Wednesday, 19 October 2016

Inferno - The scoop and digest

Big screen adaptations of Dan Brown's best-selling novels are bizarrely out of sync, as Angels & Demons is a sequel to The Da Vinci Code.

Let's be grateful Ron Howard wasn't in charge of The Lord of the Rings, or The Fellowship of the Ring would follow The Two Towers.

Due to production complications, The Lost Symbol is ignored (probably permanently), in favour of latest effort.

Tom Hanks - Professor Robert Langdon
Felicity Jones - Dr. Sienna Brooks
Ben Foster - Bertrand Zobrist
Omar Sy - Bouchard
Irrfan Khan - Harry 'The Provost' Sims
Sidse Babett Knudsen - Elizabeth Sinskey

Billionaire geneticist Bertrand Zobrist commits suicide after being chased by World Health Organisation agents.

Plagued by hellish visions, Langdon wakes up in a Florence hospital bed, with no recollection of the past few days.

Dr. Brooks informs hallucinations are the result of head trauma caused by a heavy fall, when bullet grazed his head.

Conversation is rudely interrupted by female assassin Vayentha, and it's time to haul ass.

At her apartment, we learn more about Dante obsessed Zobrist and his virus capable of decimating humankind.

Searching Langdon's keepsakes, Faraday pointer hidden inside bio tube contains a modified version of Botticelli's Map of Hell.

"The truth can be glimpsed only through the eyes of death."

Letters dotted about drawing collectively spell 'CATROVACER', but gobbledygook is soon deciphered as Cerca Trova.

Guess they better 'seek and find'.

Clues lead them to Palazzo Vecchio and gazing at Giorgio Vasari's fresco Battle of Marciano, also displaying said phrase.

During which, we learn assassin works for The Company, headed by Harry Sims, and those suited and booted are Elizabeth's WHO outfit.

Around this time, Sienna helps Vayentha on her way after failing to kill Langdon.

After viewing Zobrist's video, Sinskey joins Sims.

Bouchard spins Langdon a yarn, but transparent lies are immediately seen through.

Destination Istanbul turns sour when Sienna reveals she and Zobrist were lovers and crazy bitch leaves him for dead.

Hot on his trail is Bouchard, but before trigger is pulled, Sims turns up...

Yer' know all that business at the hospital?

It was staged more than theatre.


Sienna procures detonators from associates and heads to Basilica Cistern, where Zobrist prophesied plastic bag holding virus will burst.

Despite Sims playing tough guy, he's given the point by Sienna and believing pandemic will save lives by wiping out millions, pushes the snooze button.

Newsdash.  Bag explodes inside cube.

Virus is taken by WHO for research and Langdon returns 'borrowed' Dante Death Mask.

This was BULLSHIT!

Bourne-esque treasure hunt is boring, clich├ęd, poorly written and contrived beyond belief.

Yeah, it's a fucking great film.

Hollywood couldn't resist messing with source material.

Virus stored within water soluble bag is already unleashed, eventually revealed to randomly cause sterility, thus controlling population growth.

Also, Sienna doesn't die and wants to destroy Zobrist's baby, fearing it will be used as a bio weapon.

Nobody gets their hands on it and she joins WHO to help find a cure.

Why couldn't they just leave ending alone?

Okay, now for humorous relief.

Sienna and Langdon negotiate wooden beams high up in Palazzo Vecchio and lady pants falls from a great height.

Ouch, right?


She just gets up as though nothing's happened.

In Vayentha's case, ceiling's weak spot is magically found.

During opening scene, Zobrist's narration states:

"Insanity is a disease.  Inferno is the cure."

Guess screenwriter David Koepp ripped off one of cinema's greatest taglines, ironically attached to infamous Stallone bomb Cobra.

"Crime is a disease.  Meet the cure."

(Bemused laugh).

Unlike Dario Argento's 1980 classic of same name, this Inferno left me colder than frozen poultry.

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