Friday, 11 December 2015

Krampus - The scoop and digest

Remember what I said about Legend and no budget DVD efforts appearing ahead of much bigger cinema release?

Well shit the bed...

Krampus The Christmas Devil is a gift nobody hopes to unwrap.

I'm reliably informed Playboy's Angelina Leigh showcases boobs for absolutely no reason.

Hmmm, perhaps in a desperate attempt to shift more copies?

At least Erika Eleniak famously bursting from cake in Under Siege made sense.

Enough of tits, let's hope Michael's Dougherty's flick isn't just ass.

Adam Scott - Tom
David Koechner - Uncle Howard
Tni Collette - Sarah
Allison Tolman - Linda
Emjay Anthony - Max

Against the irony of It's Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas, title sequence shows a department store coping with the insane blood lust of Black Friday.

Shot in slow-motion, this reminds of Zombieland.

A family who clearly don't get on grit their teeth and celebrate the holidays.

After kids tease Max over his letter to Santa, young lad tears up wishlist and discards anger out of window.

Weather immediately takes a turn for the worse and swirling snowstorm causes prevalent blackout.

The next morning, mother and father dismiss sudden appearance of a freaky looking snowman in their garden.

Meanwhile, postie delivers unexpected delivery.

Daughter Beth takes a walk to boyfriend's house, but horned creature ruins potential game of snog sandwich soldiers.  She parts company when attacked by a creature emerging from Jack-in-the-Box.

As concerns over Beth's safety grow, Tom and Uncle Howard tool up and quickly realise:

This town, is coming like a Ghost Town.

Howard is dragged underneath winter wonderland by 'something', but gunfire and Tom help save his ass.

After such an ordeal, I don't think anybody would deny those concerned a trip to dozy land.

During snoreathon, baited gingerbread man hook wakes Howie Jr. and hungry child can't resist taking a bite.

Bad idea.

Tasty treat turns nasty and binds snack hound in chains.

See yer' later pal.

Hey, what the fuck is going on?

Grandmother 'Omi' reveals all during exquisite animation.

Krampus is the shadow of Santa Claus.  An evil spirit who punishes those who don't appreciate Christmas.

As a child during World War II, poverty and lost hope summoned festive party pooper who dragged her family into the underworld.  Before bidding farewell, souvenir bauble warns that if it happens again...

Up in the attic (loft to us Brits), adults defy the bestiary of demonic Jack and other possessed toys.

Howard eventually fends off the wrath of gingerbread men in the kitchen.

In the midst of battle, the remainder of children are stolen and Dark Elves gatecrash party.

As Omi comes face to face with bad guy, the representation of Bavarian folklore is pretty standard - but with greater emphasis on body mass and horns to embarrass Baphomet.

Minstrel Krampus featured in the ninth season of American Dad!

He stuffs fossil inside sack, while the rest make a break for snow plow.

Shepherds looking after respective flocks prove fruitless and Max receives bauble wrapped in letter fragment.

When there's nobody else to blame but yourself - it hurts.

As sleigh is boarded, Max demands to right his wrong.

Krampus is in no mood to dish out sympathetic cheer and drops Max into fiery abyss.

Max wakes to normality and finds family downstairs busily unwrapping presents.

It appears entire ordeal was a dream, but bauble bearing inscription of Krampus suggests otherwise.

As camera pans out, their house is shown to be stored within the confines of a snow globe inside his gigantic grotto.

Helpers close proceedings with predictable and pointless jump scare.

WHY BOTHER?

Entertaining and never a chore, horror comedy is sure to turn any frown upside down.

Humour is often sardonic but unlike Rare Exports, teeters on the brink of overkill.

In terms of influences and rip offs, where do I begin?

Burrowing thing is obviously Tremors and because Howard's character is gun obsessed, it's plausible character is modelled on Michael Gross's Burt.

Also, was Howie Jnr chosen because he bears resemblance to Brett Kelly from Bad Santa?

Christmas tree attacking mother during Atic Atac and gingerbread swapping plates for nail gun slaughters Gremlins.

Note cute reference to 1983 Spectrum classic?

Great!

Max believing shit storm was one wicked trip is similar to how Kevin reacts at the end of Time Bandits.

Yeah, they both wake from apparent 'fantasy' on snooze slab.

Finally...

Less psychological paranoia - we visit Silent Hill.

Am I fucking crazy?

Maybe so, but please note the following 'coincidences'.

1. Snow covered landscape is referred to as a 'ghost town' and features abandoned vehicles.

2. Jack monster presents teeth beneath 'doll' face and screams of face belonging to boss creature Mama from Silent Hill: The Arcade.

The prosecution rests.

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