointment (albeit in a different mindset), are by pure 'coincidence' a COMPLETE RIP OFF of Carry On Cowboy.

That's right.  You will only read it here.

Stodge City is full of in-jokes as the genius of regulars Sid, Joan, Kenneth etc raise several giggles and guffaws with typical innuendo.

Albert = Marshal P. Knutt (Jim Dale)
Anna = Annie Oakley (Angela Douglas)
Clinch = Johnny Finger/The Rumpo Kid (Sid James)

To explain the method in my madness.

Albert is useless at shooting and hot shot Anna attempts to adjust his aim.  Oops, rather like Marshal and Annie.

Clinch is er, Rumpo perhaps?  This is demonstrated most when he orders his men to conduct a search at Albert's ranch, as per Rumpo while Marshal uses the drains to outwit him and his gang.

It's freaky.

Wait a whiskey, Annie and Anna?  Annie was spoofing real-life sharpshooter Annie Oakley and presumably, Anna is doing the same.

That's UNBELIEVABLE.  (Yes, I suppose I am).

Finally, can Buford be likened with Rumpo?

Definitely not, and anyway, who would dare suggest such a thing?

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