Sunday, 6 December 2015

Mysterious malfunctions in video game adaptations of film II

Amiga exclusive Die Hard 2 is nominated to kick things off.

Die Harder was released in 1990, not 1992.

But what about John McClane?

So licence didn't include the right to use Bruce fucking Willis?

The Running Man was also by Grandslam, so you'd think Schwarzenegger would be absent.

Ha ha ha!

Mundane shooting gallery even forgets apostrophe.

On that note, 'let's' move on.

Following original character and based on Francis Ford Coppola's 1972 classic The Godfather, Electronic Arts went open world in 2006 with game of the same name.

For some reason, systems such as PS3 and PSP subbed identical principle The Don's Edition and Mob Wars respectively.

Al Pacino refused to provide voice and likeness, but Robert Duvall and James Caan played ball.

A sequel followed in 2009, but trilogy was never completed.

But wait, U.S. Gold apparently adapted the third for the Amiga.

Oh look, it's Al Pacino.

Did big screen legend know?

According to disclaimer, the trilogy ended in 1991.

Not really, because we witnessed the death of Michael Corleone in 1990.

Slack action hokum loosely represented locales from all three films, making above image an absolute farce.

Shit hots up now with The Karate Kid on NES.

Despite title, game is based on Okinawa set sequel.

If you wanna be hyper critical, the beginning plays out climax of 1984 original

Anyway, film was released in 1986, not 1987.

Microdeal's excruciatingly bad 1986 Amiga/Atari ST game at least had the correct title.

Check out box art (which is practically the same as NES equivalent).

Why the FUCK is Daniel's hand detached and crudely floating in mid-air?

The future isn't big enough for Stallone and Snipes in satirical action vehicle Demolition Man.

Just don't ask how those damn three seashells work.

What will the world be like in 2032?

Hopefully better than what it is today.

Mega Drive
Mega CD
1993 was the year of release, not 1995.


I guess a fine for violation of the verbal morality statute is forthcoming.


Told yer'.

Mega Drive or SNES (shown) are guilty of a superb error.

Skip through vital statistics to read 75 years.

John Spartan was sentenced to 70 years in cryostasis for involuntary manslaughter.


The very different 3DO version was a spectacular failure.

It was also one of few games to offer lightgun support, principally for Mad Dog McCree, Space Pirates etc etc.

Legal bollocks does correctly state 1993, but then contradicts itself by saying 1994.

Err, okay.

To assist going Doom, Spartan is equipped with a 'suspicious' looking handheld tracking device.

Nothing like Aliens then.

Brian De Palma's 1987 smash The Untouchables was authentically translated for home computer consumption.

Interestingly, Ocean opted to incorporate the real Al Capone for Amiga, and not De Niro.

Fair enough.

What a shame Paramount didn't release epic in 1989.

Also, prohibition agent's first name was Eliot.


Bundled with Part II on one explosive NES cartridge, we take a prolonged piss on Back to the Future Part III.

Dear Marty:

If my research is correct, you'll receive this letter immediately after you slammed the cartridge into Nintendo struck by lightning.

First let me assure you, I'm alive and stoned.  The lightning bolt caused a jigawatt overload, scrambled my eggs and sent me back to the year 1875.

OH MY GOD! It was 1885.

I also seem to remember Doc gave Marty explicit instructions NOT to come and get him.

Unsure why you'd want to, but after hitting Select and B at title screen, entering secret password Fluxcapacitoristhepower jumps straight to Part III.

How about this alternative?


Yeah, that sounds better.

Expect to be attacked by vultures, jumping scorpions, cows, skunks, outlaws and Indians.

(No fucking comment).

In 2008, Sega unleashed Rambo and Rage in arcades.

Don't know if this was out before, or simply decided to ignore war-torn Burma.

Event situations added variety to mindless on-rails gameplay and like The House of the Dead 4 - utilised Lindbergh hardware.

It feels very much like Ghost Squad.

However, jumping back and forth between Afghanistan and Part II puzzles.

Probe's 1996 FPS Alien Trilogy tackled Aliens , Alien 3 and Alien (in that order).

Explain that?

Oh, a Queen at the end of each 'film' makes complete sense.

Back to business.

All films were released in years stated, but I have absolutely no idea why First Blood is even mentioned, as often misquoted original plays no part.

End screen is how Part II ends, with an interesting promise.

'Rambo story continues...'

Even if this sentence made sense, Sega are liars because a sequel didn't transpire.

Rambo III proves developers are capable of assigning correct year to film (in this case 1988).

Made-up subtitle is unique to C64 and probably infers 'the rescue' of Trautman?
Mega Drive
These two let the side down.

1989 and 1987?

Before outlandish success with Nakatomi, now bankrupt John McTiernan hit the jackpot with cult 1987 sci-fi action classic Predator.

Idea was lifted from Without Warning, but that's another story.

See saucepan lid?

Well that's what apparently dropped off the alien during C64 intro.

Identical to movie...

Game itself doesn't entirely flash rude sign at source material.

Rescue team is deployed in jungle but guerrillas 'survive' massacre and bats join the fun.

Buddies are killed off screen and Dutch can steal their weapons.

Amiga had alien learn martial arts, or attack with a giant dick?

Because that's what it looks like, right?

Crashed helicopter, skinned soldiers and log bridge tick background boxes.

Best of all, Predator's vision paints screen infrared and targeting system follows...

The NES version is out of this world.

Nothing wrong here, but why is PREDATOR TM not centred?
Contrary to film's intro, a UFO shat from green mothership enters Earth without dispatching alien.
What a great start.

Title screen fares much better, as Arnold's famous stance is captured perfectly.


Sorry, just had a flashback.

Tagline is correct, but only used in poster.

As for game, our 'pink' muscle-bound hero faces this, that and a bit of the other.

So we've got bugs, seaweed, butterflies, flying things, blobs and bird taking a dump.

Remember all that?

In the infamous Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, a similar enemy drops freshly prepared curled whips.

Adjacent to poop bomber is a scorpion and by pure coincidence, actually featured.

(Thanks for bringing that up).

Any time.

Mac removes curious critter crawling on Dillon's back.
And subsequently crushed.

During one of several 'big' modes, creature levitates.


Arnie going from pink to green?
I suppose Predator sprite looks decent enough.
Get ready for some foul language.

Will he say it?

Of course not, but this game is one ugly motherfucker.

Masked and unmasked floating head delivers the final insult.

Finally, it is my great pleasure and present to you Judge Dredd.

Sorry... Robocop.

Although necessary, Murphy being able to 'jump' in Data East's 1988 arcade remains peculiar.

Ocean already held licensing rights, which is why UK-based home computer company is credited.
Cue intro, from left to right.

Year is never revealed, so randomly selecting 1990 begs belief.

Based on various clues, it's alleged to be late 2043, early 2044.

Murphy is now into part man/part machine, ROBOCOP.

The ultimate crime stopper!

What a strange declaration.

Although bits are taken from other home versions, the Amiga game is directly based on insert coin.

Why isn't Data East given credit?
Newsview with Casey Wong brings breaking news.

Did he defect to Mediabreak's unseen rival network?

The whereabouts of partner in journalistic crime Jess Perkins remains unknown.

C64 version was bugged beyond belief, but superb loading screen and Jonathan Dunn's music eased the pain.
Forget Inside Out, its high score table went through a variety of negative emotions.

Those responsible must have had some serious shit going down.

Titus lost their MIND in 2002 by bringing a fucking abysmal FPS for PS2 (shown), Gamecube, Xbox and PC.

During mission briefing, would fellow officer really call Murphy Robocop?
To confuse the fuck out of everybody, three different 'Robocops' existed in Nintendo land.

NES (1989), Game Boy (1990) and Game Boy Colour (2001).

This mistake amuses in Mirage Interactive's tepid top-down exploration.

'Spoofing' connection?

Pretty sure they meant 'spooling'.

Lewis (Nancy Allen), is no longer pretty.


Title music from Ocean's Game Boy game was used for Ariston advert.

Unlike Amiga, this was practically Spectrum (and not just because of monochrome look), with bits of arcade and C64.

Would've been right, if this was based on Robocop 2...
Shit gets even worse.

Konami's Green Beret?

Accessing Detroit Police Department.

Antonowsky, Emil M.
File No. S05438562
Detecting errors...

They forgot middle initial and got number totally wrong.

It's 'accomplices', not associates and...

...who the FUCK are Mike Lamb and K Joseph?

Punctuation and assoc[iates] aside, Speccy was spot on.

In reality:

Nash, Leon C.
Cox, Joe P.
Minh, Steve
Boddicker, Clarence J.

Hope you enjoyed festive bumper edition.

You want more?

Oh man, there's so much more...

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